W/N - A little lighthearted ficlet with some action. Poke fun of some ME multiplayer aspects. Picks up where Cannonball left off. May lead into the Diana Allers/Niftu Cal romance achievement. I also had a silver Collectors match with the worst bunch of randoms ever. I may have to write about that.

The Smell of Greatness

A hanar floated onto the soundstage, his purple presence dominating the room. "This One smells greatness in the house." The hanar glided towards a human female and a volus, who were locked in conversation. Etched into its translucent jelly-like skin was the striped symbol of a Spectre.

The volus looked up and nearly rolled back on his bulbous behind. "B…b…b… shhhhhh…Bu…bu…shhhh…Blasto!" he said in awe, nearly hyperventilating.

A mauve tentacle raised and shot forward, pointing right at the volus' masked face. "Cannonball, This One needs the volus on Team Blasto. There is a galaxy to save," Blasto said, his jelly-like form shimmering.

Niftu "Cannonball" Cal staggered, almost unable to believe his good fortune. "I…I don't know what to say, Kahje-Clan. Shhhhh…I would be…would be honored!"

"Then join This One on the great crusade. This One's partner, Bubin is waiting at the ship."

Diana Allers stepped up quickly, flopping around in her high heels. "Oh no you don't. Not without me! Ratings for The Battlespace would be up twenty points if I covered your team."

Blasto whirled gracefully to face Diana. "Of what use could the human be? The human has even squishier bumps than This One."

Cannonball pointed one of his three fingers at Diana. "Earth-Clan…shhhh…has been covering all of my exploits. She can get us recognition for our cause!"

"Very well," Blasto said with a glowing pulse. "This One accepts. Make haste though. The mission awaits."

Cannonball walked swiftly behind the floating hanar, his stubby legs nearly a blur of speed. Diana brought up the rear, tottering on her four inch heels. In a couple of minutes, they reached the dock where Blasto's Spectre shuttle sat, ready for action. The shuttle was the color of mulberry with a painting both the hanar and his elcor sidekick adorning the hatch. The hatch opened with a hiss to reveal bulky Bubin and his half smoked cigar protruding from one of his vocal slits.

"Skeptically: How is this small fry going to benefit the mission?" Bubin asked in his droning monotone.

Cannonball glowed blue for a moment and held out his three-fingered hand, pulling Bubin's smoke right out of his face with willpower alone. "Shhhhh…I got your small fry right here, Dekuuna-Clan."

"Badassfully: Give me that, runt."

Blasto plucked the cigar from the air and stuffed it back in Bubin's face. "This One has no time for either of your antics. A galaxy must be saved."

Without further ado, they boarded the gaudy shuttle and leapt into the air, bound for who knows where. Blasto skillfully guided the shuttle into FTL with his many tentacles until a planet came up on the sensors. "Bubin, This One needs you to be the eyes and ears of Team Blasto. This One would appreciate if you would prevent the Collectors from annihilating our group."

Cannonball's optics glowed yellow for a moment. "W…shhhh…what? No one said anything about…shhhh…Scary-Base-Clan. Those guys are tear ass. Scions are way overpowered!"

Blasto shimmered. "Fear not, Cannonball. This One wouldn't have asked the volus to join Team Blasto unless the volus were ready. This One smelled your greatness back there."

"Oh…oh yes. Lead on."

Diana began rolling the camera droid. "This is Diana Allers, reporting from hanar Spectre Blasto's secret shuttle. We have a special treat for the Battlespace audience as Blasto teams with Niftu "Cannonball" Cal for a covert mission."

"Landing in three, two, one," Blasto chimed in a soothing voice. "This one will lead Team Blasto to Enkindler technology." The hatch hissed open and the hanar floated out onto the battlefield like a ballerina as Cal fired up his big biotic balls. The volus looked out onto a city shrouded in darkness.

Bubin lumbered off of the shuttle in front of Diana and heavy machineguns and a rocket launcher emerged from the elcor's pack and self assembled on his shoulders. "Informative: Prothean artifact located in the science lab. Demanding: Move it out."

Cannonball's stubby legs propelled him into the first habitation module where he heard a peculiar chittering sound and then something like the buzzing of bees. The battle was about to be joined. Cal saw movement up ahead and two insect-like creatures came around the corner. For a moment, he felt a cold prickly run down his skin under his combat suit, but he felt a solid jelly-like presence behind him. "This One has your back, Cannonball."

"All right then. Time to get paid!" A blue bolt of power shot from Cannonball's hand and into the first enemy, freezing it in place. A purple tentacle whipped past the tiny volus' head and struck the Collector full on, shattering its body into a thousand pieces. Cal then crouched down and summoned his godlike biotic power and flung himself at the next trooper. His body red shifted for a fraction of a second before he became a blue streak of greatness. BAM! He felt his mass increase manifold as he slammed into the collector trooper. He could see its bug eyes widen in slow motion just before impact. Time then seemed to speed back to normal as the trooper cartwheeled through the air, flailing helplessly.

"Skepticism diminishing: That wasn't bad, small fry. Challenging: But wait, there's more."

Cal snorted. "Oh, wonderful," he said in his stuffy nose voice. He turned to see Diana right behind him, the camera droid aimed down at his head. "You…shhh…getting all of this?"

"The Battlespace is going to eat this up!"

Blasto swatted swarming bugs around his body. "This One finds the swarm quite noisome."

"Irritated: Get a move on, you lazy swine. Sarcastically informative: The Reaper tech won't save itself."

Cal rushed into the next room. He knew he must be near the lab. The tech would definitely be there if Bubin was worth his weight in lard. The deep staccato report of a heavy weapon caught Cannonball's attention and he stopped in his tracks as a distant rumble of an explosion rolled in through the door. Bubin was in trouble.

"Badassfully: Git some. Git some. Git some."

The volus was gripped by momentary indecision. Still, the tech had to be saved. "Blasto, go save…shhhh…Bubin. I'll get the tech!"

"This One will rescue the lard ass. Go get the Enkindler artifact."

"On it!" Cannonball said with growing confidence. He waddled ahead with grim determination, up the stairs and rounding the corner and right into a massive scion. He looked up at the disfigured and misshapen monstrosity, feeling like an ant attacking a mountain.

"What the fuck is that?" Diana shrieked.

"Uhhh, it's not good."

Cannonball unloaded all four of his steaming biotic balls. POOMPOOMPOOMPOOM! The scion staggered under the biotic assault, but raised his arm-mounted cannon, aiming right between Cal's tiny eyes. He quickly ducked behind a wall, taking hard cover, but the scion unleashed a barrage. Kapew kapew kapew! The force of the scion's cannon came through the metal barrier without slowing down, washing over the poor little volus. Sparks flew from his suit as systems overloaded. Cal's vision went dark as he lost control of his body and rolled down the stairs like a sack of potatoes. "Not fair! I was…shhhh…behind cover. And I thought they nerfed the scions!"

As Cannonball hit rock bottom at the bottom step, feeling his ignominy all the way down, he landed in the loving hands of his favorite reporter. She slathered medigel all over his face. "I am so going to break a heel doing this!"

Cal felt power surge back into his tiny body and he rose like a ghost from the grave. The scion was just rounding the corner and taking aim again. "For Irune!" he called out, almost wheezing. In slow motion he could see the scion's cannon energizing for the killing shot. He grit his teeth and crouched down. This would be the unstoppable force meeting the immovable object. zuuuUUUPOW! As if shot from a cannon, Cal smashed into the grotesque monster with the mass of a dreadnaught. He returned to real space/time to see the scion stagger, roaring in pain. A giant bump on its back ruptured, spewing vile fluid and it crashed to the ground in a heap at the biotic god's tiny feet. Cal wobbled for a moment, dizzy and exhausted by his life and death battle. "Oh…shhhh…I think I need to lie down."

"Urgently: This is no time to go roly poly on me. Get to the objective."

Diana pushed Cal from behind and he looked back to see her and the droid, filming every second. "Get going!" she said. "I've got your back."

"Yes, yes, of course!" Cal turned to sprint into the lab, but Diana grabbed him and planted her lips on the top of his head.

"Get em, small fry!" she said.

Extra biotic energy poured into Cannonball, filling his wheezy lungs. He charged into the lab, ready to grab the Reaper tech and make for the extraction zone. What he got instead was a massive bug with eyes like floodlights. This was the infamous praetorian. "Oh sh…shhhh…sh…shit!"

He turned to flee, but the praetorian's eyes beamed brighter still. This was not going to be good. Cal winced and closed his eyes for a moment, but was startled by the sound of heavy gunfire.

"Badassfully: Git some. Git some. Git some."

Cal's eyes popped open wide and he saw rounds drilling into the massive bug and it jiggled and staggered under the withering fire. Then, faster than a transaction from Barla Von, Blasto leapt upon the praetorian, entangling it with his eight tentacles.

"Evil bug will not keep This One from Enkindler artifact!" the hanar said, almost impolitely. Blasto lifted the praetorian in the air and spun in a circle to fling the bug out the window. Before Bubin could say 'hurriedly: lickety split,' Cal seized the Reaper tech and presented it on the ground at Blasto's tentacles.

"Blasto, here is your Enkindler artifact. I was…shhhhh…proud to be part of Team Blasto. And you, Bubin, you saved the day…shhhh."

"No longer skeptically: You proved your worth, small fry. Grudgingly admiring: You have a lot of guts stuffed into that small suit." Bubin droned without any visible change in expression. Another elcor would have thought that pyrotechnics were going off.

Blasto patted Cal on the shoulders with tentacles. "This One might even see Spectre markings on the volus' suit in the near future."

"A…a…Sp…sp…shhhhhh…Spectre?" Cannonball's legs became wobbly and he held his head with both tiny hands.

The camera droid flashed and took a picture. Diana slid in front of the lens. "And you heard it first, on The Battlespace." Then, she sidled up to Cal and stroked his round head. "Mind if I come up to your cabin later…for an…umm…exclusive?"

Cannonball turned to the camera and one of his optics went dark in a wink. "And that…shhhh…is the smell of greatness."