Thanks for the lovely reviews =D Here's the next chappy!
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Chapter 2
When John pulled back, he was surprised to see Helen looked… relieved.
She offered him an awkward smile.
"You've had your closure John."
"I was hoping you might have had a revelation,"
"I did," she smiled more genuinely, "but surely I needn't explain it to you?"
"You really can't ever feel the same for me, can you,"
"No." her expression softened, and she gave him a sympathetic look.
"No." he whispered, defeated. He misinterpreted her look as one of pity, and it stirred something angry and malevolent inside of him.
Helen wasn't about to reveal to him the cause of her relief. For a moment she had been afraid he still had a hold on her heart, but the kiss had proven otherwise. In some ways, it had given her closure too, and a realisation that she truly had devoted herself to Nikola.
"I'm in love with Nikola," she added finally, hoping he would accept it, and that maybe he and Nikola could stop their feuding now.
She wasn't aware of the bitterness her statement had awakened inside John; but then, he was a master at hiding things and this was no exception. He couldn't let her see how he was feeling. He couldn't let her see her words had made him feel like she was beating him when he was already down. So instead of reacting negatively, he kept his expression calm, and neutral. He feigned acceptance, forcing a small smile, then leaving.
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When Helen returned from lunch with Ashley and didn't see Nikola for the remainder of the day, she started to worry. She'd told him she wanted to speak with him about something that was troubling her, but he still hadn't come to bed. It was unusual. He was usually waiting for her, not the other way around.
But then, she supposed he may be working on something in his assigned lab, knowing full well how immersed he could become in whatever project he had going. In which case it wasn't entirely improbable he would be working for several more hours.
On her way to his lab, she could hear it had started to rain, and moved to shut a nearby window. It was pure chance that she noticed a figure in the gardens who could be no-one other than the man in question.
She gave no thought for a coat, instead heading with new found determination to his side, feeling more and more unnerved by the stillness with which he stood as the rain battered on and around him.
"Nikola?" she asked softly, but gained no response. She moved closer, "Nikola, where have you been all day? Come inside, please."
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Again, no response.
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She knew she was close enough for him to hear her, even if it was raining so heavily, he could always sense her closeness.
"Nikola, you're worrying me, what's the matter?" she asked, reaching tenderly for his arm. But he shrugged her off as though her touch had burned him, and a sense of dread suddenly overtook her entire being. She hesitated for only a moment, before moving around to stand in front of him so that he had no choice but to acknowledge her.
His eyes moved ever so slightly across to meet her gaze, but she couldn't read him. She moved closer to kiss him, hoping to seduce him out of his silence; but for the first time in all her years of knowing him, he refused her the kiss.
"Nikola," she snapped, her fear being overwritten by her growing frustration. "Will you please, talk to me," she appealed, reaching to him but again being rejected any touch or intimacy, as he took a few steps out of her reach. At her questioning expression, he finally responded.
"I'd rather you kept your hands," he glanced at her lips as though struggling internally, "and your mouth, to yourself."
She ignored the pain she was sure emanated from her heart, trying hard to understand the reason for his rejection of her. His words had been delivered with a calm certainty, but the tears in his eyes betrayed him.
"Why? Tell me what's wrong," she pressed, only to see him revert to silence. He must be able to see how distressed his behaviour was making her feel, and she wasn't about to give up on her answers yet. "Nikola, I need to talk to you. Something isn't right with me. It hasn't been since I collapsed, and I really need your support right now, please, whatever it is-"
"If you need someone to talk to I'm sure Johnny will be more than happy to oblige."
Confusion was evident on her face, and he could see her desperately trying to put two and two together.
He let out a despairing laugh.
"Really? You really need me to elaborate? I saw you, Helen. I saw him kiss you, and you kissed him right back."
Her face fell, and realisation struck her that he may refuse to understand. He may refuse to accept her explanations, no matter how justified she had felt when John had requested such an intimate goodbye favour.
He could see the fear in her features, tears in her eyes matching the ones that had been in his for the most of the day. Without hearing an explanation, he knew she wasn't betraying him. He knew she wouldn't do that. But it only eased his mood a little, so he waited to hear her explanation anyway.
"It was closure, Nikola." When he broke their gaze she started to panic. "Please don't do this, I can't lose you,"
"So you're telling me he hasn't won you over? That he hasn't destroyed everything we had?" he closed his eyes for a moment, quietly adding, "...if we even really had it to begin with."
"He hasn't destroyed this," a sob escaped, making him drag his gaze back up to her. "Please don't let him destroy this; it was just closure, honestly. It's you that I love, you that I need, Nikola. Nobody else. He understands that now."
She felt pained further when he seemed unaffected by her plea.
"You should go inside,"
He felt a pang of guilt at being so dismissive, when she so obviously needed him to understand, so obviously loved him as she had confessed. But all he could see in his minds eye was John kissing her, and her allowing it. He didn't care for context, not now at least. He needed to be alone for a while longer yet.
"I'm not leaving you here, not like this. If you don't want me near you for a while then, fine, but don't stay out here."
He turned swiftly, heading inside without a single glance back.
Helen couldn't repress the devastation and hurt that had quickly overtaken her. It was crippling, how a single decision might have destroyed what she had found with Nikola, destroyed something she had denied herself for so long, something she had only had for the briefest, sweetest moment in time.
