Disclaimer - I own nothing that you recognize.
A/N - Thank you Deangirls1 for reviewing, and thank you to everybody who has added this story to their Story Alerts.. It really means a lot! I'm definitely going to continue with this story.
A sister is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost. ~Marion C. Garretty
Chapter two - Lost without you
Everything in their flat reminded Holly of Emma. Whether it was the framed pictures of them on the lounge wall, or the daily 'to do' list on their refrigerator, she had left her mark everywhere. Holly couldn't bare to look at any of it. An anger suddenly erupted from deep inside of her and she completely lost it. Viscously, she ripped down all of the photos, throwing them down on to the floor forcefully. She stalked towards the kitchen and tore away all of the silly notes and to do lists that Emma had covered the refrigerator with. Time went by without her even realizing it.
Holly sat on the edge of Emma's unmade bed and stared into space. She didn't destroy anything in this room, she just couldn't bring herself to do it. She couldn't bring herself to move, she couldn't bring herself to even think. She was completely numb. Her baby sister, her Emma, was dead. Holly had overheard a member of the crowd telling the police what had happened; Emma had downright refused to give the thug the car, she utterly refused to hand over the keys. Emma had died trying to protect Holly's car. The guilt that surged through Holly's body was unbelievable. If she had been out there instead of Emma, if they hadn't gotten the wine... there were so many 'what ifs' running through Holly's mind now.
She sat there for hours and hours, staring into the same spot, barely blinking. Holly didn't feel alive.
"So, you really managed to maintain a friendship with a woman?" Sam asked his brother, his eyebrow raised, as the two of them stood in front of the main door of the block of apartments. They had literally rushed into this town, driving at speeds that even considered fast.
Dean turned to face his brother briefly. "Yeah, well, today is filled with surprises." He wasn't in a very good mood. In a way, he, too, was mourning for the loss of Emma. She was his best friend's sister and whenever he popped into the town to see Holly she was there. He had really gotten on with the younger sister, and he knew how much she meant to Holly. Shaking himself away from his thoughts, he turned back towards the door and dialed Holly's flat number into the intercom and waited for a reply.
"Why didn't you tell me about them?" Sam asked softly. It was a question that was digging at his mind ever since Dean that phone call from Holly. If his brother had a best friend, then why didn't he know about her?
"Because I didn't want to drag them into this lifestyle." Dean replied, his voice low. He had kept hunting from Holly and Emma because he couldn't bear the thought of them falling into it's harsh world. He decided that the best way to do this was to keep them a secret from everybody that hunted with him, including his own brother.
"Hello?"
Both of the brothers turned to face the intercom at the sound of Holly's voice. Dean couldn't believe how broken she sounded. There was no emotion in her voice, and the bounce that was usually there had disappeared, only to be replaced with numbness. "Holly, it's me."
Silence.
"Holly?"
The line went dead and then the sound of a buzz became apparent.
The two brothers shared a confused glance before Dean opened the main door and stepped inside of the main building. When Sam didn't follow him he paused to question him.
"Sammy, come on," He motioned for his brother to follow him but Sam simply shook his head.
"You need to go and see her on your own first, she doesn't even know who I am.. I saw a coffee shop a few blocks down the road, I'll run down there to grab myself something whilst you talk to her."
Dean couldn't help but smile softly. He knew that Sam was right; Holly didn't have a clue who Sam was and she had asked for Dean. She had just lost her younger sister so she probably only really wanted to see someone who she was familiar with. "Thanks Sammy."
Holly stood by her front door and stared at the intercom. She had just spoken to Dean Winchester, he was on his way up to the apartment. She suddenly regretted calling him because now she had to face him in the state that she was in.
Literally two minutes after she had pressed the buzzer to let him in, the door was being pounded on which caused her to jump in surprise. She quickly overcame her shock as she shakily lent forward to pull the door open. When she did, she was greeted with the sight of her best friend. He hadn't changed at all.
Dean stood on the other side of the door for a few moments, in shock. He looked at his friend and couldn't help but let his heart break a little bit. The glow that was usually on her face had disappeared and was replaced with no emotion at all. The way she stared at him, as if she didn't care what the next day brought, made his insides hurt. Holly, his crazy, hyper active, strong willed best friend, wasn't there anymore. She appeared cold hearted, hopeless, guilty and distraught. Her tear stained face turned away from his for a few moments, which caused him to walk into the room and softly grab her right arm.
She slowly turned back to face him and as soon as they locked eyes she lost it. In one swift movement, Holly fell into his arms, her body wracked in sobs. Dean caught her as soon as she did and embraced her tightly as he lowered them both down to the floor. His spare hand ran through her hair as he looked around the apartment; it appeared to be completely trashed which was strange to see due to the fact that Holly was probably one of the cleanest people that Dean knew. She was also usually one of the emotionally strongest girls that he knew, and now she was breaking down.
Dean didn't know what to do. He had barely ever seen Holly cry, and he'd definitely never seen her in such a state. So, he did all that he could do; he pressed a soft kiss to the crown of her forehead and allowed her to let out all of the pain and anger that she was feeling.
Once Holly had calmed down, it was as if she had turned into some sort of emotionless robot. She didn't even look Dean in the eye when she sprung away from him to head into the kitchen. She just kept her head up high and avoided any sort of conversation, at all costs.
Dean sat in his spot on the floor, puzzled, for a few moments before jumping up and following her. When he got to the kitchen, he saw that his red headed friend was sat down at the table, and he also saw the amount of mess that seemed to be everywhere he looked in the apartment. There were pieces of smashed glass and torn pictures all over the place and his best friend, who happened to be the biggest control freak that he knew, was just sat in the middle of it as if she didn't have a care in the world.
He sighed sadly to himself. "Looks like a hurricane hit this place." He muttered, trying to add some sort of joke to the atmosphere.
Holly didn't laugh, she didn't even crack a small smile. This caused Dean to awkwardly walk towards her to sit on the chair beside her. "Holl'," He began, his voice soft.
Holly shook her head. "Don't give me any sympathy... I don't deserve it." She stated firmly, still not looking at him. It was as if she was simply talking to herself. "If I had been out there, if I had protected her like I always should do then-" Holly cut herself off. She couldn't bear to state that Emma was dead, it was too final for her. "She got shot Dean, she got shot protecting my fucking car!"
Dean instinctively pulled one of her hands into his. "This isn't your fault." He told her, in a low voice, causing her to shake her head again. He grew frustrated; how could his best friend blame herself for this? "Holly, you didn't make it happen, okay? You didn't plan this. It happened, and it's so terrible, but you aren't responsible for this."
Holly whipped her head in Dean's direction, her eyes burning with fire. "I'm her sister Dean, her older sister! I've always vowed to keep her safe and to protect her, and look what happens on my watch; she gets shot! She got attacked by a thug." A shudder ran down Holly's back as she remembered holding her sister and watching her last breath. "Dean, I can't live without her, I really can't." She used her spare hand to viscously wipe tears from her face. Dean decided that he hated how lost she looked. It was as if she could barely function without her sister by her side, which was a feeling that Dean knew very well from when he lost his own sibling.
At the thought of losing his brother, he remembered that Sam was, in fact, in town with him. "Holl', my brother's here too. He's travelling with me again, how about you go and get showered, I'll whip us up something to eat, and then I'll get Sam to rent us a motel."
"You guys can just stay here." Holly shrugged carelessly, then she bit her lip to stop tears from forming in her eyes. "It's not like we've not got enough room now."
"Holl'," Dean began sympathetically.
Holly couldn't really take anymore of Dean feeling sorry for her, she just couldn't. In one swift movement, she jumped up from her seat, prying her hand away from Dean's, and shook her head. "I'm going to go and try to get some shut eye."
"D'you really think you should be alone right now?" Dean asked hesitantly.
"Dean, I'm tired." Holly stated bitterly, as she folded her arms against her chest. "It's been a long day. Help yourself to whatever, this is only a building to me now." With those last words, she turned on her feet and headed straight towards Emma's bedroom.
Holly lied to Dean. She wasn't sleeping, she hadn't even managed to get one second of rest. She clung on to Emma's old teddy bear, the one that she gave her when she was first born, and stared at a picture of the two of them that was sat on Emma's nightstand; They were at the annual fair in the picture and eight year old Emma had won her first prize ever. It was such an achievement to her that she decided that they needed to document the evidence. So, she jumped on her twelve year old sister's back, prize in hand, as the two of them pulled a silly face.
Holly blinked back tears as she recalled that memory and then turned to face away from the framed picture, clinging on even tighter to the teddy bear.
"Come on in dude," Dean told his brother, in a hushed voice, as he beckoned Sam into the apartment.
Sam stepped in and raised his eyebrow at Dean, who was wearing cleaning gloves. "Um," He motioned towards his brother's hands, slightly amused.
Dean narrowed his eyes. "Shut up." He muttered as the two of them walked further into the apartment. Dean had decided to do Holly a favour and clean the apartment up before she woke up. He figured that once she got over the initial shock of everything she would be compelled to clean everything up, because that was just in her nature. So, he saved her some painstaking time. "I didn't want to cut myself." Dean pointed out, motioning towards the remainder of glass on the floor. He had cleaned the kitchen up completely and now he was just finishing up with the lounge.
His younger brother looked around at the mess and frowned. "What happened?" He questioned, concerned.
"I think Holly took her anger out before we got here..." Dean trailed off. After all, unless Emma and Holly decided to have a house party the night before, then there was no other reasonable explanation for such a mess.
"Oh." Sam muttered awkwardly. He really didn't know how to react to anything, after all, he didn't exactly know Dean's best friend. Though, he understood why she would be angry. If it was Dean that was dead, then Sam would do more than just destroy a few rooms. "Where's Holly now?"
"Sleeping." Dean gave his brother a one worded answer before leaning down and picking up some more glass.
Then Sam caught wind of a burning smell. "Um, Dean?"
"Yeah?"
"Something's burning..."
Dean's head suddenly snapped up, his eyes wide. "Shit!" He jumped up from his spot and practically sprinted to the kitchen, Sam following closely behind him.
The two brothers were greated with a smokey kitchen and an even more intense burning smell. Dean didn't waste any time; He pulled the oven door open and dragged a very charred pizza from it. "I completely forgot about the pizza!" He muttered in annoyance as he dropped the pizza into the trash can and then begun to fan away at the smoke. "Dude, open a window."
Sam chuckled under his breath as he made his way towards the largest window in the room. He pulled it open and coughed a little bit when some smoke went down his throat. "You burnt a pizza?"
"I was busy cleaning!" Dean defended his foolish mistake. "Besides, you know I can barely cook toast without setting a fire in the process!" He just wanted to make a little bit of food for Holly for when she woke up and he managed to screw that up. When he turned around, he almost jumped out of his skin at the sight of Holly by the door of the room. Sam turned to see why his brother had been shocked and saw the young woman standing a few metres from them both, looking completely disconnected from her body.
She was then looking around at all of the smoke, wide eyed. It was the first real glimpse of her ordinary self that Dean had seen since he arrived here. "Jesus Holl', you scared the hell out of me." Dean breathed as he gained his composure back.
"Erm, what's with all the smoke?" She questioned. The burning smell was the initial thing that had caused her to come and check that everything was still okay, but then when she left Emma's room she saw the smoke and panicked.
Dean sheepishly pointed to the bin. "I burnt a pizza."
"Oh." Holly stated, unsure of what else to say. Then she glanced over to the tall man on the other side of the room and nodded towards him. "Is he your brother?"
"Yeah-"
Sam stepped forward and offered her a small smile, cutting Dean off. "I'm Sam, it's nice to meet you." Holly nodded in agreement, though nothing really felt nice for her at the moment. "I'm sorry about your loss..." Sam trailed off hesitantly, causing Dean to shoot him a wary look.
Again, Holly nodded. She wanted to be polite to Dean's younger brother, but at the same time she couldn't even think properly.
Dean cleared his throat, noticing the awkwardness. "I'm sorry about the kitchen, I'll just go out and fetch a take out-"
"I'm not hungry." Holly stated, interrupting him. Hunger pangs inside her stomach were replaced with a numbness.
"What have you last eaten?"
"You tidied?" Holly changed the subject and looked around the kitchen. "Thank you."
Before Dean could reply, her front door swung open, causing her to raise her eyebrow and turn in it's direction. When she did, she froze with anger. "You son of a bitch," She snarled as she jolted herself out into the hallway.
Dean and Sam quickly rushed to the kitchen door to see her on top of a guy, swinging her fists repeatedly into his face.
"Holly, ow, let go of me!" The guy pleaded between grunts of pain.
"No!" Holly growled, her voice deadly, as she hit him again. "If it wasn't for you then she wouldn't be dead!" Before she could swing in another punch, she felt two hands pull her off of him. "Dean, let me go," She struggled against his restraints as she watched Tom stand up from the floor and hold his hand to his face.
"It isn't my fault Holly," Tom pointed out, upset.
Holly continued to thrash around in Dean's arms. "Yes it is! You cheated on her, she landed herself in prison, then we went to go and get the bottle of wine... if you hadn't been such a bastard then she wouldn't have gotten shot." She paused as she elbowed Dean's sides. He momentarily let go of her causing her to rush back towards Tom and pin him to the ground again. With tears streaming down her face, she clawed and punched and kicked and snarled. "I hate you!" She screamed out, her emotions at a climax.
Dean shook his head as he got over the shock of Holly elbowing him. In one swift movement, he picked her up and held her tightly against him. "Stop it Holly, the jerk isn't worth it." He directed the last part to the man who was now stood up for the second time.
"She was the love of my life, I'm hurting too-"
Holly stopped trying to escape Dean's restraints for a mere second and let out a bitter laugh. "Love of your life?" She snapped, her voice dangerously low. "You cheated on her Tom! You broke my baby sister's heart, and I didn't even get a chance to cheer her up... you're the reason she's dead."
Dean took one look at the man that was causing Holly so much distress and narrowed his eyes. "Get the fuck out of this apartment before I'm the one who's swinging punches."
Tom didn't hesitate. He gave one last regretful look to Holly and then rushed back out of the apartment, dropping his keys to it on his way out.
Sam walked forward to pick them up and shut the door, and then turned back around to see Holly glaring at his brother. "Dean, why the hell did you let that son of a bitch go?"
"I didn't want you to do anything that you'd regret."
Holly laughed. "Killing that son of a bitch is something that I wouldn't regret... trust me."
"Holls, I wanted to swing a few punches at that jerk too but would Emma really want that?" When Holly didn't say anything, Dean slung one of his arms around her shoulders and kissed the crown of her head. "I know you're hurting but please don't do anything stupid." He gripped her hand and glanced down at the few grazes that she'd managed to gain from punching Tom.
Sam looked at how his brother acted towards Holly and was genuinely shocked. He had never witnessed, or even heard of, Dean treating a girl like this.
"Damn, I forgot how hard your punches are!" Dean muttered as he ran his thumb over the cuts. "Come on, we'll get these cleaned up then I'll whip you up a sandwich." She was about to object but he spoke again. "You need to eat something," He warned her, with a look of worry in his eyes.
She sighed to herself, torn. A part of her wanted to punish herself for being the one that lived, but then another part of her didn't want to keep Dean worried, not after how kind he was being. She simply shook her head when she made up her mind. "I'll eat something later." She lied, looking away from Dean's disappointed stare. "Feel free to make yourself something though." She then glanced over to Sam, offering him a small smile. "You too."
"Holly-"
"Dean, please, just leave it.. I'm really not hungry." Before he could argue, Holly motioned towards the kitchen. "Let's go get the cuts cleaned up." She suggested, craftily averting the subject.
Dean knew what she was doing but he also knew that she was too stubborn for him to get her to change her mind. He decided that he'd keep an eye on her eating habits, especially after what he had discovered when they first became close friends. Sighing, he let her pull him towards the kitchen and watched as she motioned for Sam to follow them too.
Holly truly was lost without her sister, Dean could see that, heck, even Sam could see it. She seemed to be hell bent on punishing herself for what had happened to Emma and Dean wasn't going to let her act like that. Emma wouldn't want it, and neither did he.
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Love you all!
