Chapter Two
...
Graduation flew by and Elsa had left for New York. She kept her word and I received a letter every month. Sometimes they were postcards with her intricate signature on the bottom that I often traced over with a finger.
The first few months didn't seem so bad. I mean, Illinois is only around seven hundred miles away, maybe a twelve hour drive if I was determined to see her. The truth is, I didn't even have my license yet and twelve hours is far compared to a few feet from my yard to hers.
Kristoff and I continued into sophomore year, sharing a few classes as we studied together almost everyday. I clung to him more often now with Elsa gone, scared that he'd leave me too. This school was too small to be losing any more friends.
With the holidays around the corner, winds picked up and winter break was finally in two days. The snowy season was never my favorite time of year… but it was Elsa's favorite, so by default, I learned to love it too. This year felt different, growing gloomy without someone to share a scarf with or sip cocoa by the window, watching snow fall.
The bell rang and I flinched out of my reverie.
Gathering my things, I wrapped a scarf around my neck and shrugged on my heavy coat. It still felt a bit damp from the morning rain, shooting a shiver down my spine. With a sigh I hefted my bag on my shoulders and shuffled out. I hadn't realized I was the last to leave, giving a weak smile to Mrs. Dunbroch on the way out.
My boots clunked loudly down the halls while everyone scurried out the main doors. I saw Kristoff through the windows as he waved and my cheeks lifted to a smile. Once out the door, he scooped me up in a bear hug.
"Hey you, ready for winter break?"
I raised a brow while trying to hide my hands in the pockets of my coat, "Duh, no school, why wouldn't I be?"
He shrugged his shoulders in response, "Well you've been sort of down lately." I looked to my boots, tapping them together as I thought of a response.
"… It's just classes and the cold weather, brings down my mood, you know?" As if in response, a cool breeze whipped around me as I trembled. He chuckled, "here…" taking off his beanie and plopping it on my head.
"Thanks," I breathed in relief, pulling down the beanie to cover my ears.
He stuck out his elbow for me to link, "Shall we?"
I nodded in my scarf, wishing I'd brought mittens too. We weren't in a hurry though, keeping a steady pace as I watched our footprints mark the snow. It was nice for a minute, counting our steps as I tried to keep in sync with his long stride.
"I miss her…"
I blinked up at him, knowing exactly who he was talking about. Another breeze picked up and we both shivered, huddling closer as he popped the collar of his army jacket.
"Y-Yea, I miss her too… a lot," I really didn't know what to say. I couldn't exactly tell him, I never thought about telling anyone actually. How would he even react?
"This winter feels a little harsher without her here," he hummed in thought as we walked through the snow crusted sidewalk.
"… It does."
A few seconds passed before he perked up again, "I know that's what's really eating you, I can tell, Anna."
The muscles in my neck tensed as I looked up with wide eyes, "W-What?"
"Look... I get it and I can't replace her spot as best friend, but I'm here for you too."
Oh… right.
I sighed and shut my eyes for a moment, relieved that he hadn't noticed the truth. I wasn't ready to face that kind of thing yet, Elsa wasn't even here anymore. I wanted to peg it off as a silly crush, hoping it would all go away with time and distance. But that didn't change how much I missed her.
We had stopped walking and I hadn't noticed till I looked back up at him, my eyelashes crusted with frost. At least, they felt cold enough to be. I hated how mopey I'd become, so I smiled and tried to brush off my bad attitude. "Thanks Kris, at least I still have you. Besides, she'll still visit." He smiled down at me, cheeks pink from the cold.
His smile grew brighter and lit up his eyes, "Well, I have a surprise for you actually." He was up to no good again.
I tilted my head, giving him a smirk, "Oh no, what is it?"
Right on cue, he knocked on the car parked next to us and someone came out. It wasn't until now that I recognized the familiar car of Mrs. Knowles. But she wasn't the one driving it. My heart skipped too many times as I gasped in surprise.
Those blonde tresses flowed in a high ponytail as her bangs hid her forehead. She wore a long black coat with a light blue scarf, set with black leggings and worn boots. Her smile was as dazzling as ever, lighting up her eyes as she jogged towards me.
Oh my god.
"Elsa!" I met her halfway and wrapped my arms around that slim waist. Oh, I missed her so much; the smell of her shampoo, her arms around my shoulders, and her silky hair tickling my cheek. The embrace didn't last as long as I wanted it to, but I gave in to look at those bright blue eyes.
"What're you doing here?" I sounded breathless.
Her hands squeezed my shoulders, "I couldn't miss the holidays without you two, it's been a little lonely in New York."
"We'd be happy to keep you here," I offered as she laughed.
"If I could I would, or better yet I'd take you with me."
Don't tempt me.
Kristoff snuck around before scooping us all in a big hug, catching us by surprise, "How cute, the gang all reunited!"
The action forced Elsa and I too close for comfort, our noses brushing before I quickly tilted my head. Instead, our cheeks brushed as our bodies were crushed together. My face grew hot, laughing along nervously and pretending not to be flustered.
Kristoff chuckled as he put us down, "Isn't this great? We'll be together for the holidays!"
It did sound wonderful. The idea of spending winter break with Elsa was the best news I'd heard in a while. The only disappointing part was that she'd leave when it was over, but that could wait. I only wanted to know everything I've missed in her life.
"Wait, how's college? What's it like in the city?"
A sharp wind blew through us, chilling me to the bone. Kristoff groaned in response, "Can we take this to the car at least? I could use a heater."
We talked in the car. We talked at home. We talked over dinner.
And we kept talking when everyone was in bed.
"You've lived there for how long now and still haven't tried a slice of pizza from there?"
Elsa rolled her eyes, "There are better things than pizza."
I pretended to be hurt by the comment, clutching my chest, "That one hit home."
She giggled behind her mug as she brought it up to her lips, taking a sip of her second cocoa cup. We were snuggled up on the couch in the living room, the only light coming from the dying fireplace. It was nice knowing that we'd always come back to this comfort, time wouldn't change that.
It grew quiet, the dying embers crackling as she kept a fixed gaze on the cinnamon swirl in her mug. I took that time to look over her features. She didn't really change physically, it had only been six months after all, but something had changed. She seemed more open, her body language looked a tad more confident and something in her gaze sparked every time she smiled at me.
Thinking about those lips, I couldn't help but stare at them especially when she drew that bottom lip between her teeth. Then she cleared her throat and our eyes met, that's how I knew I'd been caught in my stupor. A blush crept up my neck as I slouched further into the sofa, taking a nervous drink from my mug. I was doing a horrible job of playing it off.
She was staring back at me now, while I looked to the carpet with sudden interest. The silence grew thick and her gaze was burning holes at that point. She brought up her legs to fold underneath herself, as if she could curl into a shell if she tried hard enough.
She took deep breath, nibbling on her lip before saying softly, "Anna… can I talk to you about something... private?"
My eyes darted back up, caught in her baby blues as they searched my face.
With her legs tucked to the side, she pulled them even closer, holding onto her ankle out of reflex. The action was sign enough; I knew what she needed to say was making her anxious, forming a knot in my belly as I thought of possibilities.
I sat up, taking a deep breath as I set down my mug on the hardwood floor. She watched my movements as I scooted closer from my corner of the couch and laid my hand over hers. She sighed at the contact, her gaze moving from our hands to me once more.
"You can tell me anything, Elsa. You know this."
She gave a small smile at the encouragement as she shut her eyes, "I don't think I can talk to anyone else about this… I've met someone in New York."
Oh.
"Okay… Um, I don't see what's so wrong with this. What's he like?"
Thick lashes shadowed over her eyes as she looked away in embarrassment, "...She."
There was a long pause as everything clicked into place.
Oh...
My eyes widened as I felt a pressure in my chest inflate, making me feel uncomfortable. I knew I had to say something, I just didn't know if I could say the right thing. Of course it didn't matter that she preferred women… or both men and women? Maybe she just didn't have a preference and loved unconditionally.
Regardless, what stung was the realization that I had lost her, in a different way. Someone else got her attention before I could, like an idiot. I didn't know what I could say.
It's not like I could just confess my feelings and everything would be grand.
I would've preferred not saying anything at all, for once, but the expression on her face had me saying things that someone would want to hear after that kind of confession. Especially, from their best friend.
"Well, that's definitely still a good thing."
Elsa's eyes snapped open, mouth agape in shock, "Wait… what?"
"I'm happy you found someone."
And when did I get this good at lying?
She cocked her head to the side, struggling to find the proper words, "I don't…"
"Honestly, Elsa, did you think I'd see you any differently? This is great news!" I forced myself to smile, finding it difficult to hide the heartbreak. I made it even worse for myself by indulging.
"Tell me all about her, what's she like?"
It hurt so much, but seeing her get all powdery with that gorgeous smile made it a bit more bearable. She started to tear up until the waterworks came falling, getting me all emotional too.
Before I knew it, she wrapped her arms around my shoulders and buried her face in the crook of my neck. I wasn't expecting such a tight grip, taking a second longer to reciprocate and soothe while she hiccupped. We stayed that way for a while, and I got so lost in the feeling of it.
This is what friends are supposed to do, right? Her happiness should come first.
"T-Thank you so much, Anna…"
Her happiness comes first...
I kept telling myself the same thing over again. Even when I started avoiding her, figuring it'd be easier for both of us if I'd just stay out of the way. Time at their house was mostly spent with Kristoff. Elsa would tag along on whatever we did for the day while I steered clear from any alone time with her.
Sleepovers led to me sleeping on the couch instead of sharing Elsa's bed, by my choice. I knew what I was doing and so did she. Elsa's a clever girl, she noticed my distance and our strained conversations. It was forcing a wedge in our friendship I didn't really want to feel. There were times I almost forgot why I had started pushing myself away, and then she'd get a phone call from someone in New York. That was always my friendly little reminder.
It was a particularly stormy night outside and I was taking refuge on their sofa again. The winds pushed around the shutters while the cool rain made snowy mush over everything. Overall the noise was peaceful and I didn't even hear Elsa coming down the steps. I had just assumed everyone was asleep already so when she cleared her throat by the steps behind me, I yelped.
"I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."
She shuffled her feet in her slippers, wearing a pair of sweats that were way too big on her. I noticed the double knot the drawstring and figured they were probably Kristoff's. She wore her graduation sweater to top it off and-
And I'm staring again. I hadn't even responded yet.
She coughed awkwardly, "Um… were you going to sleep?"
Anyone tucked under three blankets would be ready for bed, but after the way I've been treating her I figured I'd throw her a bone. Sitting up, I patted the open cushion next to me, "Nope, what's up?"
Even in the dark, her figure relaxed at the invitation. She plopped next to me as I reached for the lamp on the side table, clicking it on. The warm glow reflected her cheeks as she gave me a small smile, timid and hopeful. "I was wondering… would you be up for a movie night?"
I was ready with a list of excuses until she pulled the DVD she was hiding behind her back. It took me a minute to recognize it, the bold red letters and faux antique sleeve. Of course it would be this movie. Moulin Rouge. She chose my favorite movie, knowing I couldn't say no. So clever.
She shook the movie in my face tauntingly, "C'mon, you know you want toooo…"
I sighed and snatched the case in defeat, "Alright alright, but don't get upset when I start to sing along again."
She beamed at me while I tried to avoid that look, busying myself with the television. For some reason I tried not to smile, it felt like I couldn't let her know how much I enjoyed her company anymore. As if, I wasn't allowed that privilege.
The movie started, keeping the volume at a decent level while the rest of the house slept. Just like the first night she came home, we were nestled on the couch in our respective corners, bundled in fuzzy blankets. It was really nice, and for a minute, I could ignore that she'd be going back in a few days, that she has a special person waiting for her.
It seemed like the times in high school together and I felt incredibly nostalgic.
The scene on the screen was dimmed when leading lady, Satine, belted out her ballad and I couldn't help but think how much Satine reminded me of Elsa. Someone trapped, wanting to fly away and change for the better. I started to understand hopeless romantics, wondering if I was Christian, her suffering lover, in the story… and the Duke waited in New York. Maybe it was the other way around. Either way, I was emotionally fucked.
My eyelids grew heavy, weighing me down as I swayed and leaned on my side in defeat. The last thing I remember feeling was a shift in the sofa and Elsa humming along to Satine's melody.
A streak of sunlight streamed from the curtain, the filtering light warming my face as I tried to bury my eyes into the blanket. There was a deep inhale beneath me and shaking my sleep as I stretched my limbs, tickling another pair of ankles with my calves.
What?
I finally opened my eyes, pushing myself up on my elbows. Blinking into focus, I looked up to find Elsa still very much asleep. Well… this is awkward…
At least I was, being the one that ended up on top of her as I tried to crawl off without waking her. But I failed and only managed to slide off a few inches when she woke up, "Anna… what're you doing?" Her voice was coarse as she looked down in confusion.
It honestly looked pretty bad, considering I was hovering over her and blushing furiously, "N-Nothing! Just trying to g-get up!" My leg caught on the blanket as I jumped from the sofa too fast, flailing to the floor, "Woa- uff!"
Kill me now.
Elsa snorted, covering her mouth as she giggled from the sofa, "Are you okay?"
I rolled on my back to look up at her, "Yea, the floor looked comfy so here I am." I patted the spot next to me, "Come on down, the hardwood's fine."
She responded with a sleepy smile, poking my nose playfully, "I think I'll pass."
"You're missing out," I draped an arm around my eyes, shrugging my shoulders.
It was peaceful, until she flicked my nose.
"Hey!"
I sat up abruptly, tugging on her wrist, "That's it!"
She squeaked, flipping onto the floor with a groan. I couldn't help but laugh at the look on her face, grabbing my sides for support. "Y-You should've- Ahahaa! You should've seen your f-face!" My cheeks were burning and the back of my jaw was sore. I tried covering my face, but it was too late, giving out a snort.
My eyes widened for a moment, looking embarrassed until we both bursted out laughing. It lasted for a good while, dying out into giggle fits. We wiped our eyes, taking in the quiet morning as we calmed down. After a few minutes, she hummed thoughtfully, holding herself up on her elbows, "Hey, Anna, I've been meaning to ask… are you okay? You've been... avoiding me."
The smile on my face dropped when my eyes found hers, looking hurt. I opened my mouth to speak but I couldn't put words together, my throat tightened with guilt creeping up my neck.
"C'mon, Anna, you can talk to me, remember?"
The corners of my eyes pricked at the truth in her words. I could talk to her, I could've talked to her the entire stay here but I chose to push her away. The tightness in my throat moved to my chest as I forced my self to look down, "…I-I… look there's something private I also need to tell you…"
She nodded, encouraging me to continue.
I swallowed hard, "Elsa… I-"
Her phone started to ring and she bit her lip at the interruption. She grabbed it from the side table, hitting ignore after checking the name with a sigh.
I rose a brow, "You're not gonna answer that?"
"This is more important."
My cheeks burned for a different reason this time. C'mon, Anna, you can do this.
I cleared my throat, taking a deep breath until her phone cut into our conversation again. She looked really annoyed now, getting ready to ignore the call until I stopped her. "No, it's fine."
This was a mistake…
I untangled myself from the blanket with a sigh, "Just take the call, we can talk later…"
"Anna, wait!"
Ignoring her protests, I got up and headed for the bathroom, ready to drown my feelings in a long bath.
The steam helped me relax, giving me time to think about one too many things. When my toes felt wrinkly, I stepped out as my mind raced on. Wrapping my hair in a towel, I faced the foggy mirror and swiped a hand over it, my reflection becoming clear for just a minute until the steam fogged it up again. I leaned over the counter and groaned. I almost told her… I'm such an idiot. I should've just said it.
The echo of foot steps against the cold hardwood floor passed by me and the sound of Elsa's voice was another step back into reality. "We can talk about this when I get back. I'm on vacation right now." She was still on the phone; it had been thirty minutes already. She sounded distressed too, But it wasn't much of my business.
"Yea… I… love you too..."
Wait, what?
My head snapped to the door, brows furrowing in confusion and shock. Love. Love? Did she really just say that so easily?
Elsa couldn't have really meant it, right? It took me some time to stay calm; after all, this was something out of context. It could have been anyone. Right? She didn't even sound so sure, it probably was a big misunderstanding. So why was I shaking?
I didn't really think jealousy could feel so intense, but it did. It also made me do rash things, as if I needed extra help making rash decisions in my life. Ripping the towel from my head, I quickly got dressed and fled from the washroom, praying Elsa wouldn't find me. I just wasn't in the mood to see her at all. That was when I bumped into Kristoff by the stairs, "Uff- Whoa, slow down, An-" and kissed him hard.
I was angry, hurt, and jealous so I didn't think too much about it... even when Elsa walked in on it.
A/N: My hand slipped. Hope you enjoyed it.
A warm thanks to all the support and reviews. See you all next time.
