Dedicated to "Illi-777", simply for being one of the awesomest people I know! You're the best doll!

Expect more updates in a couple hours, fanfiction is not co-operating with me *sigh*

I own nada! Now on to ze chapter!

X-X-X-X-X-X-X-X

Dear Naruto fanfiction authors,

So, my cast members and I recently found your site, and after reading some of your 'stories', I only have one thing to say:

What the hell is wrong with you people?!

Over three quarters of your stories are cheesy romances! Where's the action, the battles, the showdowns with all the cool jutsu?!

I mean, come on people, it's a Shounen Manga. That means it's all about action! About Ninja! With mind-blowing abilities and techniques! You'd think that would be inspiration enough to write about epic adventures and bad-ass ninja fights, but nooo, you just want to write about 'feelings' and 'epiphanies' and, and, and.. *gestures wildly with arms*…'Love'.

(Sakura pops up) Stop exaggerating Naruto, there are plenty of adventure stories with awesome techniques on the site. Most of them portray you as a Shinobi that's ungodly strong, though. *rolls eyes* those authors, clearly, are very unfamiliar with the concept of OOCness.

(Naruto bristles.) Get out of my letter, Sakura-chan. If you wanna complain, go write your own.

(huffs and crosses arms.) Fine. Maybe I will.

(Naruto rolls eyes as an irritated Sakura leaves.)

(clears throat.) As I was saying, enough with the stupid love stories! I mean, I may be the main character, but that doesn't mean I should be paired with everyone else! I'm paired with everyone and their mother! And I mean that literally! I mean, Naruto X Shikamaru's Mom? WTF?!

I don't even know what his mother looks like!

At least pairing me with Sakura-chan or the other Konoha kunoichi would make sense, hell even Gaara's sister would make more sense! (*whispers* but don't tell him or Kankuro I said that. They'll skewer me.)

And don't get me started on all those stories pairing me with the bastard. Obviously I'm not into guys if I've been professing my feelings for Sakura-chan all this while!

Seriously, you all need some serious therapy.

And another thing: I am not half- Uchiha! My mom was an Uzumaki, not an Uchiha! I don't have the Sharingan!

(Sai pops up) but don't your eyes turn red when you're upset? I don't blame these people for being mistaken.

(falters) well… that still doesn't mean I have the Sharingan! It's just cause of the Kyuubi! I don't have a Kekkei Genkai!

(Kakashi pops up) Maa, Naruto. Relax. It's just fiction; they're allowed to write about things that don't exist.

(Naruto huffs) fine. *crosses arms* they can write whatever they want.

(Kakashi smiles his patented eye curve smile©) that's a good attitude Naruto. As the title character, you have the most influence on the show's marketability.

(Naruto huffs and rolls his eyes) yeah, yeah, as long as the stories are NOT about me and the teme!

Sincerely,

Uzumaki Naruto

(Future Hokage)

Kakashi : (sweatdrops) *sotto voce* I wonder what he'd do if he found out Naruto-Sasuke stories are the most popular on the site.

Sai: was that last bit really necessary?

Sakura: *sneers* yeah, who says you're gonna be Hokage?

Naruto: *pumps a fist* I will be Hokage someday. You better believe it.

Sai and Sakura throw him unimpressed looks.

Kakashi (off to the side): …he really needs to stop saying 'believe it' all the time.

NEXT: either Hinata or Sakura. Im leaning towards Sakura though. Or I could go team by team for order's sake, you guys decide ^_^. Also, drop any fanfiction clichés you'd like to see debunked by the cast.