Fangirl Fantasy

Edward Elric was having a very bad day. He'd been called short ten times, brutally kicked through the air seven times, stabbed twice, had his automail crunched, been swung through the air by his ponytail, and called pipsqueak twenty-seven times... and all that just courtesy of Envy. He didn't even want to think about the rest... (hit in head by Winry with wrench, four times, tripped over by Barry the Chopper, once, patted on the head by Roy, twice, forced to drink milk by Al, three times, given a shot, mercifully just once, hugged by Gluttony, once although his brain had blocked that particular traumatic experience, and to top it off, early-morning automail maintenance)

"Dang it," he growled, sipping his cold drink at the patio bar. "if one more thing, just ONE MORE THING happens, I'll knock Roy's block off. We'll see how he likes automail!"

"Brother... that's kind of violent... I thought you didn't like people like that."

"HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF ARTISTIC LICENSE!!"

"Brother...?"

"Gr..."

Al decided that Ed needed some quality alone time. As he walked down the street, Winry waved to him.

"Hey, Al! Where's Ed?"

"He's... that way, but I wouldn't bother him right now... he was considering becoming a homicidal maniac when I left."

"Eh?" Winry made a strange face. Homicidal maniacs were a touchy subject after the Barry the Chopper incident.

"Never mind that," said Al, picking up on her discomfort. "Would you like to come to the bookstore with me?"

"Sure thing, Tin-Man," Winry smiled at her joke.

"Not anymore," Al laughed, and the two set off down the street..

Meanwhile, Ed's scowl grew deeper and deeper the more alcohol he consumed.

"Boy, did today stink," a voice a few chairs down commented. Ed perked up a little at the prospect that someone might have had a worse day than he.

"First, my mom makes me babysit this little brat, and he breaks all my stuff. Then, when I try to whoop his butt good, his mom flies into a rage and beats the stuffing out of me. Then, I run into my worst enemy and he ends up running away before I'm done punishing him, and then I go to a bar to try to relax a little, and ALL THEY HAVE TO DRINK IS THIS PINA COLADA STUFF!!" The tall, long green-haired fellow was now shouting at the top of his lungs at the poor bartender, who was cringing in the corner of his wine rack.

Ed stood up. "Don't take it out on him that you didn't get to kill me today!"

Envy turned to look at Ed with a an expression that said quite clearly, "You are a pain in the butt."

"And I thought this day couldn't get any worse... drunken alchemists now think they can challenge me, who is, unfortunately, stone cold sober, due to the fact that this stupid little tourist trap doesn't sell the only thing that can even relax me-- pure vodka."

"Aw... poor you," retorted Ed sarcastically. "You sure are whiny today."

"Watch it, pipsqueak."

"WHOAREYOUCALLINGSOSHORTTHATHESLEEPSINAWALNUTANDGETSLOSTINIT!!"

"You."

Ed, regardless of sobriety, rushed at Envy with all the speed his tottering form could manage.

"This is too easy to be any fun," complained Envy as his foot connected with Ed's face... and he screamed as a flash of light blinded everyone in the street.

Once everyone had finished rubbing their eyes... they noticed that Ed and Envy were gone.

TBC...