A/N: You just had to ignore my warning didn't ya?
Tadashi starts to unzip his jacket as he looks up at the bystanders around him, a few of them gave him curious glances before passing him. The chilly air brushes against his cheeks and he gives a somber sigh with hot steamy breaths. Times like these were the worst.
His thoughts go back to his brother Hiro, he had just visited him a while ago yet he's already missing him. He rubs at his sleepy eyes and yawns pathetically. He was so sleepy. He hasn't slept with Hiro in a very long time now. He misses the feeling.
The closest he could get to feeling the same like he did when he was a kid was leaving the window open and sleeping naked. Hell, he even turned on the A/C to help simulate the cold even further but no matter how cold it became, it didn't have that same 'warmth' of being enclosed in Hiro's cold arms.
He chuckles lightly to himself. Hiro would reprimand him for being so spoiled and so attached to him. He should've grown up by now. Right? It wasn't always about him, after all. That's why Hiro doesn't live with them anymore.
"I hate the heat." Tadashi mumbles to himself as he unwraps his scarf, taking in a deep breath of ice crisp air. Walking over to the side of the bridge, he peers down at it, the rushing water was still not yet frozen as it runs down the channel and the banks are filled with fluffs of puffy snow.
So soft, he thinks to himself. 'Like a pillow of clouds.'
The snow reminded him of when Hiro and he used to make snow angels. Those were good times... Tadashi pauses at the thought. Snow angels. Hahahaha. If there were any angels it was probably Hiro but he'd just scoff at him and ruffle his hair, proclaiming loudly how naive Tadashi was to think of Hiro as such.
He shakes his head, frowning slightly. Of course, he knew Hiro wasn't perfect. His older brother loved to go bot fighting, illegal bot fighting; loved to gamble; was always out late at night for hours at a time doing possibly even more illegal activities, getting himself into trouble with both the police and Aunt Cass; and he never went to college and wasted his big brain on petty endeavors, 'lucrative endeavors', he would say, but petty all the same.
Tadashi wasn't a naive kid anymore.
He knew how Hiro was, how he wasn't exactly role-model material but it didn't change how he saw him. Hiro made a lot of bad choices in life, was a reckless peon of a young genius, and did many undesirable things but he always made sure that his actions never went so far as to harm another person or ruin their lives. He was the one who taught Tadashi to love and respect others, who taught him to always try to help those in need, and even encouraged him to go to college. Hiro knew his faults but never once did he ever regret them nor did he ever want Tadashi to take the wrong path like him.
No one was perfect and that was more than enough to love Hiro...to want to cuddle beside him like before and finally fall into a blissful sleep knowing that he'd be there in the morning when he woke up, being there for him.
Tadashi stops his train of thought and brushes it aside. That was when they were kids. That's not the case anymore! He's queer for imagining an instance in which both of them were older and wrapped in each others' arms with Hiro sleeping half naked as he wantonly does. That's weird. It's weird right? They may be brothers but there was a limit to how far they could take their love before it became something perverted and wrong in the eyes of others even though it was just something purely innocent.
He blinks repeatedly when he tastes cold air on his tongue and finds himself in a new surrounding. His footprints were so light on the path of snow that they were almost nonexistent when he looked back. When did he climb down to the banks of the river?
"Oh well," Tadashi sighs out loudly. He looks back up and sees the running water beckon him over with its soothing sounds of soft icy splashes and he felt his legs become mechanical as they walked closer to the river. He suddenly felt parched and felt the suffocating need for something icy and watery down his throat.
When he stood at the source he noticed the air become remarkably colder than before. His thirst was becoming thicker and harder to swallow now. Particles of ice and H2O misted around him as the water continued to blast at the large rock in the center. It was like he had walked into an open freezer with built in mist sprays shooting up from the ground!
'It was so pure.' He felt himself get lost once again in the deeper crevices of his mind.
"I'm so glad that you got accepted into San Fransokyo Institute of Technology. And at such a young age too, I'm proud of my cute lil bro!"
"But you were never one who cared for college."
"Just because I don't care or need some stupid nerd school telling me what to do doesn't mean I think they're bad...I just think I'm not cut out for a nerd, ya know?" Hiro just shrugs.
"You're an idiot..." Tadashi begins to say, biting at his lower lips.
"But you know you love me!" Hiro replies cheekily. The blurry memory has him give a toothy grin that showed the gap in his upper teeth.
"I do."
"And I'll always be there for you."
"...liar."
"I never want to hurt you."
"You did!" He states harshly in a cold whisper.
Tadashi lets out a wheezy breath and starts coughing and choking on invisible saliva. He keels over and falls to his knees. His eyes were clenched tightly shut as he tried to push out the pain hitting his gut. He was trying to hold it in for so long but everything that's happened rushed back at him so fast in a full circle. Painful memories flashed like a broken disk.
"Eughhh hiiieee hiiieee!" He tries to gather his self control but to no avail. His lungs fall apart on him and his body threatens to vomit but nothing came out except for drool and stomach acid. The foul stench filling his nose as it tainted the sweet smell of icy waters.
"Bruagh! Haugh! Haugh ha! Haugh!" He pants with his hands pressed against his knees, shaking his head. He wipes at the trail of tears that appeared suddenly but it refused to go away! He silently cursed his gloves as they scratched his cheeks and only served to cut his tender white flesh instead of absorbing any of the hot tears. They merely displaced the tears, spreading them more across the surfaces of his face and painfully making him all too aware of their existence.
When he opened his eyes, he caught the reflection of his face from the running waters. "Why! Why dammit! Why, Hiro!" He sobbed, throwing a fist into the cold waters to break them but the reflection just came back after a second. It was a constant remind that wouldn't leave.
"I miss you, I miss you so much, you idiot!" Tadashi wailed pathetically. He missed Hiro's touch, his voice, his smile but no matter what he told himself, it just couldn't be the same anymore.
A playful banter, one that he remembered from long ago filled his ears and he looked down at his jacket, reaching into the pocket to pull out his cellphone. It was a song that he and Hiro used to sing playfully with each other, an old childish theme from an educational program about friendship that should've been too embarrassing to have but it wasn't at the same time because it was their song.
He flinched when he saw who the caller was. It was from Aunt Cass.
He stares at the phone for a long time, wondering if he should pick up or not. Ultimately he decides on the latter and tosses it aside. It would be too hard to talk to her. He didn't want to make her worry but, he reasons, it was time he was allowed to be cruel for once and not the ever kind and helpful Tadashi.
The phone had switched onto speaker from the impact of hitting the ground and Aunt Cass's voice broke through it, though with echos and static at first.
"–Tadashi? Tadashi! Ohmygod! Tadashi please, please pick up! I know this is tough on you–D-Did you vist Hiro's grave?–But please sweety you've got to be talk to me!" But her voice fell on deaf ears.
The young boy ignored his phone as he took a few steps forward before taking the final plunge. The water bubbled and gurgled as he could only hear muffled splashes. The water was so hard to see through and light from the sun could only penetrate the layer of water to a point so the darkness quickly enveloped him until he couldn't see anymore.
"Professor Callahan is still in there! I've got to save him!"
"No, wait, Tadashi! It's too dangerous!"
Why was he so stupid? Why did he have to charge in there like a damned hero when he wasn't?! Why did Hiro...
'It feels like you're still here,' Tadashi smiles as he continued his descent into the darkness. His body was so cold now, he couldn't even shiver. He smiled. He loved the cold. It was the only way he could truly sleep in peace, after all.
