A/N: Hey, I just thought I'd clear a few things up. First, this story is really only loosely based around fourth year canon. It's been awhile since I've read the actual books and everything so I might forget about some minor details or exact sequences of events. Also, in this story, I focused the hurt/comfort more on Harry's character, because he's the one I personally feel most sorry for in Goblet of Fire. Nonetheless, Harry is capable of hurting Ron as well, and this is a good thing to be reminded about since it helps me try to flesh out characters more. Don't get me wrong, it's actually really good, completely valid criticism. :) I really do have a tendency to get wrapped up in one character's thoughts and overlook how things affect others. For this chapter, I decided to try to talk more about how Ron feels. I think I might have gone a bit overboard.
Anyway, I hope that helps clear things up, and thanks a lot to anyone reading. I really appreciate it. :)
Ron watched in distress as Harry darted out of sight. He honestly hadn't meant any of the things he said. He had just been trying to get some anger off of his chest, and he certainly never would have said those things had he known Harry was watching. "Fuck," Ron muttered. "Damnit, Neville!"
"What?" Neville cringed.
"Why didn't you tell me he was standing there watching?!"
"I tried to, but you wouldn't listen!" Neville insisted. He paused. In spite of his shyness and sweet demeanor, he felt compelled to give Ron a metaphorical kick to the groin. "Besides, what do you care? You don't even give a shit if he dies in the tournament. Good luck dealing with that if Harry does die." Neville turned on his heel and left the room.
Ron watched Neville leave, distracted. Fuck, Ron thought. He grimaced. All he could think about was the heart-broken look on Harry's face, the tears running down his cheeks. Ron could feel his own heart twisting painfully. Oh, mate. I didn't mean any of what I said. Please don't be so hurt. I don't deserve you anyway. Ron considered sucking up his pride, running after Harry, and begging for forgiveness. He wanted nothing more than to hug Harry and tell him that he'd been full of shit, that he cared about him more than anything.
Ron sighed. He couldn't think about that. He had to focus on things about Harry that pissed him off.
Sometimes, it was hard being Harry's friend. Everyone was always so obsessed with Harry, and they tended to view Ron as the sidekick. Even though Ron was always fighting Voldemort alongside Harry, people still often forgot he existed next to his friend, the boy-who-lived, the "savior". Throughout the battles he and his friends had endured, Ron had proven his own Gryffindor bravery, been injured, and sacrificed his own safety and livelihood more than a few times to protect his friends, but no one cared. None of that mattered because he didn't have a stupid scar on his forehead. Ron knew it was horribly unfair to think that way. To Harry, that scar represented the death of his parents. To Ron and the rest of the wizarding world, it represented being some sort of bad-ass "chosen one". It was complicated.
Another thing Ron disliked about Harry was his tendency to be secretive, and to keep things from Ron. Harry was quiet and didn't always keep his friends informed about things that were happening. Sometimes, he lied about things, either to keep his friends from worrying or for some other reason. Harry's quiet nature could also be mistaken for rudeness or arrogance. Ron knew that Harry was somewhat shy, so of course sometimes Harry could be short with people, not out of any real disrespect, but rather because he was over-analytical of himself or nervous. As for arrogance, Harry was hardly Gilderoy Lockhart, but that was the thing. Ron hardly ever knew what Harry was thinking or feeling. For all Ron knew, Harry could fancy himself the strongest leader since Godric Gryffindor.
To be fair, his seemingly aloof manner was also one thing that made Ron attracted to Harry. Harry was a mysterious, confusing person, who rarely spoke about what was on his mind, which always left Ron guessing. It could be both intriguing and infuriating. Regardless, It sometimes left him feeling out of the loop, and it made him question whether Harry really enjoyed his company at all. At times, Harry was so consumed with his own issues that he forgot that Ron had feelings too. Again, to be fair, Harry did have major issues.
All Ron knew was that, though he honestly loved Harry and missed being around him terribly, he sometimes got tired of putting in so much effort only for it to go completely unnoticed. Even next to Hermione, Ron felt insignificant, since she was practically a genius. His siblings were all intelligent, charismatic, or strong. Ron was just the youngest Weasley boy, barely registering attention when held to the standards set by his brothers and sister, and he was certainly no one special in comparison to Harry Potter. Deep in his heart, Ron knew it wasn't Harry's fault, but he couldn't help but feel a stab of jealousy sometimes when Harry received so much recognition, and Ron received so little. This jealousy, spurred by something that really wasn't Harry's fault, often led to feeling guilty, only compounding Ron's misery. He supposed it was not unlike one sibling envying another due to the attention they received for having a terminal illness. You know you shouldn't feel jealous, but you can't help it when it seems like everyone is fawning over the other person. Although, in Harry's case, there were just as many naysayers who hated him. Either way, the attention always remained on him.
Ron supposed that that had been one of the reasons he had lashed out at Harry. It wasn't necessarily because he was angry that Harry got all the glory. Subconciously, it was a way to distance himself from him so he wouldn't be in Harry's shadow. It also had the added benefit of bringing attention to himself. The entire school knew that he and Harry were feuding. A couple of older Slytherin boys had patted him on the back recently in passing, saying, "Good on you, Weasley. I would've kicked Potter to the curb ages ago." He had actually laughed in response, enjoying the praise. Ron cringed at the memory.
He felt lonely, and he knew Harry probably did too, though it was still difficult to tell. Harry was brilliant at feigning apathy. Ron had noticed that Harry was even quieter than usual. Aside from busying himself with school work and tournament-related activities, all Harry seemed to do was sulk and stare pensively at things. Ron felt that he was completely in the right (or at least half in the right. A quarter in the right.) and he steadfastly refused to apologize, but it was all Ron could do at times not to rush up to Harry and do just that, apologize. Yet, everything was such a conundrum. In spite of Harry's visible moping, Ron still found himself wondering if Harry really cared and if he really needed Ron. Ron's pride was the main reason he wouldn't say he was sorry, but Harry's seemingly mild reaction to it all left him cold, wondering why he should bother when Harry didn't even have the decency to yell back at him a little, or seem truly sad. Regardless, it was taking more and more inspiration to remain angry at Harry.
For some reason, Ron couldn't stand the idea of simply ignoring Harry altogether. He had to be volatile, spiteful, brash. Ron could not apologize, but he couldn't let Harry fade out of his life either. For his part, Harry just kept his head down and ignored him. Hermione insisted that Harry was miserable and that Ron and him needed to make up, but Ron just didn't know what to believe. When Ron insulted him, Ron didn't see real pain. He saw someone get their ego shot down, then quickly recover. Yet, Ron still couldn't let it go. He had to get a reaction out of him. Ron didn't want to admit it, but in spite of him lashing out at Harry due to the attention he received from everyone, Harry had somehow still unintentionally succeeded in gaining Ron's own undivided concentration. And all Harry had to do was ignore him. It was such a paradox.
Well, Ron had gotten a reaction out of him, and it made him feel awful. However, a part of him had been happy. After all, it had proven to him that Harry did care about Ron's friendship. Ron had called Harry arrogant several times by now to his face, and Harry had always reacted with little more than an eye roll. This had gotten to Harry, though. It had made him cry even. Ron thus knew how to get Harry's attention: tell him that he hated him and had never wanted to be friends. Ron sighed. What an asshole he had been.
His anger was waning, being replaced by an emptiness that he knew he'd been ignoring. He was beginning to realize the real problem in his relationship with Harry; a lack of communication. Ron needed to remind Harry that sometimes he felt neglected and left out if he wanted Harry to understand how he was feeling, and Harry needed to learn both how to open up to Ron, and to appreciate Ron's help. Rejecting Harry and hurting him wasn't doing either of them any good. Now, Ron would be lucky if Harry ever talked to him again, much less told him about his innermost thoughts.
Anyway, it didn't matter. Being mad at Harry for supposedly putting his own name in the Goblet of Fire was much easier to explain to himself and others than his real reasons for rejecting Harry.
Ron realized that he had been staring at the wall for the past five or so minutes. Sighing, he finally got to his feet and walked to the dorm room. He sat on his bed and flipped through one of his textbooks before relenting and doing what he really wanted to do. He glanced around the room to make sure he was alone, then he grabbed his photographs of Harry. Ron smiled, going through the handful of pictures; ones of Harry flying, Harry smiling, Harry and him goofing off. "Aw, mate," Ron whispered, surprised by the sad, desperate tone in his own voice. "What the hell am I doing?"
He set the pictures down and rubbed his forehead, suddenly tired. When he opened his eyes, he found himself looking at the wastebasket. There was a partially-obscured, crumpled-up note on lined muggle paper sticking up near the top, amidst the discarded junk food and messed up parchment. Though there was nothing particularly remarkable about it, Ron felt compelled to retrieve it from the trash can. He knew the note was none of his business, but he figured it would at least entertain him and get his mind off of Harry.
He could not have been more wrong.
"You little shit!" The letter began. Damn, Ron thought, giggling. Someone was mad at someone. If this letter wasn't written by a muggle, it would've been a howler.
"Do you have any idea how much trouble you're in? This is the last straw. When you get home this summer, you'll be going back in the cupboard! I've had to deal with CPS, and now your freaky magic CPS! Some stupid lady called them before you left, and we haven't heard the end of it since! You're ruining our lives and your Uncle's reputation!"
Merlin, Ron thought, no longer laughing. "Going back in the cupboard"? That's fucked up. Ron had to search his mind for a moment to remember that CPS stood for Child Protective Services. He wasn't surprised that they were going after these apparently horrid people who locked people in cupboards. Ron bit his lip. There was something especially disturbing about this note to him. Something about the tone of the letter seemed... familiar.
"You know damn well you deserve everything you receive at home, but we've told you a million times never to tell anyone about it. And also like we've told you a MILLION TIMES, don't think CPS talking to us means you deserve to be taken away from us and that you're in the right, you stupid bastard. They don't know that the reason we have to punish you so severely is because you're a worthless freak and a pathetic excuse for a human and you're making all of our lives worse by being in it! And the reason we make you work so hard is because it's the only way you can make it up to us!
"One more thing, boy. If this ever happens again, you won't be going in the cupboard, you'll be going in the grave. If you EVER pull this shit again, we will kill you.
Vernon and Petunia Dursley"
"Oh fuck," Ron said hoarsely. The letter was from Harry's aunt and uncle. Ron felt shocked and unsettled. He hadn't realized that Harry's relatives were that bad. They would be brazen enough to sign their names to something like that. A new layer of horror to the note crossed Ron's mind. "Oh shit. What if I, like, validated what they said to him?"
Ron felt like crying. He couldn't believe he'd been such an asshole anyway, let alone on top of all of the suffering he knew Harry had to endure both at school and at home. Ron repeated what Harry had done before him. He balled the note up. Then, after a moment's consideration, he set it on fire.
