A/N: THANK YOU to everyone that has read and reviewed the teaser chapter! I love comments, questions, and suggestions! I guess I should publicly take a moment to say that I don't own any of this, and I won't pretend otherwise. I'm stealing it from the CW and Kass Morgan for my own entertainment (and hopefully yours).For those of you curious of the situation between Clarke and Lexa: it isn't over, and there will be more information. I plan to do a flashback and cover some of their bigger moments, so it will come out … when I'm good and ready. Until then there should be updates about once a week. I'm going to try to post an update whenever I have a day off. Thank you all so much for likes and follows! I hope you enjoy this update!
As quickly as they had gotten out, settling in was something else entirely. Any urgency her friends might have felt before seemed to vanish once they reached Octavia's apartment. Even Wells had started talking half way there - mostly trying to fill the silence with talk of home and their families. At first, Clarke wasn't sure how she felt about the conversation. A dull ache had settled in her chest and the longer it hung there, the more difficult it was not to cry. Still, she tried to give in, and act like herself. Perhaps nobody expected her to to act like herself. She'd just walked out on two years, and nobody had been given a proper explanation of what happened. She'd told Wells more than anyone, but even he lacked proper details. At least Raven was discreet enough not to press for answers, and her boyfriend didn't know Clarke well enough to care. By the time they were hauling in the last of it, she found herself almost able to smile though it all. Octavia had ordered a few pizzas twenty minutes prior, and everyone was ready to relax and have a bite to eat.
"You're sure your brother won't care that I'm here?" Clarke pressed for the hundredth time. It was a bit too late to go back now. Her mountain of boxes containing books were sitting against a wall in the front room. Her clothing had migrated to the second bedroom (which as actually his). "I could probably convince my mom to put me up in a hotel for a few days. She never did like Lexa. She's going to be ecstatic that I'm out of there." Telling her mother that she was dating a girl hadn't been the easiest of conversations, though Clarke never thought it had anything to do with the fact that it was a girl. Lexa was the girl with too many piercings, and visible tattoo's. Abigail Griffin had just never been able to see maiming yourself as art or expression like her daughter did. From the start, her mother had been making subtle suggestions that Lexa was going to push her down the wrong path in life. No doubt it's easy to understand why her mother was going to be the last one to find out about any of this.
"I'm not even honoring that question with an answer again." Octavia rolled her eyes and pulled a slice of pizza out of the boxes that now sat on the coffee table. But, apparently, she was going to answer it just one more time. "I told you!" The brunette was glaring, though the expression was hardly threatening. "He's out of the country for another month! I barely talk to him outside emails. He dropped his phone in a river a week ago. I sent him an email saying that you are going to be here." OH. Great. Email. That was just how you wanted to find out that your room was given away. "Anyway, I'm tired of living alone, and you'll be gone before he gets back. What does it matter?" She did have a point. But Octavia already had to twist Clarke's arm to convince her that this was okay. Clarke wasn't one to willingly accept charity of any kind. It was the main reason Octavia was confident that the blonde would be out of there without overstaying her welcome.
"We always have the guest house if you can't find something." Wells pointed out once more. His mother had died when he was young, and his father raised him alone. While his dad did try, he wasn't exactly around a lot. Living at the Jaha estate wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. It would be a lot like living alone, even if it would mean digging up awkwardness between her and Wells again. The worst part of it would be the drive to campus every day, really.
"I still don't get why you haven't taken him up on that." Raven piped up unhelpfully. "I mean - it has it's own pool!" She knew about the unrequited feelings between Clarke and Wells. It had been back in middle school, of course, but Raven had always been of the belief that they should have moved on by now. She, of all people, wouldn't understand why it was still an issue. Her boyfriend cheated on her, but she forgave him, and continued to make best friends with the other woman. Raven was too well adjusted for her own good. She just didn't understand people and their first world problems. Hell, she didn't understand most problems. She might not be entirely sensitive, but she was a good friend. You could count on there never being drama where Raven Reyes was concerned.
"Because I am not dealing with a half hour commute five days a week." Clarke pointed out once more. "Anyway, it will be good to catch up with Octavia!" She offered the girl a smile, before taking a slice of pizza for herself.
"Wait, you have classes five days a week?" There was no doubt that Wick thought she was insane with that one. His tone was, to say the least, astounded. Raven wasted no time joining in her agreement. It was rare that the two so quickly agreed on much of anything. It seemed they spent all their time bickering about one thing or another (the makeup sex must be phenomenal if they worked this well). For a moment, Clarke had to entertain the fact that they might be onto something.
"Pre-med with a minor in art history." Clarke explained with a bit of a laugh. She'd added on the second degree part way through her sophomore year, and it had bogged down her workload a great deal. She used to be a normal student going to classes two or three days a week - so much for that. Who really needed a social life, anyway? "It will be worth it when I'm finally done." That had been her mantra for the past three years. There were scoffs of disagreement around the room - the only one who seemed to think it was a good idea was Wells. He'd supported all of her hair brained plans since they were kids. Anyway, with his father's inherited work ethic, Wells wasn't much better. If her mother were there it would have been another chance to point out that Clarke could have finished her pre-med last year if she hadn't taken on her art degree.
For another few hours, the small group talked. They made one more beer run before Octavia gave an exaggerated yawn and insisted that she was tired. Clarke was more thankful for it than she'd ever admit. Her energy for social interaction was running on empty - not that she'd had much of it from the start. The opening to tease her host was welcome. "OH is that new boyfriend of yours coming over? Am I going to need earplugs tonight?" Clarke had teased. Raven had joined in quickly enough, before Wick made a blunt suggestion. It was Wells, ever responsible, who finally left her with a kiss on the cheek, and ushered the others out the front door.
"Alright - so when are you going to tell me what happened?" Octavia demanded as soon as they'd slipped out the front door. Yeah. She'd seen that one coming. Clarke cringed slightly and moved away from the brunette.
"Tomorrow maybe? Next year? Maybe after my first hook up - so … the rest of this school year, and four years of residency …" Her voice trailed off as she ticked years off on her fingers. Octavia was rolling her eyes and muttering a humorless ha ha ha as Clarke retreated down the hall. At least the message was clear. Tonight was not the night for that discussion. It was too soon, and it hurt too much.
"You realize you aren't allowed to wait that long to rebound, right?" Her friend insisted stubbornly. She'd followed Clarke towards the bedrooms, and stopped, leaning in the doorway to her own room. "That is just cruelty to the world - you're a catch Griffin, and you need to move on." Clarke knew better than to take offense to the suggestion that she just needed to stop hurting. Octavia wasn't one to dwell on something depressing. She smiled and she found a way to keep on living. She was a survivor.
"It was two and a half years O - I need to spend at least half that getting over this." Wasn't that the rule?
"A year of celibacy?! Are you trying to kill yourself? That coupled with stress of senior year? No thanks." She waved her hands, dismissing the thought. Clarke even laughed along with her, though the sound was starting to come out slightly watery.
"I'll tell you about it soon, I swear. I just … need to unpack a few things." She insisted. "And shower … and sleep." The list would keep on going if she let herself think about it too much. Just take it one day at a time, she reminded herself and heaved a sigh. Clarke would plan out her life exhaustingly if she let herself. She would worry about a problem that might show up ten years down the line. Right now, there were just too many problems to focus on them all. At least Octavia let it go after that.
Finally alone, Clarke closed the door behind her. There was the faint sound of Octavia's voice. She'd pulled out her phone and called her boyfriend. The giggles floated faintly through the two doors between them - reminding Clarke painfully of the fact that life was rolling stubbornly on. Just because her world had shattered, the rest of it wasn't going to follow suit. The room was dark and unfamiliar. There were strange smells, and trinkets of another person's life. She'd have been curious otherwise. But now she just felt alone, alone and upset. Her back found the door and she sunk to the ground as the tears finally broke free. Her arms had wrapped tightly around her knees, and she finally noticed the ache in her chest. She hadn't realized it was still there, or that it hurt quite this much. Now, the tightness in her chest was making it hard to quite catch her breath.
There was no saying how long she sat there. Clarke didn't even know when she'd moved to the bed or curled around a stranger's pillow. It smelled like someone else - not in a bad way, really. It was just different. Perhaps it was the fact that it smelled nothing like Lexa that it was so comforting. Whatever it was, Clarke found herself fixating on the smell. Her eyes closed and she breathed deeply. Her face burrowed in the pillow, and she kept her knees pulled up to her chest as she focused on that smell. Somewhere along the line she even managed to drift off to sleep.
Her skirt was too short, and the top was cut too low. Her new dorm mate had insisted that she looked "totally hot" though, so here they were! The club let in anyone over eighteen, she just couldn't enter the bar area with the stamp on her hand. The bar was a separate area, but it was the dance floor they had come for. The tall brunette that had dragged her here - Octavia - had already gone off and made friends with a guy with short, dirty blonde hair. She seemed to have a way with charming people. She had a winning grin, and a laugh that could be heard across the room. Coupled with her intense gray eyes - who could say no?
Clarke watched her new friend for a moment, wishing for even an ounce of her confidence. Octavia was out enjoying her night, while Clarke doodled on a napkin over by the section of bar that offered drinks to under-age customers. There was a long glass wall that separated the main part of the bar from the dance floor. Through it, Clarke had noticed a girl with long loose curls. She'd been drawing a picture of the girl with her eyeliner. Occasionally she glanced up to inspect her target, but mostly, she was focused on her task. As far as she could tell, the girl hadn't noticed her at all, though that suited Clarke just fine. She wasn't here to pick anyone up or make new friends. She was here because Octavia wasn't taking no for an answer. The girl she was drawing had been leaning close to another female - someone with sleek black hair and mocha colored skin. She was stunning, to say the least, but there was something about the girl's wild curls that was begging to be drawn.
As she sat on her stool, she gathered her blonde hair into a hand, and tugged it over her shoulder. She wasn't paying much attention to the commotion around her, aside from the thrum of bass. She could feel the beat vibrating in her chest. Even if she wasn't paying much attention to the dancing or the song, her foot bobbed along to the beat. She jumped nearly out of her skin when she felt warm breath on the back of her neck. Someone taller than her jumped back with a chuckle, having narrowly avoiding having the back of her head crash into their nose. Clarke looked over her shoulder, her cheeks slightly pink. The man standing there was tall with broad shoulders and thick arms. He had the look of some kind of athlete, to her. Perhaps he played for one of the university teams.
"You planning on holding up the bar all night?" He asked with a grin that could easily be described as charming. Clarke found herself smiling back, though somewhat more sheepishly. She'd been in this town all of two days - just long enough to unpack in her dorm room, meet her new dorm mate, and tell her mother that she didn't need to stick around. She should meet people, and she knew it. But somehow she didn't imagine she'd connect with the sweaty bodies that filled this joint. It had never exactly been her scene.
"I was considering it," the words were light and almost playful. She was proud of herself for the easy tone - just as she was proud of herself for tucking away her eyeliner, and taking the hand he offered. She had come here to dance, after all. Octavia didn't strike her as someone that would let her live it down if she didn't dance at least once.
Napkin forgotten, Clarke found herself on the dance floor, finally letting herself sway to the beat that had been thrumming in her chest all night. She didn't mind terribly when his hands found her hips - though she did start getting uncomfortable when one hand curved around to her ass, and pulled her against him. She got even more uncomfortable when she felt something hard pressing against her thigh. Suddenly tense, her palms shifted from his shoulders to his chest, as she tried to push away. His arms only tightened at the attempt, and while she tried to verbally protest without all out screaming at him to stop, the words were lost in the noise.
"There you are, baby!" The words sounded right behind her ear, just as she felt a scream welling in her throat. A pair of soft hands had settled on her ribs, and she felt a lean body right up behind hers. She would have thrown an elbow at them if the female hadn't spoken a second later. "Do you have an extra tampon in your bag? I forgot to bring one." The girl lamented loudly. At the word 'tampon' the hands on her hips immediately dropped, and the man jumped back. Clarke would have laughed if she wasn't so relieved. Her hand moved up, setting over the one on her ribs with a warm, grateful squeeze. Whoever she was, she finished off the ruse with a kiss to Clarke's cheek. The man was slipping away before Clarke even turned in the unfamiliar grasp. She was smiling now, a laugh on her lips.
"You are my savor! Thank -" The words died on her lips when she realized it was the girl she'd been drawing. Up close she caught details she'd missed across the room. The girl had the most incredible eyes - under these lights, Clarke couldn't quite tell what color they were. But she longed to try with a pallet of paints. Her lips remained parted, but the words had died.
"No need to thank me - you looked trapped." The girl responded smoothly. Her smile was small, slightly hesitant. She seemed shy all of a sudden, with the way her hands fell, and she took a step back. It was unexpected after the bold way she'd stepped up behind her. For one moment, Clarke felt her breath hitch in her throat. All she could do was stare. It was a hand at her elbow that snapped her out of it. The girl leaned back in towards her ear. "Come on, he's still watching you." She informed Clarke before taking her hand, and leading her off towards the bathrooms.
"Really though, are you alright?" The girl asked, once they stepped into the bathroom. "I'm Lexa, by the way." She added with a warm smile. She folded her arms across her chest, and leaned back against a sink.
"Clarke," she offered. It was easier to offer her name than answer the question. The blonde furrowed her brows, and leaned over a sink. Her fingers curled around the edges of the porcelain, and she stared at her reflexion for a moment. Was she alright? "I … yeah," she decided after a long moment.
"Did you come here with anyone?" Lexa inquired. Her tone was soft and low - a voice that would easily be lost in the thrum of music out there. Clarke swallowed and turned to look back at the girl. Apparently she'd given up on the girl she had - quite obviously - been hitting on.
"Yeah, my dorm mate … but I'm more worried about the rest of the room than her, to be honest." Clarke pointed out with a laugh. Octavia Blake was clearly a force to be reckoned with. In their barely more than twenty four hours together, Clarke had already heard about her dorm mate's brother. Apparently he was big on teaching her to take care of herself. She believed it. The girl had a serious air of confidence about her.
"Why don't you come to the bar? Have a drink with me." Lexa suggested with a little curl of her lips. There was something in her eyes, something that seemed more confident and bold than the girl portrayed. Clarke found herself stunned into another silence for a moment, before she could react. She raised a hand, showing her stamp. They wouldn't let her into the bar. Lexa rolled her eyes and fished a little bottle out of her pocket. The sharp tang of hand sanitize filled the air as Lexa put a large drop on the back of Clarke's hand. She worked the solution into the stamp, holding Clarke's hand in both of hers as she did so. After running it under some hot water, the stamp was gone, and her hand was still in Lexa's. "Come have a drink with me." She repeated in that ever-soft tone.
How could she do anything but say yes? Propelled along by the hand around hers, Clarke walked past the bouncer as if she actually had a right to be in there. They sat down at one of the empty tables - a tall circular thing surrounded by three stools, and Lexa ordered two drinks (something Clarke didn't recognize the name of). The more they talked, the more Clarke found herself relaxing - and not because of the drink in her hands. Lexa was gentle and unassuming. There was no denying that she was strong and assertive, but she knew how to respect someone's boundaries. In minutes, her elbows were planted on the table, and she was leaning towards her curly-haired companion.
"So you're a student?" Lexa ventured, though it wasn't much of a guess. Most people here were students. It was a small town and the university was the main attraction. "What is your major?" Typical question. Clarke knew she would probably answer it half a hundred times this semester alone.
"Pre-med," Clarke answered easily, with a note of pride. Her mother had always encouraged it. Her mother was a doctor herself. Ever since she was a girl, she wanted to be just like Doctor Abby. She loved the major and actually looked forwards to it. It was always something that got a positive response. So, she was surprise when she was met with a wrinkled nose.
"Really? You don't strike me as the type." Lexa noted honestly. She stared at Clarke, her expression speaking volumes more than she did. Before Clarke could ask, Lexa stood up from her stool, and pulled something from he back pocket, she slid it across the table. It was a piece of paper that Clarke quickly recognized as the napkin she'd been drawing on. "You don't look like a medical major to me." Her cheeks colored in an instant, and she looked back at Lexa, an explanation ready on the tip of her tongue. The words never escaped her, though. There was a tapping at the glass a few tables away. Octavia stood there, clearly confused. Her arms were wide, but she looked happy. "You should probably go."
For a moment, Clarke glanced between her new dorm mate, and Lexa. She could already hear Raven in the back of her friend, "live in the moment, Griffin!" It was her fatal flaw. She never let herself just act. So, she did something she never did. Clarke fished that eyeliner pencil out once more, and grabbed Lexa's hand - exposing her arm. Clarke quickly scrawled her cell number there, before meeting the girl's gaze once more. Before she could let herself over-think this (as she did everything else) her moved her hand to the girl's neck, and leaned in. The kiss was slow but it earned an immediate response. She'd meant it to be quick, but found herself lingering for a long moment, before they finally broke apart. Lexa smiled at her again - that same shy smile she'd offered on the dance floor. Clarke felt something inside of her turn before she she smiled back, and hurried off to meet Octavia once more.
