Winter is coming.


They'd been the last to leave the Christmas party, and the majority of the car ride had been spent in silence, which was tense from Ikkaku's side, because he didn't know how to repair what little he'd destroyed. It seemed like Yumichika had forgiven him, but Ikkaku couldn't shake the feeling that Yumichika had decided that he was untrustworthy.

Yumichika had bundled himself in some blankets and reclined his seat, practically laying on his side in his chair with his eyes closed, and he'd been that way for about an hour and a half. Ikkaku hadn't the heart to wake him for some half-assed stuttered apology that he was still working out in his mind. God, he could be so insensitive, and with the worst possible timing too.

From Yumichika's end, the silence was warm and nice, although he could admit that he was forcing himself not to be upset. He had the attitude that it wasn't Ikkaku's fault about his beliefs, just like it wasn't his family's fault. They were sticking to morals and aesthetics that they believed were right, and was that so bad? There was no need to give himself an ulcer shouting until he was blue trying to change Ikkaku's opinion of him. All he could do was curb his mannerisms so that he seemed as straight as possible, and maybe Ikkaku would be able to tolerate his friendship.

At the same time, he was deeply unhappy and oh so very tired of changing for other people. If only there were a place in the world that would hold people like him and Renji.

It was just… just for a moment, Yumichika had thought he'd seen understanding in Ikkaku's shy eyes, but he'd been mistaken, as he often was. He'd thought, just for a second that Ikkaku might…

Ikkaku nudged him gently, placing a hand on his side as he put them in park at a gas station. It was probably two in the morning right now, and there was but one lonely light on in the godforsaken establishment. All around them, the snow was falling, wind whipping much more harshly than it had earlier, and the white flurry was sharply visible in the glare of the few streetlights. Taking haven under the refuge of the metal roof above the gas pumps, Ikkaku turned off the engine and let Yumichika know that this was a good time to take a bathroom break and maybe buy a snack if the cashier inside wasn't too vicious and sleep-deprived.

Ikkaku gave a rough sigh as he stood in the wind, hood up, hands in his pockets. Yumichika had sobered up a little bit, and with it, the distance between them seemed monumental once again, maybe even larger than before. He hoped Yumichika really didn't think too badly of him now, but that line about Yumichika 'misjudging' him was ringing in his ears, and had been on the drive no matter how high he turned up the fans.

Ikkaku watched Yumichika float around sleepily inside the gas station, going from one snack rack to the next. He was so sweet looking with that blanket wrapped around his shoulders, face still rosy from the warmth of the cab. He seemed to be having a conversation with the man at the counter, posing cutely when he was complimented.

When he came back to the car, he was in a much better mood, as if he'd gotten his little fix for the night. Ikkaku didn't let this discourage him, trying to take heart from Renji's tireless struggle to enjoy a friendship with Ichigo, despite wanting more. Yumichika was still just polite and sweet to him, not opening up much, but that wasn't to say he wasn't warm or willing to talk now. He just wasn't coming alive like he had when they had spoken earlier. He still looked at his lap instead of meeting Ikkaku's eyes, and his hands fidgeted around a cup of coffee that steamed lightly in the cooling interior.

It killed Ikkaku inside to realize that Yumichika was trying really hard not to act too 'gay', but by so doing, he was sacrificing his true personality.

When the gas tank was finally full, Ikkaku went back inside to pay, and then came back and turned the car on, immediately gratified with a warm blast of air as the heater roared to life. He turned it down a little for the sake of hearing Yumichika as they spoke.

He pulled back onto the road, disheartened when he found it was so windy that it was moving the car on the road a little bit, but not enough that it would be seriously dangerous. He just had to pay attention. It was snowing like crazy now.

Yumichika had put his seat up a little so that he was only half-reclining, but he was still laying on his side, hands inside his sleeves, one arm under his head as if he was lounging on the couch or something. "Is it okay if I turn on the radio?" Yumichika asked timidly. Ikkaku hummed in surprise, but nodded, gesturing to the knobs so Yumichika could go right ahead. "It won't bother you?"

"No, go on," Ikkaku insisted. Yumichika sat up, giving a sweet sigh as he found a holiday channel that didn't play unbearable repeats of the same old thing over and over. If Ikkaku listened really closely, he could hear Yumichika humming sleepily as he settled back down.

They drove for probably another two hours, and soon Ikkaku was blinking and rubbing his eyes. It was snowing so hard that he was having a hard time focusing, not to mention that these roads were poorly lit. They were deep in the forest and hadn't passed a house in a long time. They couldn't be far from home now.

Yumichika was definitely asleep now, and this time his face wasn't safely buried in the blanket, and was tilted upward. His mouth was open a little and his hair was askew, and Ikkaku took advantage of the unguarded expression on his pretty face.

They hadn't passed another car in a good twenty minutes, so when a truck passed by, Ikkaku gave a loud gasp as he was practically blinded. "Shit," he griped, blinking hard as they came to the top of a hill. He was losing his landmarks in the snow, but he was still pretty sure of where they were.

When they came to the bottom of the hill, to his disbelief, the car stalled. It wasn't immediately noticeable, but they were definitely slowing down and the heat and lights had turned off in the cab. He pulled them over to the side and moved the gearshift back to 'P'.

"Are we there?" Yumichika asked with a yawn, not opening his eyes as he sat up and stretched.

"Sh," Ikkaku said gently. "No. Go back to sleep." He didn't want to panic Yumichika if he could avoid it. Yumichika nodded and yawned, settling back down. Ikkaku twisted the key, hearing the engine protesting, and after a few seconds, he let it rest, then trying again. It just wouldn't start. Something told him to get out of the car and open the hood to try to see what was wrong, but that wouldn't do any good, because he didn't know jack shit about cars. He could change a tire, the windshield wiper fluid, the gas, but that was pretty much it.

Not wanting the engine to cool down too much, he tried again, praying hard. He wanted to get home and go to sleep so bad. The car was sputtering, but it turned back on. "Yes," he hissed, getting back on the road while he could.

"What happened?" Yumichika asked, opening his eyes. "Did you get out to pee?"

"No way, I'd freeze," Ikkaku said with a laugh. He didn't want to lie to Yumichika, but he saw no reason to worry him needlessly, so he skated over the fact that his car was a piece of crap that really wasn't made for cold weather. Besides, they'd be home in about an hour and a half, anyways. "Go ahead and go back to sleep. Still a ways ta' go."

Yumichika nodded and lay his head down, curling up, but he didn't close his eyes this time. How Ikkaku would've liked this to be more. They were spending the holidays together at his family's house, sure, but it wasn't the same as bringing his significant other home, now was it? They wouldn't cuddle in front of the fireplace or kiss at midnight or do anything romanticized in family films. They were just friends right now, and that was fine, but Ikkaku's problem was that they were barely friends. How he wanted to be more.

He was starting to think that he'd be willing to go through the suffering Renji did just to get that gratification. He could wait, right? He could pound through months of this stupid fluttery shit just to get Yumichika to trust him again.

"Ikkaku, the road," Yumichika said nervously, suddenly sitting straight up, which caused Ikkaku to startle and snap awake. He hadn't thought he had started drifting or anything, so he turned to Yumichika in confusion.

"Whatsa' matter? Geez, ya' gave me a heart attack," he joked. Yumichika frowned in concern, eyebrows scrunching together. He looked really scared and was gripping the arms of his carseat really hard.

"Slow down, please," he begged, "Slow down." He looked borderline terrified, so Ikkaku did, realizing what the problem was when he brought his attention back to the road. He turned on his brights, and then switched them back off when they picked up too much reflected light from the snow. He couldn't see shit.

It was snowing so hard and these roads obviously hadn't been plowed in ages. He slowed down to thirty miles per hour and was driving probably dead in the middle of the road, but this was the only way he felt safe right now. No one had passed by them in ages, and these hills were just getting worse and worse.

Yumichika looked seriously sick and gave a low whimper, breathing quickly. Ikkaku gave him a concerned look and tried to be comforting, putting on his calm 'I-can-handle-this' voice. "Hey, it's okay. Just take a deep breath."

Yumichika took some slow breaths and tried to sit back, but Ikkaku could see his hands where they were gripping the arms of the chair. His nails were digging in so hard that his fingers were ever whiter than normal.

Ikkaku was wary of ice, which wasn't really a concern at this point, because the road was almost completely covered in snow. Soon, he didn't see any tire tracks whatsoever, and was creeping along at fifteen miles an hour, making doubly sure that they were still on the road and that he'd have plenty of time to move out of the way should someone come along. He couldn't see farther than a car's length in front of him anymore.

"I think we should stop," Yumichika said worriedly. "There's a long way to go still, isn't there? We should wait out the storm."

"We can make it," Ikkaku insisted. Then, doubting himself, he looked to Yumichika, "Should we keep going? I won't let us get in an accident."

"It's not a matter of you 'letting' it, right now," Yumichika pointed out. "Just until the snow stops," he begged. "I'm scared," he admitted. That was what broke Ikkaku. He pulled over, agreeing, and put them in park.

His main concern was whether the car would start again. He voiced this to Yumichika, still not wanting to reveal that the car had stalled earlier, and Yumichika suggested that they stop and go every five or so minutes, trying to see whether the storm would pass over or continue getting worse. The mountains piled up on either side of the road was all that told Ikkaku that the road was still there at all. Now that they were parked on what little curb there was, Ikkaku could dimly make out the grey trunks of the trees of the forest on either side of them.

Wanting Yumichika to trust that he was a good driver, but also that he valued his opinion, he complied to the stop-and-go plan, and after about an hour of creeping along in the gloom, the car petered out. "Shit," Ikkaku swore, frantically scrambling at the key to try to turn it back on again, but it was no good. He noticed that his hands were trembling slightly, although it wasn't from the cold yet. The heat had only just turned off, but he could already feel the frosty air creeping in along the seal of the door and through the windows.

Yumichika didn't speak, just looking outside hopelessly. Ikkaku tried once more, and then again, swearing louder and hitting the steering wheel in frustration. Yumichika's lower lip stuck out and he sunk lower in his chair, but didn't offer any suggestions. "Fuck it. I'm calling a tow truck," Ikkaku snapped, pissed off that things had turned out this way. Yumichika would never want to hang out with him again after this.

He pulled out his phone, already knowing it was useless. They hadn't seen a home or business in over an hour. They were in a deadzone. They'd have to wait it out. "No service," he said aloud, admitting defeat, head hitting the back of his seat. Yumichika looked like he was barely containing his panic, asking him to try just one more time to get the car started.

Ikkaku complied, only to show him that this was a no-go. "C'mon," Ikkaku said. "Let's get in the back." Yumichika nodded shakily, making to open the door, but stopping when Ikkaku made it clear that they needed to keep the heat in as long as possible. It was snowing just as hard, and it was already piling up along the windowsills and on the hood of the car.

He crawled into the backseat, and moved over for Yumichika to come back too. He'd dragged his blankets along with him and spread it underneath them to trap the warmth. They still kept some distance between them, putting on any jackets that they might have shed earlier, desperate to keep the heat in for as long as they might need to stay here. Neither of them tried to reassure the other, not ready to see this situation as bleak or life-threatening just yet.

They didn't speak for a long time, just listening to the soft sounds of snow hitting the ground. It didn't seem so pretty to either of them anymore.


Ichigo was almost positive he'd seen Renji and Shuuhei sucking face in the kitchen earlier. Fuck, gross. He had turned heel and speed-walked in the other direction, knowing full well that it was unlikely that they were seriously kissing, not when Hisagi had that thing going with Izuru now… and earlier Renji had mentioned that Ikkaku was trying to get closer to Yumichika. Ugh, he was surrounded by gay guys.

Seriously, were all of Renji's friends queer? Geez, he couldn't get away from these weirdos. Thank god that Renji wasn't such a jackass - at least that was what he'd thought. He was second-guessing it now.

What bothered him more, was that some part of him wasn't just sickened by it. He was angry.

For once, he didn't let this show in his attitude. He didn't get snappy at Renji and he didn't shout at him or hit him. He didn't make a scene at the party or try to get revenge on Shuuhei or Renji. He left them alone, and a few minutes later they'd come back to the party, neither of them looking disheveled, which was reassuring. Still, Ichigo had this sourness boiling in his gut, and he found that he couldn't bring himself to look at Renji's face just yet, and that was just as well, because Renji couldn't seem to speak to him either, even though they both were enjoying the party otherwise. They were cleaning up the house in silence now that the last guests had finally gone and Isshin, Yuzu, and Karin had come home and gone to bed.

Renji had probably just been drunk or something. He'd probably just been hugging his senpai or whispering in his ear. They hadn't been kissing. They hadn't. It had been Ichigo's buzzed eyeballs misperceiving depth. Their faces had been overlapping, not mashed together. Of this, Ichigo was sure now, and besides, what did it matter if they had kissed? Who cared, anyway? If his best friend wanted to spend his time with his legs open, then that wasn't his business, even if it meant that Renji was a homewrecker. Ichigo had other things to think about. Geez, lips seemed to be causing nothing but trouble for him tonight.

Speaking of, Orihime had kissed him. Not just a cheek-kiss, either. She'd actually kissed him. He really hadn't been anticipating that at all.

From everything he'd heard from Keigo and Mizuiro, he'd been expecting something like this to be insanely wonderful and addictive like all those magazines and TV shows say, but… Ichigo hadn't felt anything, really. Maybe the kiss had been too quick for him to like it. It hadn't caused a tent in his pants and it hadn't made him fall in love. How had this happened anyway? It seemed so strange for something like this to occur. Had he let his guard down? Had he let her think that he liked her that way? Was that a sisterly kiss? No, wouldn't she have kissed his cheek if that were the case?

Oh, what had he gotten himself into? He didn't know what to do now, and at the time he'd been at even more of a loss. He'd been embarrassed, confused, maybe even flattered. He hadn't known what to say to her, especially after she'd fled from the scene once Renji's yelling had jolted them apart. It hadn't been longer than a second, but still Ichigo had gotten the sweet smell of her perfume and her soft female body pressing against him as she stood on her tiptoes. It had been pleasant, but he wasn't truly sure whether he liked it or not.

It was the mistletoe. That must be it. It was the curse of mistletoe that had caused this, because Orihime called him 'Kurosaki-kun' and he called her 'Inoue'. There was a barrier there. Maybe Orihime had secret feelings for him? Oh shoot, what should he say? Ichigo hadn't known what to do afterwards, and had pretended like it hadn't happened. He hadn't exactly disliked kissing her, but it was probably something he'd never pursue himself. It was just a kiss. No cause for alarm, especially if there were no emotional consequences.

Then why didn't the same hold true for Renji? If a kiss was just a kiss, then why was he okay with overlooking the little incident with Orihime, but upset over Renji's supposed make-out in the kitchen?... It wasn't jealousy. Yuck, it couldn't be jealousy.

Ichigo growled and shoved some red plastic cups into a garbage bag. Red-haired bastard ruining the holidays for him. Who had put up that fucking mistletoe all over the house anyways? Rukia had probably brought it, and a load of trouble along with it. Fine, you know what? Who cared anyways? If Renji wanted to suck face with Shuuhei, then fine. It's not like Ichigo had been wanting Renji to stay single like him forever. Ichigo didn't need romantic companionship to function, but he knew that not everyone was like him. Didn't he want Renji to be happy, even if he thought it was kinda' gross? Wouldn't he support Renji - however reluctantly - if he got a boyfriend? Even if it meant that he might move out?

Ichigo gave a confused sigh. It was late, there was mistletoe all over, and they'd all had some drinks. None of this was anyone's fault. Ichigo nodded to himself, gathering up a bunch of glasses and bringing them to the sink. Renji was hunched over, hair down, trying to fit leftovers into the fridge. Already, Ichigo felt the tension and resentment he'd felt towards Renji slip away. Bygones, and all that. It was the holiday season. He could afford to be forgiving.

"You wanna' take some a' those home with us?" Ichigo asked, wiping his eye tiredly as he turned on the faucet and let some of the cups fill up so he could rinse them out. Renji straightened up and slammed the fridge, glaring at him. What the fuck?

"Sure. As long as that's the only thing you're bringing home," Renji said pointedly, raising his eyebrows as if Ichigo should read between the lines. Ichigo gave him an unimpressed look. It was so late that it was technically early, and as such, it was getting too late for this shit.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ichigo asked flatly, turning to look at him, not understanding why Renji was snapping at him. Just what was Renji insinuating?

"Nothing," Renji said, air leaving his lungs as he slumped miserably. Ichigo was taken aback by his suddenly sad countenance. "Here, I'll do this," Renji mumbled, taking the trash bag from where it was underneath Ichigo's arm. He stomped out into the garage and chucked the bag in there, grabbing another one from the box.

"So. Good party?" Ichigo called, looking to Renji as he came back in. He was halfway through draining the rest of a bottle of rum. "Um…"

"Yeah. Great," Renji replied with a half-assed grin, going back into the living room. Ichigo shrugged. Someone must have given Renji fruitcake as a gift. Weird. That shouldn't bug Renji, because he actually liked fruitcake, if Ichigo remembered correctly. He was probably just drunk and cranky.

After listening to Renji bumbling around in the front room throwing away wrapping paper and fixing the couch cushions, Ichigo wandered out there and got out the step-ladder so he could take down the decorations. He peeled the tape off carefully so that he wouldn't ruin the wall paint, shoving the decorations in a garbage bag.

Renji stood there blatantly and stared at him as he moved around the room, from doorway to doorway. Ichigo got more and more upset, thinking about kicking his ass to make him help clean the mess. Finally, Renji seemed to get tired of holding in whatever was ticking him off, and called out, "I saw you and Orihime smooching it up."

Ichigo turned pink, ready to turn and snap at him and what he thought was a congratulatory tone. At least Renji hadn't offered him a cigarette and said 'good job', as if he'd gotten into Orihime's panties and was proud of it. Just the mere suggestion made Ichigo furious on her behalf. However, now that he thought about it, Renji hadn't sounded glad for him at all, even though the words he'd said did. His tone was…

"Yeah, so?" Ichigo replied tersely, not looking at him as he moved past him to get the other doorway, which coincidentally was where Orihime had kissed him earlier.

"Someone shoulda' taken a picture. You guys are perfect together, huh? Your hair even matches," Renji said, raising an eyebrow and tossing back another bottle as if to drain the remains. Ichigo didn't miss that the bottle was nearly empty. "A figure like that, too. You're a lucky guy."

That caused Ichigo to stop and turn. If Renji was going to make fun of him in some weird way, then that was fine, but he had better leave Orihime out of this. She didn't deserve Renji's disrespect, however vague it was. She wasn't even here to defend herself from Renji's words, even if they hadn't initially seemed harsh. Renji's tone was definitely dark and sarcastic, and Ichigo could easily pick up on that now that he was looking at his face. Renji was beyond pissed.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Ichigo asked. "If you're trying to tell me something, then tell me. Don't just play passive aggressive."

"Fine," Renji said levelly, meeting his eyes in a blank flat manner. "You know who hung that mistletoe?"

Ichigo narrowed his eyes. Was Renji jealous of him? Had he wanted Orihime this whole time? Had Renji been hoping to get a kiss from someone under the mistletoe and Ichigo had somehow ruined it for him? He hadn't known that! Renji hadn't told him that he'd planned out something or given him any hints, so what was he supposed to do? Renji could at least just give him a chance to apologize, but now he was just being a big baby. What a sore loser.

"What, did I cockblock you or something?" Ichigo said dismissively, turning away from Renji, who swelled with rage at being brushed off.

"No," he ground out, and Ichigo knew he was on thin ice. He tensed his shoulders and stopped what he was doing, but he didn't turn around.

"Who hung it, then?" he asked with forced patience, knowing that Renji hated it when he answered a question with another question, so he went back to Renji's earlier inquiry.

Renji shoved him then, and Ichigo slapped him away, glaring at him. "I hung it up," Renji punctuated with a jab of his index finger to Ichigo's chest. Ichigo looked down to where he'd been poked, and then up to Renji's face with a pissed expression. "And you go and kiss her under it!" Renji shouted, shoving him again. Ichigo swatted him and told him to shut up because his family was sleeping.

"I didn't kiss her," Ichigo said, lowering his voice in an attempt to make Renji lower his too. "What does it matter to you?"

"It doesn't," Renji said sourly. Ichigo felt so irritated that he wanted to scream, but he mentally repeated that patience was a virtue and kept his cool. If Renji was going to ruin the holidays by sulking, then Ichigo wasn't going to be the company to his misery.

"Well, okay, fine then."

"Fine," Renji hissed, crossing his arms bitterly. Ichigo just gave him a weird look.

"What's your deal?" he asked in confusion, wondering why Renji was lashing out at him.

Renji's anger seemed to drain from his face, and Ichigo was horrified to see hurt left behind. Renji shook his head and took a breath, before turning and grabbing his coat. "I wish it had been me." He slammed the front door, leaving Ichigo standing there in a weird mix of confusion and guilt, because Renji had been genuinely crushed, and it was easy to see.

But that raised the question: since when had Renji had a crush on Orihime?

It took Ichigo ten minutes to clean up the rest of the house and get his own jacket on, heading out to the car where Renji was waiting in a miserable pout, pretending to be asleep. The moment he saw the red rings underneath Renji's eyes, it hit Ichigo that Renji might have been talking about kissing him.


The heart can get really cold if all you've known is winter.