"Come on John Paul… just come out for a while… you've been in your room for days now. Your mum's gonna start wondering what's wrong." Craig tone was worried as he hovered at the foot of John Paul's bed.
"I told her that I'd split up with…" John Paul couldn't finish the sentence, couldn't say they name, his eyes flickered for a moment towards his bedroom door the memories of that evening still fresh and raw in his mind.
Craig observed his friend with concern. The dark circles under his eyes showed how little sleep John Paul had been getting, their gentle blueness was now tinged with something darker, a haunted look that make Craig want to weep.
He knew that he had to get John Paul out of this room and back into the world, before what happened with Spike grew in his mind into something insurmountable that he would never get beyond. He had to get through to him before the John Paul that he knew was lost forever.
"Please John Paul," Craig said softly, "Just come to the Dog for one drink… please… for me."
John Paul looked into Craig's eyes and seeing the anxiety there he sighed, he knew that had the situation been reversed he would have done anything he could to help his friend, how could he refuse Craig's similar offer?
"OK," he agreed reluctantly, "Just one drink though. Give me a minute to get changed."
There was a pause before John Paul continued. "I'll see you downstairs…"
Craig nodded and turned to leave the room. John Paul had never been bothered about undressing in front of him before, but then a lot of things had changed with John Paul recently.
John Paul removed a clean top from his dresser and pulled it over his head, tugging the sleeves lower to cover the bruises around his wrists, a constant reminder of where Spike's fingers had gripped him.
Craig tried his best to raise John Paul's spirits as they walked the streets of Hollyoaks towards the Dog but any smiles that he achieved were forced and never quite made it to John Paul's eyes.
He itched to place a comforting arm around John Paul's shoulders as they walked, to hold on to his friend, his lover and show the world just how he felt. But he didn't. Despite the promises he made as he held John Paul in his arms that night Craig still hadn't managed to tell Sarah the truth of their relationship. Even now, with everything that happened, he was still forcing John Paul to lie for him.
As they approached the pub John Paul stopped in his tracks a resurfacing fear gripping his chest as he saw Spike walking out of the door.
Spike stopped dead his eyes wide at the sight of John Paul and Craig. Without realising he was doing it John Paul took a step backwards placing himself half behind Craig.
"John Paul…" Spike hardly had time to get the name out before Craig turned to him with a snarl.
"You just keep away from him."
"John Paul, I need to talk to you…" Spike stared intently at the figure cowering behind Craig.
"Just leave him alone, there's nothing YOU can say that he wants to hear." Craig's hands were balled into fists at his sides, his words coming out through gritted teeth.
Spike's eyes moved to Craig for a second, "What are you… his bodyguard now?"
"Well someone needs to be with animals like you around."
Spike flinched at the accusation but rather than backing down he said the one thing that he know would put Craig in his place.
"So you've told Sarah about you two then?" Craig's eyes lowered in shame. "No I thought not."
Spike turned his eyes back to John Paul, guilty washing through him as he noticed the pained look in those soft blue eyes.
"John Paul please, just give me a second… let me…" The sentence hung in the air unfinished; they all knew that there could be no explanation for what he had done.
As John Paul looked at Spike a sudden realisation hit him. Over the past few days the memory of Spike had grown into a terrible monster that had him waking in the night sobbing soaked in sweat and wracked with fear. But the Spike that was stood before him now was no monster. He was just a man like he had always been. Just a man who was ashamed of what he had done.
John Paul placed a hand on Craig's shoulder and squeezed it gently.
"It's all right Craig," he said, "I think I want to hear what he has to say."
"You can't be serious, you really want to give this scum the time of day?"
"Go and get me a drink," John Paul squeezed Craig's shoulder again, "I won't be long."
"I'm not leaving you with him."
"Please Craig, this is something I need to do… I'll be fine."
Reluctantly Craig made his way inside the pub leaving John Paul to face his attacker alone.
"I'm so sorry John Paul," Spike began, taking a step forward, "I don't know what I was thinking… I WASN'T thinking… I just… I lost it… if I could take it all back you know I would."
"And what is it you expect from me?" John Paul asked with bitterness, "Forgiveness? Understanding? What?"
"I just want you to know... I'm sorry."
John Paul looked Spike up and down; somehow this monster seemed to be shrinking before his eyes, turning into nothing more than a pitiful wretch.
"I don't care how sorry you are. I'll never forgive what you did, NEVER. It's something we'll both have to live with for the rest of our lives. But at least I know I've got nothing to be ashamed of. Can you say the same?"
Spike shook his head as his eyes dropped to the ground, he knew that the shame he felt over his treatment of John Paul was never going to leave him.
"Just go … I don't ever want to see you again."
As Spike began to move away John Paul spoke again.
"Oh and Spike, one more thing…"
Spike turned back just in time to see John Paul's fist charging at his face and as it connected with his mouth it filled it with the hot metallic taste of blood. The force of John Paul's blow caused Spike to stagger backwards before losing him balance and falling into a crumpled heap on the floor.
John Paul stood over the mess of a man at his feet and felt a terrible weight being lifted from his chest.
"I'm nobody's victim," he spat, "Especially not yours."
Without a backwards glance John Paul strode confidently into the pub where Craig was waiting for him.
Craig's head snapped up at the sound of the door opening, relief washing over him as he saw John Paul walking towards him.
There was something about John Paul that had changed, his shoulders were no longer slumped over and his eyes had lost that haunted look. Craig smiled as he realised that his friend was finding his way back.
John Paul took the bottle of beer that Craig offered with a smile, pouring the cool liquid down his throat.
"You're hurt," Craig said noticing blood on John Paul's hand.
John Paul followed Craig's eyes to the red smear. "It's not mine," he said as he wiped the final trace of Spike from his skin and from his life.
The two friends moved to a table where they sat in a comfortable silence as they finished their drinks.
"Thank you," John Paul said after a while.
"For what?"
"Everything… for being there."
John Paul placed his hand over Craig's and held it tightly; "I couldn't have done this without you."
Craig's eyes rested on John Paul's hand, it's fingers curled around his own and for some reason he had no urge to pull his arm away, there was no concern in him over who might see.
"Ohhh – I KNEW you two boys were close!" Craig turned with a grimace to see Darren stood behind John Paul.
John Paul pulled his hand away and threw Craig an apologetic look.
"Don't stop holding hands on my behalf," Darren continued with a sneer, "You pair of pansies."
Craig had had enough, if the last few days had taught him anything it was that the lies had to stop, and this seemed as good a time as any to begin.
Rising to his feet Craig placed his hands on the tabletop and leant over towards Darren.
"You know something Darren," he said, "You are a real piece of work, you're just one ignorant little idiot really."
Darren opened his mouth to object but Craig hadn't finished.
"But on the other hand," he continued, "Just occasionally you get something right."
With that Craig cupped John Paul's face in his hands and leant forward to brush a soft kiss against his lips.
"And if you've got a problem with that," Craig said as he returned to his seat, "I really couldn't care less."
Darren walked back to the bar muttering to himself as John Paul stared at Craig with amazement.
"I can't believe you just did that," John Paul breathed as he ran a fingertip over his lips still feeling the featherlike touch of this kiss that Craig had left there.
It may have only been a fleeting kiss but they both knew that it was one that meant more than any other they had ever shared.
"I'm tired of the lies John Paul," Craig said taking hold of his friend's hand tightly as if he never intended to let it go again. "I'm sorry for everything that I've put you through. But it ends now. I want you… only you… if you'll still have me."
John Paul's face broke into a huge smile, "You know that's all I've ever wanted," he said, "but are you sure this time?"
Craig nodded, "There aren't many things in life that I AM sure about, but this is one of them. I love you."
