Mickey let out a shaky breath as she ran her index fingers beneath watery eyes, she shuddered and let her hands drop back down to rest in her lap; she locked her fingers together and willed herself to stop crying even though she really, really wanted to cry. After a few seconds of silence filled with sniffles, there was a soft knock against the frame of her slightly open door; Benjamin's hand slid through the gap and he waved before gripping the wood and pushing it open enough to fit the top half of his body inside.
"Any chance I can come in?" he asked softly, Mickey nodded and he let himself in fully. He closed the door over behind him quietly, then turned to face her; he leant back against the door with his arms folded across his chest "I ain't gonna snap at you Mickey" he began – there was an edge to his tone that she didn't care for but she kept her mouth shut and let him continue – "I think you could have told us a better way instead of dropping a bomb on us over dinner like it was the most casual thing in the world" he sighed when he her head drooped "mama's crying, says dinners ruined and daddy's tryin' to calm her down-"
"That supposed to make me feel better?" her head shot up again and she snapped at him "Because let me tell you that it don't, and I already feel bad enough so maybe you should just go back downstairs and help daddy calm down mama" Mickey pointed to the door as she pushed herself up onto her feet "Go on" she motioned to the door "get out!"
"Just shut up for a second Michaela, how would you have felt if one of us turned around and told everyone we was leaving to go off to the city on the other side of the country and train up to be some sort of space travelling solider? You're needed here" he took a step towards her as he pointed at the floor animatedly
"Space travelling soldier?" she muttered under her breath "you know exactly what happens at Starfleet or are you choosin' to ignore that Elijah's been signed up since he was younger than me? I've wanted this for just as long as he did before he left, but I stuck around to help out because mama's been sick. She's doin' better and I'm tired of waitin' Benny. I need to get out of here or I'll go mad"
"You're actin' like a child. Twenty three years old an' throwin' a temper tantrum because you ain't getting' your way-"
"I am getting my way! I'm goin'!" she exploded loudly, swinging her arms around as she hopped angrily on the spot "I'm askin' you to understand. I'll talk to mama and daddy before I go anyway, but I'm goin' because I need to do this for me. Can't I just have this one thing?"
Benjamin fell silent; he took a few steps back until he was against the door again and lifted his thumb to his mouth to chew on the nail. They stared at each other, Mickey using her eyes to silently plead with him to accept her leaving. He cleared his throat and dropped his hand to speak "There nothing I can say to make you stay?" she shook her head and he sighed again "come on then, we're gonna go talk to the folks, maybe daddy's got the situation sorted". Benjamin stepped away from the door, nodding his head towards the hall as he pulled it open. He let Mickey slip past first and followed her down to the staircase.
She stopped a few steps down and looked out at the scene; her mama was still crying into her napkin, her daddy was still stood at her side with an arm around her shoulders while his free hand ran down his face and down his long grey beard. Benjamin's wife Nicolette was trying to keep their two children entertained, while Zackary and Alexander were still lounging in their seats at the table. Zack was the first to notice them and cleared his throat loud enough to catch the attention of everyone nearby; her heart broke a little more when Ruth burst into a fresh bout of tears at the sight of her.
She'd forgotten that Benny was stood behind her until he muttered a soft "C'mon, downstairs" and pushed at her shoulder until she moved. When her feet hit the floor Ruth got to her feet and pushed Nicolas away from her.
She began to ramble - "Did you talk her out of it Benny? Tell me you talked her out of it – Michaela you can't go, I won't let you".
"Mama!" Benjamin called loudly as he made his way towards her, Mickey stumbled when he reached out and grabbed her elbow to bring her with him "mama, I can't tell you nothin' if you don't stop cryin'!" – Ruth began to get more hysterical and Mickey found herself bumped to the side when her daddy stormed forward and pulled his wife back – his face twisted in anger as he did.
"WOMAN, YOU BEST SIT YOUR ASS DOWN AND LET THE BOY BREATHE. YOU AIN'T MAKIN' NO SENSE CRYIN' LIKE THIS" he roared angrily and the room fell silent, Ruth looked at him with watery eyes then moved back to her chair. He spun to face Mickey and she felt panic rising in her chest, it wasn't often her daddy raised his voice – not since he hit sixty anyway – so when he did it meant shit had just gone too far, he pointed at her then pointed to an empty dinner chair; he didn't have to say a damn word, she knew to put her ass in that chair.
"We are gonna discuss this like the adults we are!" he told them heatedly as his eyes scanned the room, Alexander and Zack began to push their chairs out to get up but both stopped when his eyes snapped to them "where you goin' boys? You got a say in this too, so put your asses back in those seats before I put 'em there myself".
When the only sound was his heavy breathing and the quiet chatter between Nicolette and the kids, he moved to his own chair and dropped down. He pinched his beard again as he leant back "who wants to go first?" no one made a move to speak so he huffed loudly "no one? Then I guess I'm goin' first"
"Girl, you coulda broke the news you was leaving about a thousand other ways than just layin' on us over dinner, you made your mama cry and I ain't about to sit here let that go unpunished – I don't give a shit if you're twenty three or fifty three – what you did ain't gonna fly" he pointed at her and it was the day she burnt her hand on a burnt out engine part fifteen years beforehand all over again, he had a way of making her feel two feet tall and her eyes began to water "don't you dare start cryin', I just got your mama shut up. Shoulda told us you were even applying to Starfleet girl, woulda gave us time to adjust to the idea – now we got a week to wrap our heads around you bein' gone for months. Remember how little we saw Elijah when he signed up? Remember?" she nodded "now we gotta go through that all over again with our only daughter. You got anythin' to say to me and your mama?"
Mickey sniffled a few times before nodding "I'm sorry I left it so late to tell you I was leaving, but I wasn't sure how to tell you guys. I remember Elijah goin' an' I remember what it did to everyone, I didn't want to do that again and then it was gettin' later an' later an'…" she trailed off and gathered herself a little "I'm goin' though, I've wanted this since the day that ship crash landed in the back yard and there's nothin' you or anyone else can say that'll make me stay put"
He held up a hand to stop her from speaking and muttered gruffly "Hang on just a tick, no one said nothin' about not lettin' you go" his gaze shot to Ruth before she could make a sound then back to Mickey "you a grow ass woman, you wanna go do what your brother do then you do it and me and your mama will be damn proud of what you achieve. You don't seem to understand what it is that's pissed us off Michaela, you goin' ain't the problem, the fact you didn't give us but a weeks warnin'? Now that's somethin' I ain't okay with"
Mickey wasn't sure what to say back so opted for staying quiet. In all honesty the entire situation had blown way out of control. Maybe she had dropped the news of her departure at the wrong time; but she was sure they would rather that than the alternative of her grabbing her bags and taking off one morning. She was just smart enough to know not to say that though.
Silently she let her eyes run across the room again, no one was looking at her anymore – they all seemed to be wallowing in the tension. She noticed the over turned glasses on the dinner table and itched to reach other and sort them just to do something. Nicolas sighed, she looked at him and they head each other's gaze. Again he ran his hand down his beard before sitting on the table "girl, you best get to cleaning this mess us right now and if I hear so much as a peep out of you-" he cut himself off with a quick shake of the head "just get to it".
He pushed himself out of his seat with a low grumble, and Mickey followed suit quickly – getting to her feet and grabbing at the plates closest to her. Her brothers pushed their seats back and got up silently, they both sent her sympathetic looks as they passed her but headed over to the sofa's to join the rest of the family.
She stopped for a moment, watching the rest of the family as they sat together; her mama still crying, her daddy still mad, her brothers and sister in law trying to pretend that nothing had happened. She let out a quiet sigh and reached for an over turned wine glass.
