Apologies for the delay between the last chapter and this one; I forgot what I was writing!
I groaned. Part of it was a natural reaction to a 3:30am wake-up alarm—set so I could write a semi-literate report for the Alchemists to assure them that the mission was indeed going according to plan—but it was largely due to what my brain had dredged out of my subconscious for me to dream about: Adrian Ivashkov. The man who I wouldn't hesitate dating for a heartbeat—if he was human. It didn't matter that he lived, breathed, aged, died the same as me—though most likely a good few decades later tan the average human—he still needed blood to live, still performed magic naturally (hypocritical of me to say, but very few were aware of my abilities) and still was considered an abomination to humankind.
As I got up, I realised one definite benefit of being up before even sunrise: I got prime access to Amberwood's hot water. Whilst there was usually enough for the dorm (the fees this school charged, you'd expect at least adequate hot water) sometimes it was impossible to get the water up to the scalding temperature I usually appreciated.
Midway through lathering up my hair, my mind jumped instantly to something not exactly appropriate for any moment in life, let alone naked in a shower—and it was linked to my dream: Adrian. He wasn't doing anything; it was just a stoic image of him leaning against a balcony, beautifully sculpted old buildings forming his backdrop.
And try as I might, I could not get it to leave my mind.
I tried everything, thinking through every type of mushroom, various timezones worldwide, reasons for animal behaviour—nothing succeeded in getting the image out of my head. Even humming a ridiculous song couldn't get it to leave, primarily because the only reason I knew it (a cheesy pop ballad by some apparently famous band) was because Adrian had played it whilst I was in his presence.
It was driving me insane.
Gritting my teeth, I got out of the shower, quickly dressed and began to blowdry my hair, hoping the noise and task at hand would distract me enough to stop thinking about Adrian being in my head.
And then, it hit me: what if it was him who put that image in my mind? He'd said before he could visit me in my dreams and he did attempt to before I panicked him out of my head. What if he had kept it a secret that not only could he do that, but he could project whatever image he desired into the head of another?
What if this was his idea at revenge for me not reciprocating his feelings for me, primarily because he was a vampire?
Once the idea was in my head, it was all I could think about—I had to have an answer, and my desire to know whether it was true or not led me to forget that Adrian and I weren't exactly on speaking terms. I rushed through the rest of the shower and dressed with equal speed, only hesitating as I considered how to phrase my question.
Your ability to walk through dreams—have you managed to make yourself appear in people's thoughts now, too?
His response was almost instantaneous, though I made myself blowdry my hair as straight as it could go before I allowed myself to respond.
Why Sage, have you been thinking about me a lot?
I groaned; trust Adrian to not actually give a response to the question but twist my entire question round to the idea that I was in love with him. Which, obviously, I wasn't, otherwise there wouldn't have been any awkwardness between us for the past couple of weeks.
No, it just seemed like something YOU would do. Take it you're just not competent enough.
I didn't like Moroi magic, but the joke came easily to me; it seemed that joking at Adrian's expense was more of a priority for me than avoiding magic. It was only after I'd sent the text that I realised both the double standard with magic discussion (considering last time we'd discussed it, I hadn't exactly taken things well) and secondly the text conversation negated the steadfast silence we'd had in place since that night. I didn't want him to get the wrong impression about us and though I sincerely missed us talking, a close relationship would only end badly for the both of us: it would put me in even further danger if the Alchemists find out about my befriending multiple Moroi and him in danger of never getting over this crush on me.
Really, I shouldn't even be texting Adrian; if the Alchemists decided to probe into my records I believed they could even see what texts I had sent. They were that good. In my position here, it would be far more likely for me to be ringing Moroi contacts for short phone calls in opposition to drawn out text messages.
Adrian replied before I could negatively view my actions any further, and in comparison to his light and jokey tone of his previous text, he sounded much more like the person I'd been in contact with for the past few weeks. He was cold and abrupt—or as much as you can be through text messages—and definitely not the person I had grown to like over the past months.
Guess not. Got stuff to do.
I didn't see the purpose in replying to this so I placed my phone back down on the dresser and continued to get ready, wondering how much trouble my 'charges' would get in today.
…
I wasn't disappointed.
Between Eddie getting hauled into the head's office to explain why he threw an entire tray of puddings at a girl in sophomore year (he didn't but found himself saying he had in order to protect Angeline), Jill breaking three taps in the girl's toilets on central campus (caused by her inability to control her magic, something which stressed me out more than I let on) and my lessons, I barely had a second to myself throughout the entire day. I also didn't get a chance to eat anything, something which I regretted after spending ninety minutes arguing non-stop with various members of the senior leadership at Amberwood as to why Eddie shouldn't receive suspension for his inexcusable actions. Still, I knew that we'd be ordering pizza or some other unhealthy substitute after the feedings at Clarence's, and whilst that wasn't what I wanted to be filling my body with, at least I would get a few calories. Not that I wanted to admit that something Adrian had said was right, but his comment about me never being as slim as Moroi girl hit me hard, and made me realise that I should put a little weight on.
That didn't mean that I was going to suddenly balloon six dress sizes, but it did make me feel a little guilty for coffee forming a day's sustenance.
Suddenly, there was someone beside me: Jill.
"I'm really sorry," she said apologetically, matching my stride as we walked towards Latte. Eddie and Angeline were meeting us there, having had to go and have yet another discussion about appropriate actions for dhampirs. "I didn't mean to; I just lost control and—" I held a hand up to stop her; I was slightly more used to Moroi magic than I was before, but that didn't mean I liked discussing it.
"It's fine, Jill," I replied, turning to look at her. Her clothes were still damp, along with her hair; she hadn't bothered to get changed between the end of school and now, it appeared. "But, uh, would you be able to sit on something in the car? I don't want the upholstery getting damp and then smelling…" I trailed off, wondering whether this was appropriate.
Jill merely nodded and we walked the rest of the way to the car with her chattering away about something she did in chemistry class, apparently pleased I had forgiven her for her mishap with the magic. I wasn't really paying attention, though, I was too preoccupied with thinking about my thoughts and whether or not thinking about certain things meant that I was indeed interested in what I was thinking about—or if I was just thinking about something random and it didn't mean anything.
Even as I thought this, however, I knew that it was a lie; nothing I did was ever random, at least not intentionally. I was under no illusions that my thoughts were any different to this; I just didn't want to admit the alternative. To do so would be to admit that I was wrong before, when I was in Adrian's flat, and that was something I definitely didn't want to admit, something I couldn't admit because if the Alchemists found out anything was going on, re-education would be my next port of call. And unlike Keith, I wouldn't see another living soul for a long, long time, of that I was almost certain.
"Uh, Sydney, are you going to unlock the car?" Eddie asked me, and it took me a second to realise that I was just standing next to the driver's door as though waiting for another to release the locking mechanism.
Blushing, I rectified this, opening the car and slipping into my seat, turning the ignition before even putting my seatbelt on. After ensuring Angeline had put her belt on—something she normally felt was unnecessary despite my constant warnings about police and possible accidents—I drove off towards Clarence's.
"Aren't we picking Adrian up?" Jill asked a minute or two after we drove past the entrance to his street. I had almost driven down there, the routine of visiting his home before Clarence's too ingrained in my mind, but I had refrained.
"No," I replied, realising after speaking how frosty my tone was. "He's arranged to get there himself, just as he has for the past two weeks, Jill."
In the rear view mirror, I could see her face screwing up slightly and knew that she was actively trying to get into Adrian's head to see where he was and how he was feeling; I knew that because the next time our eyes met, her expression was as frosty as I'd ever seen it.
Whilst I knew that she was only acting that way because Adrian's feelings seeped into her, it still annoyed me slightly that she was taking out emotions on me which weren't even hers. What had passed between Adrian and I was none of her business—and yet his saving her life made it her business. Nothing we ever discussed was private, and if I needed yet another reason to explain why a relationship between us wouldn't work, Jill was it.
With the silence in the car growing uneasy, I was pleased when we pulled up at Clarence's. Adrian's car was already here, a mustang I could only dream of getting my hands on, and I gritted my teeth as we walked into the house.
Inside, we found Adrian sitting in the living room watching TV, though this soon stopped when the four of us walked in.
"Jailbait!" he called out, standing up and opening his arms for Jill to run into. It was as if they hadn't seen each other in a month—and as if she couldn't read his thoughts whenever she wanted.
Whilst discussions about Moroi politics and dhampir news occurred between Eddie, Angeline and Adrian—things I really ought to learn about, though had no desire to from Adrian—I sat down on the sofa and began scrolling through Google News, interested in what was going on in the rest of the world. My attention was piqued by an argument to protect Greek and Roman architecture from tourists, something I agreed with but selfishly didn't want to occur so I could still visit the Parthenon, so I didn't realise when Eddie called my name.
"Well, well, Sydney Sage not paying attention, that's got to be a first," Adrian commented, though his tone didn't sound anything like I had once known it to be; it was cold and sounded as though he was poking the joke at my expense. One look at Jill's face suggested that he was conflicted, though how he was I had no idea.
"Do you want me to go get pizza or something?" I asked wearily, suddenly desperate for some calories. I wondered if I had time to grab a salad or something whilst I waited for their greasy, calorie-filled takeout order, before remembering my prior decision: I would eat some of whatever they ordered.
Angeline nodded enthusiastically. Whilst the Keepers weren't completely isolated from modern society, pizza was a food she had only discovered upon leaving her family. "We want three large pepperoni pizzas, four chips and as much soda as you can carry…please." The last word was tacked on, almost as if she had barely remembered her manners.
"Alright, I'll be back in a bit," I said quietly, but nobody seemed to hear me. The only person who had ever volunteered to come with me was currently sat staring in the opposite direction to where I was now standing, as though it was all he could do to pretend I didn't exist.
As I drove, the only thing I could think about was Jill and how this was affecting her. It wasn't an ideal situation when Adrian and I were talking and getting along, her knowing his thoughts; it was even worse when he decided he had a crush on me. However, now we were at an impasse, unable to advance beyond the current 'we're not talking to one another' stage we were at, it was as if she was divided. When Adrian's thoughts weren't too strong, she was her usual self with me, bubbly and as happy as she could be—it was only when they were in close proximity, or his emotions were more prominent, that she changed to become cold like this. It was disconcerting sometimes to see two completely different personalities from someone I had grown to consider a friend over the past months, and it simply made me decide that it was imperative Adrian and I resolved our issues, if not for our sake then for Jill's.
Parking and avoiding drivers who couldn't drive their beautiful, classic cars provided a brief interlude from the self-pity I seemed to be lavishing myself with, as did ordering the ridiculous amount of food those I was charged to protect wanted.
But the thing that distracted me most of all was what I saw on the television on the wall of the takeaway.
It was an advert for a clothing company—but it wasn't just any clothing company.
It was Lia's.
And the model used for the advert was Jill.
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