Haphazardly Loved

Sleep with me, Optimus Prime!

Ino sighed. It had been a week already.

Tobi had come back, but he hadn't said a thing to her.

And the Akatsuki were having a meeting…so she was just bored.

And bored.

Did she fail to mention that she was bored?

Ino lit up. She knew what she could do.

When she was a small child she would do this all the time…

XXX

In the main section of the cave, the Itachi said quietly, "Leader…what is the true motive behind kidnapping her friends…?"

Every Akatsuki member stared at the Leader.

XXX

When the Akatsuki members walked into the kitchen for lunch, they were met with a very unexpected sight.

Ino was on the table, her back turned to them, dancing, all while singing,

"Shut up and sleep me, come on why don't you sleep, shut up and sleep with me, come on, uh huh, and sleep with me!"

She jumped around, which revealed the spoon she was singing into.

You are young, you're free, why don't you sleep with me?"

Ino pranced down the table before starting again,

"I love your body, not so much I like your mind. In fact, you're boring; you keep on talking bout some girl that I don't know…"

Ino opened her eyes and almost dropped the spoon in shock.

"…when will you shut up and when will we go…" She finished lamely.

The men stared at her.

She stared back.

Leader cleared his thought, "Now, Ino-san, I don't mind you singing…but must you do it with so much gusto?"

Ino straightened out her skirt self-consciously, "I suppose not…sorry."

And awkward pause.

Ino smiled forcefully, "Well…I'm busy, I have to go fold your…your underwear!"

With that, the blonde ninja sprinted to the other side of the table, jumped off it, about slammed into the door, and jambered her way out the room.

Silence.

Leader finally spoke up, "Well…considering Ino-san is our best cook, and I don't want to get food poisoning from any of you nimrods…Kisame-san, would you mind making some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for us?"

Kisame nodded, "I'll start straight away."

.x X x.

When Ino finally stumbled her way into the monstrous laundry room, she pounded her head into the wall.

"What the hell were you thinking, Yamanaka? Underwear? God, they're gonna think you're a perv now…"

Ino only talked to herself like that in drastic situations.

Ino composed herself and emptied the massive dyer.

Incidentally, she did end up folding underwear.

She had determined whose underwear was whose.

Kisame's pile consisted of an assortment of fishy themed boxers (her favorite being the Gold fish crackers).

Itachi's pile consisting of black silk briefs (Ino had to admit, the guy knew what he wanted).

Hidan's pile consisted of plain white boxers with words printed on the butt (She wondered how he came across a pair with the words "religious man" on the butt).

Ino picked up a pair with bluebirds on it and had absolutely no idea who they belonged to.

"Who owns these…?"

"Tobi thinks Deidara-senpai wears those!"

Ino jumped and turned around, "Tobi?"

Tobi nodded enthusiastically from the doorway, skipped towards her, and flopped down next to Ino.

"Tobi likes his underwear the best…"

He dug through the pile of clothes and pulled out a pair of orange boxers with a giant black swirl on the back. He gave it to Ino.

Ino blushed madly, "I think they're adorable."

As she studied his boxers, Tobi dug through the pile and pulled something out.

"Tobi likes yours too…but Tobi wonders how you take these off…"

Ino turned towards Tobi to see him holding her deep blue thong.

And her mind went through every way that sentence could be implied as.

She blushed a deep crimson and snatched them away, "Tobi, it is indecent to touch a lady's under garments!"

Tobi deflated, "Tobi is very sorry…Tobi tries to be a good boy, Honest!"

Ino smiled softly, "It's okay Tobi…I know you're a good boy."

Tobi visibly lit up, "Oh! Tobi has something to give you!"

He rummaged around in his pockets and pulled out a ring.

As he handed the ring to Ino, he said excitedly, "I went to town and asked the jeweler to help me make something. He owed me a favor because I once saved his kitty."

Ino slipped the ring onto her finger and smiled. It was a simple silver band with a small orange oval stone that had a swirl engraved in it.

"I love it Tobi…it's cute!"

Tobi squealed and tackled Ino to the ground. He rubbed his clothed cheek against hers.

"Tobi is glad Ino likes it! Tobi worked really hard on it!"

Ino blushed for the umpteenth time, "Eh, Tobi, will you get of me?"

After a moment, he said happily, "No."

Thought he was still rubbing his cheek against hers, she managed a feeble, "What?"

"Tobi likes how you feel against Tobi's body."

Ino blushed madly. She had to stop being such a pervert. The images flashing through her mind were far from innocent.

"…thanks…you don't feel to bad yourself."

Ino could have sworn the masked boy purred in response.

Ino's blush intensified.

If Tobi did not get off of her now, Ino would take no ownership of her actions.

Tobi made no move to get off her.

Must control body.

Tobi wrapped his arms around her.

Must not take advantage of clueless boy.

He was still rubbing his cheek against hers.

Ino gulped and squirmed. She never had good self control.

"Tobi, if you do not get off me right this minute, you are going to find yourself horribly violated and morally desensitized."

Confused, Tobi propped himself up, "What does Ino-chan mean?"

Thanking the good lords above, Ino scrambled to her feet.

Thinking of an excuse, she grabbed her rear end, "What Ino means is that Ino has a serious date with the crapper."

"…oh…oh!"

Ino ran out of the laundry room and sprinted towards the bathroom.

She slammed the door shut, locked it, and slumped down.

What a cute guy.

She sat for a couple of minutes before a she heard a knock.

"Ino-chan! Tobi has to go to town with Deidara-senpai to buy some milk, Tobi will be back in a day! And Zetsu-san and Kakuzu-san have left to kidnap your friends! Have fun with Crapper-san!"

Ino shouted back, "Thanks Tobi!"

Ino listened as he heard his footsteps disappear.

Her friends were coming?

Yes!

She sighed and unlocked the door and stepped out.

.x X x.

A couple of hours later, after Ino had made dinner, she was in the main room, watching the movie 'Transformers'.

Just as is started, she saw Kisame walk past the TV looking extremely guilty.

Curious, Ino paused her movie and was intent on questioning the Shark man when Itachi walked in.

Ino gasped.

Itachi looked utterly dejected. Shoulders slumped, eyes in a downcast, he looked to be in a full blown depression.

Ino stood up, "Itachi?"

Itachi only grabbed her hand and led her out of the room.

.x X x.

Ino chocked.

They were in Itachi's bedroom, and his majestic bed spread was ripped from top to bottom.

"Kisame accidentally dropped his sword on my bed."

Ino looked at the normally stoic man.

"…can you fix it?"

Itachi looked helplessly at her.

Ino shook her head sadly, "I can't sow…what should we do?"

Itachi thought for a moment.

"Well…there is one thing…"

.x X x.

Hidan walked into Itachi's room, "Hey, Itachi, you have any more of that Herbal Essence…"

He stopped mid sentence.

Duct tape was everywhere, and Ino was currently holding a piece of tape that had connected itself to Itachi's hair.

"What the flying fuck are you two doing?"

Hidan made his way towards the bed and pulled at Itachi's hair.

After a couple of minutes of Ino and Hidan wrestling, Hidan got up and rummaged through one of the dressers and pulled out a pair of scissors.

"Lets cut the little fucker out this world."

.x X x.

Leader yawned and opened the fridge. He pulled out a liter of coke and then pulled out a box of captain crunch. (That he also kept in the fridge)

He poured the coke in the bowl and then the cereal.

He sat at the table and then he remembered that he had stolen a copy of Transformers from the movie theater when it came out.

.x X x.

Leader stared at the pathetic looking people on his couch.

But something was off.

Hidan's hair was longer on the right side than it was on the left.

Ino's long blonde hair now only came an inch or two out of her pony tail and Itachi's hair wasn't even long enough to be held in a pony tail.

The three of them had cocooned themselves into his Superman fleece and all three looked pathetic.

After a moment of thinking, sat beside the three and said, "Give me some blanket."

They obliged.

He then turned the TV on, "So…who are your favorite transformers?"

Hidan spoke, "Jazz."

Ino said quietly, "Optimus Prime."

Itachi said sadly, "A tie between Bonecrusher and Ironhide."

"Personally, I like Megatron."

So the leader of a deadly organization, an immortal man, a man who offed his own family, and a girl who liked flowers sat on a couch using a Superman blanket.

The four peoples watched intently as the movie started, three of the four trying to desperately forget their time with the scissors from hell.

The Queen of Ramen,

Ramenism

So, how did ya'll like it?

I apologize for any spelling and grammatical issues.

But I had so much fun writing this!!!

And I demand you to watch Transformers!! It is the best movie ever, even better than the new Harry Potter movie!

Rawr!

I love you all!

So I hope you enjoyed this!!

(Isn't the title of this chapter just grand?)

I don't own any of it, well, mayber the plot.

I hope!