Disclaimer: I don't own Agents of S.H. .D. I don't own anything from the MCU, be it the TV shows, or the movies. Or anything else.
Note 1: Unlike 'A Different Choice', this fic centers on slightly different interpretation of Grant Ward. Namely, that he actually is fundamentally a good person – or at least, has the necessary psychological tools to be a good person. The Grant Ward of 'A Different Choice' is a man who starts out with little true personality (though some exists, Garrett wore most of it away) and with not much in the way of a native moral compass. The Grant Ward of Ledger Dripping Red is both simultaneously less damaged (because he has a stronger moral compass and more of actual personality that is his own) and more damaged (because he's utterly lost and alone since he betrayed the team and everything and you know, tried to kill himself three times.) So this is not going to be the same Ward you met in 'A Different Choice', if you've read that fic. Its an important conceptual framework to keep in mind.
Note 2: This fic, especially in parts, won't be entirely friendly to Coulson and Skye (and to a lesser extent, May, Simmons and Fitz). It won't always be friendly to Ward either. Whatever my feelings towards these characters, which are complex and multilayered, the reality is that these are flawed people who've made a bucketload of mistakes and people will call each other out on them, so no one is going to come out of this smelling like roses.
Note 3: For reasons that are obvious when you see the section, quite some dialogue is cribbed from Episode 2x01, "Shadows".
Thanks to Riley Holden/Colormeblue for beta-reading this chapter.
Ledger Dripping Red
By Alkeni
Chapter 2: Digging Deeper
Director Coulson's Office, The Playground
September 28th, 2014
Natasha Romanoff had signed onto the new S.H.I.E.L.D.
Well, she hadn't yet. She had a few last arrangements to make, but she had agreed to join. And agreed to talk Barton into signing up as well.
It was quite the success. Coulson knew there were that some in the agency he was slowly rebuilding who, despite their loyalty to S.H.I. . and its ideals, weren't entirely confident in his leadership. Not anyone here at this base, but he did have agents beyond the ones here at the headquarters, beyond his old team. Fortunately, he still had the confidence of his team.
But being able to say that he had two of the most dangerously effective agents in the history of the agency back on board? That would help.
It was more than just 'office politics' motivating him, of course. With their help, they'd be able to hurt Hydra more often and save additional lives. Plus, he'd worked closely with Barton and Romanoff before his death, and he looked forward to working with them again.
Even if Romanoff is apparently convinced that Ward deserves a second chance. Even after a face to face. Coulson was regretting cutting the cameras and recorders in the room, but he'd given her his word, and he'd done it. Fortunately, no one else was checking the feed at the time, so he hadn't had anyone asking him what the temporary shutdown was about.
What was it that had Romanoff so convinced? She was one of the best Agents he'd ever known, and was certainly not someone he'd have expected to fall for Ward's act.
On the bright side, the Russian woman hadn't insisted Ward be released or anything drastic like that. But she had requested – well, demanded – a copy of all the security footage from Ward's cell. He'd handed it over to her willingly. Maybe if she saw his recalcitrance, his lack of guilt, maybe that would persuade her where his own words hadn't.
For some reason though, Coulson doubted it.
She knows something about Ward we don't.
Coulson had been forced to stop and think about Romanoff's words, because...the former assassin had a point. She had killed more people than Ward, during her pre-S.H.I.E.L.D. career. And yet he'd supported Barton's call to spare her life, to bring her into S.H.I.E.L.D. And he didn't hold Barton's whole 'attack on the Helicarrier' against him either. Even though the attack was what had allowed Loki to escape his cell and kill him.
Of course, Barton was brainwashed. Being controlled by Loki thanks to that staff of his. A staff that S.H.I.E.L.D. had yet to find since the collapse of the agency. Unaccounted for, and probably in the hands of Hydra.
And wasn't that a pleasant thought.
So yes, it was personal. He didn't think Ward deserved a second chance – Romanoff had never betrayed S.H.I.E.L.D. And Barton hadn't had control of his own mind.
It didn't take an expert in human psychology to know that he was angry at Ward. Well, more than that, really. But still – Ward was a liar, a murderer and a traitor. He'd had an opportunity to talk, but he'd never taken it. Coulson had contemplated torture, but despite May's occasional hints, he hadn't sanctioned it. It wouldn't have worked, and S.H.I.E.L.D. had to be better than that.
Then... out of the blue, Ward had actually spoken during one of their sessions. He had said he was willing to share intel. But only with Skye.
And since the intel had proven to be useful...
He was going to have to send her down again. He couldn't ignore the asset that Ward represented. As Director, he had to use whatever resources he had on hand. Even if that meant subjecting Skye to the emotional turmoil of being in the same room with Ward. In a perfect world, Skye could have continued pretending that Ward didn't exist.
Well, no. In a perfect world, S.H.I.E.L.D. wouldn't have fallen, Ward wouldn't have turned out to be a sociopath and I wouldn't be Director. Coulson would rather Fury or Hill had this job. He'd do it, but he'd never wanted the Director's chair.
Because being in the Director's chair meant he had a responsibility to make decisions he really, really didn't want to make.
Why is Romanoff convinced enough of Ward's...worthiness for redemption that she even set him as her price? Coulson knew full well the 'Black Widow' could have demanded just about any price she wanted, as her 'signing bonus'. So why had she set the price as a meeting with Ward? There had to a reason why she thought he even deserved a chance at a second chance.
And she still came out thinking that he does.
Because that was one more thing that Romanoff was right about. Coulson wasn't one to just...stop digging. When something didn't make sense, he looked for answers. When he didn't have answers, he asked questions. And when he didn't know the questions to ask, he dug until he found them.
And yet, when it came to Ward, he hadn't even looked for answers. He'd just thrown Ward into a cell and set about pumping him for information once his larynx was healed.
They would have started the pumping for information even sooner, but after Ward's attempt on his life with the folded paper, that hadn't really been an option.
Coulson owed it to himself to understand to understand why. Even if the answer was really a simple 'he's evil', as Skye was convinced. Even if the answer was that Ward was just Garrett's personal attack dog. Whatever the answer, he owed it to himself, and he owed it to the rest of the team to find out.
But there wasn't much information.
Unfortunately, it looked like the only way to get what information was to ask Ward. This was, of course, extremely problematic because Coulson could hardly believe a word he said. Which left him with what was, in some ways, an even less desirable option.
Twenty minutes later, Coulson heard a knock on his door. "Come in." He looked up from his desk, and wasn't surprised to see Skye there.
Immediately, he had second thoughts.
I can't put Skye through this. Just because Romanoff thought that something was the case – that didn't make it true. Not even close. He didn't have a responsibility to dig. The answers were right there.
Weren't they?
But you devoted your entire life to a deranged narcissist who never gave a damn about anyone, and now he's dead. You've got the rest of your life to wrestle with the question... who are you without him?
Those weren't answers. Just...unanswered questions and not even well-formed questions at that.
Why had Ward devoted his life to Garrett? What happened to make Ward so devoted to the man that he didn't abandon him even when Garrett went off the deep end completely? He still fought for him when he was hopelessly outgunned, hopelessly outnumbered.
Who was Grant Ward without John Garrett was an important question.
But there was another question.
Who was Grant Ward with John Garrett?
"May said you needed me for something?" Skye asked, moving to stand in front of his desk, her posture so similar to May's. Coulson wondered if it was deliberate or unconscious. Had Skye adopted so many of May's small mannerisms more or less by osmosis, or was she trying to echo May?
Coulson wasn't sure which possibility troubled him more. The girl he'd first picked up in L.A. - that bright and curious girl who had been so idealistic and optimistic about everything. How far away was she now, as a result of Ward's betrayal?
"I do." Coulson nodded. Skye must have guessed at least part of his intent from his expression and tone – both of which Coulson guessed were similar to the last time he'd asked to have anything to do with Ward.
"You need me to go down to Vault D again." Skye said flatly. She didn't make it a question.
"No. I don't," Coulson replied. "Not right now anyway. But it does relate to Ward." Skye's expression didn't change at the mention of her former S.O.'s name. "But what I do need is for you to find every piece of information you can about him. Every tiny scrap about Grant Ward that exists anywhere in any computer system you can access."
"Why?"
He couldn't tell her why. This was – this was just a perfunctory move. There was nothing in that past that could reasonably make Ward deserve a second chance. Romanoff was wrong. And once he had the information, he'd be able to prove it once and for all. He could show Romanoff that she was tilting at windmills and then everyone could move on.
His silence invited more questions.
"Does it have anything to do with the cameras and recorders in his cell shutting down for a few minutes earlier today?"
Coulson blinked. "You were watching his cell?"
"No." Skye shook her head, sounding either disgusted or offended by the suggestion. "I was reviewing the feed when you sent May down to get me."
Now it was Coulson's turn to ask the one word question. "Why?"
"You told me I would have to go down there again if turned out that he was telling the truth about the way Hydra was communicating," Skye replied flatly. "If I'm going to have to interrogate him again, I need to get inside his head."
And again, Coulson regretted sending Skye down there.
"I'm sorry Skye. If there was any other way-" He started, but Skye shook her head.
"It has to be done." To Coulson's ears, it sounded like she was trying to convince herself. "Like you said, we kept him here for a reason. Why did you shut down the cameras?" She swallowed a moment. "Did something happen down there that you didn't want to risk anyone else seeing?"
The question was implicit: 'Was he tortured?'
Coulson shook his head. "Nothing like that. Call it... a private conversation." Let her think it was his conversation. "But yes, it's related to my request. But I can't tell you why I'm asking." Ward had hurt her enough as it was. Ward's betrayal and its consequences had affected all of them – even May – and Coulson didn't want to give the man a chance to hurt Skye even more, even by proxy. She didn't need to know that there was anyone in the world who mistakenly wanted to give Ward a second chance.
"You can't just ask me to do this and not tell me why." Skye replied. "Besides, I wiped everything there was on him."
"Everyone leaves a trace, Skye," Coulson replied. "Ward didn't come from nowhere. He had family. He went to military school. He went to the Academy. He has dozens of aliases. Everything. Even you don't think a piece of information is important – I want it all on my desk as soon as possible."
Skye looked at him, then nodded stiffly. "Alright." She didn't sound happy.
But then...she rarely did these days. None of them did.
Natasha Romanoff's Safehouse
October 2nd, 2014
There wasn't much to Grant's security footage to watch. The first month and change saw only a few conversations between Grant and anyone, because his larynx was still damaged at the time. And while it bothered her that he'd had his voice taken from him, given what she knew and suspected, she couldn't really hold it against Agent May.
Sure, 'The Cavalry' had probably been happy about it, and likely more than a little pleased it had happened, but it wasn't like she'd done it to him when he was a prisoner. It was in the middle of a fight for her life.
What had happened during that period when Grant had no voice, though. That did more than bother her. Seeing Grant actually try to kill himself. Breaking the button in half and using it to cut his wrists.
At least whoever Coulson had watching the cameras noticed quickly enough.
It hadn't taken Grant long to try the paper. Given that it had been delivered with a box of crayons, the reason he'd had it was fairly obvious. They couldn't give pens or pencils to a suicidal man, but they wanted information.
Rather than answer the questions of an unsympathetic, uncaring Coulson, Grant had said nothing, and folded the paper. Coulson hadn't even given Ward two days to recover from his first attempted suicide before starting to interrogate him.
Being saved from death a second time hadn't stopped him from trying a third time. Running at the walls, over and over and over. Trying to break his skull, to damage himself to the point where he'd be dead, or at least in a coma.
But when he was finally returned to his cell that third time, he was done with the attempts on his own life. And he could speak again. Or at least, that's what Coulson read out of a medical chart.
Grant didn't say anything in the almost daily sessions they had with him. If it wasn't Coulson, it was May, but only those two. Others went into the cell to deliver food, but no one else went in to interrogate him.
Romanoff watched each one of those sessions. A half-hour of questions, half-hour of silence. Well, a half-hour of questions from May. From Coulson, the questions were interspersed with rants, and lectures, about what Grant did, about how much damage he'd done after dedicating his life to a 'deranged narcissist'. He'd told Grant he was a sociopath, and that even if he talked, he wasn't getting out of this cell. That he was going to rot there.
Did Coulson actually think that was going to work? Grant's betrayal had pissed Coulson off even more than she'd guessed.
The session where Grant finally spoke was one she'd rewatched a few times. Unlike most of the others, this one was short.
She watched as Coulson came into view of the camera, sitting down in the chair and looking at Grant, who was standing on the other side of the laser-grid, hands by his side, stiff, motionless. He was like that for every interrogation session.
"We've been at this for weeks, Ward." Coulson sounded... more exhausted than angry. She'd noticed that developing over time. Being Director – it had taken its toll on him. Certainly more than dying had. "May thinks we're wasting our time. Tells me that I should stop trying – when she's not hinting we should torture you."
At least Coulson was that much of the man she remembered. Romanoff was prepared to torture someone if she had to, but Coulson – he wasn't. And he didn't turn a blind eye to it the way some agents did with their specialists.
"So what is it going to take for you to talk? Or should I just stop coming down here?"
Romanoff didn't know why in particular Grant chose this time to make the request. It wasn't the first time Coulson had brought the conversation around to this question. She couldn't see into Grant's head – if she could, this would be a great deal easier.
Of course, if she could see into people's heads, then a lot of things would be easier.
"Maybe you should," Grant told him expressionlessly.
"So that's it, then?" Coulson asked, apparently unfazed by Grant suddenly speaking after weeks of silence. "You're so loyal to Garrett and to Hydra that you won't tell us their secrets, even though Garrett's dead? I always thought you could think for yourself. But I guess-"
The first time she'd watched this, Romanoff had expected Coulson to start off on another of his rants, but instead, Grant cut the other man off.
"I'm more than willing to hand over information." Grant replied, his voice more or less empty and toneless. "To Skye."
That got a reaction from Coulson. Complete and utter incredulity. "You want me to send Skye down here? The same room as you? Put her through that? After everything you did to her?" Romanoff had been watching Grant's reactions carefully, and she saw the pain in his eyes for a fleeting second.
"If you want intelligence, you will, sooner or later." Grant told Coulson. "And I'm done talking." For the first time during one of these little sessions, Grant walked away from the laser-grid and sat on the cot.
Coulson left less than a minute later.
After that, there were two more attempts by May to ask questions. But Grant was even less responsive than before – he didn't get up, didn't walk away from the cot, barely even registered May's presence. And then...
No one came down for weeks. Until finally, Skye did.
"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes?" This time, there really was emotion in Grant's voice. Relief, like a man in a desert finding water.
Skye sat down in the chair, her back straight, perched on the edge. Perhaps understandably, the woman was tense. It was pretty obvious that she didn't want to be there. She doesn't know the truth. And if she wasn't a trained Agent, she wouldn't grasp a rather vital detail: the Grant Ward she knew would have been mostly the truth. It was the only way a deep-cover operation could last.
"I told Coulson weeks ago that I was willing to speak to you," Grant continued. "To give you intelligence. Why now?" Unless Romanoff missed her guess...
Grant hadn't expected Skye to come down.
"Something bad happen?"
"Carl Creel?" Romanoff didn't recognize the name. "Garrett reported him dead, turns out he's alive, do you have any information on that?" Now it was Skye's turn to try and sound emotionless. She wasn't really succeeding. It was a nice effort, but she couldn't hide the anger, disgust and hatred.
"How've you been?" Grant asked softly. Skye got up, starting to walk, and Romanoff saw the lost expression that passed across Grant's face for a split second. Hastily – too hastily for it to be anything but genuine, for her money – he added: "The name sounds familiar. Do you have a picture?" Skye pressed a few buttons on her tablet and brought it up to the grid. And then Skye's gaze fell to his wrists, just as hers had.
"Coulson didn't tell you." No surprise in the tone. No question. "I went through a...rough stretch." Now that... that sounded like the Grant Ward she knew. Most people wouldn't call three suicide attempts a 'rough stretch'. She watched as Grant detailed the attempts on his own life.
"When they took that away, I started running at the walls."
"You should have run faster."
That this girl would say that to him – how much hate did she have to have to essentially mock suicide? She didn't know the details of Grant's past, about what Garrett had put him through – but something like that? Did she think it was all fake? Did she think he should be dead?
Did she want him to start it up again?
Romanoff had watched the rest of the recording, but it didn't really matter. Even if Grant deserved to stay locked up, even if he didn't deserve a chance to make up for his actions – which he did – he needed to be held somewhere away from his team. Away from that kind of toxicity. It would only drive him over the edge again.
After meeting with him, Romanoff had already decided Grant Ward should have an opportunity to deal with the red in his ledger. But -
The way Skye had spoken to him, the way Coulson had spoken to him. They were taking an emotionally damaged individual and tearing him apart more. A victim of brainwashing, and they were leaving him to drown.
Clearly, Coulson was still not the same guy he'd been before he'd died. Maybe it was being Director, or maybe he was just that affected by Grant's betrayal. But-
And Skye. She almost understood her perspective – she and Grant had been close, and a betrayal from those closest hurts the most, or so the common sense went.
But still – the level of hatred, the sheer inability to see that Grant wasn't some unrepentant murdering monster. Romanoff had seen plenty of those. Grant didn't qualify.
She was getting him out of there.
