Crack and a Half; Has the Author Officially Lost It?
Excalibur came walking up, singing his diddy, "Excalibur, Excalibur From the United Kingdom, I'm looking for heaven-"
"NOOOOOOOOO!" Lemmy said rising from her knees, "Are you fucking kidding me?! I could've sworn he was in the house too!"
Blood's head was on the steering wheel, "Why's everyone gotta be haters? Bitch be like 'oh you should've exploded too'. No remorse man. No remorse because I'm a man."
Lemmy grabbed his collar, "BLOOD! WE HAVE A PROBLEM! EXCALIBUR IS STILL ALIVE!"
He scowled at her, "Oh now you care that I'm alive." He turned on the ignition and started driving off, "I'M GONNA GET A HOOKER!" He yelled driving towards the Death City Red Light District.
Lemmy turned to Excalibur as he said, "Would you like to hear my legend?"
"FUCK OFF!" She said turning away.
"I'll take that as a 'yes'. My legend begins in the twelfth century, or maybe the thirteenth century. Maybe it was the eleventh century but I thought it was the twelfth century because of miraculous perditions in the middle of an everlasting slap to the face of fancities that I was once a fan of, because my youth. I was a young scamp in the old days, well I had to, or else I would be an old scamp which is impossible because scamp refers to someone of a younger generation and saying I was older would refer to an older person meaning I was not a scamp, but maybe a champ of ages. Going from to shining sea and making my way in the world, going from town to town, not caring who I ran into or who I faced-"
"HELP! I'M BEING MIND RAPED BY A VAMPIRE!" Lemmy yelled as she ran off.
BLACK*STAR AND TSUBAKI'S
"Did you see that explosion?" Senna asked.
"Yeah I hope everyone's okay?" Tsubaki noticed staring adamantly at her toast, "Is something wrong?"
"This… IS RASPBERRY JAM BITCH!" She threw the toast at her, "I SAID BLACKBERRY WOMAN! Make it again."
Tsubaki sighed, "Okay… but turn on the radio so we can hear the news."
Senna grumbled as the news station came on, 'Hello this is Hanna Woods reporting for DC News. Two disturbing reports have come in in the last hour. Gallows Manor exploded today after some crazy bitch with teal bangs dropped a stick of dynamite onto the balcony. The police have no idea who could have done something like this, but if you see anyone suspicious, like a crazy bitch with teal bangs,RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIFE!' A small alarm was heard before, 'This is Malachi Sutton sitting in for Hanna Woods who ran out suddenly due to mental instability and is about to be executed by Lord Death himself. In other news a vampire in a top hat is running around asking if people wanna hear his legend. Authorities are requiring everyone to carry crucifixes and holy water. Until tomorrow.'
Senna scratched her head as Tsubaki walked in, "So anything interesting happen?" She asked handing her a plate with toast.
Senna switched off the radio, "Nope. Nothing." She took a bite of the toast, "Strawberry?" She threw the plate down, "THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT TSUBAKI!"
"I'M SORRY! WE DON'T HAVE BLACKBERRY!" Tsubaki said cowering.
"FINE! YOU'RE NO FUN ANYWAY!" Senna said stomping away.
GALLOWS MANOR
"THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT KID!" Liz screamed as she climbed out of the rubble.
"How the hell was I supposed to know Lemmy was gonna try to kill us all?" He said looking around, "Too… Much… Discord…" He collapsed.
Patty nodded, "I told you she would be pissed."
Dante yelled from under the rubble, wrapped in a sheet, "I'm a taco? No I'm a burrito? NO! I'M A DOOBIE!" He squeaked, "Quick, someone light me up and smoke my magical doobie-ness!"
"I WILL!" Patty yelled as she lit his hair and started huffing near his feet.
Elliot and Ed shook their heads, "Part of me really doesn't want to be in this chapter…" Elliot sighed.
"Me too." Ed said.
They heard a motorcycle engine cut off and Senna ran up to Kid, "HEY! Got any blackberry jam?"
"Does it look like I have jam?" He gestured to the rubble, "I don't even have a fucking house!"
She stared at him for a moment before scoffing, "Shit all you would have had to say was 'no'. TAKE A PILL!" She jumped on her motorcycle, "TO THE SUPERMARKET!" She sped off.
Lemmy ran over to Ed and grabbed his collar, "DID YOU KNOW EXCALIBUR IS STILL ALIVE?!"
He motioned to his spazzed out hair, "Did you know you tried to BLOW ME THE FUCK UP?"
"I said I loved you."
He stood up, "HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BRING A CHILD INTO A WORLD WHERE YOU KEEP TRYING TO BLOW UP ITS FATHER?" She shrugged.
Black*Star busted out of the rubble, "HELL YEAH! I SURVIVED!" He noticed Patty trying to smoke Dante, "Can I have a hit"
MAKA AND SOUL'S
"Maka why is their blackberry jam in the lemonade?" Soul asked.
"Why did Black*Star propose to Tsubaki?" She retorted.
"These are all good questions." Said another voice. They turned to see Excalibur standing there, "But I believe the better question is 'Who would like to hear my legend'?"
Soul and Maka looked at each other before screaming, "IT'S THE MIND RAPING VAMPIRE!" And jumping out the window.
"Wha-" Excalibur was cut off by the house exploding.
Lemmy walked off snickering, "Let's see if he can survive that…"
"FOOL!" She turned and saw Excalibur standing with only a hint of dust on his hat.
She fell to her knees, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
