Disclaimer: I own nothing. Every character and setting here belongs entirely to Stephanie Meyer. :D
The dream always began the same way. There I was, standing in forest with nothing and nobody there. The loneliness was crushing. I grew frightened, my eyes darting this way and that looking for someone, anyone. My panic began to reach a fevered pitch when there was a rustling sound behind me. Whirling to look, my heart began pounding with fear as I searched the foliage for the source of the disturbance with my eyes. I could see nothing. I was alone. The bushes rustled again, and suddenly, a large shaggy russet colored wolf padded out of the bushes, its tail swinging gaily behind him. It was Jacob. Every other night I would immediately be reassured and awake to find myself in his arms, his soft breath tickling the back of my neck before I would grow sleepy, snuggle in deeper against the warmth of his chest and slip back into slumber.
But tonight I didn't wake up. I reached out to scratch the wolf behind his ears when a low growl emanated from deep within his chest, the fur along the back of his thick neck standing on edge. I stepped back hesitantly, once, twice, not bothering to look where I was going when my foot caught on a low root. I could feel the panic building in my chest again. The wolf pulled back onto its haunches, preparing to lunge. This was it. I was going to die. But suddenly the wolf leapt over me and disappeared in the forest. I lay there on the cold ground, trying to figure out what had happened when I heard something else.
"Bella…" a voice breathed softly, or sighed rather, in my ear. And I froze. That honeyed velvet voice that I had forced from my mind…the voice I didn't want to hear, not even in my dreams. Especially not in my dreams. And suddenly he was there beside me, his cold palm pressed against my cheek, the rich ochre of his eyes boring into mine in a silent plea. I could feel my eyes beginning to tear and found that no matter how hard I tried I couldn't pull away. My heart pounded as I struggled to tear my eyes away from his.
"Edward," I sobbed finally, turning my face into his palm, and forgot all about the menacing wolf.
"Bella?" he whispered again, although this time the voice didn't match his face. I turned to look at him, puzzled. "Bells, it's time to wake up." There was the hand against my face again, but it was warm, almost burning. It was Jacob. I closed my eyes tighter, in an attempt both to ignore him and to burn the dream from my head. It had been many years since I had dreamt of Edward, and the sudden reappearance of my dream caught me off guard and sent a shock of pain through my chest.
"Bella, are you okay?" Jacob asked, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me tight against his chest. I nodded softly, still struggling to get my bearings, hoping desperately that for once I hadn't said anything in my sleep.
"Just a bad dream," I replied, trying to sound somewhat cheerful even if my poor head was refusing to release the images that my unconscious mind had chosen to burn into my conscious memory again. Stupid unconscious mind. Jacob hugged me tighter and kissed the soft spot just behind my ear. He knew better than to ask questions. While it had been years since the abandonment dreams had made a nightly appearance, he knew that I still had them from time to time. He never commented, only held me tighter and tried valiantly to smile, even though it looked more like a painful grimace instead.
I rolled over in his arms until I was facing him, staring into his rich brown eyes, trying hard to forget the lighter golden eyes that were burned into my memory again. I snuggled deeper into the warmth of his arms and lifted my face, pressing my lips to his. I could hear his breath quicken as his arms tightened around me, returning my kiss with ardor. It was a surefire way to forget my dreams. Except it didn't work this time. The warm hands on my skin, the quick beat of his heart, they only served to remind me by contrast of the feel of Edwards's cold hands in my dreams. I willed myself to respond to Jacob, but I just couldn't do it this morning.
Ruefully I pulled back and sighed. "Not this morning Jacob," I said as I tried in vain to free myself from the strong circle of his arms. "I've got to get to class soon. I have an exam, remember?" I smiled cheerfully at the scowl forming on his face.
"Sure, sure," he growled, his eyes twinkling at me as he climbed out of bed, wrapping a sheet around his hips and headed off to the shower.
Jacob was amazing. His friendship had sustained me when I had nothing else to hold on to, and the depth of his love was impossible to resist. I knew it worried him that he hadn't imprinted on me. It was the one thing that worried me too. I had already been cast aside once, nearly losing my sanity in the process. Although it had been four years since then, I was scared that it would happen again. Jacob had been the one to save me when it had happened before. If Jacob suddenly turned to a complete stranger, forgetting about me in the process, I wouldn't have anybody to save me from myself.
I tried not to think about that and most of the time, I succeeded. But today the thought was hard to shake. I knew it was because I had dreamed of Edward. It had been a year since I had dreamed of him, and I had foolishly thought that I would be free of those dreams entirely now. Jacob would be upset if he knew that I was dreaming of him again. Again I silently prayed that I hadn't called Edwards name in my sleep, even if I felt relieved that I hadn't forgotten the sound of his voice.
I was fairly confidant that I had passed my exam. I was nearly done with my second year at Peninsula Community College, but I wasn't entirely sure what I was going to do when I was finished. I hadn't been ready to leave Forks, or Jacob, after I completed high school, so the community college in Port Angeles had seemed to be the answer to my dilemma, but it only bought me a small amount of time. I was winding up my final semester and soon I would have to make the choice about what to do with my future.
Jacob wanted to get married. I was appalled by the idea. I was only 22 for goodness sake. There was no rush. I was sure that Charlie wouldn't have minded that route either. Happy as he was with Jacob; he still wasn't pleased about us living together without the benefit of matrimony. Charlie was kind of old fashioned that way. I certainly wasn't ready for marriage, and as disappointed as Jacob was, I'm sure he'd learn to live with that.
Charlie wanted me to go to Seattle Pacific University where I could stay close to home but still get a good education. Jacob was against me going away to college. It wasn't that he didn't want me to have a good education or possibilities in life, he just didn't want me so far away. Charlie had suggested that perhaps we go together, but Jacob didn't want to leave his brothers behind.
I wasn't ready to head home yet. I briefly entertained the idea of going to the bookshop, but it wasn't as appealing as I would have hoped. I found my big red truck easily in the parking lot, turning the key in the ignition and kept my eyes on the steering wheel, still uncomfortable with the attention that the loud idling always brought. Perhaps I would just drive and figure out what I wanted then.
I was heading south on the 101 when I saw the turn off for the 110 approaching and without thinking, I took the left turn and followed the road quietly, refusing to think about where I was heading until I came to the end of the road. I pulled my truck over onto the narrow shoulder and put it in park, staring at the wood line. Why had I come here? It hadn't been a conscious decision, more of a compulsion. I should leave, immediately.
For reasons I couldn't explain I stepped out of the truck and walked around it, to the forest. I hesitated slightly, took a deep breath and entered the forest before I could talk myself out of it. The way was flat, with no trail to mark the way, but that was okay. I knew where I was going. I kept my eyes on the ground, occasionally looking up in time to move a web of moss out of my way, and tried not to fall. Eventually I saw the trees beginning to thin out slightly, and felt my heart pounding hard in my chest. I was almost there. When I stepped past the last of the ferns I looked around, willing myself not to cry.
The meadow looked as if it was untouched by time. It was late spring, and the wildflowers were blooming beautifully, filling the air with their fragrance, the clearing a perfect circle of softly waving grass... I could even hear the bubbling stream in the distance and the birds singing in the trees. I was happy I had found it again. The sky was overcast today, but it wasn't necessary. In my mind I could still see it filled with sunlight, a buttery haze that brightened everything. I closed my eyes and inhaled the deep woody scent and smiled. I was glad I had come.
I was so content that it took me a moment to realize that there was anything wrong. I had my eyes closed, breathing in all the scents of the forest and realized suddenly that the birds had stopped singing. In fact, the only thing I could hear was my own heavy breathing and the sound of the stream. I opened my eyes with a start, my body tensing with the realization that not all of my time spent in this meadow had been pleasant. And as if ripped from my memory, there was someone in the tree line, just on the other side of the clearing. My heart started beating erratically with fear.
And just as suddenly, it might as well have stopped beating at all. The figure stepped from the trees, a longing expression on the pale face, remorse clearly shining from his golden eyes.
"Bella…" Edward whispered as he stepped into the clearing. And suddenly, my world went black as I sank into unconsciousness.
