Chapter 2: A recipe for disaster

John's remark was meet with silence. The gentle breeze that had been blowing earlier was gone. No one was moving, just staring at him. Whether it was because they didn't understand, believe him, or know the rules of the game was beyond him. The comfortable silence began to become uncomfortable. No one was willing to take the first step.

"I do not believe everyone here understands the rules of your touch football," Teyla said breaking the silence gesturing to Ronon and herself mainly.

"Oh, right. Well it's simple. One team starts off with the football and tries to get to the other team's end zone to make a touchdown while the other team tries to stop them. But instead of tackling just tap the person with the ball to stop them. If the person with the ball is stopped the ball goes to the other team."

"End zone?" Ronon asked.

"Ah, yea. Each team has its own side and to get points each team has to make it to the other team's side with the football."

Quickly he jogged a few yards away from where they were standing and tossed his jacket down on the ground.

"Here's one end zone. McKay hand me your jacket."

"But I'm wearing it."

"Just had it over."

"I'll be cold."

"Not in a few minutes."

"No."

"Fine, I need someone else's jacket."

Evan Lorne took off his and tossed it over.

"There's one and we need two more to make that other one."

Edwin and Howell took off theirs and presented them to Sheppard.

"Just put them around 25 to 50 yards over there," he said pointing to a spot in front of them.

As the last jackets were put into place to mark the end zone Rodney grumbled angrily.

"I don't see how this is a team training exercise?" A look of disgust was on the scientist's face.

"Like I said before McKay, it evolves team work as well as lots of running and…ah…"

"Communication skills." Elizabeth added.

"And communication skills," John nodded his thanks.

"Those are just some excuses you came up with so you could get a game organized."

"That's not true."

"Yes it is."

"No it's not."

"I find that hard to believe."

"Well believe what you want it's the truth."

Seeing the incredulous look he was receiving from his friend he added, "Well mostly. Anyways that's beside the point. So those are basically the rules."

"How do we start?" Ronon asked.

"Both teams face each other, one has possession of the ball. The one with the ball counts off and then starts running with it."

"That's it?"

"Yea."

"Wait sir, how many downs?" asked Evan.

"Oh, let's say six."

"Downs?" questioned Teyla.

"Yea, downs are the number of time a team gets to try and get the ball to the end zone. Typically there are four downs to ten yards but to simplify things we'll just have six downs to the end zone."

Teyla nodded her thanks.

"Okay so that's should be all the rules."

"Should be?"

"The important ones, McKay."

"So the others aren't."

"I didn't say that. It's just that they aren't as critical to the game."

"What…"

"Sir who's going to have possession of the ball first?" Evan interrupted, clearly hoping to stop the escalating argument there.

John paused, frowning when he realized there was another thing he forgotten to mention. Perhaps he should have planned out his idea entirely first before implementing it. Well there was always next time.

"Does anyone have a coin on them?"

"Let me look for that coin I carry in my pocket all the time," Rodney remarked.

"You carry money with you?"

"Of course not!"

"Then I take it is as no on the coin. How bout a rock?"

"A rock? Elizabeth asked, confused.

"We could mark one side of it then flip it but we'll need a pen."

For a second time that afternoon he was meet with blank stares.

"Um… so no rock. How about I pick a number between one and ten."

"How is that suppose to work when you're one of the team captains?" Rodney remarked.

"… that won't work. Any suggestions?"

Once again it was silent.

"Okay Lorne best out of three?

John asked with his fist out.

"Sure. On three?" He held out his own fist.

"On three."

"One…two…" Fists moved up and down.

"Wait when you say three you mean four."

"No I mean three."

"On three or right after it?"

"On three."

"Right when you say three or a second after?"

"When I say three."

"Directly after?"

"No when I say three."

"So when you say three you mean three."

"No I mean ten."

"Ten? That doesn't make sense."

"When I say on three I mean on three. Not before or after."

"Right after you say it."

"Yes."

"Okay. So on three again."

"Yes unless you would like to clarify again."

"No sir. Unless…"

John glared at him, daring the younger man to continue. Time seemed to stop as their eyes locked. The waves of the ocean crashing again the pillar below were the only noise.

"Never mind."

"Sure about that?"

"Yes sir."

"Ready?"

Evan nodded.

"One… two… three…"

Fingers sprang into action breaking from their fist formation.

"That's one," John said with glee as he won the first round, beating Evan's paper with his scissors.

"You're using rock paper scissors to determine who gets the ball first?" asked McKay.

"Yes. Is there a problem with that?"

"Nope, none what so ever. It just has to be one of the stupidest ways of determining something. Although it's not too surprising considering who came up with that idea. Now if it was me…"

"Just can it McKay. You had your chance at suggesting a method but didn't." John glared at Rodney before turning to Evan again.

"Ready for round two?"

Evan nodded.

Fists were held up again as the count off began.

"One… two… three…"

"Ah… so we're tied now. Ready for the last round Lorne?"

"Yes, sir."

"One… two… three…"

"Yes! Okay, let's start." John rubbed both his hands together in glee as he won the last round.

Once it was determined who got possession of the ball, theoretically game should have started without any more hitches. It being Sheppard's plan and having the rest of his team participating it was not that unexpected when it took another 10 minutes for each team to get into formation for the actual game to start.

Soon the ball was in the air. Game had finally started. John could barely control his excitement but then it all came to an end within seconds as the ball bounced off Ronon's chest. Causing the game to a halt seconds after it started. After the object of the game was explained once more to Ronon since he had not made a move to catch the ball the game got started again.

John saw the ball fly through the air heading towards Elizabeth. Miraculously she somehow managed to catch the ball. Her eyes wide in shock and she stood frozen in place. It was just his luck, the throw was complete but his team was going to lose the ball if Weir did not start running soon. Seeing Lorne's team running towards her he ran towards her also waving his arms and shouting.

"Run! Weir run!"

Elizabeth snapped out of her baffled state, noticing the many people running towards her. Squealing, she turned around running from them intent on getting as far away as possible not noticing the error in her choice of direction.

"No go the other way! That's the wrong way." John practically screamed.

She was going to cause their team to score on itself unless they managed to get her to stop or start running in the right direction. Before she had the chance to change direction Ronon had quickly reached her and picked her up. Running towards the correct end zone, he had her in a fireman's lift. Unfortunately for them the play was ended before they scored.

After that failed play everything seemed to be going fine until Ronon decided to tackle Howell in attempt to get possession of the ball. Everyone was horrified to see Ronon tackle the unprepared Howell from behind, bringing the both of them down hard to ground, Howell taking most of the fall. With a wrist that was starting to swell Howell opted to leave the game for the infirmary. As he left John could have sworn Howell had a look of relief.

They got the game going again without much mishap, after John explained to Ronon in great detail why if was against the rules to tackle the other team. John's team had possession of the ball, him to be exact. Seeing no one else open he yelled and threw the ball to Rodney.

"McKay."

Unfortunately for the both of them, more for Rodney, the scientist failed to turn in time and was struck in the back of the head.

"OUCH!"

Everyone froze.

"You did that on purpose!"

"Did not!"

"Did too."

"Look, I'm sorry. It wasn't like I had planned to hit you in the head. You were suppose to turn around."

"I knew it! You had been planning this from the start."

"What? I didn't say that McKay. Why would I hit you on purpose? That makes no sense, you're on my team."

"I don't know. You're the one who hit me!"

"I said I was sorry. Let's just get back to the game. It's not like you have a concussion "

"I could have had."

"But you didn't"

"That's besides the point."

"If I let you start the next play will you stop it?"

"Fine."

Everyone else appeared to let out a sigh of relief but soon groaned when Rodney miraculously pegged John in the back of the head.

"What was that for?"

"Now we're even."

It looked like Sheppard was going to say something but settled for rolling his eyes and getting the game going again.

Around 15 minutes later, while Sheppard's team had possession of the ball and was about to start a play Rodney insisted on being the one to give the call.

"Fine you can give the call. Just make sure it's something everyone will recognize."

"Sure, umm…let's see…" John bit his tongue to prevent himself from slapping the scientist. It wasn't that hard. All Rodney had to do was pick some random thing to say and let the rest of them know what it was.

"Okay I've got. It's really obvious."

He turned to walk away with the ball.

"McKay, aren't you going to tell the rest of us?"

"Oh, right. It's chemistry."

"Chemistry?"

"I couldn't think of anything else. It's really obvious."

"Okay, fine. Let's go."

They got into formation with Rodney in the center with the football on the ground. John crouched down, ready for the call. He looked over at Rodney, already having second thoughts on letting him run the play. Pushing those doubts away from his mind he tried to focus on the play that was about to be begin. It should be fine, hopefully. Waiting he could feel the adrenalin rushing through his veins. At any moment now, the play would start.

"Helium…"

"Neon…"

Were those elements Rodney was yelling out? How on earth were they suppose to know when to go? He shot the scientist an incredulous look but it did not stop list of elements.

"Argon…"

He had no idea what Rodney was getting at and looking around at his teammates he could tell he was not the only one and to think the scientist had said it would be obvious.

"Krypton…"

It sounded like a random list of elements from the periodic table.

"Xenon…"

He should have expected Rodney to screw up a simple count down some how.

"Radon…"

Okay this had gone on long enough and he still could not figure out what Rodney was getting at. He moved from his position and started to walk toward his friend set on calling a timeout. As always fate seemed against him since sudden another element was yelled but this time louder.

"SODIUM!"

The next seconds went by in a blur. It seemed sodium was the key word to start the play and the scientist in question had started running soon after yelling it. Once Rodney had started running towards the crudely made end zone the other players had broken from their confused state of minds and had followed in pursuit leaving a very confused colonel behind. Within seconds the scientist was brought to a halt a few feet from where the play had started.

"What was that?" John asked, annoyed by the fiasco.

"A play. What did it look like?"

"I meant with the elements? You were supposed to say something obvious."

"I did!"

"How on earth were we suppose to know sodium was word to go on?"

"None of you got it?"

"What do you think?"

"It was pretty easy. I'm surprised Zelenka here didn't get it. I thought you were smarter not as smart as me of course. I guess not everyone is blessed with a highly intelligent brain."

"McKay…"

"They were elements, to be more precise noble gases. Well except for sodium, which is a metal. Everyone was suppose run on sodium, the only element that wasn't a noble gas."

John felt a start of a headache. The pounding of his head was getting stronger with every second. Taking a few breaths he tried to calm his frustration. Deep breaths in and out, he kept telling himself. Feeling a little bit better he turned to address the situation on hand.

"Okay no more count offs for you McKay. Unless you can come up with something easier for the rest of us to understand, knowing you it won't be possible."

"Hey!"

After Rodney had been banned from giving any more calls, the game was going smoothly until Goodrick was tripped and fell flat on his face, getting a bloody nose. With another person out of the game and Lorne's team, Zelenka was moved over in attempt to balance the teams more.

The game was going well with Sheppard's team in the lead when Radek was elbowed in the face by McKay and ended up with bloody nose. With him out of the game, Elizabeth was moved to Lorne's team. The game was started again soon after.

Hearing footsteps approaching Carson looked up from the paperwork he was filling out and paused at the sight before him.

"Zelenka?"

Surely that couldn't be the scientist. The person in question had blood all over the hand covering his nose. Blood was dripping from between his fingers onto the floor. A shiner was starting to appear on one eye.

"Carson," Radek mumbled, his voice muffed by his hand and blood.

Quickly Carson herded him to an exam bed. Wondering what it was with bloody noses today as his was second.

Oblivious to what was happening in the infirmary John had his team in a huddle.

"Okay, so we're tied. In order to win we need to make another touch down."

"Really Sherlock, we hadn't noticed."

John glared at Rodney.

After Radek showed up in the infirmary and given him an unsatisfactory answer for his injury Carson decided it was time to uncover what was going on. Especially with the two other injuries he had treated the hour before. All he was able to determine was that Sheppard was holding some type of training exercise out on the north pier. The three injured men were refusing to say exactly what type of training. He had a feeling it had to do with the object John had been holding earlier. Why he was not included at least for providing first aid was beyond him. Thinking back it was probably the real reason Sheppard was in the infirmary earlier. Shaking his head at what the possibly training exercise a certain spiky haired Colonel could be holding he reached the pier and froze at what he saw. The sight before him certainly was not what he was expecting to see.

John watched as Ronon threw the ball at Rodney and it fly through the air at its intended target. If the scientist could just catch it this time and manage to reach the end zone they would win the game. Almost reaching its target, his eyes widen in horror at the site before him. Rodney was solely focused on catching the ball and did not see Carson behind him, who was had not noticed the scientist running towards him.

Running towards them, John waved his arms trying to get either of their attention.

"McKay! Beckett! Watch out!"

Whether Rodney did not hear or was choosing to ignore John to prove some sort of point was unclear but doctor turned his head towards John, eyes opening wide in horror. The only came a fraction too late as he no time to move to safety.

"Oh crap."

John winced as Rodney slammed into the doctor, elbowing him in the face, while catching the ball sending both of them to the ground in a pile, the physician taking the blunt of the fall.

Being the closest, John reached the pair first. Neither moved for a second before Rodney sat up quickly only to grab his head in pain.

"Ow…" Spotting John next to him he added, "this is all your fault."

Ignoring the scientist as he appeared fine, John kneeled beside the unmoving doctor.

"Beckett? Can you hear me?" He shook the doctor's shoulder gently. Getting no response he tried again.

"Beckett?"

The doctor let out a slow groan, mumbling, and feebly trying to swat John's hand away.

"Go away."

John let out a sigh of relief before glaring at a certain scientist that was still mumbling how it was John's fault for the collision.

Feeling something dripping out his nose Carson brought a hand up to his aching nose. Pulling his hand away he was not surprise to see blood staining his fingers. Quickly bringing his hand up again he pinched his nose, wincing as the pressure caused it to ache.

"Oh god. Carson."

"I'm fine."

It came out mumbled as his nose was pinched and blood was still managing to leak through.

"You're bleeding," turning to John he added, "This is all your fault."

Carson rolled his eyes.

"It's just a bloody nose McKay and how is it my fault? You were the one that wasn't paying attention." Ignoring Rodney, he asked Carson, "Beckett you need a med team?"

Carson shook his head only to wince and grab at his head with both hands causing large amount of blood to gust out of his sore nose.

"Ew that's gross. Can't you use your voodoo to stop it?"

"For the last time it's not voodoo!" Carson exclaimed his voice muffed by his hand. As he attempted to get up he was helped to his feet, swaying slightly, by Cadman and Lorne.

John watched as Carson was led away towards the infirmary with Rodney trailing and everyone else dispersing, using the latest injury as an excuse to quit the game. Picking up the discarded ball, he followed intending to start some of his reading. Maybe trying to teach everyone to play American football was a bit too dangerous.

A.N. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story. I hope everyone enjoyed it. Please let me know what you think, good or bad. I would really appreciate it. Take care.