Well, darlings, as they say let's start at the beginning. I know you're dying to hear my thoughts on my fantastic Career as a Hunger Games companion; but first things first.

I was born Effina Mari Trinkerton (I later adopted Effie Trinket as a stage name) on the east side of the Capitol. Never had my neighbourhood seen a more stylish infant. Even my nappies were monogrammed with my initials.

One particularly famous urban legend tells of my discovery of my passion for mahogany .

As with all good Capitol children, my parents bought multiple cribs and cots before I was even born. There is a tradition, that the baby be placed in each cot one by one, and the one which the baby likes best is the one that they will keep. I can't remember the origins of this tradition; some say that it was around before the Dark Days; others say that it was invented by the bed-makers to sell more furniture. Obviously the first one is more likely.

And of course, baby Effie liked the mahogany one best! It was dark, fine mahogany all the way from District 7. With hand-carved sides and my toy baby mobile had my name carved in fine dark mahogany letters. That was a special day in the Trinkerton household, and warranted with 27 photographs, 26 of which feature yours truly.

And from there, the greatness began...