So uh, this turned from a one shot into a two shot. And now it's going to be a multi chapter fic, so yeah...
Warning: Accident that causes a physical disability, although no gore or descriptions of the injury are currently included.
TV Shows » Sherlock » Call Me Kitten
Author: Ambereyedwolfchild
1. Chapter 12. Chapter 23. Chapter 3
Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Reviews: 8 - Published: 03-30-13 - Updated: 06-06-13
id:9150875
So uh, this turned from a one shot into a two shot. And now it's going to be a multi chapter fic, so yeah...
Warning: Accident that causes a physical disability, although no gore or descriptions of the injury are currently included.
When Sebastian left Jim had expected him to be back in four days, a week at the most. He'd storm through the door and ignore Jim until the younger man dropped into his lap, curling up and playing it cute until Sebastian gave up and ran his fingers through Jim's hair, hugging him close and forgiving him. It had been three months now and Sebastian was still missing. Well. Not missing. Jim knew exactly where he was. The sniper had moved back into his own apartment, working freelance for every damn criminal in London. Jim wouldn't give up that easily. Sebastian wanted to come back, Jim could feel it. After all, if he didn't then he wouldn't have hesitated before telling everybody how he'd quit, but he wasn't. The way he span the tale, he was still working for Jim, just working freelance too.
It didn't make sense, and Jim couldn't not know the truth. But it was harder than he'd expected to corner the sniper. If he broke into the flat then Sebastian wouldn't come home. There was nothing he could do. And that infuriated him.
When his phone rang, the name flashing up as the man who was in charge of the team he had watching Sebastian he forced his voice to stay calm and casual. "Yes?" He snapped, leaning back in his chair and rubbing his eyes idly. "What is it?"
The man, Roberts his name was, seemed taken aback by the tone and it took him a moment to remember what he'd been saying. "It's Moran, sir. We lost him for four hours when he went on a job." That wasn't unusual and Jim waited impatiently for Roberts to get to the point. "He just came back onto the radar, sir, he's in Central Hospital."
Jim was on his feet in a heartbeat, locking his laptop and shoving it into his desk drawer, locking that as well. "Get me a car, I want to be at the hospital in ten minutes, understood?" He hung up, shoving his phone into his pocket and forcing himself to go through the repetitive motions of locking up his office and making sure there was no information unprotected before making his way quickly to the curb outside, sliding straight into the car waiting. "Central Hospital. Go."
Apparently his orders had been carried through as, through the bending of a few speeding laws, Jim was outside the hospital in seven and a half minutes. He let the car door slam behind him, stalking into the hospital and up to the reception desk. It was ridiculously easy to get in to see Sebastian. A few crocodile tears and well placed lies and the receptionist melted and gave him the room number. That certainly wasn't good enough. He'd have to put some security of his own in place if Sebastian would have to stay here.
Sebastian had his back to the door as Jim came in, not moving to see who had entered, or even reacting as Jim padded over to the side of the bed. "Seb." Jim said softly, reaching out to touch what he assumed was Sebastian's arm under the heap of blankets. He didn't get any more reaction than a flinch and a feeble sound, nothing more than a pained whimper. "Seb, please. Look at me?"
The sniper took a visible breath, pulling himself together and gritting his jaw, still not turning to face Jim. "I can't. Go away, Jim." His voice was tight with pain and raw with emotion, as if he was fighting back a sob. "I don't want to talk to you."
Jim huffed, a frustrated sound as he moved closer, sitting on the edge of the bed. "You can't? Seb, please. It's been months, I want you to come home. I said I'm sorry. Look at me."
Sebastian laughed, the sound pained and bitter. "No, Jim. It's not that I can't look at you. I can't look at you." He rolled over, looking downright beaten as he stared a little to the right of Jim. A stark white bandage was wrapped around his eyes, a few faint spots of crimson flecked through the material. "I can't." He repeated, forcing the words past a lump in his throat.
Jim stared, unable to speak for a drawn out minute as he stared at Sebastian. "Seb-" he whispered, reaching out for a moment before dropping his hand. "What happened?" He sat down heavily on the edge of the bed, almost flinching as Sebastian tried and failed to track his movements.
"Hit went bad. The guy who hired me sold me out an' I got ambushed. They did… this and let me go. Was all they wanted to do apparently." The sniper explained slowly and quietly, head falling to hide the bandages from view. "Just leave, Jim. Please."
Jim shook his head, realising only in hindsight that Sebastian wouldn't have seen the motion. He stood, smoothing out the bedspread uselessly before padding into the hall to take a deep breath and call a few different employees and make demands. He wanted to find who'd done this to his sniper and make them hurt.
When a nurse headed into Sebastian's room Jim trailed after her, sitting back on the edge of the bed and taking Sebastian's hand in his own. He winced as Sebastian flinched but didn't let him shake his hand off. Sebastian's shoulders were shaking slightly and his breathing was uneven as he tried to subtle pull away from Jim. "How are you feeling, Mr. Moran?" The nurse, Caitlyn her badge proclaimed her, asked as she checked some of the machines, frowning slightly at the readouts. "Your heart rate leapt up a few minutes ago. Everything okay?"
Sebastian paused then nodded slowly, hand tightening reflexively around Jim's. "Had a bit of a scare. S'okay." His voice was soft, strangely so, and Jim looked up at the nurse, slight concern on his face that was, for once, not hidden by his mask.
"When can I take him home?"
The nurse's gaze flicked to their joined hands and nodded in comprehension. "We need to have you in overnight for observation but we'll discharge you in the morning. You can take him home then." She spoke to each of them in turn before finishing up with checking his equipment and moving out of the room quietly.
Sebastian didn't speak until the door slammed shut behind her and he yanked his hand back, rolling onto his side and turning his back to Jim. "Why are you still here?" He asked bluntly, voice flat and empty.
Jim frowned, watching Sebastian like a hawk as he moved. "I'm bringing you home, obviously."
Sebastian shook his head fiercely, wincing as the movement hurt his aching skull. "I don't want your pity. I'll cope just fine on my own." His voice was no more than a pained hiss as he pressed his face into his pillow. He was a mess of anger and frustration and he wanted to cry.He wanted to let it all out but he couldn't. His tear ducts were burned out and useless now and the urge to cry was like an awful itch he couldn't scratch.
"Nonsense, tiger." Jim hummed, cautiously petting the sniper's hair but only managing to get his hands slapped away for his trouble. "Sebastian." He tried again, managing to run his fingers through soft blonde hair once before Sebastian fought back the urge to lean into the touch and smacked his hand away once more. "I want you to come home." He paused for a moment, voice softening to no more than a whisper. "I need you."
Sebastian snorted bitterly, gesturing towards his eyes as best he could. "You don't need me. I know I'm useless now, you can stop pretending."
A low snarl surprised Jim as it fell from his lips, the calm he'd been keeping giving way to his quickfire anger. "You are not useless. I need you." He ran his hands through his hair in exasperation. "I don't care whether you can see or not."
The sniper's face screwed up in confusion at that. "What?" He struggled upright, getting tangled in the blankets as he looked in the direction he thought Jim's voice was coming from. "Of course you care. I'm- I was a sniper. I can't do my job if I can't see. If I can't do my job then I'm useless. You told me so yourself." Sebastian sounded so sure of himself that Jim faltered… when had he ever told Sebastian something like that? As soon as the question crossed his mind the memories assaulted him.
"You're just a washed up soldier who happens to have a lucky shot. You're only still here because you shoot well."
Jim sighed softly, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hands. "Oh, Seb." He trailed off, reaching out to cup Sebastian's cheek, just firm enough that he couldn't pull away. "I didn't mean that." He rested their foreheads together, shivering slightly as Sebastian's breath ghosted across his lips. "I was just angry. I need you." He repeated the sentiment softly, thumb brushing across Sebastian's cheekbone, just below the rough edge of the bandage.
Sebastian scowled but stayed put, hands curling into fists around the scratchy hospital blankets. "You don't say things you don't mean."
"I do when I'm scared." Jim breathed, insides churning slightly. He never admitted weakness, never admitted anything that could be used against him. Today would be an exception. Jim stared at the sniper for a moment, swallowing hard at how broken and bruised and completely crushed he looked. This was his fault. An unfamiliar stab of guilt made him frown and he promised himself right there and then that he'd fix this- fix Sebastian.
Jim shifted slightly, closing his eyes for a split second. "I'm only going to say this once, so listen closely." He sighed, fumbling for the right words to explain the emotions that he couldn't wholly understand himself. "When I get scared, I get angry. And when I get angry, I say anything I need to to hurt you." Sebastian looked as though he was going to interrupt and Jim hurried to continue- he'd lose his nerve if he stopped now. "I try and push you away," His voice dropped to barely more than a whisper- this was so much harder than he'd anticipated. All his instincts were screaming at him to stop, to cut his losses and give up. "I try and push you away because I'm scared of losing you. I thought that maybe if I made you leave on my own terms then it would be a little easier to cope with. I was wrong. I can't- I need you, Sebastian. More than I think you know." He dropped his gaze to his hands, Sebastian's sightless stare burning into him even through the bandages. It felt strange, wrong, to be so exposed and to have dropped all of the masks and barriers he'd been crafting to protect him for so long.
Sebastian's nails dug into his palms as he curled his hands into tight fists, gritting his teeth as he pulled back from Jim and looked away, or what he thought was away. "I don't trust you. How am I supposed to believe anything you say now?"
In the space between one breath and the next Jim's face fell and his defences slammed back up. "I- You just should Sebastian. I mean it, everything I just said."
The sniper shook his head as if to clear it, pushing at Jim to try and move him as far away as he could on the narrow bed. "I can't. The last time I saw you, you were covered in bruises and hickeys from some stranger that you slept with the intention of hurting me. That's the last image of you I have or will ever have, Jim. I can't just forget it because you realised you fucked up. I don't trust you. It'll take more than a little speech to make me trust you again." His voice was flat and matter of fact and Jim swallowed hard as he stood up.
He turned to leave then looked back at Sebastian for a long moment. Before he could think about whether it was a good idea or not he was leaning in and pressing his lips to Sebastian's, fierce and a little desperate as he closed his eyes and allowed himself the weakness of wishing that this had never happened. Sebastian kissed him back for a split second before shoving Jim away, as if it had taken him those few seconds to realise he wasn't supposed to be melting against Jim's lips and curling his fingers in now mussed dark hair. It was only a split second but that split second was all Jim needed to put a small smile on his face as he left the room wordlessly. Obviously Sebastian still wanted him, all he had to do was win him over.
This wasn't over yet.
