January:
Christmas was horrible. There was no other way for Santana to describe it. Ava cried the whole day because she really thought Santa might grant her wish, and then JJ had a fever. That was pretty much how the whole first month of raising two kids went, with crying and unexplained illnesses and Brittany and Santana tiptoeing around each other in the house because neither of them really remembered how to live with each other. True to what they'd said to each other on the first night in the house, Santana managed to get her boss to agree to her working from home for two days and Brittany found a job teaching dance at a small studio only a few miles from the house. Because of both of their efforts to avoid each other as much as possible, even living in the same house, they rarely saw each other and Santana was content with that. Being around Brittany made her heart hurt and her head hurt so they subconsciously took alternate shifts with dinner and bedtime, making it easier on both of them.
But JJ's birthday was upon them and they'd agreed when they ran into each other in the living room one night that they would work together to throw him a party. John and Cassidy had always made a really big deal about Ava's birthdays and a month and a half earlier, Santana would have figured that she'd spend the whole day avoiding Brittany at JJ's party. But, since everything had changed, she sat down with Brittany and decided on food and cake and agreed to allow the horrible clown that Brittany had found to be the entertainment. They both figured it would be good for Ava to see that everything was normal and they sent out the invitations, knowing that the day was going to be full of emotion.
"Did you pick up the cake?" Brittany, holding JJ on her hip, asked Santana when she came into the house with a bundle of balloons from the party store.
"It's in my car. Did you talk to the catering company?"
"They'll be here at one. Ava doesn't want to come out of her room."
"Let me get the cake and then I'll talk to her."
"I don't know why she listens to you and not me." Brittany sighed.
"She likes me better, obviously."
Santana went and got the cake and then looked at all of the decorating Brittany had done. It was starting to snow outside and Santana was concerned that maybe their guests wouldn't show up. Part of her felt like there was something to prove by having this party, like they would be letting everyone know that they hadn't let John and Cass down. Both of their parents were coming, all of the friends that were invited to every party they'd ever thrown but there was a gigantic hole in the house, before anyone even arrived. Santana couldn't help the ache in her heart, she couldn't help but think of how much she was wishing she'd spend the day avoiding Brittany with her friends still alive, how she would give anything for the awkwardness if she could just have them back.
Looking at Brittany holding JJ and washing the breakfast dishes, Santana inhaled deeply. As much as she hated to admit it, she still had feelings for that woman. Their breakup had been awful, Brittany had accused Santana of cheating on her one night when they'd been arguing about nothing and as much as it wasn't true, Santana refused to dignify it with a response. Instead, she just packed her stuff and moved out of their apartment, staying with John and Cassidy for two weeks until she could find a place of her own. They never talked about it, not after. Santana actively avoided anything to do with the confrontation about their breakup and she never so much as called Brittany after they were done. Their last real interaction before they'd been forced to live together again was a huge fight and part of Santana wondered if Brittany still believed she'd actually cheat on her. It hurt her so much to think that someone she loved more than anyone else in the world would have actually believed that about her and sometimes when she looked at Brittany, she felt all of that old anger bubbling up. But she couldn't think about that at the moment, not when she had Ava to deal with, not when they were only a few hours away from having a house full of guests.
"Ava." Santana knocked on the door, then opened it. "What's going on?"
"I don't want to go to JJ's dumb party." Ava pouted, sitting in the center of her bed with her hands crossed over her chest. "Aunt Brittany says I have to wear the dress Mommy bought me and I don't want to."
"I think Aunt Brittany might understand that you don't want to wear that."
"Mommy bought all of my clothes and I don't like any of them anymore."
"I get that." Santana nodded, sitting down on the bed beside her. "Seeing things that remind me of your Mommy and Daddy make me sad too."
"Why don't you like Aunt Brittany?" Ava asked, looking up at Santana with big dark eyes.
"I don't not like Aunt Brittany."
"You're lying and we're not supposed to lie. I know you don't like her because when she comes near you, you get all shrinky."
"It's complicated, Ava. Aunt Brittany used to be my girlfriend, when you were too little to remember. That's why your Mommy and Daddy asked us to take care of you and JJ."
"Did you kiss and stuff?" Ava wrinkled her nose.
"We did kiss and stuff."
"That's gross, but it would be better than you getting shrinky and Aunt Brittany making that face she makes at you."
"She makes faces at me?"
"Uh huh, like the kind Mommy made when I didn't eat my vegetables."
"I'll try to be better about being shrinky, and maybe Aunt Brittany can be better about making faces."
"Can I get a new dress?"
"If you get a new dress, does that mean you'll come down for JJ's party?"
"If it's a really sparkly dress, uh huh."
"Then okay, we'll go get you a new dress."
Santana came down the stairs with Ava following her and Brittany had set JJ in his high chair while she put away the dishes. Ava looked at the balloons and smiled, the first real smile Santana had seen her give since she'd moved into the house and it made her think that this party was really the right thing to do. Brittany raised an eyebrow at Ava, seeing that she was still in her pajamas, but Santana shook her head.
"Ava and I are going to the store to get her a new party dress." Santana informed her.
"She can't go out in her pajamas, Santana."
"It's a special day, so I think it's okay."
"Santana." Brittany pulled her to the side, making Santana jolt at the first real contact she'd had with the other woman in two years. "You can't always cave on everything she wants."
"Her parents died six weeks ago." Santana whispered. "If wearing clothes that Cass bought for her makes her sad, then I'm going to cave."
"You're constantly making me look like the bad guy."
"Then quit being the bad guy."
"Aunt Santana! You're getting shrinky and Aunt Brittany is making the face!"
"What is she talking about?"
"Don't worry about it." Santana rolled her eyes. "We'll be back."
Santana got Ava into her coat and boots and they went out to the store, Brittany casting disapproving glances at Santana until she was out the door. Because Santana recognized that the clothing thing was really bothering Ava, she bought her a whole array of new clothes, including the party dress, and by the time they got back to the house, there were only twenty-minutes left before the guests were set to arrive.
Luckily, the party went off without a hitch and Santana took hundreds of pictures of Ava and JJ surrounded by the people who loved them. When everyone was gone and the kids were settled into bed, Santana went down and started cleaning up. A half hour later, Brittany came down fresh from the shower and she started stacking used plates and cups to throw in the big trash bag Santana had taken out. For several minutes, they made a point not to speak to each other, but then Santana swallowed hard and found Brittany in the living room wiping down the coffee table. She didn't really want to approach her, but after talking to Ava, she knew that she had no choice.
"We need to talk." Santana informed Brittany.
"Yeah, we do."
"If you're going to yell at me about taking Ava to the store in her pajamas, then I take it back, we don't need to talk."
"Did you know that I read four parenting books in the first week I was here? I found them on Cass' bookshelf and I figured that the only way to raise her kids the way she would have raised them was to read the books she read. You and I both know that she didn't let them get away with things like that."
"I'm not Cass." Santana shook her head. "And I think, given the circumstances, she would have given Ava a little leeway. She didn't want to wear the party dress because Cass bought it for her. She's been suffering wearing clothes that remind her of her mom. I wasn't going to force her to keep doing it after she confided in me."
"So you went out and bought her a bunch of new clothes without even talking to me. If we're going to do this together, we need to make decisions together."
"I can't make decisions with you if you're always going to look at me like you hate me."
"When have I ever looked at you like I hated you?" Brittany tossed a pile into the garbage bag and crossed her arms over her chest.
"Um, apparently all the time. Ava asked me why you and I don't like each other because I shrink around you and you make faces at me."
"It's hard for me to be around you." Brittany admitted quietly. "Harder than I imagined."
"You think it's easy for me?"
"No one said it was easy for you, Santana, but you're the one who walked out."
"You think I just walked out because I wanted to? You as good as pushed me out the door, Brittany."
"This is why I don't want to talk about the past. We're never going to agree about what happened and it all just hurts too much."
"You accused me of cheating on you." Santana huffed. "What do you think I was going to do? Sit around while the person I loved accused me of that?"
"You never denied it."
"Well I'm denying it now. All you did was prove that you didn't care enough about me to think that I'd do that to you."
"Then why were you acting like you were?"
"You're the one who made it one of our rules that we don't talk about the past. I'm not getting into this with you. Our relationship was dead and buried a long time ago. All I want to do now is get along with you enough that we can do what Cass and John asked us to do, and I don't want Ava thinking that we hate each other."
"Fine." Brittany sighed. "I'll try not to make faces at you, even when you do things that I disagree with, like let the kids have ice cream for dinner."
"And I'll try not to do things without talking to you first. Like it or not, we have to be a team right now."
"You're right." Brittany nodded. "We did it once, we can do it again."
