I do not own the characters.

This chapter has been updated and edited by Blackrose414 and Beta/edited by Kukasabe Swift. Thank you guys very much for your help and support.


Have I slept?

My body feels heavy and my eyes feel like they're glued shut. I try to coax them open, wiggling my eyebrows up and down a few times. Failing miserably, I begin to agree with them, sleeping longer sounds great.

How long has it really been?

How long did I sleep for?

Is everything better now?

Am I cured?

Eyes finally flickering open, I take a deep breath in. The room is dim except for the light shining in from the window.

Ah, I must have slept all night.

No.

This isn't my house. This isn't my horribly uncomfortable couch.

Shinra's...

Sitting up and throwing my legs off the side of the bed, I yawn.

How long has it been since I felt this relaxed?

As I try to stand, my body tugs at the equipment I'm hooked up to. A sudden wave of anxiety crashing over me as a faint sound becomes apparent. There is a constant beep echoing periodically throughout the room.

My mind instantly cycles through every possible explanation for the sound, but the only thing that keeps coming to mind is that god awful song. The song that haunts my dreams and now plagues me with anxiety as I wake.

My panic fades as my ears finally register the sound.

The heart monitor.

Echoing.

Rubbing my fingers through the thin, dark hair on the back of my head as the pain screams at me, I feel something strange.

Maybe paper?

Touching it lightly, I hiss at the immediate agony that shoots through my skull.

A bandage?

Standing suddenly, I allow the IV that was in my arm to be pulled out.

Throwing off my gown in a fit, I rip off the leads that were attached to my chest. I look down to find five, maybe six, bandages along with bruises that randomly stain my skin. Not that the bruises are anything new, but there are many, many more than before.

The screech of the monitor, indicating that I no longer have a beating heart, stings my ears even more than the steady beep had just moments before. I lean over, steadily rocking and rubbing my head, trying my best to recover from the pain.

The door opening startles me as both the doctor and the blonde rush in to 'save me.'

One of them yells as I clamp the palms of my hands to the sides of my head.

"Izaya!"

Here I stand bent over naked, shivering and covered in bandages and hardly recognizing either of them. I attempt to deal with the unbearable headache. I was hoping that once I got sleep that this would stop, that the pain would stop.

But of course not.

Why would I be worthy of such a luxury? My luck has been absolute shit lately.

Shinra urges me to sit back down as he shuts up the horrid howling noise, the torment finally starting to fade away.

Looking around the room, my eyes eventually turn towards my most hated enemy. He turns away from me and my naked appearance. Shinra, noticing the same thing, pulls the blanket up and over me.

How ridiculous.

What the fuck happened to me?

I'm littered with bandages, confused as fuck and all anyone in the room is worried about is accidentally seeing my package?

"Why am I here!?" I yell at the two, their attention snapping to me.

"What the hell did you do to me!?" I hiss, my glare aligning with Shizuo's. His quiet stare only pisses me off more, since when did he learn to bury his anger before he jumped to conclusions or vending machines, for that matter.

"...Izaya..." Of course, Shinra steps between us as he attempts to calm me.

No. Don't bother.

"Finally get a free shot at me?" Ignoring Shinra, I continue to accuse the blonde, calming myself and taking control of my tone. I know that if I do this enough he'll have no problem telling me the truth. Especially if it involves him hurting me.

Instead, Shizuo takes a deep breath and leaves the room.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Why is it that he never does what I need him to do? When I finally need him to be the barbaric man that he is, he refuses.

"Izaya, we need to talk," says Shinra in a soft tone, sitting on the edge of the bed.

"I'd say, Are you finally going to tell me what the fuck is going on?" I ask, lowering my mask a bit.

I'm irritated and Shinra's patience seems to be wearing thin. I can't blame him. You can only try to console someone who doesn't want your pity for so long before it becomes pointless.

"Izaya, you're the one who needs to tell us what's going on. I went to your house and it's trashed. You went after Shizuo and I had to sedate you."

My face must reflect just how I feel about that."You're telling me that you just happened to be armed with a sedative when you brought that fucking idiot to my house?"

Taking a deep breath in, I try to calm myself as I lean back against the bed.

"No, I already knew something was up with you. You hadn't been going to Ikebukuro at all! Even Shizuo was figuring you were planning something. I told him that something was probably wrong with you. It didn't seem like you to have a psychotic break-."

"That doesn't give you a right to sedate me when you knew full and well what bringing him around would do. What if he had attacked me?" I cut him off as his face changes to something akin to defensive righteousness.

It's not that being attacked by him is anything new or something to fear, but as much as I'd like to deny it, the fact remains that I am in no shape to continue our little game of cat and mouse.

"Yeah, but can you say I was wrong to come check on you? I already said that he was prepared... Plus, when we got there, as I said, your house was trashed. Shizuo did fantastic, overcoming the urge to beat your thin, sickly face in while you provoked him. You lunged at him and he didn't even get angry. You did stab him, but I stuck you with a sedative right after and he carried you here." Shinra's tone softens as he speaks as if I'm supposed to just accept the facts and be done with it.

Ah, that's right. I was trying to get him to knock me out.

Oh geez! Listen to how proud he sounds of our little monster. Though, Shizuo did totally ignore me. He didn't even look annoyed. Maybe I'm losing my touch.

Ugh, hell no. I need to get better and fast.

"None of that explains these bandages," I state, swatting away the memory of defeat.

I wonder if Shinra knows why? If he knows about my nightmares, about my conflict between staying awake or taking the chance to try to get some real sleep. I wonder if he understands the terrifying element of being stuck in a dream, stuck in your own mind completely out of control of everything.

I sit up, hugging my knees as he replies.

"No, you're right. That happened after you awoke from the sedative," he says, his eyes averting from mine.

Fine, as long as Shizuo didn't do it, I'll deal with it. I want to get out of here. If I tell him, there will be more questions. More and more questions that I'd rather dodge at the moment.

I have plenty of secrets including the fact that I have this doctor's girlfriend's head in my apartment, yet he always probes me for the ones I really don't want to talk about.

"Okay, whatever," I say, standing to look around for my clothes. "Just give me whatever prescription you gave me to fall asleep and I'll be on my way."

However, Shinra stops me, pushing me back onto the bed with a stern face. "We're not done."

"Wait, you really don't think you can keep m-" I start but he cuts me off.

"There was no prescription! When you woke up you were screaming at the top of your lungs, flailing your arms around and hitting medical equipment! I tried to comfort you but nothing worked!"

I watch him, his mouth moving, words coming out of his lips. He knows about my nightmares. He knows what is wrong with me.

"Shizuo tried to calm you, too. He even held you down, but that didn't work either. Eventually, you hit a tray full of scalpels and cut yourself up. Shizuo lost the will to try to control the situation in a non-violent way."

And worse, Shizuo knows...

How embarrassing. This is probably the first time I have ever been ashamed for someone knowing something about me. Definitely the first time I've ever regretted a release of information, even if it was accidental. How could this happen? And will Shizuo take advantage of the fact that my health is not exactly at par?

"He knocked me out," I plainly state, shaking my head in disbelief. The one thing I had tried in my desperation would have worked if this dumb doctor hadn't interfered.

"Mmhmm," he nods, confirming my suspicions. "You can't keep doing that just to get some sleep, though. Eventually, the brain damage would be just as bad if not worse than your lack of sleep."

So, I can't even use him for the only thing he's good for? I can't use the one thing I know can give me sleep? Even if I already knew that to begin with, having the doctor tell me sure helps it to sink it in such an unpleasant way.

"Ah! Give me a piece of paper!" I shout, suddenly recalling the new parts of the dream. The new parts of that fucking song.

I need to keep track of it.

It's the one last thing I can do to try to stop all of this. It is the only thing that has kept me sane, though it doesn't seem to help. No matter what I tried to dig up on the song... it was all pointless. There was nothing. It doesn't exist.

Shinra watches me as I scribble down the new details, his face cocked to the side.

"What are you doing?" He slides the paper from beneath my hand and starts reading it. Why does he have to be so nosy? So 'concerned' for my well being? I hold this doctor in high regard, but lately his human side is getting to me more and more.

"Just leave me alone!" I snap, snatching the paper back. "It doesn't concern you."

I continue writing down the details and as I finish, Shinra speaks.

"You... You've been keeping track of your night terrors?" He asks as if disbelieving. What's so hard to believe about it? I'm an information broker. Information is both my hobby and my job, so why would it be unusual for me to keep track of something that is so easy to forget?

"Night terrors? Yes, I've been taking notes on my nightmares," I answer in a matter-of-factual tone.

Who the hell calls them 'night terrors?'

"No, Izaya, I think you're having night terrors, not nightmares and that's interesting. So, all those papers scattered about in your room... those were your notes?"

His words suddenly pique my interest. Night terrors? Could that little bit of information change anything? Why hadn't I looked up anything on my actual sleep pattern? I only tried to interpret the dreams...

So, maybe it is a disorder after all.

Have I been wasting my time?

"Shinra... What are night terrors?" I ask calmly, hoping that whatever he is about to tell me will solve my whole mystery.

If it's a disorder then there has to be at least something to fix it... right? Maybe with some therapy and medicine?

Closing my eyes, I cringe at how desperate I sound even in my own head.

"Night terrors... Izaya, night terrors are essentially nightmares that give you anxiety. They are usually the most vivid dreams you will ever experience, but most people never do. They give you the real sense of dread, paranoia, distress, or fear that is happening in the dream. Truth be told, your dream might not even be all that scary but since your anxiety and paranoia is on high, the sense of dread and impending danger can be felt by your physical being."

A noticeable sigh escapes me.

So, I have been having nightmares that are fucking with my head? And even causing my body to actually feel these things?

"How often do 'night terrors' occur?" I ask, hoping that I can find a way to discount them as an option. Suddenly, even though I wanted an answer... I don't want to feel like I wasted my time. Or maybe I just don't want to admit it's possible that I no longer have a hold on my sanity.

Can these dreams really have no meaning? Could I really be going out of my mind?

"Eh. Well, it depends on the person. This isn't my area of expertise, I just happen to know a bit about it. My senpai in college was in sleep studies; maybe I can contact him for you."

Ah! A professional? Yes, yes. This is perfect.

"Please do."

Shinra's look of concern focuses on me. "You're going to accept help?"

Yeah, I know. Why do you have to bring attention to all of the things I would like to set aside, hide or at least avoid confrontation of? Why is he the only one that ninety percent of my manipulation skills do not work on? Reminds me of a certain brute...

And yeah, it's true. At first I wouldn't even admit that there was a problem...

But...

How can I deny it?

"I need this to stop. So, whatever I need to do..." I let him pick up on the rest as I continue jotting down the details of the dream. His gaze traces the cracks in the tile for a moment, maybe trying to imagine what type of pain I would have to be in to drop my ego.

This is not only getting in the way of my health but it is getting in the way of my job, my hobbies, my life. It's a danger to all that is me, Izaya.

It is a disease.

"Do you need the rest of your notes?" Shinra asks, seemingly trying to find a way, if any, to help me.

"Yeah, I should go home." I sigh, once again, as I speak; this bed is much more comfortable than mine right now. My bed seems to be my mortal enemy at the moment. Well, maybe not the bed itself but what it, and every other 'comfortable' sleeping area, brings me.

I let out a soft hum in relief. Being around people again is starting to make me feel better at least. And with Shizuo around, if I really need it I can just get him to knock me out again. That's comforting at the very least.

"Izaya, I really... I think you should stay here. I know there isn't much of a difference from being here or at your own place, but if you need something I would be here for you. Also, I can treat you as best I can until I can get in contact with Hideki-senpai."

It's funny; I had already decided to stay before he brought it up...

But...

"I just have one condition." Smiling, I do my best to make sure it doesn't twist into my infamous smirk.

"Hmm?" Seeming thrilled that I accepted so simply, he grins in return.

"I want Shizuo to stay here too."