"Deck the halls with boughs of holly, fa la la la, la la la la!" sang Harley as she pinned holly around the walls of the hideout. "Tis the season to be…"

She shrieked as dust, bricks, and mortar suddenly fell everywhere as something crashed through the roof of the hideout. She was stunned to see, coughing as the dust cleared, a giant Christmas tree, all set up in its stand, completely decorated, with the top of it sticking out into the sky. "Thanks for the lift, boys!" chuckled Joker, as he emerged from the tree.

"You got sap all over your suit, puddin'!" exclaimed Harley, rushing over to him and trying to brush him down.

"What can I say, baby, I'm a sappy guy!" he laughed, kissing her. Harley giggled, beaming at him.

"I love how you're always so happy at Christmas, Mr. J!" she said.

"Well, 'tis the season to be jolly, Harley baby," he replied, smiling at her. "It's the one season of the year where everybody in the world shares my good mood!"

She kissed him. "Where'd you find the tree, Mr. J?" she asked, turning to face it.

"Oh, it's the one they had set up in the square," he said. "I thought it would look better in our place."

"It's a little tall," she said, squinting to see the top. "And won't Bats know you've stolen it and try to get it back?"

Joker shrugged. "Oh, probably. He's the World's Greatest Detective, ain't he? He'd be a pretty crap detective if he missed the tree when it's right in plain sight. We'll just have to cut it down to size!" he laughed, leaving the room and returning a few moments later with a chainsaw. He revved it up and then applied it to the trunk, singing an impromptu version of "Jingle Bells": "Sawing through the tree, with a big, sharp, pointy chain, slicing it in two, wish it was Batsy's brain!"

He kept laughing as Harley kissed his cheek and left him to it, heading to the kitchen to check on her cookies. She opened the oven to discover that they were burnt, but still edible. She was pleased – normally she burnt them so they were inedible. Baking wasn't one of her talents. But the gingerbread men were only slightly blackened, and she thought that would add something to effect as she reached for the frosting and sprinkles. They were meant to be the Dark Knight, after all, and Bats wore a lotta black.

She was just in the middle of icing a pool of blood around each of the ginger-Batmen when she heard Joker shout "Timber!" and then a loud crash.

He appeared in the kitchen a moment later. "I think we're gonna need to get the boys to help us put the tree back in its stand. Also, we're gonna need to redecorate – most of the lights and bangles smashed when it hit the ground."

"That's ok, puddin', they were pretty boring decorations anyway," said Harley, continuing to ice the cookies. "Cliched and generic. I'll get our ornaments out in a second."

Joker grabbed a cookie and bit off the head. "Hey, these ain't bad, pooh," he said, sounding surprised.

"Thanks, Mr. J," she replied, beaming. She slapped his hand as he reached for another one. "Don't eat 'em all, they're for the party!"

"Don't tell me what to do, you dumb blonde, or Santa ain't bringing you any presents this year," he retorted, ignoring her and helping himself to another cookie.

"I need to write my letter, don't I, Mr. J?" she asked. "Or Santa ain't gonna know what I want for Christmas."

He spanked her playfully. "Santa always knows what you want, kiddo," he murmured. "You wanna end up on his naughty list, doncha, pooh?"

"Oh, Mr. C," she breathed as he kissed her. "Can your little girl sit on your lap and tell you how naughty she's been?"

"Ho, ho, ho, baby," he murmured. He kissed her nose and said, "Santa will reward his naughty and nice girl in a bit. Just gonna call the boys to help with the tree."

Harley received another kiss before he left and went back to her work indescribably happy. She loved Christmas – it always put Mr. J in a good mood.

After the cookies were iced, she went back into the main room where she saw the henchmen struggling to lift up the tree and place it in its stand, while Joker was rummaging through the closet.

"Where have you hidden my ornaments, kid?" he asked, noticing her.

"They're just at the back of the top shelf, Mr. J," she replied, going over and taking out a box for him. "Got the lights all untangled for you too," she said, pulling out several strings of purple and green Christmas tree lights.

"Thanks, sweets, you're the greatest," he said, kissing her cheek. "Good little girls like you get lots of presents from Daddy Claus."

"Oh, I'll be a real good girl, Santa baby," she whispered. "All you gotta do is slide down my chimney."

He giggled and pinched her cheek. "I tell ya, pooh, you just can't help being merry this time of year!" he said. "Even old Bats can't be his usual brooding self! You think he and the Boy Blunder get a tree and have egg nog around the fire?"

"Don't really like to think about what Bats and the Boy Blunder do around the fire," retorted Harley.

Joker laughed again as he went over to the tree and climbed up the ladder, Harley holding the base of it steady for him. He opened the box he was carrying to reveal a set of ornaments – Robin, Batgirl, and Nightwing all with nooses around their necks, which he hung on the tree branches. Then he pulled out the decoration for the top of the tree – a figure of Batman tied to a rocket.

"Aw, with Bats up it's really starting to feel like Christmas!" he exclaimed, standing back and smiling. "You think he's got a figure of me he puts on the tree, pooh bear?"

"Probably not. Bats isn't very fun," replied Harley. "He's probably a real grinch at Christmas."

"Probably," agreed Joker. "I mean, peace on earth and goodwill to all men? Bats doesn't want that crap. He'd get bored. And he just ain't a very nice guy when you get right down to it. Doesn't have that generous spirit, that holiday feeling, that Christmas glow. Not like me. Nothing makes me happier than spreading a little joy and laughter at this time of year."

"You're a saint, puddin'," breathed Harley, kissing him.

He snapped his fingers suddenly. "Speaking of which, I need to finish getting those toys ready to drop off at the orphanage tonight. Can you do the lights, pooh?"

"No problem, sweetie," she replied. She whistled as she hung the strings of lights on the tree. Joker still hadn't reappeared from his workshop, so Harley grabbed a piece of paper and began writing her letter.

"Dear Santa," she wrote. "I've been an awfully naughty girl lately. Here are some bad things I've done recently."

She grinned as she listed some unsavory events from the past three days. "I know you don't like giving presents to naughty girls, but if you don't bring me nothing, I'm gonna come to the North Pole and shove it where the sun don't shine, you fat bastard," she continued. "So gimme the following: 1. That stuffed dog Mr. J wouldn't buy me because he's a jerk. 2. Mr. J. Several times. 3. Hammer polish. 4. Mr. J lots more times. 5. Dead Bat-brain, so Mr. J won't be distracted by him anymore. And last but definitely not least, Mr. J completely insaitiable. Thanks, Santa baby, you're the greatest. Lots of love, Harley."

The Joker entered the room at that moment, dressed in a red suit and wearing a Santa hat, and carrying a sack of toys over his shoulder. "Wrote my letter to Santa, puddin'!" exclaimed Harley, leaping to her feet and rushing over. "You wanna read it?"

He took it from her and read it, smiling. "Geez, you don't want much, do you, baby?" he asked. He pocketed it and patted her head. "Santa will see what he can do."

"You want me to come with you to deliver the toys, puddin'?" asked Harley.

"Nah, you stay here, kid, and finish putting up the decorations. See if you can do something about the hole in the roof too, would ya? And if you have a cup of hot cocoa and a plate of cookies ready for Santa when he gets back, he'll see if he can't give you one of your Christmas presents early. That would be number 2, 4, or 6 on the list," he added, grinning.

"Okie dokie, Mr. C!" said Harley, beaming. "Have fun spreading the Christmas cheer, puddin'!"

Harley smiled to herself as she climbed onto the roof and repaired the gaping hole in it. It was so nice of Mr. J to give those kiddies those toys, even if they were filled with Joker toxin. At least they'd feel special and have fun playing with them for a few seconds before the gas killed them, which was probably more happiness than they'd had most of their lives. And at least they'd go out with a smile. Because how could anyone keep from smiling at Christmas?

She finished hanging the Christmas decorations and then hurried to change into a short, sheer red teddy with white fur trimming and a Santa hat. She had just finished making the cocoa and putting the cookies on a plate when a knock came on the door. Joker had keys, but Harley assumed this was part of the game, and so hurried down the hall and pulled open the door. "Your sexy little Mrs. Claus is just dying to lick your candy cane, pudd…" she began, but stopped when she saw Poison Ivy standing there, looking slightly horrified.

"Oh…hi, Red, what're you doing here?" asked Harley, doing her best to cover the most revealing areas.

"Sorry, Harley, this is clearly a bad time," said Ivy, hastily. "I'll just go…"

"No, no, Mr. J ain't back yet," said Harley. "C'mon in, I'll just put on a robe or something."

"I just wanted to drop off your present," said Ivy, as Harley returned to the hallway wearing a bathrobe. "I didn't want to give it to you at the party in front of everyone because I didn't buy anything for the rest of them."

"Aw, thanks, Red, you shouldn't have!" said Harley, smiling as she took the package. "I just got yours under the tree – I'll go grab it. I would let you come with, but we've just finished decorating and I wouldn't want to ruin the surprise for you."

"Have the decorations changed that much from last year?" asked Ivy. "You've still covered the room with the skeletal husks of dead and dying plants, and you're still forcing the gaudily colored tree to submit to the torture of slow dehydration, I assume?"

"Well…yeah…I mean you gotta have a tree at Christmas, Red," replied Harley. "And there's holly and stuff…you can't have Christmas without dead plants, sorry."

"I do," retorted Ivy.

"Well, I've already told you what I think of your Christmas, haven't I?" retorted Harley. "Anyway, sorry, Red, but at least the room looks really pretty, right? And it looks a lot different from last year - we lost a lotta of the old decorations in the fire. Bats and his family were saved, though."

"That's a relief," said Ivy, sarcastically. Harley returned with a package which she handed to Ivy, beaming.

"Merry Christmas, Red!" she exclaimed, hugging her tightly.

"Merry Christmas, Harley," replied Ivy, returning the hug.

The tender moment was ruined by a voice singing "He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for goodness sake!"

And they suddenly heard a bang from the living room. Harley opened the door to see the Joker emerging from the fireplace, covered in soot. "That's a lot harder than it looks," he said, brushing himself off. He saw Harley and his eyes lit up. "Well, hello, my sexy little elf! Does Daddy Claus have a job for you!"

"Red's here, Mr. J," said Harley, nodding.

He chuckled. "Then she better beat it unless she wants to join in the fun. Cause Santa wants to devour this little cookie right now!"

Harley giggled. "We'll see you at the party, ok, Red?" she said, pushing her toward the door. "Thanks for the present, enjoy yours, buh bye!"

"Merry Christmas to you too, J!" shouted Ivy as the door slammed in her face. "Jerk," she muttered.

She heard loud bangings as she walked away, and then, to her surprise, Joker singing, "You better watch out, you better not cry, you better not pout, I'm telling you why – Santa Claus is coming…Santa Claus is coming…oh, wow, Harley! Santa Claus is coming…to town!"

Ivy's face twisted in disgust as she heard him laugh. The clown certainly didn't waste any time. He was a sick bastard, and she was not looking forward to this party. Not one little bit.