EPOV
I lay here looking down at her, asleep in my arms and I brush her hair off her face, her poor, bruised and battered face. I feel a surge of anger as I think about what happened to her but I quickly push it down, not wanting to risk disturbing her sleep. I close my eyes, overwhelmed by my racing thoughts. Earlier, when I sat on her bed waiting for her while she was in the restroom, I inhaled her scent, so much stronger in her bedroom, and ALL my memories from the time I stayed with her here came rushing back in a torrent. When she came out and saw me, she had sensed something was amiss. Sookie is a perceptive, intelligent woman but I did not want to tell her just yet that I had regained my memories until I had more time to sort through them and she had recovered more from tonight.
I think back to earlier tonight when I was at Fangtasia, my bar, sitting on that stupid throne, bored to death (haha) with the meaningless, pathetic fangbangers lining the bar. Deep inside, I feel a twinge of fear and immediately go on alert. I know it isn't Pam as I can see her at the door, so it must be Sookie. Pam and Sookie are the only two who have had my blood in hundreds of years. The blood is sacred, I do not share it indiscriminately. I wait to see if I feel more from her or if this is just a fleeting emotion. Suddenly, the minor blood bond we have is overwhelmed with fear and I am out the door and in the air so quickly, few even registered my movements.I take my phone out mid-flight and text Pam, 'Bon Temps. Feel trouble'. I then call the Shifter's bar to ask if Sookie is at work. The shifter answers and informs me she has gone home for the night. I hang up before he can begin speaking to me again. I have no time for him.
I land at her home but know she is not inside or close by outside. I run into the woods following her foot trail and overwhelming scent. Her blood has been spilled, I can smell it from the edge of the woods. I will kill whoever has touched her in this way, I pray to Freya I am not too late. Rationally, I know I'm not or I would feel her death, but there are worse things than death.
I come upon a small clearing and see Sookie on her knees in front of a vampire when he suddenly rears back and strikes her, sending her flying across the clearing. I fill with rage at the sight of him touching her. He begins to stalk after her but I grip him by his throat before he reaches her. I snarl….Mickey. Piece of fucking scum Mickey. I slam him into a tree and am so enraged, I see red as I determine what I am going to do to him. He snarls back and half-heartedly makes an attempt towards me. I slam him into the tree again, decide quicker is best, though I would really like to take my time with him. I stake him through the heart with a sliver of tree trunk, drop what is left of him as he turns to ash and will myself to calm. I cannot approach Sookie in a fit of bloodlust, the scent of her blood is already heightening it for me.
I turn around too quickly, eager to check on her and I must of frightened her because she begins to try and crawl away from me. I rush over to her and she begins to scream and pull herself into a fetal position on the ground. Questions flood my mind….Why is she frightened of me? What did he do to her? Maybe she hit her head too hard? I know head injuries can be very serious for humans. I am uncertain how to approach her further but I have to assess her injuries. I reach out and gently touch her shoulder, this elicits another scream and I pull my hand away.
"Shhh Sookie, I am here. I will not hurt you. I promise."
I sense her confusion but my words calm her some. Ok….'do not touch just talk', I have to tell myself as all my instincts are pushing me to grab her up in my arms and never let her go…..Whoa. Where did that come from? I am not used to these overwhelming feelings she elicits in me. I quickly shake my head to clear it.
"Who are you?" she asks.
Fuck. She must of hit her head hard, I have heard about how head injuries can cause memory loss. Fuck.
I speak slowly, "You do not remember me?" I am fearful of her answer.
"I don't know. I can't see you or anything. I know your voice but can't place who you are…please don't hurt me." she begs.
She fucking begs. My Sookie does not beg. Whoa again, MY Sookie? I remember as a human how I would approach my children or an animal when they were frightened and I try to adopt that tone.
"Sookie, it is Eric. I am here. Do you know who I am? I want to take you home and help you. I am not sure how injured you are. Can I lift you?"
I wait…
"Eric? Oh God Eric."
Thanks to Freya, she knows me. I feel her relax as she simultaneously begins to cry, not just cry but sob. Her arms are reaching out for me and I step closer, trying to approach her slowly but again feeling the urge to wrap her in my arms and hold her there, and it's not sexual at all. I desire to be close to her, protect her, provide for her. What the fuck? These emotions are hitting me all at once and I do not like it at all.
"Please….please take me home" she cries.
I reached down and scoop her up, she flinches as I touch her and foolishly I feel rejected, even though I know it is just a reaction from being attacked. She turns her face to me and a ball of anger slams into my chest as I take in her injuries. The only sign of my anger I show is a low growl. Blood has run from her head, into her eyes and onto her face. I can see bruises beginning to form where he hit her on her cheek and around her mouth where it appears his hand was squeezing her face. I suspect her cheekbone is broken from the way her face is swelling. Her lip is split and blood trickles down from it. She turns and hides her face and I feel shame flood the bond. I want to tell her to never feel shame around me but I do not know how to tell her, so I stay quiet.
We reach her home quickly and I ask if I still have entrance into her home, I am secretly pleased she has not rescinded my invitation. I lower her to the couch, cover her with some hideous looking quilt and head to get a wet cloth to begin cleaning her up. When I return, she is curled up under that blanket and she allows me to begin cleaning her face. Her injuries do not appear to need a doctor's care but it becomes readily apparent that the washcloth is not going to be sufficient and I really want to put her in the bath to wash all of this away. I can smell him all over her and I need him gone as much as she does.
I ask permission to move her to the bath so we can clean her up more thoroughly. I explain everything I am thinking or am going to do so as not to scare her further. I recall her reaction in Dallas after being beaten by the Fellowship of the Sun, when she saw her reflection in the elevator, how she had begun to cry and feel defeated. With this memory, I determine that Sookie does not need to see what she looks like right now so I try to angle away from the mirror once we are in the bathroom. I hear her draw in a sharp breath and I know she has caught a glance of her face.
"Damn it", I growl.
I am irritated with myself for not shielding her better and I turn to angle further away. I try to comfort her with words and assure her I will heal her. I suddenly realize what I am saying….this would be our third blood exchange and that changes everything. We have a minor blood bond now and any additional blood exchanges would complete our bond and that is a not to be taken lightly in my world. Three exchanges would alter the bond into something much deeper and more permanent. I will not do that to her unwittingly, not if I can help it.
She begins struggling in my arms and I quickly surmise she is uncomfortable with me bathing her. I sense terror, surely she knows I would never harm her in this way and I sense…..embarrassment? A few weeks ago, Sookie gave me details about the time I stayed with her so I know we have a previous sexual history even if I cannot remember it. I do not understand the embarrassment. I obviously have partaken in everything Sookie has to offer. I pull her a little tighter and offer to leave her undergarments on as a barrier. This seems to calm her, for which, I am grateful because no way am I leaving her alone right now and for some reason unbeknownst to me, I want to engage in this ritual of caring for her.
Her odd reaction to me touching her makes me pause, I suddenly realize that I smell Mickey all over her and I can not tell whether or not he actually violated her due to the intermingling scents of blood and Sookie and Mickey. I do not want to ask but I need to know, not because it will make me see her any differently but because I will know better how to approach her.
Unsure as to the best tactic, I stammer, "Did he….did I not get there soon enough….did Mickey rape you, Sookie? Is this why you are frightened of me bathing you?"
She shakes her head 'No' and quietly says, "It was close. That was his intention, but he….he did…..other things to me."
I close my eyes and growl as I now know exactly what he did to her, it is why she was on her knees before he hit her. I am furious but I strive to tamper it down. I do not want to frighten her. It is important to me that she feels safe and protected by me. I ponder why this is important as I start the bath and begin to remove her ruined clothes. I keep my face as neutral as possible because even in these circumstances, Sookie is a beautiful woman and she always stirs something in me, but now is not the time to respond. It fills me with momentary sadness, that the one time I will remember divesting her of her clothes is after another has attacked and violated her. I vow to replace this memory soon. I make sure to leave on her undergarments and want to grin at her white, cotton, totally utilitarian bra and panties, only a woman like Sookie could make something that plain and boring look sexy, she doesn't need any embellishments.
As I lower her into the tub, she takes a deep breath and I feel her relax in the warm water. I begin to bath her. I enjoy this task immensely, but not in a sexual way. I find myself wanting to wash her, worship her, care for her in any way possible and the act of washing her is incredibly intimate. I feel myself desiring that intimacy. 'Where is all this coming from?' I shake my head in wonder. Pam would either flay me or humiliate me if she knew what was going through my mind. My eyes drift upwards to her shoulders and neck and I see the bite marks on her shoulder.
"He fed from you?" I'm angry again, violently so. NO ONE FEEDS from my lover but me…..My lover?
"More like he just wanted to hurt me and bite me. He only took two pulls of blood, so I don't know if that counts as a feeding. But it hurt like hell. Not like when Bill or you have bitten me." she replies.
I want to hiss at the mention of Compton, but I nick my finger instead and heal the marks on her shoulder. The only marks she will bear will be mine. I then recall her split lip and heal that as well, careful not to get any blood in her mouth. Again, I do not want to unwittingly bond her to me further.
I finish cleaning her body and lean her head back gently and begin to wash the blood from her hair. I look at the two choices of shampoo and instinctively reach for the lemon mint scent. I somehow know it's her favorite, but how do I know this? The scent is alluring and I notice that the act of washing her hair seems to spark a feeling of contentment and longing in Sookie and I feel it too. What The Fuck? She looks up at me and I feel her close off the bond some and I do not like it, I want to feel everything she feels. I crave it. This disturbs me and I quickly finish her hair, grab a towel and get her out of the bath. I need some space….her scent, her warmth, all these feelings lobbing back and forth are stifling. I feel like I can't breath, which is crazy. I make sure she can finish the process and back out of the bathroom. I lean against the door after it closes and put my head in my hands.
What the hell is going on with me? Pull it together Northman. She is a human and you are acting like some besotted kid. Eric Northman does not act "besotted" for any woman. I need a good fuck, that's what I need to put her out of my mind. Problem is, I haven't really found anyone I have been willing to go there with, I try and I only see flashes of blond hair, blue eyes staring at me, filled with lust, desire….longing. I begin the feel the beginnings of lust fill me….Stop, Northman, she doesn't need any of this from you now.
I am suddenly hit with a wave of nausea and anguish. Shit. Sookie. I left her alone too long. I knock but she does not answer so I push the door open and stop short at what I see. Sookie is bent over the sink, violently brushing her teeth and I smell blood as she spits into the sink over and over. Tears are streaming down her face. I feel my own eyes well with blood tears but I push them back, I have to be strong for her. I slowly move to the sink and stop her hand and remove the toothbrush. Her knees buckle, but I catch her and cradle her to my chest. I need to get her out of this room, away from the mirrors and the physical reminders.
We end up back on the couch, her wrapped in that afghan she seems to love so much and she's cuddled on my lap. I am at a loss so I stroke her hair and back, trying to soothe her.
"Tell me what happened Sookie. How did he get to you?"
I must have had a look on my face when she glanced up at me that said 'I really don't want to know', because she asks,
"Are you sure you want me to?"
I steel myself for the details and answer her pragmatically, as practical always seems best in situations like these.
"Yes I must know where the holes are in what little security you have around here and then remedy that immediately"
"Ok. I got home from work and wanted to go to Gran's grave. I had bought some flowers to take since today was her birthday. I had meant to go earlier today but Sam called me early to see if I could work a double shift since one of the other girls had called in sick, so I didn't have time"
Damn the shifter, I had felt her tiredness earlier and I am sure she picked up more hours for financial purposes as well as her tendency to do things for others. She continues,
"I was so tired when I came home, I rushed in, changed my clothes, put my things away and didn't really scan like I usually do, though I didn't sense anything at all. I headed towards the cemetery and had just finished putting the flowers on her grave when I felt the void nearby. I initially thought it was Bill, as he wanders a lot at night, but he would have revealed himself once he saw my head lift up. He would of known I sensed him and would not of kept silent"
As much as I hate Compton, I know this to be true, he would never intentionally frighten her and I nod my head in agreement.
"I begin to feel anxious and knew it wasn't any vampire I knew out there…..not Bill, not Bubba, not you or Pam. Any of y'all would of come forth when you sensed my anxiety. I know it was stupid but the human side of things told me to run, as fast as I could…..you know good ole' fight or flight. I knew I was just adding to the chase but I couldn't stop myself. He toyed with me, let me get deep in the woods as I tried to reach my house. I knew if I could just get to my house, I would be safe but he grabbed me way before then and then you got there pretty soon after that."
I stare at her, knowing there is more and I debate with myself over whether I want any more details, I can guess as to what transpired, and I can sense her reluctance to share. I am now concerned perhaps there is more she does not want me to know so I press, convincing her with a practical reason,
"I know you do not wish to discuss this further but I need to know more than this, especially if I have to answer for killing Mickey. This way I could speak for you and you would not be required. I am sorry Sookie."
She sighs, "Oh I don't want you to get in trouble Eric, but this is really hard to talk about…..he grabbed my hair, smelled me and bite my shoulder. Then he forced a kiss on me and ripped open my shirt and put his hands on me. Then he forced me to my knees and …well….."
She begins to sob. I don't want to push her, maybe this is too much too soon…. I have heard how humans can be overwhelmed by traumatic events.
"It is okay Sookie. I understand." And I do, I know what he did after that, but she continues as if she can't stop now,
"He forced himself into my mouth and it was so vile, I thought I would vomit. He was so abusive and hurtful. I finally bit him hard" (She bit him?! Never feel shame, Sookie. You are strong and a fighter even against a fucking masochistic vampire. I do not know why but I feel momentary pride).
"…and then he hit me and I went flying into the air. I hit my head on something when I landed and thought I was going to pass out but then you showed up and saved me. Thank you for coming. I kept screaming for help in my head, hoping someone would hear me or would sense me. Thank you Eric, thank you for coming. I know what he was planning."
For a moment, I thought she had read Mickey's thoughts, but Sookie quickly says,
"I didn't know" and tapped her temple, "but as a woman, I knew his intentions and I knew that would kill me. He would kill me. I feel so dirty and violated like before when….." she stops suddenly and looks away.
"When what Sookie?" I ask. I suspect she is hiding something.
"Hmmm? Oh nothing."
Oh no, there will be no hiding. I will know what else happened to her and whether I need to kill someone else for hurting her.
"It is not nothing. When what Sookie?"
"Oh Eric, do we have to talk about all this anymore? I'm so tired."
I am sure she is just trying to avoid talking any further but I do not want to stress her further so I give in,
"Very well Sookie, but we will resume this conversation at a later time"
I feel her weariness overtaking her and I scoop her up and take her to her room. She heads to the restroom and I turn down her bed. I am immediately assaulted by her scent-that uniquely and wonderfully Sookie smell. It is so strong, I take a step back .
Several other smells hit me simultaneously and I find myself stumbling to the side of the bed as I am flooded with memories….. Sookie stopping her car when she found me, tenderly washing my feet, Sookie and I in the shower, then on her bed, her caring for me even as her world was turned upside down….so many memories. I hear her come in the room and my head jerks up,
"What's wrong?" she asks
I cannot unload all this on her now, not after everything with Mickey so I reply,
"Nothing is wrong. Come to bed, lover. You are tired."
She pauses at something I said and narrows her eyes. I slipped and used 'Lover' and she caught it. I see her disregard it due to her weariness and I am grateful, I must process all this before I can share it with her. I pull her close to me as I lay down beside her. I am surprised she does not balk at our closeness and I find myself fervently hoping she does not decide she wants me to leave, because I have not felt this right or content in hundreds of years. I can feel her need for me and a longing. I briefly tense as she snuggles closer to me because I am not sure I want to relish in her warmth, her closeness, but it is too tempting, too strong and I relax my body into hers.
And here I lie, cataloguing my memories of those days with Sookie. All the times we laid cuddled like this, how she cared for me and honored me with her body, her home, maybe even her love. I offered to give up everything for her. I feel a deep pang of longing for her and I stare down at her. She is an extraordinary woman, so many women would of capitalized on the time we shared, taken advantage of my weakened state and made demands once my memories returned, but Sookie had known it would not last and had let me go even though it hurt her deeply. I might have been suffering the loss of my memories but Sookie has been grieving the loss of what we had shared and she has every memory of that time I'm sure stored away in her remarkable mind. I feel a deep sense of regret that I pushed her so hard to tell me what had happened, as I know now that I likely caused her pain every time I asked and made her remember.
I had felt something more akin to what humans refer to as "love" with Sookie than I ever remember feeling and I am overwhelmed by the feeling again. It is what I have been feeling all night caring for her. It is why I rushed to her side the minute I felt her fear. It is what drives me to claim her as mine. It has been there all along, I just did not recognize it. I want to fully bond with her now….I want to tie myself to her and take her as mine…..I want everything she will give me, there's only one complication. What will Sookie want after all this time?
