**For authors notes, summary etc see chapter 1**

Changes

Chapter 2 – You're what?

"Sandra I've had enough of this as soon as you get out of there I'm calling the out of hours doctor this isn't normal!" Shit! I thought I'd get through the weekend with the" it's just a tummy bug" excuse but he's not buying it anymore. It's been three days since I did the test and I still haven't told him that I'm pregnant. There just doesn't seem to have been there right time. Unfortunately while I've been determined to keep him in the dark the baby has decided that's just not on and has been making sure that I am becoming intimately acquainted with the inside of various toilet bowls. Here, the office, the cinema when we went there on Wednesday, the home of the parents of the victim in our latest case I could go on but I can hear him getting frustrated on the other side of the door as I retch again and the rest of my breakfast makes it's escape.

"Gerry stop don't do that I know what it is just go down and make me a cup of the ginger tea I bought yesterday and I'll explain when I come down." Right now you're thinking I'm a complete bitch I know you are, he's terrified I'm really ill and I'm doing everything I can to put off telling him I'm not but you don't understand. I'm pretty sure when he finds out what's actually going on he's going to wish it was as simple as me being ill.

"Sandra the tea is ready and I swear if you aren't down here in two minutes I'm phoning the doctor anyway."

Ok time to take you courage in your hands Sandra and just tell him. Coming with me? Thought you might it's going to be quite a show I hope you enjoy it because I sure as hell know I'm not going to.

"I'm sorry look I should have told you sooner but it's just….."I've made it downstairs and he's looking at me in a way that is making my heart break. He's terrified I'm going to tell him I'm dying or something and I still can't get the bloody words out.

"Sandra whatever it is just tell me, it doesn't matter what's wrong with you or how ill you are I love you and we'll face it together. I promise I'll be here for you and…"

"I'm not ill I'm pregnant," Shit I was going to say it better than that and now he looks like I've just slapped him, the colour has drained from his cheeks and he's not speaking and oh god I'm going to be sick again!

I think I should bring a sleeping bag into this bathroom I'm spending so much time in here at the minute. I've locked the door and I can hear him following me up the stairs and it's not helping my nausea. I told you it was going to be awful didn't I? I don't know what I'll do it he says he doesn't want this I don't think I could cope with…..

"Sandra honey; open the door I'm sorry you took me by surprise and I know you wanted a different reaction from me so come out and let me do it again let me talk to you." Much as I want to stay right here unfortunately I know I have to face him at some point so it might as well be now. If he's going to make me chose between him and the baby it's better to know now that my marriage is over. Stop rolling you're eyes at me I'm not overreacting I know I'm not!

I've stepped out into the hall and he's pulling me into his arms and now I'm crying. Damn I was not going to cry!

"You're really pregnant?" What the hell of course I am would I be putting us through this if I wasn't?

"No Gerry I thought I'd put us both through half an hour of hell for the fun of it." Now I'm really crying and he's laughing well that's for that darling I love you too!

"You're pregnant with my baby? Our baby?"

"No I'm pregnant with Brian's baby I've been meaning to tell you about the sordid affair we've been having for the last few months." Sorry that sounded childish I know but first he says nothing now he's babbling. "I know it's not what you want but…"

"Not what I want?" If he is going to start repeating everything I say this is just going to get stupid and I'm not having a stupid conversation about something so important in the middle of our landing. I'm going to get my ginger tea because I've recently discovered it's the only thing that helps with the nausea!

He's followed me downstairs and he's grinning like a bloody maniac I swear I'm going to kill him then this won't be an issue because he will be dead and I will be having this child in prison.

"Sandra how can you think I wouldn't want our baby?" Well let me think you're over 60, your kids are grown up, you have a grandchild, we never talked about kids because we both assumed it wasn't an option, we have a life you keep telling me is perfect and to top it all you haven't been able to form a proper sentence since I told you, I mean what the hell, he needs to ask?

"I don't know Gerry, I could give you a list of reasons but top of it would be the look on your face when I told you." He's laughing again he really needs to stop doing that it's bad for his personal safety.

"I was surprised, you can't tell me that you didn't know how worried I was about you, I've spent the last few days imagining everything and a baby didn't even make the list. I was convinced I was going to lose you so you can forgive me for not reacting immediately can't you?"

Ok he's got a point but still he's had enough time to recover and he's still not told me anything that is making me believe he's happy about this.

"I love you." Ok that'll do for a start now he's sitting beside me looking at me like he's never loved anyone more in his life and I'm starting to forgive him. "I can't believe you're having a baby, our baby, it's amazing I didn't think things could get any better but you just keep making my life more complete. Of course I'm happy about it Sandra I'm over the fucking moon but how do you feel about it?"

"Apart from the constant throwing up?" Now he's laughing and I'm laughing and crying at the same time. "If someone had told me a month ago this would happen I'd have had them committed but when I did the test and I knew it was I realised I want to have your baby but I've been terrified that you wouldn't want it. You've done babies and sleepless nights and nappies, you're a grandfather now I thought you wouldn't want to go back to it again."

"Sandra Standing you are the most impossible woman I've ever known." Oh I wasn't expecting that what happened to gentle and gushing I like that better. "You know how much I love my kids and you know you are my life without you I'm nothing so the idea that we are going to have a baby, part of you and me, is the single best thing that could have happened to me."

"You mean it?" He's kissing me now and I know he means it and for the first time since I did the test I feel like it's ok to get excited about the fact we're having a baby and it's going to be amazing.

"How far along are you? I mean when's he due?" Ah questions I can't answer and "he" where the hell did that come from?

"He?"

"Well he or she I don't care either way but when?"

"I don't know I only did the test on Tuesday we…." Un Oh now the shock is back damn should have kept to myself the fact I've known for days and not told him. "I'm sorry I was worried that….."

"That you'd tell me and I'd not immediately say the right thing and you would panic and think I didn't want the baby and it would be a disaster?" He's laughing again and I know he understands.

"Yeah well I made us an appointment with the doctor on Monday morning so hopefully we'll know more then."

"But we can tell Brian and Jack and your Mum and my girls and….."

"Wow back up a second." He's getting a little ahead of himself now time to reign him in a bit "First of all we're not telling anyone just yet I've been doing a little research in the last few days on pregnancy in women my age and we need to wait. I'm not exactly in my 20's so we need to see the doctor and it's probably a good idea to wait until we're past the twelve week stage before we start making any big announcements."

"Right, yeah you're right, sorry but it will be ok right?" Now I can see all the possibilities run through his mind and my heart feels three sizes too big for my chest.

"Hey it's going to be fine I'm not saying it's not I just think we need to take it slowly, make sure everything is ok and give ourselves time to adapt to the idea. Besides you remember how much fun it was last time we have a secret? I think it'll be fun again for a few weeks." Ah see he gets it and he's pulling me back into his arms and kissing me again and I know everything is going to be fine. Better than fine actually I know it's going to be amazing and suddenly I can't wait to see the doctor on Monday and know that everything is ok so we can start planning our future, all our futures, all three of us!