A/N: Happy Thanksgiving!
And to those of you who don't celebrate it...
...um...well...
...happy updated day!
Back at it again with a nice looooooong chapter!
I'm also pleased to deliver good news! My sister is home safely and she seems to be doing alright after suffering a stroke. Her Catscan (not familiar with the terminology) came back clean, and she's up and talking. Rather loudly at that, thank goodness, haha! She's also starving, which is a good sign considering how small she is. Can't say how much of a relief it is to have her back safe. There doesn't appear to be any lasting damage aside from her being tired. Furthermore, she's speaking properly, and eating normally as well. What's scary is that we don't know what caused it in the first place. There's no sign of whatever caused it so I think I can tentatively say she's alright for now.
Thank you for all the wonderful support!
I'M FINALLY BACK!
...
...
...
...yeah, its been awhile.
FOR A DAMNED GOOD REASON!
NEW GAME PLUS HAS BEEN KICKING MY ASS!
Also, the title is meant to be a silly, derpy little thing.
Its always good to have a bit of laughter in these dark times, no?
Also! Since the "Fair Lady" was never given a proper name, we're going with Quelan.
Yes, yes, I know its dangerously close to Quelana but there's nothing else to be done about it.
We're certainly not going to call her the Fair Lady for the entirety of this story now, are we? Nope!
So there we are.
To clarify, Naruto isn't an almighty OP god in this story. He's deliberately handicapped himself to a startling degree for the sake of his own goals. Yes he has a degree of power far and beyond the ken of most sorcerors-not to mention he's snarky as all hell-but if someone say, I don't know, LAUTREC for example, dies at his hand or to a beast, that's it. They're dead and gone. I know, I know, but its the reality of things. Don't expect our favorite blond to go raising them from the dead anytime soon.
Speaking of bad and soon-to-be-dead guys, fuck LAUTREC, fuck PETRUS, and fuck PATCHES.
Not neccessarily in that order, but you get the picture.
Meaning if someone dies here...
...well...
Bit of a risk there, 'innit?
One last thing, if any of you are looking for a PURE Dark Souls story, go read "Breaking the Cycle by theseeker46. Yes, that's a shameless plug right there. Bloody brilliant bastard, that one. He wrote a wonderful story that I only discovered recently and well...its phenomenal to say the least. Its a long, enjoyable, yet simultaneously heartbreaking piece of literature, that's absolutely grand and an inspiration to anyone longing to write a Dark Souls story of their own.
Its served as a great inspiration to me!
Now then...
PRAISE THE SUN!
"I...don't know whether to kill you or kiss you."
"The latter, please. Dying sucks."
~?
Spiders and Fire and Chaos, Oh My!
Dear journal,
Hope is like a spark.
The tiniest flicker in the dark can ignite an unstoppable flame; a fire that burns bright in your heart and drives away the shadow. Though it may flicker at times, perhaps even fade in the face of adversity, it is always there to spur us on. Hope drives us. Inspires us. Saves us. A wise old man once told me that to live without hope in your heart is to live without a soul. That's what hope is to humanity. The belief that things can-WILL-be better someday, that Out of difficulties grow miracles. Out of miracles come the impossible. In turn, the impossible becomes possible.
In the end, hope is really all we have.
You just need that one, tiny spark.
It can come from anyone.
Anything.
Even a wayward god who lost his way.
Hope's funny like that; because it inspires you.
It can even change the fate of entire worlds, galaxies, universes.
An act of kindness here, a bit of mercy there, a jolt of decisiveness where you least expect, and who knows where we'll all end up? Sometimes its the smallest change that alters things. A ripple in the pond. Other times its a great wave, rolling over the world, sweeping all before it. Me? I've already changed things by sparing Quelaag. But will that change prove for the better or the worst? By not killing her, did I unwittingly set into motion a series of events that will destroy everything?
Does it matter?
Hmm.
I wonder what that says about my mental state when I prioritize the happiness of the few over the many? Who knows? I like to think I provided Quelaag with hope when I gave her back her legs. The hope that tomorrow will be better. When the world says give up? Hope says try it one more time. When the world shuns you? Dare to hope that might not be true.
For like a spark...
...hope drives away death and the dark.
What do we say to death?
NOT TODAY!
(...Blight Town...)
Quelaag stumbled.
"Gods damn it!"
Again.
A very unladylike oath exploded from her lips as her legs buckled beneath her like flimsy driftwood and she collapsed. Flailing for balance and finding none, her arms pinwheeled wildly as she fought to keep from crashing to the floor. To say that she failed would be an understatement. Of course she failed. Quelaag failed spectacularly. Bereft of balance, she toppled backwards and landed hard on her rear with a solid thud, causing her robe to flare in the abrupt breeze following her short-lived tumble. Part of her was suddenly and intensely grateful she'd been given the cloth to preserver her modesty at all. The rest...
"Ha!"
A short, sharp bark of laughter echoed across the cavern, rolling loud and long in the confines of her domain.
"You know, no matter how many times I see that, I never get used to it." Naruto chastised her from his perch at the cavern's mouth. "I keep telling you, one foot in front of the other. Like the song, ya know? You won't be able to run until you can walk." gentle blue eyes flicked back to her legs. "Sure you don't want my help? I can stop writing in this thing and give you a hand, ya know."
Quelaag bristled.
Bad enough that she'd submitted to the clothes he'd given her, but this?
"I do not." she replied stiffly. "I can do this alone."
The blond arched a slender brow.
"Gravity would disagree."
"Aaargh!"
She tried to stand once more, made it all of two steps, and collapsed again.
Somehow, she managed to catch herself against the wall.
"Good!" Naruto's voice boomed, slightly warped by the distance. "You're getting the hang of it."
Was that bastard actually clapping?!
"Bite me." she growled.
"Ohohoho!"
Palming his journal, the wayward blond laughed and shoved the worn leather tome into his pouch. It was almost amusing to see the same woman who'd nearly gutted him now stumbling about like a newborn. Bereft of her many legs and a good portion of her power, Quelaag found herself forced to recall the not-so-simple art of walking on her own power once again. To be fair he would've helped her by now, but Quelaag possessed a warrior's spirit and pride. She was wholly determined to do everything herself. The first time he'd tried, she stuck him with her sword.
Ever had a burning blade thrust through your innards?
No?
Its not pleasant.
When Quelaag finally fell for the third time, he decided to intervene, blade or not.
"No, no, no!" Propping himself up against his zweihander, the blond wiped a bead of sweat from his brow and stood. "You're doing it all wrong! Wasting stamina!"
Mortal or not, separating her from the Spider had been...tiring for him. Inordinately so. The power of Chaos was not a force so easy trifled with, let alone stifled. Even by one of its own. It wasn't a matter of merely taking her out of the spider, no, he'd had to reconstruct Quelaag's lower body completely; organs and muscles and bone and skin all, even as he tore her from the raging beast. He'd then had to kill said spider to prevent it from going on a rampage or worse, attempting to fuse with the witch again. Unpleasant work, that.
It would be some time before he could attempt such a procedure on her dear, frail sister.
Assuming Quelaag ever allowed them to meet.
Such a protective one, she was!
"Come no closer!"
He'd barely managed seven steps before Quelaag proved his point as she was often wont to do; rounding on him with a near feral hiss, the act sending her dark hair swirling around her head like a halo. Eyes the color of blood narrowed upon, angry slits boring murderously into his very soul. But it wasn't anger he saw in those eyes. It was determination. Despite his earlier statement, she was determined to stand on her own. To protect her sister in the chamber beyond. She'd give her all, if it meant protecting her family. Ah. Now there was a fire that would never go out. Hmm. Somehow it made her even more beautiful.
Wait.
Where had that thought come from?
Blinking the distracting notion away, Naruto stormed to warrior-witch's side and attempted to help her stand.
A task that was made somewhat more difficult when the Chaos Witch bit him.
Sharp teeth sank deep.
Hard.
Naruto felt a strange sucking sensation emanate from the limb before he realized she'd inadvertently stolen some of his souls.
And half his Humanity to boot!
"Why you little-!" the warrior hissed, waving his bloodied hand about like a flail. "No biting! If I'd wanted to kill you I would've done it by now. Besides, we made a deal, remember? A deal that does not involve biting! Bad Quelaag!"
A low hiss was her sole concession.
"So are you going to let me help you or...?"
...watch your hands, human, lest I gut you." she warned.
Gingerly he hooked one hand beneath her arm, followed by the other. Quelaag tensed at the contact, but relented as he helped her to her feet. Remarkably, the witch found that her strength had indeed returned. Her legs, though weak still, no longer folded beneath her when she stood. Indeed, she felt far better now than she had in age. But why? Did it have something to do with this infernal blond? He hadn't cast any healing art on her; he seemed too preoccupied with helping her to cast any such miracle, assuming he could. So why did she suddenly-oh. The realization swept over her like a river of fire and she hung her head in embarrassment.
The blood.
In her anger, she'd bitten him.
And in doing so, perhaps siphoned a small bit of his power.
A small, dismayed laugh escaped her lips before she could stop. Stupid girl! Foolish girl! How long had it been since she'd truly had a proper meal?! And she'd imbibed the blood and souls of this buffoon?!
"Of course." she muttered blackly. "That's just perfect."
Naruto, mistaking her laughter for madness, only sighed.
"Why do I always get the crazy ones?"
Just like that, Quelaag's brief bout of madness dashed itself against the rocks of annoyance.
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
Unwilling to let the matter drop, the witch summoned her sword and thrust it up beneath his chin. To her dismay her patron didn't bat so much as an eyelash, even as the horizontal line of her weapon threatened to open his jugular and spill blood and souls alike. Seizing hold of his leather armor with the other, she gave the infuriating man a good, hard shake.
"You will give me armor once I recover." it was not a question, but a demand. "These paltry robes do not suit me."
"Aw, does the princess want a crown, too?"
"I'll gut you!"
"As I said, sure thing, Red." his hand wrapped around her blade, forcing it down. "Whatever you say."
"Red?"
"What can I say?" the blond shrugged. "You strike me as a Red aaaaaaaandgettingdizzy."
An unexpected wave of dizziness ripped through him before he could finish, causing him to stagger and plant his massive sword into the ground to steady himself. After a fleeting moment of uncertainty the nausea passed, replaced by a faint sense of vertigo. Right, then. Where the hell had that come from? Oh. Right. Miss-bites-a-lot.
Remarkably, Quelaag didn't mock him for it.
"Are you unwell?" she ventured hesitantly. "You've gone pale."
"Nah, I'm fine." he groused. "Just a bit drained because you decided to fucking bite me, is all. But to answer your earlier question, no, I have absolutely no intention of harming your sister; nor do I have any interest in the Chosen Undead." the blond dismissed her accusations with an errant wave of a hand. "Let them flail about all they like. Let them try to ring the second bell, for all the good it does them. They'll likely be running around Izalith and getting themselves killed for days, yet. Plenty of time for my little scheme. Well," he paused, considering her. "Suppose its our scheme, now."
Belatedly it occurred to Quelaag that she didn't understand him.
His goals.
His desires.
His motivations.
"Pray tell, what scheme is that?"
"Why," Her ally flashed a roguish grin, "To break the cycle, of course."
Well!
He was mad.
Absolute, completely, raving mad.
As if sensing that very thought, his gaze snapped towards her.
"Am I now?" Naruto frowned and for an instant, Quelaag glimpsed something dark in those pleasant blue eyes. "Tell me witch, is it mad to want justice? To seek redemption? I've seen darkness and deceit triumph one too many times in this land. The wicked flourish. The innocent? They die. And for what? Round and round the cycle goes, with no one the wiser. Death. Fire. Rebirth. Sometimes its the other way around. A Dark Lord rises, but in the end he fails too and someone lights the fire. Which brings about death and inevitably, rebirth. On and on it goes. Tell me, how many times have you died? Are you even aware of it? Well, no more. Not one more. So I'm going to change things. This seemed like a good place to start."
What nonsense was this?
Did he truly think he could do such a thing?
"Better men than you have tried." she told him as much. "You'll fail. Like all the rest."
To her dismay, Naruto actually laughed.
"Oh, my dear Quelaag." A hand cupped her chin, idly caressing her face. "Pardon the turn of phrase, but you ain't never had a friend like me. Now then!" He clapped his hands abruptly, causing her to start. "Have you ever considered that I might not be your enemy? Hmm? Think on that for a minute.
Quelaag tilted her head.
In all honesty, she hadn't considered it.
Why was he here? What did he possibly hope to accomplish by giving her back her legs or even her powers? Was it pity that motivated him, or something more? She wanted to know; no, she needed to know. If there was even the slightest possibility that he might be able to help poor Quelan...whatever the risk...
She had to take it.
"Suppose I believe you." she began slowly, disentangling herself from him. "What would you have me do?"
"First we need to get you some better gear and level you up-
Instead of finishing, Naruto paused.
Frowning, he cocked his head.
He sensed something.
A presence.
"Ah." he said to no one in particular. "So that's where you were. Change of plants. There's someone I'd like you to meet, Red. A family reunion, of sorts."
"I beg your pardoooooooooon?!"
The rest of her sentence-and a great deal of her senses besides!-dissolved into a strangled shriek as the blond abruptly darted forward and seized her by the waist. Then, in a single smooth movement he spun her around and swept her up onto his back. She scarcely had time to form a protest, much less voice them before the blond crouched. With a grunt, he gathered his legs beneath him and leaped in rapid succession them hurtling off the ground and toward the entrance at breakneck speed. For a fleeting heartbeat, Quelaag feared her neck truly would break. It was all she could do just to cling to his back, her arms locked around his neck and even her newfound strength threatened to wane entirely against the sheer velocity.
Thankfully, a third and final leap brought them to their destination, upon which Naruto sketched an elaborate bow.
By some miracle, they'd found solid ground again. Not only that, but somehow.
"AHA! There you are, Quelana! Nice 'ta finally meetcha!"
The hooded woman in question raised her head...
...and time stood still for Quelaag.
No. This...impossible.
Was it not?
"Hmm. A mere Undead, yet you can see me?" she paused then, her deep green eyes quietly considering him, apparently unaware of her presence on his back. "Fascinating. I am Quelana of Izalith. I am not often revealed to walkers of flesh. You have a gift. Are you one who seeks my-
"Alright, let me stop you there." the blond interjected forcefully, rolling his shoulders. "Yes to the Pyromancy, but I've also brought you a gift. Say hello to your big sister."
A light, disbelieving laugh arose from the hooded woman.
"I'm sorry, what...?"
That was all she managed before Quelaag seized her younger sibling in a flying tackle.
A/N: See what you can change with a few words and a bit of divinity? Always believe in yourself! I merrily enjoy the chance to save those who can be saved and butchering those who have it coming (kicking Lautrec and Patches off a fucking cliff for one) to them. Hope you guys liked it!
So in the Immortal Words of Atlas...
...Review, Would You Kindly?
And enjoy the previews!
I'm sure you all know the first one!
Next chapter has a HUGE chunk of it devoted to a certain someone...
(Possible Previews!)
"Who art thou? One of us thou art not."
"Well, aren't you just adorable~!
The scythe found his throat.
"I...beg your pardon?"
"Um, could you not?" Naruto tilted his head, uncaring of the smooth edge biting into his jugular. "Solaire and I had to aggro a LOT of enemies just to make it here in one piece and I'd rather not have to do it all over again, ya know? 'Sides, I'm not here to fight. But I'm not going to just "plunge down the plank" as you'd say, either."
Despite her best efforts, Priscilla felt a muscle jump in her jaw.
"Then thou art truly a fool."
"Perhaps." the blond made no effort to stand, in fact, he kept right on sitting. "But life's no fun without a bit of laughter now, 'innit? Now, maybe you could put that scythe down and we can talk?"
He patted the ground beside him gently for emphasis.
Priscilla held his stare for a long moment.
Then, incredibly, she relented.
...very well."
Looking back, she couldn't explain it; there was just something...trustworthy about him.
Her shoulders slumped ever so slightly; the great scythe leaving his neck. If he felt relief, the intruder didn't show it. She tucked both legs beneath her and sat, mirroring him. She flinched only slightly when the whiskered warrior extended his hands and conjured up a small orb of flame between them. Warily, she laid her scythe down well within arms reach, just in case he should strike at her. Of course she remained confident in her ability to dispatch him without discourse, but one could never be too careful.
"Tell me then," she ventured, "What dost thou want?"
The blond beamed.
"Everything."
"Ooomph!"
The sorcerer grunted in surprise as the blunt catalyst descended mercilessly upon his head.
"Bad Logan! Bad! No going hollow, you hear me?!"
Quelaag palmed her face.
"Here we go...
"Fuck the cycle."
Frampt actually blinked.
"I...beg your pardon...?"
Artorias groaned.
"You must...kill me...
"Fuck, that! You're a bloody legend!"
Quelana paused at the threshold, considered the Knight of Thorns.
Though his face lay hidden behind his prickly helm, the man's posture was unmistakable. His barbed blade lay at his feet as though he'd cast it down, his armored hands biting deeply into his greaves. He must've been waiting near the lift when Naruto worked his magic-now there was a question that needed answering-on her dear sister and freed her from the chaos. He must've seen everything. The way she threw herself at him. The laughter. The tears. She didn't blame the poor man for being morose. All that work he'd done. All the humanity he'd gathered. Now for naught.
Helm or not.
She knew that expression.
It was the look of a broken heart.
In another life, she might have taken his side.
But that power...no. She'd made her choice long ago.
Naruto's ability...it could fix everything. It could restore Izalith.
No, not just Izalith. Perhaps...perhaps, perhaps it could even restore...
R&R~!
