A Water Lily
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chapter one
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a seeking sinner
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we all long for Eden, and we are constantly glimpsing it
our whole nature, at its best and least corrupted, its gentlest and most human,
is still soaked with the sense of exile
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Uchiha Sasuke was many things.
A shinobi. An avenger. A criminal. A wanderer. A sinner. A friend.
But he was not a babysitter.
Which is why he felt no remorse as he wandered away from the cave for his daily patrolling, leaving the still-unconscious woman behind. In any case, he thought with an annoyed flare of his brow, she would probably be hungry when she awoke. And he had decided he would be accommodating.
Accommodating, as in, he would not abandon her to die. Or, he convinced himself, ditch her as soon as her eyes fluttered open. And, if she were to awaken while he was gone and had left before he could return, then he had done what human morality demanded.
But he would give it a few hours too.
Sasuke trudged through the snow steadily, not bothering to activate his Sharingan. Winter patrol had always been dull. Even criminals had homes and families they would rather spend days like these with.
Brooding loners were a different story. On cold winter mornings like these, you might find them at an inn or tavern, drinking their problems away, and waiting out the storm. He thought of himself, tucked in the corner of a bar, drinking stale beer and wondering where he would sleep that night. In the end, he had always found himself somewhere alone and secluded, in a bed of grass and wheat stalks. Sleep had never been so peaceful.
Eventually, he wandered into the wilderness and seldom left it.
This particular brooding loner had a goal that would not be accomplished in bars and taverns.
Or in homes with families.
His mission was to see the world for himself with his own eyes, decide what his purpose was, atone for the years he had spent shrouded in lies and illusions. He would cross the desert, trek the forest, climb the mountains, sail the sea. And he would do it alone.
Because that was what Sasuke knew best. Solitude. He would not pretend otherwise, even if it meant disappointing them yet another time.
Still, companions were useful for some things, he would admit. His childhood team had distracted him from the dark recesses of his mind, annoyed him so drastically that even his vendetta was momentarily ignored, if not forgotten. And yet, he was grateful. Glad for that year he had spent getting to know two people who would end up becoming his only link to the closest thing to happiness he had felt in a long, long time.
Leaving them was not an easy decision. But it was a choice that shaped who he had become and though he had many regrets, becoming a stronger shinobi was not one of them.
Taking a new team was a different matter. It was a choice made with months of deliberation and careful planning. He had chosen companions that would best fit his requirements, that would strengthen his offenses while also serving as an impenetrable defense. He believed wholeheartedly that his team could not have been more carefully and correctly chosen.
He did not despise them. For the most part, they worked well together. They covered each other's bases, had an odd and misplaced sense of loyalty towards him and their team, and showed real interest in helping him accomplish his goals. For that, he was also grateful towards them. They had stuck by him till the very end, fought a war by his side when he would not have blamed them if they had chosen to abandon him.
This time was different. In this mission of his, he did not need a team or even a single companion. This was one of redemption. How long it would take, Sasuke didn't know. He had stopped wondering some time ago.
How he felt about Konoha was still uncertain. Almost everything in his life was still uncertain. But he knew what Itachi had done for this village, how much blood he had shed for this village, and if there was anything in this world that Sasuke was certain of and trusted more and treasured more than life itself—it was Itachi.
If the world would always hate Uchiha Sasuke, that was fine, because Naruto believed in him, and he believed in Naruto. Even if his journey would never end, even if he wandered the earth for the rest of his life, seeking and never finding redemption, the world would be fine, because Naruto would always be there. He would be their hero, their leader, and the world would love him and follow him the way they would have followed Itachi and the way they would never follow him.
Because Naruto was a good person.
And deep down, Sasuke was not.
Sasuke paused, felt the change in the wind, and knew it was time to stop stalling.
His uneventful patrol decidedly completed, Sasuke retrieved one of the hares he had kept stored in his winter supply and returned to the cave that had been his shelter for a month now, to the woman who was disrupting his lifelong mission.
It had been terrible luck on his part, that he had chosen to patrol the lake that night. That he had spotted a lone woman walking through a snowstorm, a dark shadow against the bright full moon he had been watching. That the ice broke and she refused to move.
Although, one could argue, she had never asked him to dive in that frozen lake after her.
His reasons, of course, were completely justified. Hyūga Hinata was part of an important backdrop that solidified the dreams of his best friend. And he would be damned if he let her kill herself.
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Hazy eyes parted with the force of a thunder clap.
And then she was still.
Shinobi instinct froze her natural reflex to react, and she laid lifeless in the unfamiliar bundle of blankets she had been carefully tucked into, white pupils the only source of movement as they flickered around the dark cavern walls that shielded her from the strong wind she could hear blowing outside. Her skin chilled with the icy bite of the air, but that was not the reason for the layer of goosebumps that studded her flesh.
Uchiha Sasuke sat and stared at her from the other side of the small fire.
Recognition widened her eyes, in disbelief of the figure in front of her. He remained passive, watching her with unshifting eyes.
Their silence was permeable, tense and thick, until she broke it.
"Where am I?" Her voice was low and rough, a result of the ice bath she was recovering from, but also an effect of having not spoken to another in days.
Dark eyes narrowed as they observed her. His voice was how she remembered it—cold, uninterested, yet also calculated. "The outskirts of Fire country."
Hinata allowed herself to close her eyes briefly in relief—she was still on her path. Slowly, she shifted, turning to her stomach to lift herself up on shaky palms. The muscles of her forearms cramped with blistering cold, straining to hold up her weight as she righted herself in a sitting position. The blankets fell around her, and it was then that she realized the cause of her chill—her hardened, soaked mission gear. Her boots were still on. Silently stroking the icy hem of her tunic, Hinata glanced around herself, unsure what to make of her situation.
A beige, waterlogged pouch was tossed her way. With a shaky sigh of relief, Hinata pulled it into her lap, clutching it close. However, the relief was short-lived. "Um," She began, reaching up to tuck a tendril of matted hair behind her ear, careful not to move too suddenly. She could feel the heaviness of his stare. The weight of his suspicion. If he was wary of her, she understood. They were hardly acquainted, after all. Hadn't spoken a word to each other in what seemed like over a decade. Speaking to him now felt odd. Off. Awkward. "Thank you." Thanking him felt even worse.
A thick silence followed. She chanced a glance at him and instantly regretted it when she found his dark eyes boring into her behind black bangs.
Hinata was used to silence. Preferred it, in most cases.
This was not one of them. The stillness between them seemed almost hostile, and she wasn't sure what she had done to deserve it.
She tried again. "I'm sorry if I've inconvenienced you." Cautious not to let her eyes wander too long, she glanced around the cavern. It was small, and frigid, and, from what she could see, a makeshift camp he used for shelter. She wondered how long she had imposed upon him. With that thought, she stiffened, horrified, and incredulous that she had managed to forget just how she had ended up here. Solid shame lodged itself in her throat, and her eyes lowered to the ground. She attempted to swallow, to clear her throat, to catch her breath, but it wasn't working.
Nausea twisted her stomach, sent bile up her throat, and she forced it down with nothing more than a grimace. Her body trembled. Accelerated heart palpitations, beating in her ears, clouded all thought from her. Her breath came out in short, shuddery suspiration through her nose, and she masked it by automatically wrapping the blanket tighter around her shoulders.
A lifetime of anxiety had shown her how to hide panic attacks.
A crack of thunder momentarily startled her, enough to look up and meet his unwavering icy gaze. Nervously, she decided to try again. "The ice…I didn't make it on time. I-I heard the crack, and I knew it had broken, but…I didn't make it on time." She paused, recalling the feeling of hitting the frigid water, the shock that stiffened her limbs, the weight of her clothes and shoes. Her hair, flowing around her. The sight of the moon, bright and round though hazy behind cracking ice, and growing smaller and smaller—she supposed that was when she lost consciousness. She supposed that was when he had pulled her out. "Thank you." She met his stare.
The bored blankness of his expression remained unchanged. He regarded her coolly, even as he slowly stood. Taller than the last time she had seen him, she noted. Though not by much. The length of his black cloak drew her eye, as he turned and knelt to an open crate against the wall.
By instinct, she lifted an open palm, just barely catching the package he threw over his shoulder, and looked at it curiously. Half-frozen beef jerky. She looked back up at him, speechless as he took his seat by the fire again with his own pack and tore it open with his teeth. She blinked, stunned at the sight, and even further horrified when he spat the torn plastic to the side. As if sensing her astonishment, he turned and looked at her pointedly. Timidly, she carefully peeled the package open, noting the perforated edge he had ignored.
They ate silently, Hinata looking around as discreetly as she could. Although the fire was strong and bright, the small cave was dark and cold. Stone walls did little for warmth. Swallowing, she fingered the blankets she was wrapped in and idly wondered when they had last been washed, if it was better she didn't know. Lowering the stick of jerky to her lap, Hinata cleared her throat lightly. "Sasuke-san," The name on her tongue felt strange and foreign, "How long have I been here?" Unconscious. In his hide-out. In his blankets. When she had a mission to get to.
For a few moments, there was nothing but the sound of his chewing and a harsh, stretched tear as he bit off another piece. "One day. It's morning now." Instinctively, she looked towards the entrance of the cave, before realizing he had blocked it off with a boulder to keep out the cold. Through the cracks, pale blue morning light shone through.
He returned to his jerky.
Carefully, she regarded him with lowered eyes. His back was turned. As casually as possible, Hinata wrapped the remaining half of jerky and tucked it inside her bag. Then, after mentally preparing herself and rehearsing her lines several times in her head, she slowly stood. Frigid air bit at every patch of skin that her icy clothes didn't reach, and she almost reconsidered leaving so soon. "Thank you. I won't intrude any further."
There was no response and she did not expect one. Without wasting a moment, she crossed over to the other side of the small cavern, the shadows of the fire fluctuating with her movement, dancing along the walls and casting perfect silhouettes.
Sasuke did not move from his perch.
For half of a second, she stared at the large boulder in her way, reminding herself to move as quickly as possible so as not to let the cold in, when he spoke. "It's snowing."
Hinata paused, startled, and she looked over at him. His back was to her, but she could somehow still feel his stare. "I have a jacket." Not exactly a jacket, but her cloak did have a hood.
Sasuke's back straightened, and his head turned at the slightest angle towards her. "It's a storm. Wait it out."
If she were not so well-mannered, she might have told him it was none of his business. Instead, she slowly repeated herself. "I…have a jacket, Sasuke-san. And I really do need to be on my way. I'm very grateful that—"
"Where?"
Hinata paused, dumbfounded. It was then that Sasuke rose, slowly standing from his perch, and he turned to regard her. The heavy black cloak draped down his back, skirting along the dirt floor. She swallowed uncomfortably. "I need to go."
He stared at her, dark eyes piercing and yet conflictingly labored. There wasn't a drop of emotion in his face, his tone, in Sasuke overall, and Hinata couldn't place what he was thinking. What he wanted. What he intended to do. And when he moved, she reacted. Stepped out of his way. This was his…home, after all, and she would not disrespect him in here.
She watched heavily as Sasuke secured the boulder, making sure it was tight against the narrow opening of the cave. "S-Sasuke-san…" She uttered lowly, a protest bubbling from her stomach.
"It's snowing." He said again. "And it's cold. Wait it out."
"I can't." The speed in which she retorted him surprised even her, but she did not stop. "Sasuke-san, I thank you for your hospitality, and I apologize for being a burden to you, but this is unnecessary."
At this, Sasuke turned and looked at her again, differently this time, eyes slightly narrowed. "Konoha is a four-day journey." Hinata was silent. She knew this well. "You made it here in three." Tension knotted in her stomach. She wanted to ask how he knew this, but didn't bother, knowing the answer herself. He had gone through her bag. She wasn't sure if she should be surprised that he was familiar with the herbs she had bundled inside, native to the Hyūga garden, and the Yamanaka nursery. Familiar enough to know by smell and condition how long they had been drying out in her bag. "Are you running from someone?"
"No." She answered immediately. He stared at her, unmoving, black eyes hard and unreadable.
The storm howled outside, wind beating against the cave.
The decision made for her, she lowered her eyes. There wasn't a chance in hell she could go through him. "You're right. It's not safe." Sasuke watched her—almost menacingly—as she took a seat by the fire, close enough so that her clothes might dry properly.
After a few seconds, he sat against the wall across from her. Still watching.
The rest of the day passed similarly. Hinata, staring into the fire. Sasuke, staring at her back. At midday, he skinned a hare and roasted it over the fire. They did not speak, even when he split a piece for her. She thanked him, and they carried on with their meal. Afterwards, she watched as he gathered up the bones and remains and swept them into an old grocery bag, storing it to the side.
He was neat and meticulous, and she thought of him when he was eight years old, cleaning pencil shavings off his desk and diligently wiping away any speck of graphite. She thought of how he stacked his papers and lined up his pencils and how she realized the girls in her class all had nice long hair, now that they were all lined up around him. She thought of how little she actually remembered him.
No, there was another desk she preferred looking at. One with unstacked books, and loose-leaf paper, and one dull pencil.
Hinata took a breath and willed herself to stay calm. To not think of him. To not think of anybody, because Sasuke was still watching.
Instead, she warmed herself by the fire and decided her next move, now that she was sure escape was not an option. She was by no means the strongest of her generation, nor the fastest, or the smartest, and she certainly was no match for the guardian of this cave, but...
But she had to try.
By the time night fell, Sasuke had still not yet moved from his post near the boulder. Hinata sat against the wall, staring into the flames.
Wind howled outside, wailing as it beat against the cave walls.
Silence persisted inside, frozen solid as it consumed two quiet people.
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holy crap the first chapter.
thank you all so much for your feedback.
-Gen.
