Lonely Thinking
By Mellaithwen
Rating: K+
Genre: Angst
Disclaimer: '"Ok. Do you have to keep rubbing that in?"'
Summary: Goes in sync with Chris-Crossed. Chris' thoughts during the events of the episode, and extensions added.
Thank you to Emma15 and shadowhisper for reviewing
Part 2
"We should be safe here until the museum closes." She sighed. "Then, we'll go get the book."
She turns to look at me, concern etched into her beautiful features.
"What's the matter?"
I look at her now, so different to a moment ago, her very demeanor changed as she destroyed that demon.
"Nothing. It's just sometimes I forget who you really are."
Who she really is the Bianca I know or the Phoenix?
"Hey. Come here." She's nothing like what she was in the kitchen. She takes my hand and pulls me to my feet.
"You mean who I used to be, Chris, before I met you."
"So…" I say, breaking the comfortable silence. "What do we do now?"
She looks at me, as if thinking something over and she stands bac slightly.
"We say good-bye."
She opens her shirt and takes it off, I lean forward and we kiss, she drops her red shirt to the ground.
I lay on the cold ground, but I don't care, if anything, the cool touch soothes me in the stuffy basement. I've never liked it down here.
"You okay?" Bianca asks, sensing my unease.
"I got lost down here once."
She looks at me waiting to carry on but I don't.
"I think it's safe to go out there now." She says, clearing her throat, and we both get up from the ground, and edge out of the basement, through the kitchen. The only noise that can be heard are our own breaths, and the whirring as the holograms stay powered on.
We walk up the second floor stairs, and onto the landing leading the attic stairs.
Mom always told me to be careful if I ever went up to the attic, which though wasn't forbidden, it was still frowned upon. The stairs were dangerous, that's how Grams died. Great Grams. Last time I saw her was when she was summoned for Wyatt's sixteenth birthday...long time ago.
"What do I tell them?" I ask as we approach the door.
"Don't tell them anything." She says as she looks around cautiously.
I follow her into the room, staring blankly at the red ropes cordoning off areas.
"Just stick to your cover story. The less they know about the future, the better."
I picture them, I stand with hidden emotions and as they ask question upon question, I answer with a simple 'Future Consequences' that could work…
"Well, what if they find out who I really am?"
What if they hate me?
We step through the restricted area.
"They won't not as long as you can pass yourself off as their Whitelighter."
Orbing, just gotta orb. Then it occurs to me, I can't even heal!
"And you're sure I won't lose my powers when I go back?"
"Yeah, not with this spell. That's why we need it. Look, just remember: Protect baby Wyatt, and you protect The Charmed Ones. Keep them alive for our future."
As if I don't want to. I roll my eyes.
"Great. No pressure there."
I step towards her, the loose floorboard creaking beneath my feet.
"Chris, you know you're the only one who can do this. You're the only one who can save us."
No pressure there either.
"If I make it back."
"Baby, you have to make it back." She smiles again. "If you want to marry me." I love her, I love her so much, we kiss.
"You really know how to motivate a guy, you know that?"
She laughs that sweet laugh.
We stand next to the holographic image, she passes her hand through the "Book"
"Sure you can summon the real book?"
Of course, hell, it belongs to every Halliwell.
"Yeah.
"Away from him?"
"Yeah." I say, though it's me that needs the reassurance. I think I can do it, I hope I can. "But we won't have much time once it gets here. His demons will be all over us."
"We won't need much time. Just long enough to send you back to them."
Back to them. Back. Back to my family. Back to the way things used to be. Back to a world where I don't exist. Where I might never exist.
She walks over to the attic wall, and uses a piece of chalk to draw the triquetra onto the wooden boards.
"Hurry before he finds us."
She continues to draw the triquetra onto the wall, quickly and efficiently. Then she turns around, and everything's different.
"Come on. We're going home."
"What?"
A simply silence, and there's more light, everything's changing.
"Just let me finish what I started." Bianca says once more, but she's not wearing the same thing, she's in leather, the way she looked the first time we met, red shirt, white skirt. "You'll feel better soon. I promise."
Ink blots marr the memory, and dull greys mix with colours.
"That's it. Easy does it."
My eyelids open and the dark fades away.
"Slow breaths."
Bianca.
Iremember it all, the memory, then before, the gardens, orbing away, and then pain, so much pain.
"What'd you do to me?" I growl and she replies with a look of annoyance.
"I just saved your life."
"By taking away my powers?"
She doesn't answer, only picks up the chalk and removes the frame from the wall, I sit up, intrigued.
"How are you gonna bring me back, anyway? That spell's a one-way door. It only goes backwards in time."
Ha!
But still she draws the triqetra.
"He created a new spell because of you. One that works both ways."
Damn it.
"I'm touched."
"You should be." Yeah like hell Bianca. "He's gone to a lot of trouble to get you back."
What are you? His lap dog?
"Yeah. I see that." Am I supposed to feel good about that?
"You know, you don't have to believe me, Chris, but this really is for the best."
"Oh, really? How's that?"
"Because this is your only chance to live. If I fail, he'll just keep sending more assassins back, and all they'll have to bring home is a body."
I think I'd prefer to die in this time, then give him the satisfaction.
"Doesn't matter." I say, my hand digging into my pocket. "There's nothing left in the future anymore anyway."
I toss the engagement ring onto the coffee table, and she stares at it for a moment, I wonder if she's hurt. I hope she is. I hope she feels pain, but her hardened eyes turn to look at me, and I lie back onto the couch as she heads back to the wall to continue her work.
I see her suddenly, in the clothes she was wearing before, or rather later, the clothes she will be wearing, and when we go back to the future, it will be the clothes she had worn before…
She draws the triquetra on the wall, and tosses the chalk to the side behind a table.
"It's time."
"I don't want to go. I don't want to leave you."
She looks at me for a moment then down at her hand, she takes of the ring, and my heart skips a beat. She puts it it in my hand and folds my fingers around it.
"Here, this'll remind you of why we're doing this, of what's waiting for you here."
She holds on to me, and I do the same, before pulling back slightly.
"You just make sure you take care of the guards, ok?"
I refuse to say goodbye.
"Then get out of here. Because if he finds you, if he knows you betrayed him, he'll kill you." The very thought sends shivers down my spine.
"Don't worry. Come on. I can take care of myself."
I nod. I know, but it doesn't stop me worrying. I lean forward, resting my head against hers, staying in the moment, before moving away and stepping in front of the stand, the one I had always been too small to reach, and then after I'd begged and begged, Mom would give in and take it down for me to see.
I look at the piece of paper in my hand and read out the incantation.
"I call upon the ancient power
To help us in this darkest hour.
Let the Book return to this place,
Claim refuge in its rightful space."
And there it is, it falls from nowhere and lands on the stand. It's rightful place.
"It worked." I'm a little surprised myself.
"The spell! Find the spell."
Right. I turn the pages rapidly, wishing there was some kind of index. Then I see it, the paragraph, entwined with colours on the parchment.
"Hear these words. Hear the rhyme.
Heed the hope within my mind.
Send me back to where I'll find
What I wish in place and time."
I look at her
What if it didn't work? What if I wasn't powerful enough and now with the book here, he'll kill us. Then it happens, white and blue lights shimmer on the wall where the chalk was, and outline of the triquetra, shining. The portal's opened.
I walk towards it, and she stays behind. I'm leaving her behind. I turn to look at her, to say something, to stare, and a demon shimmers in behind her, grabbing her.
"Bianca!" I cry, and she grabs the demon's arm, turning and twisting, such speed and presision.
She can take care of herself.
But I can't just leave.
She can take care of herself
But what if there's more.
The demon is down and she sees me still there.
"Go! Go!" She yells and the demon knocks her down.
Oh god.
But she gets the upper hand, she always does. I gulp down the fear and walk through the portal, letting it close behind me.
"You really expect me to jump into this thing like before?"
"Not without a fight, no."
I sigh and step back from her, close to the window, contemplating jumping, and then I turn to look at her, accusingly.
"How can you be so cold? How can you just stand there and pretend like we never meant anything to each other?"
"I don't have a choice."
"Bianca, please don't do this. Don't give up on everything that we fought for."
"I'm not." She says, her ice-queen-act slipping for a second. "I'm just hoping we can find another way." She looks away from me, and then asks if I'm ready, the queen back in place.
I say nothing, there's nothing to say. What can I do without my powers? I'm alone, and I have no choice.
I hear the tinkling of orbs.
"Hey! Future girl." A familiar voice cries, and I spin around to see Piper throw a vial at her. I couldn't take it if she died evil or no.
Bianca's athame appears in her hand and flies through the air, breaking the vial, time slowing as she shimmers to Pipers side, who quickly freezes the knife, Bianca takes hold of the knife and puts it at Pipers neck.
"You were saying?" Bianca says, replying to Pipers confidence earlier, and now her surprise.
"Wow. She is good." Phoebe says impressed, as Paige takes a step forward.
"I can kill her in half the time it takes you to even think about it."
"Yeah, well, we still have enough potion to vanquish you."
"Maybe. But then you really will have to hope the Power of Two will do, won't you, Paige? Oh, you'd be surprised what's in the history books. Now, put the vials down slowly."
Paige and Phoebe do so, and I plead with Bianca to stop.
"Bianca, don't. Let her go, and I promise I'll go with you."
Don't hurt her, please god don't hurt her.
"Chris, what are you doing?" Paige asks, as if it isn't obvious, I'm saving her life!
"If you kill her, there won't be a future for either one of us to go back to, and you know it." I say to Bianca.
Yet another hint to be ignored.
"What are you talking about?"
"You'll see if you live long enough." Bianca says coolly, letting Piper go. Stepping back towards the wall, towards me.
"Piper, freeze them." Paige cries, and Piper does so. Bianca turns around, and for a moment I contemplate faking it.
"Ah! Ok, I get why she didn't freeze, but why didn't he freeze?"
"Unless he's a-." Phoebe stutters.
"I'm a witch, too?"
They look so surprised…
"That's right. Part witch, part whitelighter. Just like you, Paige."
Oh come on, I'm dropping hints and you just keep missin' 'em. Think about it! Paige is half whitelighter because her mother was a witch. Her father was a whitelighter. Figure it out, stop torturing me like this!
"You lied to us?"
And that's all I get.
"I had to. It was the only way I could get you to trust me."
"Trust you!" Phoebe says incredulously.
"Never mind. It doesn't matter anyway."
I failed. Simple as. All I've got left in store for me in the future is death, I don't care what Bianca says, Wyatt's promises aren't worth anything to anyone but fools.
"So that's it? You're just gonna leave?
"I don't have a choice. She's stripped my powers."
Piper stares at me, and I do the same.
I always got told how much I looked like her, always. Dad used to look at me, smiling, seeing something I could not. Wyatt hated it; he hated me getting the attention from our relatives, especially when they commented on the similarities between me and mom.
I wish she could see it, I wanted her to all along, to announce I was Chris Perry and for her to correct me, but she never did, she just continued to doubt me. Not trust me, hate me, and now my fiancee, well former fiancee, is leading me to my own death.
"Looks like Leo's gonna have to fix that floorboard without me." I say cryptically, not daring to risk anything else.
"Let's go." I say, turning to Bianca, looking at her straight in the eyes. She waves her hand without looking, I take her hand, and she grasps it tightly.
I turn back as the light engulfs us, praying they know what I meant.
As we walk through, the blue lights fading away, and the dark attic of the future coming to view, I feel a sense of dread, at the welcome party of demons standing, waiting.
"Welcome home, Chris." I hear him say, and the demons back away, revealing his imposing figure, stepping forward into the light, his long blonde curls resting on his shoulders, his eyes blazing.
"Hello, Wyatt." I say, as coldly as I can muster.
I glare at him and he does the same before walking around the attic, stepping atop the squeaky floorboard.
"They're no threat to me." He says, walking towards us, and his demons shimmer out of the room.
"Et tu, Chris? Of all the people to betray me-"
"I didn't go back to betray you, Wyatt. I went back to save you."
"Save me? Ha. From what?" He looks up and mocks.
"From whatever evil it was that turned you."
"That's always been your problem, Chris. Stuck in the old good-versus-evil morass. I'm so past that. It's all about power. It's as simple as that."
No, it's never as simple as that, nothing is.
"And whoever has the most power wins. Is that it?"
"That's it. That's why I keep this museum intact. To remind everyone the power from which I was born and that which I possess."
"Too bad the rest of the city isn't faring as well as your little shrine here." I say stepping forward. He does the same.
"You know, if anyone else tried what you tried, I'd kill them on the spot. But you-."
Ha am I supposed to be grateful? That for once you feel a bit of favoritism to me, your brother, than you do to your demons?
"-I've forgiven Bianca. I can forgive you, too, if you promise never to cross me again."
"I think you know me better than that."
"I thought you said you could talk some sense into him." He says, no longer talking to me.
Bianca steps forward, and she's right by my side/
"Leave her out of this." I say, my anger filtering through the cracks of my shielding cold gaze.
He raises his hand, making a fist and I know instantly what he's doing, because I can do it too. He cuts of my air supply and I start to choke. I open and close my mouth, desperate for air, sinking to my knees, unable to breathe, both hands clutching at my throat as though there were some kind of collar that could be removed to stop this.
"Pardon me?"
Can't breathe. Can't breathe, and then I'm skidding across the floor, unable to stop, crashing headfirst into the cabinet, breaking it, causing rubble to fall on top of me.
"Chris!" She cries as I yell in pain.
He steps towards me menacingly and I try to get up but he grabs me by the scruff of the neck, looking straight into my eyes before sending me crashing into the table in the attic. The wood breaking once more, splintering beneath me. I weakly try to get up once more. Missing the lack of these fights in the past.
Without my powers, he can kill me, I hope the girls caught my drift, I hope they realised it wasn't just a weird DIY fetish I have.
"You promised you wouldn't hurt him!" Bianca cries angrily.
"And you promised you'd turn him, just like I turned you. At least, I thought I had."
She runs towards me, a tear falling down her face, as she kneels down in front of me.
"Chris , please. I didn't bring you here to die." She pleads and I look to the floorboard.
"Don't worry. I know what I'm doing." I reassure her and look at the floorboard again, hearing it creak as my brother shifts his weight.
"I think."
I get up to my feet, but don't bother standing up fully, I fly forward towards him, screaming,and he sidesteps, sending me crashing into the tables in the corner with ease.
"Have you lost your mind?" He taunts, knowing I was never a match for him when it came to fighting each other, not since he changed.
I look over at him, disgusted with what he still is.
He raises his hand and I'm up in the air, being hanged, my throat constricts and I can't breath. My legs hang uselessly as I struggle against his telekinetic grasp, choking me.
"I don't need you."
Then why the hell did you send her after me!
He powers up an energy ball, and I try feebly to move, to get loose from his grip, choking me, suspending me in the air.
Ifall to the ground suddenly, crashing to the floor, the impact only adding to the pain across my entire body. I see him freeze, his back arched, and from the sound, I know what Bianca's doing.
"Whatever you're gonna do, do it fast. I can't hold him for long." She gasps, and I see her again, the Bianca I know, the one I love.
I get to my feet, scrambling for the floorboard, bending over, I lift up the carpet and pull up the board, and there inside is a piece of worn paper. Sheer relief is the only feeling that runs through me. They realized what I was doing!
I unfold it, dust and dirt falling from it.
"Power of the witches rise,
Come to me from across the skies.
Return my magic, give me back
All that was taken from the attack!"
I feel stronger again, and I take a breath. I see Bianca unable to hold him anymore. I see Wyatt kick out behind him and send her flying across the room.
"No!" I scream as she falls, as she's impaled.
I shoot my hand to the side, sending him flying, crashing high up against the wall.
I see Bianca looking at her own wound, trying to calm herself down, I run to her side.
"Bianca! No. No." I mutter, unable to bear it.
"Haven't we been here before?" She smiles, though still in pain.
"Maybe we will be again."
But not like this, not now, but happier, better. Together.
"Maybe." She nods.
I can't stand this, my head falls to her shoulder as I whimper, its too much.
"No." I whisper, and she puts the ring into my hand, taking a breath.
"If you can finish what we started…" She says softly.
I look down at the ring in my hand, and As she whispers 'Hurry' I see Wyatt stirring.
"Take the spell so he can't send anyone else." She tells me, I look back at her.
"Go!" She urges quickly and I run towards the stand where the book sits.
I find the page and begin to recite the words.
"Hear these words. Hear the rhyme.
Heed the hope within my mind."
I look up and see an energy ball flying towards me, I duck, but I refuse to stop.
"---Send me back to where I'll find
What I wish in place and time."
Wyatt gets to his feet, and I tear the spell from the book, running forward.
"No!" I hear him cry out as I lunge forward into the portal.
Lights flash, blue lights turn to grey as the world comes into focus and I'm thrust forward to the dark world, the brown attic floor flying towards me. Or am I flying towards it?
"Ow."
That's an understatement as I land hard on ground, every single bruise I know are all across my body thanks to Wyatt's beating, screaming at me.
"Oh, my god. Are you ok?"
No.
"Yeah. I'm fine." I mumble as I stand up. "Nice spell."
"But we just put it in there, like, two seconds ago."
"Well, you see, the way time travel works –." Leo starts to answer Phoebe's querie, almost patronizingly, but genuinely wanting to explain at the same time.
"Yeah, I don't wanna know. I already have a little headache, thanks." Phoebe interrupts.
"You have some serious explaining to do, young man."
"Don't look at me like that, young man." I hear mom say from where I hide in the hallway, staring into the living room, and can practically hear the thoughts going around my big brothers head, about him being almost ten years old. "If I catch you fighting with your brother like that once more, I will strip you of your powers, you hear me?" She says with utter conviction.
"I can't believe he ratted on me." Was all Wyatt mutters, clearly annoyed.
"He didn't, he wouldn't tell me anything, I saw you! I saw you use your own powers against Chris, and I won't tolerate it, Wyatt, now get to your room!" He stomps away, he sees me in the corner, and mouths "You're dead." Making a line across his throat. At the time, things like that had been rare...
"I know. Listen, I'm sorry I lied to you. I really am but--."
"No! No "buts." It's about time you tell us the truth. Now."
Fine! In the future, Wyatt's a murderer. He attacks, he kills. He's a tyrant, a ruler of evil, aligning himself with demons, with an unquenchable thirst for power. He wants to kill me because I'm his little brother, because I betrayed him, and put everything on hold to save him, to save the future by going to the past. I've lied to you so many times I've lost count, I've betrayed you too and I've lost Bianca, all for this ass-hole, gurgling in his crib.
Leo's waiting for an answer, I see him look.
Oh yeah, Leo, you're my dad, and Piper you're my mom, you happy now?
"I can't." I say, the monologue in my head fading away. "But not because I don't want to, but because there's only so much I can tell you without the future being changed too much."
"Uh, isn't that your whole point? To come and change the future?" Paige asks, and I shrug, shaking my head at the same time.
"Yeah, but that was supposed to be more like a surgical strike."
"To save Wyatt." Leo added.
"To save Wyatt." I nod, remembering what he'd just put me through.
"What about Bianca?" Phoebe asks, and I knew it was coming. I sigh, pushing down my emotions, refusing to show them.
"Bianca won't be a threat to anyone anymore.
"I'm sorry."
"Me, too."
"So you guys still all right with me hanging around here?" There's a pause, and I wonder if they'd kick me out.
"Absolutely." Leo answers for all of them. I can't stop the smile spreading across my face.
"But the next time you're in trouble, you've got to tell us. Trust works both ways."
"Ok."
Dad
I walk out of the attic door, down the stairs and past the bedroom door. I see Wyatt standing up in his playpen, looking up at me. I stare at the boy, and mutter with as much conviction as I can, taking advantage of the shift in power, as far as age is concerned.
"If I can't save you, I swear to god I'll stop you."
It's done!
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