Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon
I'm really not good at writing angst fanfics. This is Ken talking about himself after his brother died and there will be one more part. It's going to be Osamu's thoughts. Read and Review please.
*** Part Two: Ken
I must have cried myself to sleep for when I woke up I found that I was in my elevated bed with a thin sheet over me. Outside the room were the sounds of my parents' quiet voices. They were talking, but of what, I couldn't hear.
I carefully crawled down the ladder and looked around the room. My eyes fell on the single picture that stared back at me from its wooden frame, on my desk. My brother. He had always been like an idol to me, someone superior, like a god. And he was a genius. My parents loved him and the public adored him.
I was a mere shadow. But I didn't care.at least I used to not care. Nobody noticed me when I was with my brother and nobody seemed to know that I was related to him. Even my parents seemed to ignore me sometimes.
But I took no notice of that because I had my brother. He took care of me and always found time to spend with me. He was the only one who truly knew that I actually existed. And I was happy.
I don't know how long I stood there looking at the picture but my mother's voice coming from the doorway startled me. She smiled a very forced smile and told me to come have dinner. I followed her.
Dinner was quiet. My parents didn't seem to want to talk and most of the time they just sat in their seats like frozen dolls and didn't even touch the food. I ate little myself because I wasn't hungry. I quietly slid from my seat and went back to my room.
My parents did not notice.
It was my fault that Osamu was dead because I had wished it. But I was angry then and for once I had been jealous of him. For once I had hated him.
I had failed on an exam at school and father and mother were disappointed. They complained about why I wasn't more like Osamu. I had tried my best on that exam and I couldn't stand what they were saying anymore so I exploded. I said stuff that I didn't mean about my brother and I saw the hurt expression in his eyes. But I really didn't meant it, I don't know what happened but words just seemed to jump out of my mouth before I can stop them, before I can think about them. I had thrown myself on the bed when I heard my brother come in and to my surprise, he gently held me in his arms like always and told me that it was ok.
He forgave me even though I didn't apologize to him. I was too surprised to apologize then because I thought he would hate me. But he didn't. He died the next day. I would never be able to apologize again.
"I'm sorry, Oniisan. I'm sorry." Tears were starting again now at that memory. I wished that I said these words earlier. Now he wouldn't be able to hear me.
Father and Mother were like two completely different people than before. They were like robots and always seemed to be in a far away place. I missed their old selves and I hated to see them like this.
One day I made a decision. I'll become Osamu. It was the only way I could think of to make Father and Mother happy again and it will make Osamu proud of me. I'll be smart. I'll become a genius like my brother.
Then I received an email. It was telling me about the thing that came out of the computer. I had wanted to play with it but Osamu said that it wasn't safe. And he had giving me a very long lecture when he found me trying to get to it. I have never seen Osamu that angry before and I felt bad for not listening to my brother. He was only trying to protect me.
The email told me that I was wrong.
It said that the device belonged to me. It told me that my brother had made a lie because he wanted to keep it for himself. I didn't believe it but I began doubting. The anonymous sender of the email told me to take the device and hold it up to the screen if I didn't believe him.
'It's a game Ken, the best game you'll ever play and your brother didn't want you to find out because he wanted to keep it to himself.'
I was left with a dilemma. I didn't want to believe that my brother was lying to me but I wanted to play the game, if it was real. Curiosity won in the end. I took the device from the drawer and held it out. The screen flashed and before me spread a field with strange creatures running here and there. The computer was right. It was the best game because I was in it.
My heart sank. The email told me the truth, my brother had lied. It hurt. It hurt a lot to think that the only person I trusted completely had betrayed me. I was filled with a bitterness I did not know I could feel but a part of me tried to tell me that this was a lie but that part was weak and I ignored it.
I trusted the email instead. I was taken to another place where I put the device in the water.
'.when you put the device in the water, Ken, it will change shape and no one will ever be able to take it away from you again. It will forever belong to you.'
It became true. And the 'game' proved to be a fascinating one.
Soon I began to forget my brother's kindness toward me. I forgot the times we played together, laughed together, and the warmness and safety I felt when I was with him. But the bad thoughts, like my brother's anger, became more clear to my memory.
I achieved my goal. I was Osamu. I was even better. People adored who I am and my parents were happy again. Whenever I played the 'game' I was Osamu. I created for myself an image that had Osamu's hair and a pair of glasses.
I was contented. I was happy. Or so I thought. But the real me was still there. Buried along with my memories. The me that wasn't Osamu was waiting for a chance to be born again. The me that my brother had loved.
Now I know the real truths.
I was never really you. I could never become you no matter what I believed. You never betrayed me and I was stupid to doubt that. In the end I betrayed you. And it never was a game. I only believed it to be, so it would give me somewhere to escape from reality.
These realizations hurt. It really hurts but I promise I won't run away again. This time I'll make it through because I realized something more.
I'm not alone in this reality.
***
Thanks for the people that reviewed my previous chapter. I was really happy about that. Thanks again!
I'm really not good at writing angst fanfics. This is Ken talking about himself after his brother died and there will be one more part. It's going to be Osamu's thoughts. Read and Review please.
*** Part Two: Ken
I must have cried myself to sleep for when I woke up I found that I was in my elevated bed with a thin sheet over me. Outside the room were the sounds of my parents' quiet voices. They were talking, but of what, I couldn't hear.
I carefully crawled down the ladder and looked around the room. My eyes fell on the single picture that stared back at me from its wooden frame, on my desk. My brother. He had always been like an idol to me, someone superior, like a god. And he was a genius. My parents loved him and the public adored him.
I was a mere shadow. But I didn't care.at least I used to not care. Nobody noticed me when I was with my brother and nobody seemed to know that I was related to him. Even my parents seemed to ignore me sometimes.
But I took no notice of that because I had my brother. He took care of me and always found time to spend with me. He was the only one who truly knew that I actually existed. And I was happy.
I don't know how long I stood there looking at the picture but my mother's voice coming from the doorway startled me. She smiled a very forced smile and told me to come have dinner. I followed her.
Dinner was quiet. My parents didn't seem to want to talk and most of the time they just sat in their seats like frozen dolls and didn't even touch the food. I ate little myself because I wasn't hungry. I quietly slid from my seat and went back to my room.
My parents did not notice.
It was my fault that Osamu was dead because I had wished it. But I was angry then and for once I had been jealous of him. For once I had hated him.
I had failed on an exam at school and father and mother were disappointed. They complained about why I wasn't more like Osamu. I had tried my best on that exam and I couldn't stand what they were saying anymore so I exploded. I said stuff that I didn't mean about my brother and I saw the hurt expression in his eyes. But I really didn't meant it, I don't know what happened but words just seemed to jump out of my mouth before I can stop them, before I can think about them. I had thrown myself on the bed when I heard my brother come in and to my surprise, he gently held me in his arms like always and told me that it was ok.
He forgave me even though I didn't apologize to him. I was too surprised to apologize then because I thought he would hate me. But he didn't. He died the next day. I would never be able to apologize again.
"I'm sorry, Oniisan. I'm sorry." Tears were starting again now at that memory. I wished that I said these words earlier. Now he wouldn't be able to hear me.
Father and Mother were like two completely different people than before. They were like robots and always seemed to be in a far away place. I missed their old selves and I hated to see them like this.
One day I made a decision. I'll become Osamu. It was the only way I could think of to make Father and Mother happy again and it will make Osamu proud of me. I'll be smart. I'll become a genius like my brother.
Then I received an email. It was telling me about the thing that came out of the computer. I had wanted to play with it but Osamu said that it wasn't safe. And he had giving me a very long lecture when he found me trying to get to it. I have never seen Osamu that angry before and I felt bad for not listening to my brother. He was only trying to protect me.
The email told me that I was wrong.
It said that the device belonged to me. It told me that my brother had made a lie because he wanted to keep it for himself. I didn't believe it but I began doubting. The anonymous sender of the email told me to take the device and hold it up to the screen if I didn't believe him.
'It's a game Ken, the best game you'll ever play and your brother didn't want you to find out because he wanted to keep it to himself.'
I was left with a dilemma. I didn't want to believe that my brother was lying to me but I wanted to play the game, if it was real. Curiosity won in the end. I took the device from the drawer and held it out. The screen flashed and before me spread a field with strange creatures running here and there. The computer was right. It was the best game because I was in it.
My heart sank. The email told me the truth, my brother had lied. It hurt. It hurt a lot to think that the only person I trusted completely had betrayed me. I was filled with a bitterness I did not know I could feel but a part of me tried to tell me that this was a lie but that part was weak and I ignored it.
I trusted the email instead. I was taken to another place where I put the device in the water.
'.when you put the device in the water, Ken, it will change shape and no one will ever be able to take it away from you again. It will forever belong to you.'
It became true. And the 'game' proved to be a fascinating one.
Soon I began to forget my brother's kindness toward me. I forgot the times we played together, laughed together, and the warmness and safety I felt when I was with him. But the bad thoughts, like my brother's anger, became more clear to my memory.
I achieved my goal. I was Osamu. I was even better. People adored who I am and my parents were happy again. Whenever I played the 'game' I was Osamu. I created for myself an image that had Osamu's hair and a pair of glasses.
I was contented. I was happy. Or so I thought. But the real me was still there. Buried along with my memories. The me that wasn't Osamu was waiting for a chance to be born again. The me that my brother had loved.
Now I know the real truths.
I was never really you. I could never become you no matter what I believed. You never betrayed me and I was stupid to doubt that. In the end I betrayed you. And it never was a game. I only believed it to be, so it would give me somewhere to escape from reality.
These realizations hurt. It really hurts but I promise I won't run away again. This time I'll make it through because I realized something more.
I'm not alone in this reality.
***
Thanks for the people that reviewed my previous chapter. I was really happy about that. Thanks again!
