Author's Notes- Thank you all so much for reviewing- I made excited squeeing noises and did the 'Review Dance' over each one. I was especially worried about this as I haven't tried writing humour in a long time, so I really needed that reassurance that it was okay. As always, concrit is very welcome (and so is any feedback at all).
Disclaimer- I don't own any of the recognisable characters and concepts. This is non-profit and no copyright infringement is intended.
Oh, and there's two lines here that I've used in various contexts for so long I can no longer remember their origin. Extensive googling and asking around suggests they are indeed the product of a friend's/my own mind, but if you see something that's blatantly robbed from somewhere, do let me know and I'll credit appropriately.
Warnings- The next two chapters will probably include swearing, things-that-aren't-Lila dying, probably quite black humour and everyone's caught the gay.
Oh, and again, mild mockery of certain fanfiction phenomena comes up later in these next two chapters, with two characters who are sort of parodies of fanfic writers (one het, one yaoi fangirl). I hope no one is offended by this and thinks I'm mocking everyone who writes any of the concepts I've mentioned. I promise I'm not, and I do/like most of the things mentioned- I adore well-done angst, I kill off characters, I shove them into the most unlikely relationships, I use fanon cliches that never actually appear in the series, I like well-developed original characters.. but I also see a lot of potential for fun if a Weiss villain somehow acquired the power to use these things against them ;)
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In hindsight, assigning Schwarz to shifts in the flower shop probably wasn't a great idea. Although yes, she did get a sadistic sort of pleasure seeing Crawford arranging petunias, Birman had only really wanted to be fair. If Weiss were forced to go undercover and be badass assassins by night, seller of pretty flowers by day, then Schwarz should too. It's just that she had failed to take into account the potentially devastating effect it would have on the business if it were run by formerly evil psychic assassins of questionably loyalty.
The shop opened as usual. A horde of squealing schoolgirls raced in, skidded to a halt and began frantically trying to back up, thwarted by the fangirls still rushing in behind them.
"Come and buy your lovely posies," Crawford growled from the till, apparently throttling a bunch of flowers he was waving around to emphasise his point. "All the ...pretty bouquets you could ever want,"
"Yes," Nagi said flatly, a look of quiet despair on his face. "Lovely, lovely flowers,"
"Oh, come on," Schuldig said, annoyed. He'd just tried out his most sultry pout to neutralise the effect of the overalls and the bunches of roses clashing horribly with his hair, only for a young girl gave him a horrified look and dive behind the nearest flower arrangement. "Nagi's as cute as Omi, Crawford's taller, darker and grumpier than Aya, I have the roguish good looks of an 80s hair metal band, and chicks dig scars, right?"
"Pretty flower?" Farfarello asked, offering the nearest fangirl a daisy, and looking hurt when she screamed and threw a small potted cactus at him.
Surprisingly, Schwarz didn't do too badly. Schuldig planted a sudden longing for giant bouquets of roses into passing pedestrians' minds. Nagi surreptitiously floated extra flowers over into customers' shopping baskets when they weren't looking. Crawford flashed his glasses menacingly if they dared to protest and say that they hadn't meant to pick up three flower arrangements. And Farfarello leapt out from behind a large display of buttercups waving a pair of secateurs whenever it looked like one might get away without making a purchase. Not a single fangirl was killed, although one lost a braid to Farfarello's secateurs and Birman considered herself to get off lightly when she showed up with a mission and was mistaken for one of the schoolgirls, but escaped with only a unfortunate haircut and a lingering yearning for a giant bouquet of fluffy red imported roses and fabulously rare rainforest orchids, all wrapped up in a pure silk bow and preferably delivered by a naked Schuldig.
"Men of Lila!" Even a computer-generated image of Persia had a difficult time saying that with a straight face. "You are now the targets! Many of Rosenkreuz's most useful clients have been taken out by Lila, and they have released their most dangerous members to deal with you. Their names are YaoiRoxx and MistressCalicoFujimiya,"
There was a gasp from the former Schwarz members. Nagi fainted.
"They appear as ordinary young girls, yet they have the power to literally bring their fantasies to life!" Persia continued. "They may completely cripple Lila by radically altering your personalities, bringing in a new member or forcing you into tormented, angst-filled relationships inevitably spiralling into drugs and self-harm. They may even kill you by forcing you into suicide pacts with each other, or by using Farfarello as a convenient plot device! I cannot stress how much of a threat they are,"
Three images appeared on the screen.
"The man on the right is your immediate target," Persia continued. "His name is Sadato Takahashi, another corrupted politician involved in miscellaneous shady dealings and the like. But more importantly, he is Rosenkreuz's main contact who will bring YaoiRoxx and MistressCalicoFujimiya to Japan. Take him out, and you may stall their arrival,"
As soon as the video had finished and Birman had left, borrowing Omi's hat to cover her new haircut, Lila got to work. This mostly consisted of Omi going online and formulating a plan while everyone else listened to Schuldig and Crawford sharing horror stories about their newest targets' special powers.
"Hmm," Omi said. "According to the Little Sunshines Preschool website, Takahashi is planning to hold a big costume party for his daughter Mitsuko's sixth birthday. It's the perfect opportunity! Politicians from all over Japan will be there, and in costume we can just walk right in,"
"Or.. we could just infiltrate the way we always do, with our sneaky, ninja-like ways? With the breaking-in and killing of security guards and the not-attending-of-childrens'-birthday-parties?" Ken asked hopefully.
"But I never had a proper birthday party growing up, at least not one I can remember," Omi's lower lip wobbled. "Please can't I attend just one, even if it's only to murder half the people there?"
"Aww," Ken ruffled Omi's hair affectionately. "Of course you can. Hey, and once we're done murdering her parents, why don't we steal his daughter's birthday cake, all the presents and the decorations, and carry on the party back at our place? It'll be fun!"
"Yay!" Omi and Nagi cheered. And that was how they all later found themselves in a costume shop, trying to find a cunning disguise for the night.
"No, Yohji!" Ken dragged Yohji away from a rack filled with tiny, sparkly little numbers.
"Why not?" Yohji asked indignantly. He was staring longingly at an outfit that appeared to consist of a small, glittery sock, some fluffy maribou strands, a couple of pompoms and nothing else.
"Because all of the women and many of the men in Japan have already seen you naked," Ken snapped. "We don't want someone seeing you in a thong and recognising you by your very distinctive left buttock,"
"Well," Yohji said, flattered, turning around to examine the offending body part. "I have to admit that in all my years of being exposed to hardcore nudity, I have never found another buttock with quite its charms-"
"Here, wear this," Ken shoved the first non-revealing costume he saw in Yohji's general direction.
"It's too short," Yohji said. "Unless you mind me showing off four inches of rear cleavage-"
"We don't have many outfits with trousers that will fit someone of your height. Most of our larger sizes are already hired out for some party tonight," The shop assistant said apologetically, suddenly popping up from behind a rack of fake beards and comedy, over-sized glasses. "Your friend over there already had to choose our 'Sexy Schoolgirl' outfit,"
"Damn Schuldig!" Yohji scowled. "I wanted that one,"
"How about a 'Naughty Nurse'?" The assistant offered. "It's also very popular, and the length shouldn't be as much of a problem,"
"If you wear nice knickers," Ken said helpfully.
"Well, we do sell some nice lacy French numbers.." The assistant said thoughtfully.
"I'm sold," Yohji said triumphantly. The assistant wandered back over to see how the rest were doing.
Crawford had also been unable to find a costume long enough, but had flatly refused to wear a skirt. This meant he was now dressed in an English schoolboy costume, complete with a cap, a tie, blazer and an oversized catapult in the back pocket of his little shorts (that were closer to hotpants when worn by a giant foreigner). He had spent some time trying to fathom out what the included makeup was for, before Schuldig had used it to draw on freckles and an ink blot on his nose.
Aya and Ken had also been sorted out with costumes. Aya made the most pissed-off, downright homicidal looking fairy that any of them had ever seen, while Ken had ended up in a purple and leopard-print pimp suit and was just thankful that he wasn't wearing a skirt. Only Farfarello, Omi and Nagi were still wandering around, lost.
"What do you want to be?" Schuldig asked.
"A bunny," Farfarello said peacefully.
"A dead bunny?" Schuldig asked hopefully. "The creepy one from Donny Darko? A roadkill bunny? One of those mutilated bunny suits worn by animal rights activists, with eyes hanging out and third degree burns everywhere?"
"No," Farfarello looked scandalised. "A nice bunny, please,"
"Okay," Schuldig said, turning to the assistant and continuing in a heavily sarcastic tone. "Does your teeny-tiny, Japanese-sizes-only store happen to have any Nice Bunny costumes that will fit a 6' Irishman?"
The woman blinked. "Of course, sir. Any particular type of bunny in mind? We have pink bunnies, lavender bunnies, pastel yellow bunnies, fluffy white bunnies, Playboy bunnies, sparkly bunnies, ballerina bunnies, pretty princess bunnies.. I'm afraid we just hired out the only 'Rose Pink' bunny costume we have in your size, but we do have plenty more in Candyfloss, Blossom Pink, Blush, Magenta..". Farfarello looked highly pleased.
"And what about you two?"
"How about.. something that matches?" Omi asked. "You know, a ..couple thing.." He paused. Schuldig looked oblivious, but still.. "Since Nagi is so little, someone might grab him and take him away to eat jelly and ice cream if they don't realise he's with an adult,"
Nagi looked furious, but couldn't protest and say anything about his mad assassinating skills or ability to turn someone inside out at twenty paces by just idly considering it. The assistant looked thoroughly charmed by the pair of them.
"That's so cute!" She said. "I have just the costume. It needs two people, it's not something that can work alone,"
Nagi and Omi grinned at each other in a sickeningly sweet manner. Crawford checked his watch.
"We'll take it," He said impatiently, whipping out his credit card. To her credit, the shop assistant managed to ring up the total while keeping a straight face, even though Crawford had forgotten to remove his freckles and inky nose.
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Back at the flower shop, they had just half an hour to collect their weapons, form a cunning mission plan and get into their disguises. Therefore, twenty-nine-and-a-half of these minutes were dedicated to doing their makeup. Crawford carefully touched up the three adorable freckles on each cheek and the blue ink blob. Aya spent almost half an hour methodically working on the absolute minimum of sparkling pink lipgloss and eye glitter needed for his costume, before working out how to conceal a katana under a fluffy white minidress and glittery fairy wings. Schuldig borrowed Crawford's freckle-pen and spent the rest of the time trying to separate his hair into two ponytails. Yohji mostly wandered around trying to find anything that stood still long enough to be shoved down the front of his nurse's uniform. Although since he was currently wearing a bra stuffed with a pair of 'Boobie Boosters' breast enhancers (no one asked why Crawford had a pair of those) supplemented by six pairs of socks, Aya's horrible orange jumper, Farfarello's stuffed rabbit 'Mr Bunny' and Ken's underwear, he was already measuring in at an impressive 36KK chest.
Omi and Nagi had rushed indoors as soon as they got back to sort out their costumes. Nagi unfolded the outfit gleefully.
It was a pantomime horse.
Omi's lower lip wobbled. He had been having pleasant thoughts all the way back home. Doctor and nurse, devil and angel, nun and priest.. so many possibilities involving skimpy outfits and uniforms and kinky accessories..
"Front end or back?" Nagi asked, pulling out a giant pink horse's head, complete with a pink maribou mane, purple spots and the most frightening googly eyes that Omi had ever seen.
"I should probably take the back end," Omi said dully, as Nagi struggled into the horse's head part. He stepped into his own and enthusiastically embraced Nagi around the waist as they joined the two halves together. "You're very cruel to me, you know,"
"Hands!" Nagi shrieked, slapping them away as Schuldig ambled into the room searching for Aya's lipgloss.
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Surprisingly, they made it to the venue quite on time.
Schuldig swaggered up to the gates as well as anyone could swagger in six-inch mary-janes and gave the security guard his most charming, winning smile, twirling a ponytail around his finger. The guard recoiled in horror, instinctively grabbing to make sure his gun was still there.
"Evening, my good sir," He greeted, inexplicably adopting an English accent which failed miserably to have the same effect when talking in Japanese and dressed as a 6' schoolgirl. "Lovely evening, isn't it? I say, you wouldn't mind stepping aside and letting us chaps in to visit old Takahashi, would you?"
"Names?" The security guard asked. Schuldig had completely forgotten the names that Omi had added when he'd hacked into Little Mitsuko's birthday party list. Still, he could bluff this.
"But of course!" He started, and then paused. More ponytail twirling. A minute or two passed in silence. "..I am Jim. And this is my good friend Jimmy. That's.. Jimathon, Jimfred, Jimsley, Jimbert, Jimathew and.. Jimmyjimmyjimson,"
Crawford winced visibly as the security guard frowned, considering the possibility that an American, an Irishman, a German, three Asians and one half-Asian would all be christened with variants of the name 'Jim', then shrugged and began to check the name list he had been given.
"Ah, fuck it," Schuldig growled, and promptly altered the security guard's memory to forget all about the eight of them. And also to have a sudden urge to eat the next guest's socks.
Inside, the guests were mingling in two main rooms. One was set aside for the children, and another where the adult guests were gathered. Lila broke up, merging into the crowd in a surprisingly sneaky manner for a group including a pink pantomime horse, a giant one-eyed bunny and no fewer than three men in dresses.
Farfarello was enjoying himself. First, he wandered off from the group in search of things to stab and instead found himself in the middle of the childrens' party. There weren't many things there which appeared on the "Things Farfarello Is Allowed To Stab" list that Crawford had gave him, but there was jelly and ice cream and little plastic sporks that he stole for future stabbing purposes. Then there was the bouncy castle. It turned out Mitsuko was a little sadist too, and the pair of them spent half an hour teaming up to bounce smaller children clear off the castle, clocking up two broken arms, four lost teeth and a dislocated shoulder between them. Altogether, not bad. He'd came away from assassination missions with less carnage than this six year old's birthday party.
"That was fun!" Mitsuko said, jumping gleefully on a smaller classmate and twisting his arm behind his back in a way that made even Farfarello wince. "I liked it best when Chigusa fell off and her arm looked like it was on backwards! What do you wanna do now?"
"I have to go stab things," Farfarello said sadly, as Mitsuko began listing the possibilities- kicking the clown, popping the balloons, scaring the animals in the petting zoo.
"Aww.." Mitsuko said sadly, clambering off her victim as he finally stopped moving. "See you later, Mr Bunny! Can we play together some other time?"
"Maybe," Farfarello said, gathering a few more of those useful looking sporks. "You aren't looking for a job yet, are you?"
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"Which way do we go?" Omi asked, for the nineteenth time. They'd split off from the others almost an hour ago and spent all that time wandering around the gardens looking for Takahashi and trying not to fall in the swimming pool or knock over any important guests.
"I can't see!" Nagi hissed, the giant horse head bobbing frantically as he tried to look out through the tiny eye holes. "I think this is where the others went-"
"HORSIE!" A dozen children squealed at once.
"Run, Nagi! Run for the hills!" Omi screamed, unable to do anything. Nagi clumsily tried to turn around, too slow to avoid the avalanche of small children who leaped gleefully onto the pantomime horse's back. Omi made a pitiful "Oof," noise.
"Use your telekinesis to make them lighter?" He begged. Nagi tried, and accidentally flung a small child from Omi's back and bounced it off a famous politician who was standing nearby.
"HORSIE!" A particularly rotund little girl yelled, kicking Omi gleefully in the sides. The pantomime horse was now sagging visibly in the middle.
"GET IT OFF!" Omi bellowed. "GET IT OFF AND BURN IT! BURN IT WITH FIRE!"
"Oh shit," Nagi said. "That's Takahashi's little darling. We can't do anything,"
"Mitsuko!" Takahashi cried joyfully, popping up out of nowhere. "Is my little sweetheart having fun?"
"No! Make the pony go fast!" Mitsuko squealed, bouncing up and down. There was an alarming cracking noise coming from Omi's spine. He began to discreetly feel around for the tranquiliser darts he had shoved in his pocket as Nagi obediently began running, forcing Omi to follow. Mitsuko screamed with joy as they cantered around the room, leaping over a small coffee table.
"Think we should just kidnap her?" Nagi whispered, in despair. Takahashi was now taking photos and roaring with laughter over his demon spawn's antics. Omi's vertebrae were beginning to separate.
"Just a minute.." Omi muttered. He'd got hold of a dart.. he shoved it upward through the material and poked Mitsuko in the ankle, only to get kicked hard in the eye in retaliation. A minute later, the pantomime horse skidded to a halt just in time for Takahashi to grab his daughter as she fell unconscious from its back.
"All the excitement must have been too much for her," Nagi said breathlessly. "Happy birthday, Mitsuko!" And with that, they turned around and galloped back out of the room as fast as they could before any other parents cornered them.
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Ken was having fun. He had wandered in, merged into the crowd and grabbed some juice. Nice juice, too. Good and juicy. He began sauntering around the room in a deliberately casual manner to see what evil deeds he could overhear and what dastardly plans he could foil. He failed to notice that his sauntering was getting more and more erratic, or that he'd just flung his entire glass of Nice Juice straight down some unfortunate woman's cleavage, or wandered up to a group and began roaring with laughter over something that wasn't a joke, but actually a rather solemn discussion about Japan's diplomatic representations from the U.S.
"Great party!" Ken cheered, holding his glass up as he noticed Takahashi was among the group. There was a long moment of silence. Ken grinned some more, swaying fairly noticeably.
"Ah, it's... you. Haven't seen.. you in a long time," Takahashi finally said
"Yes," Ken beamed. "Good old me! That's who I am,"
"Didn't you arrive with the giant bunny who put four children in hospital? And that nurse who keeps hitting on my wife, and that fairy who yelled 'Shi-ne!' and shoved her wand up Mr Sakuma's left nostril when he was just trying to get a spider off her b-"
"No, it wasn't me," Ken said, shaking his head determinedly.
"Are you sure?" Takahashi frowned. Ken woozily balanced his drink on his head.
"See? It can't be me, because I've got a pint on my head," He said triumphantly, waving his free hand around dramatically to illustrate his point.
"..Oh," The man said and walked away quickly. Ken beamed proudly.
"What have you done?" The tallest schoolgirl he'd ever seen hissed at him. He squinted at her. She looked vaguely familiar. So did the giant nurse next to her. His jaw dropped as he took in the size of her chest.
I'm Schuldig, you idiot. The schoolgirl's voice drifted into his head.
"Oh," Ken blinked. "I was jus' talking to Mr Tashakahishakahi here about.. about..." He looked confused. "It was about... hey! You have really nice boobies," He congratulated the nurse. "I like boobies,"
Schuldig began tottering after Takahashi as fast as he could, which wasn't very fast in six-inch heels, superhuman speed or not. Yohji joined him, sauntering past and casually waving his giant bosoms in Takahashi's general direction.
"Ladies," Takahashi greeted them with an enormous grin. "Are we enjoying ourselves?"
"It's beginning to look up.." Schuldig breathed, twirling his ponytail playfully. The ends were now beginning to irreversibly dreadlock. "How about you?"
"It's been a nightmare," Takahashi said. "Kids everywhere, and for some reason the hired security tried to eat Mr Nakamura's socks! And my little Mitsuko was all worn out in no time- too much fresh air and fun and games!"
"That sounds terrible," Schuldig murmured sympathetically. He began poking around in Takahashi's mind. Good, the arrangements for bringing the Rosenkreuz agents were there, due to arrive at- he was suddenly distracted as a filthy thought involving himself floated across Takahashi's mind. Himself and Yohji wrestling in a swimming pool filled with strawberries and chocolate syrup. He might be an evil corporate overlord, but damn, the man didn't have bad taste and Schuldig was not one to turn down free porn. Oh good, there were marshmallows involved now. Marshmallows and.. the pair of them wearing nothing but divers' helmets and yellow rubber waders and spanking Takahashi with a trout! And was that an edible thong Takahashi's fantasy-self was wearing? Schuldig had to get out, now.
"I'm going to go look after my friend," Schuldig said, glancing hopefully in the direction Ken had gone. "Who may have had a teeny bit too much to drink. I'll be right back," He managed a forced giggle and then began tottering off as fast as he could, cheerfully abandoning Yohji to Takahashi and his sick fantasies.
"So, it's just you and me now.." Takahashi breathed, one hand on Yohji's shoulder, his eyes fixed on the front of Yohji's stuffed uniform. "Why don't I give you the private tour of my home?"
Yohji considered. If he went with Takahashi, he could discreetly kill the target out of sight, hide the corpse and be back in time to grab some birthday cake when they finally got round to cutting it. But then the hand slid lower and without warning, suddenly clamped onto his left buttock. His infamous, prized left buttock known throughout Japan, the buttock that never failed to draw gasps of admiration when first unveiled to a new lover. He desperately needed rescuing. Yohji looked around frantically.
"Please, Flying Spaghetti Monster," He begged silently. "If you're really out there, please send me a miracle,"
His miracle arrived in the form of a googly-eyed, pink pantomime horse galloping straight towards him from the childrens' room. Yohji threw himself into its path in despair, was knocked off his feet and dragged along. He triumphantly hauled himself aboard the pantomime horse, reached into his dress and hurled his bosoms at a shocked Takahashi as he was carried off to freedom. Aya's orange jumper wrapped around Takahashi's face, Farfarello's Mr Bunny bounced off his head, assorted socks showered the guests, Ken's underwear ended up floating in a punch bowl and a fairly prominent politician choked on the left "Boobie Booster" after it landed in his drink.
"All praise our noodly master!" Yohji cried ecstatically as the pantomime horse galloped away into the sunset.
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Ken wouldn't have minded if he was captured while.. say, hovering behind Takahashi looking threatening, bugnuks out, ready to rip him out some spinal cord. But truthfully, security took him in an hour later after finding him paddling around in the punch bowl wearing Mitsuko's birthday cake on his head and making pirate noises, convinced he was the life and soul of the party.
They were all there in a dungeon that Takahashi inexplicably had somewhere in his mansion, hanging from the walls in handcuffs. Omi and Nagi were wearing nothing but some wrapping paper and strategically placed confetti. Ken was beginning to sober up very rapidly indeed.
"How did you all get caught?" He asked, noticing their expressions collectively fall when the last member of Lila was dragged in too.
"Saw something shiny," Farfarello said apologetically.
"Yohji was thinking very loudly about naked ladies," Schuldig said accusingly. "Dipped in strawberry icecream,"
"I was thinking about naked ladies," Yohji concurred. "Dipped in strawberry icecream,"
"Omi? Nagi?"
"Our clothes fell off. Stupid cheap costumes! And then when we were streaking through the party to get away from security, there were these psychic female assassins dressed up as Playboy bunnies..." Omi sounded so distressed that Ken didn't have the heart to pursue it. Schuldig nodded understandingly. It happened to the best of them.
"Aya?"
Aya scowled. "We were overwhelmed,"
"He jumped off a high building yelling 'Shi-ne!' and twisted his ankle," Crawford said helpfully.
"Why didn't you see this coming?"
"Because I was too busy fending off a security guard who was trying to eat my socks, and took me in for resisting," Crawford glared at Schuldig. "I hope you have a plan for getting us out of here,"
Schuldig shrugged, which was fairly hard to do when hanging from a wall. "I'll control the mind of the next person who comes in here. Problem solved,"
"But I'm boooored now," Omi cried, swinging fretfully from his handcuffs. "And I'm thirsty and Nagi keeps hitting me,"
"Am not," Nagi said, annoyed. Omi gave him a look.
"I don't want to be hanging here all night," He stage-whispered. "Didn't you ever get cranky on long car rides when you were a kid?"
"Oh," Nagi nodded understandingly. He scrunched up his face, kicked Omi enthusiastically and wailed. "He started it! And I think I'm going to be sick,"
"I really am," Ken said apologetically. "I swear, I didn't know it was alcohol.."
They all swung in silence for a minute. Nagi explained for the fifth time that yes, he probably could telekinetically rip someone out of their handcuffs, but he couldn't absolutely guarantee that he wouldn't leave their wrists behind. Schuldig helpfully told everyone about what he'd found in Takahashi's mind, and that the reason why he had a dungeon was probably to indulge his sick trout-spanking fantasies in. After hearing this, Aya somehow tied himself into a double French bowline knot by squirming up the wall and trying to wriggle his way to freedom. Crawford tried to See the future and whatever dismal fate lay ahead of them, but only managed to spoil tomorrow's episode of his favourite soap opera for himself. So he ruined it for everyone else too, and once the squabbling had died down, they all resumed thinking about how to escape.
Schuldig suddenly looked inspired. "Farfarello, do that disgusting thing where you turn yourself inside out,"
Farfarello looked puzzled.
"The.. thing," Schuldig said vaguely. "Whatever it is you do to get out of chains. And straitjackets. Straitjackets with padlocks and extra straps and Rottweilers patrolling around the perimeter. While hanging from the ceiling. Upside down. Surrounded by a moat of flaming lava and hanging over a vat of custard,"
"Oh," Farfarello said, understanding. "That's easy. I just dislocate my shoulder, like this.."
"Ew!"
"And snap my left wrist, as so.." There was a loud crunch. "And separate a few vertebrae so my spine will bend this way instead.." There was an alarming popping sound. "And then by simply breaking most of the bones in your hand so it goes all squashy and flexible, you can easily get out of the handcuffs!" Farfarello fell to the floor with a crunchy sort of thump and didn't move for a few minutes.
Once they were all freed and Omi and Nagi had found their clothes, they began discreetly sneaking back out of the mansion. It turned out there wasn't much need for it, since the party had ended a long time ago.
"Oh well," Omi said optimistically, stealing the remains of the birthday cake. "How bad can those Rosenkreuz agents really be? It's two teenage girls against all eight of us,"
"We'll be fine," Nagi agreed, wondering how Omi could still look quite attractive when dressed as the back end of a pantomime horse galloping around by itself. As he began to follow Omi out, Nagi twitched. He had a sudden, inexplicable urge to go home, turn up Evanescence, borrow one of Farf's razor blades and... he blinked, and was back to normal. Shaking his head, he followed the others back out.
Farfarello had stayed behind to retrieve Mr Bunny. A strange look crossed his face as he found the stuffed rabbit floating around sadly in the punch bowl.
"Must.. find... blender.."
