Chapter One
'It's been awhile since I've said I'm sorry.'-Staind
"Tohru!" The boy Momiji yelled before bolting from his seat and out the door into the hallway. I watched him go for a moment before dropping my school bag on a desk by the window. Well, this year would probably be interesting, I've never had that kid in my class before. ...Was he wearing a girl's uniform?
"Good morning, Kitani!" I turned and saw the very hyper and outgoing Risu Hakai, coming into the class room with a small group of people trailing behind her. So this year it seems, she's very popular amongst the first years. There were three of them, two boys and a girl who seemed to be following her as if they were lost puppies. This popular sports girl just happened to be my best friend.
"G'morning, Risu."I try to smile, though it feels completely unreal. A part of me wonders when I'll be able to smile a real smile again.
Risu hopped onto one of the desk tops and sat there, staring at me, trying to see if I was alright without having to ask.
"Maybe you shouldn't have come to school today." She said softly after a moment.
I bit my lip and looked away from her penetrating gaze. "Think so?" I question, not really asking for an answer. I can't just shy away from the world, that would drive me crazy.
"WAAAAAAAAH! KYO HIT ME!!!!!!!!"
Both of our attentions were drawn to the commotion out in the hall. Risu turned back to me. "You have Momiji in your class?" She questioned with a huge grin on her face.
"Yeah, I guess so."
Risu let out a squeal, which I have to admit is very rare for her. "That's so cool! You're so lucky!"
I gave her a questioning stare. "Come on!" She grabbed my wrist, pulling me from my seat and dragging me towards the door where we could look out into the hall.
"He's so cute! You're gonna love him!" She continued. Pointing in the boy's direction Risu made him stand out from the group he was with. She was so bouncy and excited over seeing Momiji that I tried to laugh, though it only came out as a short scoff. Nn...I need to work on that some more.
"Well, we have the rest of the year to find out." I slipped from Risu's grasp and back into the classroom to my desk.
Once I sat down Risu placed her hand on my shoulder and looked me in the eyes. "No. Believe me. You'll end up thinking he's the cutest thing ever. Because, he really is!" She laughed towards the end.
"Oh great, another guy Risu's drooling over." A voice from behind us said. "Don't you have a boyfriend?"
Meet another of my close friends, Airesth Mujen, a small, fragile looking girl with an attitude that could send anyone home crying. Her crystal clear glasses shone in the morning sun rays as she looked up at us with misty gray eyes. Risu stuck her tongue out at Airesth before rolling her eyes. "Yes, I do. May I remind you before you go off drooling over 'Prince Yuki', that you have one too." A spontaneous 'oooh' went off in the background.
"I don't drool over him." Airesth crossed her arms and stared at Risu with half lidded eyes.
"Oh yes you do, who the heck are you trying to fool?"
"No one. Because I. Don't. Drool. Over. Him."
Risu scoffed and muttered under her breath, "Yeah, right."
"Listen you-"
"Hey! Look at that, the class is about to start." I stepped between the two. "Risu, you don't want to be late, right?"
Risu smiled, easily getting over the small feud. "Yup! See you guys at lunch!" She embraced me for a brief moment, before heading out the door, grabbing the attention of a group of guys in the back of the class room.
"Maelyn, she's leaving!" One of the two first year boys who'd followed her in pulled on the arm of the girl by him and ran out the door after Risu.
Airesth rolled her eyes. "She's such a jock."
Airesth left towards her desk on the other side of the room, leaving me to myself.
Oh man. I slowly slid down into my seat. The day was barely starting and I already felt thankful, hopeless, and frustrated all at the same time. How the hell that happens, I'll never really understand. Just breathe. I coached myself. Breathe.
"Miss Hiratai, are you ill?" The teacher questioned in the middle of her lecture. I snapped my head up from my palm and suddenly felt every eye in the class room on me.
"Er, no ma'am. Sorry." I sat up a little straighter and grabbed my pencil that had been lying there forgotten. She went on with the lecture and I did my best to keep up. I can't let my mind wonder.
'Miss Hiratai, I'm sorry.'
I gasped and drew my pencil away from the paper. My hand was shaking.
'Your mother has sustained injuries that...'
No. Stop it.
'M-mom?'
Stop.
'Her pulse is dropping! Get her out of here!'
'NO! Mom!'
Breathe, damn it! The bell rang dismissing first period. I stood up with the others, and since my hands were still shaking badly it took me awhile to shove everything into my book bag and hurry out the door. I ran into the girls restroom and was relieved to find it empty. I grabbed hold of a the edges of the sink and dropped my head, taking deep shaky breaths.
'Maybe you shouldn't have come to school today.'
Was she right? I turned on the faucet and splashed cold water on my face, gasping from the momentary shock. Should I have stayed at Miharu's house?
"This is the story of a girl, who cried a river and drowned the whole world! And while she looks so sad in photographs, I absolutely love her; when she smiles!" Risu sang into an empty water bottle.
I happened to join the group right in the middle of her performance. When she saw me approach them by the huge Sakura tree, she suddenly started to point to me as she sang. I slightly shook my head at her as I knelt down in the grass by Kaze who was already enjoying her lunch.
"Hey, Kaze."
"Hello, Kitani." She greeted with a warm smile. "Can you believe we have cleaning duty after school already?"
I frowned. "Already?"
"Yup." She nodded before taking a small bite of her food and continuing. "I checked the list this morning and its going to be you and me."
"You sound so glum about it, its only cleaning a class room." A voice said from behind Kaze. I glanced over her shoulder and saw Kovu; the tall gamer of the class with sharp green eyes and a lazy personality. A.K.A. Kaze's boyfriend.
Kaze rose an eyebrow at his remark. "Oh really? Well if you don't mind it so much, switch places with me. You do it today, and I'll do it the day you have to. Deal?"
Kovu glanced at me for a second before staring long and hard at Kaze's outstretched palm. He bit his lip in mock thought before nodding his head. "Deal." He clapped his hand down on hers and they shook on it.
"There you go, Kovu. I knew you'd end up on top eventually." Haku remarked while slapping him on the shoulder as he passed by. Haku is Airesth's boyfriend of one year. He can be like Kovu at times, I guess. They're both quiet and sometimes shy, but mostly lazy. A difference would be that Haku can open up more, you know, loosen up around people, like Airesth.
Kovu slowly removed his hand from Kaze's and glared unmercifully at him. Kaze blushed slightly and ducked her head to hide it, while I just sat there with a dumb expression on my face.
Risu who had heard everything and was now laying down on the grass looking up at the sky, commented with, "I love our conversations, they're so innocent."
"No they're not, what the hell are you talking about?" Another voice joined the group. Miharu stood over Risu with a raised brow at the stupid remark she'd just walked in on. I decided to back Risu up.
"I must welcome you, Miharu, to the grand world of sarcasm. Join us, and you'll see that that's what Risu was using." I said in a dreary voice before finally taking a bite of my food.
"Oh...Well...I knew that. She just sounded so stupid." Miharu covered up as she sat down in the grass.
"Hey!" Risu sat up to glare at Miharu who simply looked back with a blank expression. "That's not cool! You're supposed to show respect to your elders!"
"Says who?" Miharu challenged.
"Wha-Well, the elders!"
"Kitani, are you okay?" Kaze questioned quietly. I stared down at my food and sighed. "Yeah. I'm just not hungry anymore." I pulled myself up to my feet and looked around. "Anyone else have trash?"
"Yeah, take Risu, she's starting to bug me." Miharu said as her hand was trying to shoo Risu's away from her.
"You guys, just drop it." I sighed before turning and heading for the trash can. I can't believe I wasn't able to eat that much during lunch either. I frowned as I dumped everything into the trash can. Maybe when my smiles come back my appetite will too. A gentle breeze blew through and I sighed, looking up to the sky.
This sucks.
After school I stayed behind with Kovu to clean up the classroom. It was quiet for the most part. I guess you could say, the main thing we have in common is Kaze. So, even though we used to be a trio in middle school, it was always Kaze that had held us together...before they started going out.
"Hey."
"Huh?"
"Your mind's wondering off again." He referred to the spot that I continued to sweep over and over again. "Oh!" I stopped myself and reached down for the dust pan. "Sorry."
He just shook his head and went back to moving the desks around. We were half way done when one of Kovu's friends ran to the doorway. "Hey, what's up?" Kovu questioned while leaning against two desks stacked on one another. I stopped sweeping and looked up, slightly leaning against the broom.
"Coach is going crazy, man, I swear! Can you come the last few minutes of practice and help us out?" Man, the guy looked truly scared. See, this is why I don't participate in 'school' sports. Before Kovu could reply with anything, I spoke. "Yeah, he'll go right now."
"Really?" The guy perked up.
Kovu looked back to me, his expression reading, 'I will?'
"Yeah, you look like hell, so I think he should help you guys now." I replied with a nod. Kovu bit his lip and furrowed his eyebrows as he looked around the classroom. I rolled my eyes. "Relax, Kovu, it's just half the room. I can do it. They need you, go." He glanced up at me, making his final decision and went to the door. Halfway out he stopped and turned back to me. "You won't tell Kaze, right?"
I was about to reply with a smart comment but found I didn't have one. "No. You're safe. Now go."
"Thanks." He was out the door and I turned back to look out the window. The sun's close to setting so I'll have to pick up the pace a bit. Twenty minutes passed and I was finally able to start putting the cleaning equipment away. My lip twitched a little as even putting away the equipment reminded me of my mother. How I would help her clean the kitchen after dinner. She would play the radio loud and we'd both end up dancing and singing as we did our tasks. She'd pull me close under her arm and kiss me on the top of my head...
'Love you, baby.'
Stop it.
They're nice memories...They're wonderful memories...But...
I hugged myself as tears threatened to fall. I can't think about them. Not here. Not now.
They're too painful right now. Right now. Breathe, breathe. In, out, in and out. I quickly straightened and grabbed the keys to lock up. I closed the cabinet doors and quickly clicked the lock closed. I whipped my book bag over my head so that it slung across my shoulder and stepped out of the room, turning the key in the lock and walking briskly toward the front office. I hastily brushed the tears from my eyes, trying to make it less noticeable and dropped the keys on the receptionist's desk.
"Thank you!" She called, though I still kept my quick paced walk and pushed open the doors to walk outside. I barely made it to a secluded bench in time before letting a sob escape my lips. I collapsed onto the stone bench and leaned forward to bury my face in my arms and knees. It was horrible. It was like I couldn't breathe unless I cried. No matter how much I tried to fight the choking sobs, they wouldn't stop.
I don't know how long I sat there just letting it all out, but when I finally did look up, the sun had nearly set already. I froze when I noticed someone else nearby, leaning against a tree. They had their back to me and half of it was concealed by the tree itself. I stared at their back for a moment, my mind a total blank and my vision a blur.
"Are you done?" They questioned in a monotone voice.
"Ngh." I dropped my head in shame. Someone had caught me crying, a stranger no less, and now I can't even properly respond to them. Droplets of tears that had still clung to my lashes dropped to my knees and once I realized this, I vigorously rubbed them away from my eyes.
The person remained silent and I felt as if they were waiting for me to say something. I took a shaky breath and cleared my throat as best I could. "I'm s-sorry." I picked myself up, though I couldn't muster the courage to stand completely straight, and made my way to head back to Miharu's home.
"Kitani, you're back." My aunt sighed in obvious relief. "Miharu came home saying that you had cleaning duty, but that was well over an hour ago." I saw the phone clutched in her right hand and a pad of paper in her left. Oh no, she was probably about to call people to see where I was. First thing you should know about my aunt; you never want to make her worry. You just don't.
I bowed apologetically to her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you worry. It's just that it took a little longer than expected."
She did look a bit annoyed, though I could see the resigned part of her shine through. "Fine. Just don't let it happen again. Call ahead next time, so we'll know." She rubbed her temples in small circular motions with her slender fingers, and I took that as my que to leave.
Miharu was already in the room sitting at her desk with all her homework opened up in front of her, though it didn't look as though she'd started anything.
"Hey," I sighed as I sat on the bottom bunk, dropping my school bag on the floor.
"Hey," She replied without looking up.
"How was your first day?" I questioned.
"It was alright I guess. But, you know, some guys are really starting to piss me off. Yours?"
I lay back into the soft covers of the bed and stare up at the ceiling. "...Alright. I guess...also..." I'm disappointed in myself. I really thought that I'd be able to make it at least one day...
"Hey. You telling me I got homework and you didn't?" Miharu questioned with a raised brow. I roll my eyes and drag myself over to where my bag lay at my feet. "Just had to remind me, huh?"
Well...maybe tomorrow.
