Thank you for all the readers that have given my story a chance.
Thank you RitsuAmberEyes for the review you posted, as it motivates me to continue on writing.
This story means a lot to me and I'll try to make it as close to reality as possible.
Tears were falling fast from my eyes, the more I think about the confession the more I panic. I hiccupped.
Shit. If she sees me like this, if anyone sees me like this. Fuck. No.
"Stop crying" I squeezed my eyes shut and let my hands stay where they are covering my eyes and nose. I felt my snot running from my nose; this was going out of control fast. I let my hands fall to the steering wheel and searched for tissue papers in the car. It was dark inside the car so I had to open my dashboard light.
When I found a tissue role inside the car's dashboard, I tore a handful of it quickly and blow my nose to it. I tore another handful to dry my eyes of excess tear, but it wasn't working. The tears just kept on rolling.
"Stop, damn it" I placed my hands on my face again while leaning my head toward the steering wheel.
"Stop.." I grimaced
A few minutes later
"Get it together Ritsu" I told myself.
Deep breaths... Deep breaths
Once I felt that I could hold myself together, I checked my reflection on the car's mirror. Damn, were my eyes puffy and red from crying. I looked through the car's dashboard compartment again and found what I was looking for.
My glasses, black framed. I usually wore it when I'm at class but in casual days like this I took it off.
I wore my glasses and checked the mirror again. At least the puffiness was less visible with my glasses on. I checked my phone and saw the text from Mio.
"This is what the girls want
3x 1L Water
2x Instant noodles
1x Icecream
1x Melon pan"
"You're not getting anything?" I texted Mio back.
"No haha. I'm okay" She replied directly.
"That's a first XP LOL" I joked.
"T_T you are dead. Come back ASAP, it's dark out there so drive save."
"Yes, oh dangerous queen" I frowned when I had to remind myself to delete the "my" to "dangerous queen" part.
I grabbed my wallet and exit the car. Locking it before I enter the convenient store.
"Welcome" I heard the store attendee said and I smiled to him in return.
I found all the necessary items and headed to the cashier. On the way there I stopped at a row of sweets; my hand automatically reached out to the ever-colorful skittles.
Mio likes this. I should buy some for her.
I put 2 sachets of skittles to the shopping back and continue my way to the counter. While waiting for the attendee to scan the bar code, my eyes couldn't help but look at the cigarette section placed behind the attendee. It was tempting; I want to smoke just to clear of my head off.
But.. no. Don't smoke okay? for her sake and for mine.
The memory flooded my head. It was the first year of university and I saw a lot of people smoking in campus. So one time when I had a bad break up, I was tempted to try it out. The feeling of smoking was liberating for me, as if my problems were blown away just like the smoke that I exhaled. Relaxing. I didn't smoke often just when I felt really down under the weather, which I rarely felt. So I thought it was okay to smoke as long as I don't get addicted to it.
But on one particular day when she found out a box of cigarette that I left inside my school bag, she questioned me. I had to tell her and she understood; she didn't judge me and I love her for that. She just suggested I stop doing it, no coarse action or getting mad at me. So I listened to her, I always do.
"600 Yen miss" the attendee broke my train of thoughts.
I gave him a 1000yen note and went my way to the car with the items I bought.
The drive back to the house was unbearable. There was a continuous jarring pain thumping in my chest area and I felt totally restless. This sucks, my feelings sucked hard!
A brief memory of the confession flashed in my head. I immediately hit my hand hard to the steering wheel in anger? in frustration? Maybe it was my way of easing myself; I don't know...
"A pain in the ass" I grimaced.
Now I'm parked outside of Mugi's house, and I am too afraid to enter the house cause I don't know how to face Mio.
"Argh" I winced. I'm confused to how I'm going to approach this situation. Should I just waltz to the rest of the guys and be happy go lucky? No.. I think I might cry immediately when I see her face. I rubbed my temples with my right hand. I held my phone with my left hand and scrolled to find Mugi's contact number.
The white message screen appeared and I typed
"Mugi I need your help. Where's Mio right now?"
"She's watching a movie with the rest? Where are you?" Mugi replied after a minute.
"I'm right outside the house. But I'm afraid of going in."
"Did you and Mio have a fight? She looked under the weather for some reason."
"Not a fight... I told her... you know Mugi?"
"Oh.. just come in and we'll talk in the living room okay? They are in the theatre.. Upstairs"
Upstairs...
"Okay" I exhaled and got out of my car.
When I entered the house with the groceries, Mugi unexpectedly gave me a big warm hug. The thought was appreciated well and I smiled at her. She took hold of the groceries and store the ice cream in the freezer and the rest on the kitchen counter.
"Sit there, Ritsu" Mugi gestured to the sofa living room. I nodded and sat on the charcoal grey couch. A yellow-orange light that was gloomy but calming illuminated the room. The wooden floor was nice and cool and in front of me was a huge TV set completed with surround sounds. I rested my head so that my vision was facing the top wall and dazed off.
Mio what are you thinking right now?
I heard Mugi approached me and I shifted my attention to her. She handed me a glass of water, which I drank slowly then placed it on the coffee table.
"Thanks Mugi" I said weakly.
"No problem" She sat next to me, waiting and watching my every movement. She understood that I need some time to arrange my words, to really organize my mind.
"Yeah I told her." I finally spoke after a 2-minute pause. I didn't dare to look at Mugi cause of the possibility that I might cry in front of her. Instead I hunched over and placed my left hand under my chin. Mugi waited for me patiently as I marveled through my bangs, a habit I had when I am nervous or in a predicament.
I exhaled loudly to clear my voice. "I was stupid...I got into the moment and told her how I feel. It was selfish and shortsighted of me to say that... I... I thought it was okay that I was ready to face the consequences, but really... I am not. I've jeopardize our friendship..." my voice cracked as I felt tears welling up in both of my eyes. I stopped talking and looked to the ceiling blinking my tears away.
"I don't want our friendship to change. We've built it to a level to a depth! where we could trust our lives to the other. She.. me.. we were supposed to be our safe haven to the other, and I...I had to ruin that... " I continued between pauses where my tears threatened to fall.
"I regretted saying it. I wish I could go back in time and stop myself from confessing." I finished. Mugi patted my back gently a few times before I held out my left hand to stop her from doing so. She retracted her hand and clasped it.
I grinned at her so that she wouldn't take the rejection to heart.
Patting me in the back would only make me more emotional, and therefore breaking my façade that I'm trying so damn hard to maintain.
"Sorry Mugi, I just need a moment to calm myself down."
"I understand" she smiled back emphatically.
"Should I change rooms with you tonight?" I asked when I realized I'd be sleeping with Mio throughout our stay here.
"It depends on you. But I think you need to really talk to her and clear anything off before it's too late. Plus, she might take it hard if you just left her hanging." Mugi suggested in her pleasant tone.
"I'm afraid" I clasped my hand in a praying position.
"I know, I would be as well in your position. But just remind yourself that speaking up, bracing yourself to talk her might save your friendship. You two aren't mind readers, so you guys need to communicate to understand each other." Mugi held my hand and smiled friendly.
Talk to her.. It's difficult but it has to be done?
It took me a few moments before I found my resolution. I looked at Mugi.
"Okay. I'll try" I said to her.
"Good Ricchan. I'll tell the others to come down and eat." Mugi squeezed my hand.
"Wait" I held Mugi's hand so she doen't walk away.
"What is it?" she asked.
"Do I look like a mess?" I grinned at her as I took of my glasses for her to see.
"Yes, let's get you clean up first then" She held my hand and gave a sweet chuckle. She guided me to her room where she told me to wash my face and put some refreshing eye-drops before putting my glasses back on.
Thank you Mugi.
