Thanks again to Cat who corrected this and to everyone who read and reviewed. You guys RULE!
Kate was sitting on the first step of Jeff and Vanessa's "little summer cottage". While she had yet to see the inside, she already knew that the three of them didn't have the same definition of any of those words. Well, maybe summer, but that was a default. Not that it really mattered, considering she was just a guest, or would be as soon as the housekeeper showed up.
Lanie had come with her to help her pack (and by packing the ME had meant putting every skimpy, sexy, slutty piece of clothing and lingerie Kate owned in a suitcase before pushing her out the door with several pairs of fuck me shoes.) and she'd made arrangements with her cousin who had agreed and told them she would call the housekeeper at a more civilized time. One look at the clock and a guilty time zone calculation had left them apologizing to Vanessa who had quieted them, telling them she'd always been a sucker for romance. Lanie had then left Kate to sleep with a 'Go get him girl', but the detective had been unable to find rest.
After tossing and turning for hours, she had given up and had decided to drive down, even if it was way too early. Which was why now she was waiting on the steps, sipping lukewarm coffee and toying with her mother's ring, asking for guidance.
She'd been assailed by doubts since she'd decided on this crazy course. Could she really do this? Did she really have the right to come here and interfere with Castle's life? What if he really wanted Gina? What if it was the best thing for him? What if she was humiliating herself? What if he took one look at her and laughed? What if he didn't? What if he chose her and then changed his mind?
And then something that sounded so much like her mother pushed her along. What if it just worked out? What if he was the man for her and this was her opportunity? Her test? What if she let that go without even trying? She'd be wondering for the rest of her life what's she'd missed with him and it would drive her insane, more than any of her previous "what ifs". That's what had made her turn the key in the ignition after a good twenty minutes of sitting in her car and that's what made her smile at the housekeeper, who was just now getting in the driveway.
"Miss Beckett? I'm Jane Allen, the housekeeper."
"Kate, please."
"Can I see some ID?"
The joy of gated communities. She pulled out her NYPD ID and gave it to the woman, watching her eyebrow rising just like the guard at the gate. That thing made her into such a reliable person to everyone. It was handed back to her and the woman climbed out of the car. She handed Kate a set of keys and walked up the steps, her own in her hands. She opened the door and gave a quick tour of the house, indicating which room Kate was to use and when they came back downstairs, she asked THE question:
"How long are you planning to stay?"
"I have until Wednesday morning, but if something comes up, I may have to leave sooner."
The housekeeper nodded and pointed to the phone.
"If I'm not here and you have to leave, my number is the first on the speed dial. You can leave the keys at the gate house,."
"Thank you, I'm sorry for the work…"
Mrs. Allen waved her off.
"I have a feeling you won't change my holiday routine much. Is there anything you need?"
"No, no. Thank you."
"Well, have a good day."
Kate walked out with her to take her suitcase out of her car and walked back in the house, closing the door behind her with a sigh. Here she was. Kate went upstairs and unpacked and then she eyed the bed for a grand total of five second. While she was dead tired, she knew it would be an effort in frustration so she put on some shorts and a work out top. Endorphins from a run would have to sustain her. She put on her sneakers, took the keys and her iPod and she hit the beach running. She went left though she should have gone right. Castle's place was five houses down that way. She figured the extra time would make her calmer when she'd turn back and run pas it. It was total bullshit, of course.
When she hit her mark to turn around, she started to look for his house and when she locked eyes on it, about 500 yards away from it, she saw him. He was sulking on the porch, his shoulder hunched over like the weight on the world was resting there. She held her breath as she ran past, not a wise move considering her increased need for oxygen, but Castle didn't notice her, he was staring at the bottom of his coffee cup, like the brown liquid held the answers to cure his sad face.
Kate's heart tugged her back but she kept on running; she was all sweaty and not exactly looking her best even though she knew that was ridiculous, Castle had seen her coming back from her sparring sessions, he wouldn't be fazed. And he wasn't. When she hit her mark, she turned back and noticed that the forlorn man had shifted his attentions from his coffee to the never ending roll of the waves and their eyes met.
She saw her name on his lips and she swallowed hard, barely aware of the fact that she had slowed her pace until she stopped when Castle scrambled from his chair, almost running to the beach, to her. She exhaled slowly to calm her racing heart and she knew the hammering in her chest had very little to do with her run. Her stomach turned liquid at the guarded joy on his face like he couldn't believe she was there and he didn't dare hope she was. She felt nauseous, but she put a smile on her lips, hoping to hide the fear she wouldn't acknowledge. Castle drew even with her and they both swallowed hard. He hadn't eve blinked since he saw her. Like he was afraid she'd disappear.
"Kate. Your beach house is in the area?"
"Beach house?"
She stared at him as if he'd lost his mind (how did he expect her to afford a place here?) until she realized he was talking about the house she was supposed to have rented with Tom.
"No, my plans… euh… Fell through and Lanie's cousin offered her place."
Castle nodded absently, she wasn't sure he'd heard her. He was still staring at her and she shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably. Why couldn't he have seen her in the swimsuit she had planned on wearing? Castle seemed to shake himself out of whatever brain space he was in and asked:
"Lanie's cousin?"
"Vanessa. She married this guy, Carl."
"Portman?"
"That's the guy."
"Wow. Lanie's cousin, huh?"
Kate nodded.
"Why didn't you call? I have space, plenty of it. I would have been happy to get a room ready for you."
Kate bit her lip and looked at him, did he seriously think she was gonna call after he left with Gina?
"I was one of her bridesmaid. I think she feels like she owes me."
"Now I'm really sorry I missed the wedding. You and Lanie in bridesmaid dresses, could have given me plenty of blackmail material."
Castle waggled his eyebrows and Kate rolled her eyes, biting back her smile like she always did. She felt more at ease. This banter was them and it lifted her spirit to know that they hadn't lost that in the heart crush of seeing Gina walking in the precinct. Speak of the devil, it came out on the porch, wearing little in the way of nightgown and Kate's smile shattered.
"I should go, you're about to be wanted."
Rick turned back toward the house and Kate took this as her cue to start running again. She didn't sprint toward the house, but just because dignity demanded a regular pace. She didn't look back once, but she called herself a fool every step of the way. It had been her opportunity to make a stand and she had failed. Epically. If she didn't find a new mindset, where she was perfectly able to pursue Castle, this was going to be a long and futile week.
