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I don't own the lyrics to the song When the darkness comes by Colbie Caillat.
I do not own TMI, Cassandra Clare does.
Chapter 2
CPOV
I was lying down in bed. Jonathan hadn't brought me breakfast this morning or dinner last night. I haven't seen him since yesterday, after he stomped out the room. I had to say no. I had to make him stop. Even if I wanted it so much. I didn't get much sleep last night, probably two hours.
I wasn't even hungry and it was two thirty already. I don't really care about the food right now. I want to see him. I want to know how mad is him. Every time I close my eyes I feel the way he touched me. The way he kissed me. It felt so right. I don't know how something that feels to right can be wrong.
I felt the tears making their way down my cheeks. I let out a sob and buried my face in the pillow. I yelled from the top of my lungs. Jonathan can't hear me anyways because I have my face buried in the pillow and, well, I'm in the basement. My sobs became louder, my cheeks and pillow were wet.
I hate my life. Why does everything has to be so difficult. First I fell in love with an idiot. Then we suffered because we though we were siblings. We went through hell. We were happy to find out we weren't siblings and Valentine was lying. But then Lilith and Jonathan got in the way. After all that we were together but the happiness just lasted three months. Then I started to have feelings for Jonathan. My feeling for him kept getting stronger. Now that I'm with him just makes it harder because we can't. We can't be together is not right, even if it feels right, is not.
I calmed myself a little. I walked to the restroom. I washed my face. It was obvious I had been crying. My eyes were red and puffy. I walked out the restroom. As I walked I started feeling dizzy. My vision became blurry.
"Jonathan," my voice just came out as a whisper. "Jonathan," I tried again. "Jonathan,"a whisper again. I hit the floor, hard. My head was in pain, and the darkness consumed me.
I woke up at the smell of something strong. My eyelids felt heavy. A hand caressed my cheek. The hand felt good, it was soft and smooth. The hand was replaced by someone's lips. The lips left butterfly kisses in both of my cheeks. I tried to sit up, I groaned, my head hurts. I was gently pushed back.
"Don't move," came a concerned voice. I forced my eyelids open. I blinked adjusting my eyes to the light. Jonathan threw a cotton ball at the floor.
"Why is it too light?" Jonathan chuckled, he turned off the lights. "What happened?" I asked.
"I was hoping you could tell me. I just came down to give you some food and I found you in the floor, unconscious."
"I don't know. I was walking out the restroom then I felt dizzy and my vision was blurry. I passed out."
"Eat," he placed a plate in my lap. It was a sandwich and apple slices. I looked at the clock, four thirty five.
"At what time did you came down here?" I asked.
"At four, why?"
"I must have been out for thirty or forty minutes."
"That's too much. How do you feel?"
"I'm fine. Just a headache."
"Any idea of why you fainted?" He asked, his eyes full of concern.
" I don't know. Maybe is 'cause I didn't sleep last night, I didn't sleep much last night."
"You need to eat," he said, I nodded and bit down the sandwich. He was wearing his gear, I noticed. I'll ask later. "I think a shower will do you well. When you are done eating you can take a shower and go to sleep." I just nodded.
I ate my sandwich quietly. I stole glaces at Jonathan. He was lying on his back, his hands behind his head, and crossed feet, I think he likes that pose. I smiled. I bit a apple slice, I love apples. I watched as Jonathan closed his eyes. He's so beautiful.
I was eating the apple slices and watching him in awe.
"There's juice in the nightstand," Jonathan said, his eyes still closed. I grabbed the glass and took a sip. Yay apple juice! I took another sip, I placed the glass in the nightstand and took another apple slice in my mouth. I watched Jonathan, carefully. He licked his lips. Angle, I wish I could do that. I bit my lip, I took an apple slice and leaned over to Jonathan.
I traced his bottom lip with the apple slice. He opened his eyes and grabbed my wrist. He took the apple slice in his mouth and chewed. He kissed my hand, gently. He tucked locks of red hair behind my ear. He popped himself up on his elbows and kissed my cheek. I blushed and sat back. How can I be so stupid?
"I be right back," he picked up the empty glass and plate and walked out the room. As soon as I heard the click I threw myself back in bed. Why did I do that? He can't know about my feelings. He has to think I hate him. But it so hard! How can I make him think I hate him when my feelings for him are exactly the opposite. Maybe I should stop pretending, I should stop acting. I should just give up. I'm not leaving this place anyways. Why make my life hell when it can be haven?
I should just let my feelings be free instead of trying to block them. I should just do as my heart and body ask. I should return the kisses and touches. I closed my eyes. My head took me back to last night. The way his touch and kisses felt. This made me think. What if hey just give wants my body? He probably just wants to make me his. My be he just wants me 'cause is wrong.
" I'm so stupid," I told myself. I was pulled from the back if my knees. I yelped, I opened my eyes, Jonathan was grinning. He lifted me up, I automatically wrapped my arms around his waist and my arms around his neck, his hands were gripping my thighs.
"Don't call yourself that," he said.
"What are you doing?"
"I don't trust you to walk, you might faint again'" he grinned. I rolled my eyes. He carried me to the bathroom. He sat me in the sink. He turned on the water. "What me to help you undress too?" He asked with a smirk.
"No! Ah, could you please leave so I can shower?" I asked nicely.
"Ah, for a moment I thought I might as well shower with you," he played with my red curls." I will step out so you can get in the shower... but, I will get back in," he gave me a sweet smile and kissed my forehead and he was out the bathroom. Sighed and undressed quickly. I hopped in the shower, closed the door and curtain. The water was warm, I immediately relaxed. "Can I get in now?" Jonathan asked.
"Yes," I said. I heard the door open and Jonathan's footsteps. I poured shower gel in my hand and washed my body. "So... are you gonna invite me in the shower, sister?" My eyes went wide.
"No!" I cried. I quickly finished washing my body. I squeezed some shampoo in my hand and quickly washed my hair. I heard him chuckle.
When I was done I moved the curtain a little and peeked out. I whipped the glass door with my hand to see. Jonathan was leaning against the wall, eyes closed. I too a a deep breath and opened the door, enough to stick my hand out. I try to reach the bathrobe but couldn't.
"J–Jonathan, can you give me the bathrobe, please?" I asked, just like yesterday. I hope it doesn't ends up like yesterday too.
"Sure thing, sister." He grabbed the robe and handed it to me. T took it and quick covered myself. When I was covered enough I pushed the door open. "Want me to brush your hair again?" He asks innocently. Ha! He's anything but innocent.
"No thanks," I said.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure." He opened the door and grabbed my hand. I blushed and stared at the floor as we walked to back to the basement. CLARY STOP BLUSHING! He's just walking you to the basement. The basement! To lock you there again, alone. We walked in the basement.
"I'll be back," Jonathan said and closed the door, and it locked automatically. I sighed and walked to the closet. I quickly changed and brushed my hair. I lay down in bed and pulled the comforter over me. I was cold because my hair was wet.
20 minutes later
I rolled over to my side, trying to sleep. Jonathan hasn't come back. I'm tire but I can't sleep. My hair was a mess from rolling in bed. Why is it so cold? I hate this basement. It's so cold. I sat up and brushed my hair with my hands. I calmed my wild red locks and lay down again. I pulled up the comforter and closed my eyes waiting for sleep to take me. I yelped as someone jumped in bed and landed with their knees at both of my sides. I shoved him off me.
"You idiot!" I sat up and threw a pillow at him, he just chuckled. He was lying next to me with a smirk in that gorgeous face of his.
"I love you too," he kissed my cheek and I melted. I'm almost sure my heart stopped at his words. He said 'I love you'. Does he really loves me? OF COURSE NOT! he doesn't love you! I took a look at him. He was now wearing a black v-neck, and sweatpants. "I thought you were gonna sleep."
"I can't."
"Come here," he opened his arms for me. I hesitated, I moved a little bit closer to him. Not enough to touch him, he rolled his eyes. "I don't bite..." he pulled me to his chest. "... actually I do," he smirked. I rolled my eyes at him, he grinned and kissed my forehead.
When he kisses me like that, gently and caring it makes me think that he does loves me. I closed my eyes. I wasn't cold anymore, I was warm. Evil should be cold but Jonathan is so warm. I wish he would stay with me every night and warm me up. Not in that way. I wish I could sleep with him at my side. I even feel safe. It doesn't make sense because it's him who can hurt me.
I opened my eyes. He was looking at me with his onyx eyes. He tucked red curls that were falling in my face behind my ear. He wrapped his arms around me and buried his face in my neck. I could never have thought that Jonathan could be cute. It feels so comfortable to be like this. I feel so warm. Safe. I could stay like this forever. STOP! Why can't I stop? Why can't I hate I'm? Why him? Why do I have this feelings for him. Because my heart betrayed me.
"You smell so good," he moaned. He did too. He smells good, but there's no way I'm telling him. He started toying with my hair. It was making me sleepy. Jonathan kissed my cheek. "Sleep," he whispered in my neck making me shiver. I closed my eyes but I remembered something and opened my eyes.
"Jonathan," I whispered.
"Mhm," was his response.
"You were wearing your shadowhunter gear earlier," my voice was low, I was falling asleep. "Did you went out?"
"Yes I did."
"Why?"
"Because I didn't want to stay here after yesterday so I went out after I left the room. I came back grabbed some food for you and found you in the floor." What? He had been out all night. I pushed him away from me.
"You left ALL night? Why? You can't just leave like that!" While I cry all night he just leaves.
"Yes I did. And yes I can. Why do you think Clary? I was mad, you know why. If you're worried I hurt any of your love ones, I didn't." He sounded mad. That didn't even crossed my head.
"That's not what... ugh! I know you didn't hurt them. But you can't leave like that!" I was looking at him in the eye. My eyelids were heavy but I kept my eyes open. "You can't just leave me alone like that!"
"And why not?! You didn't want me here if I recall."
"What if something happens to you?! What am I gonna do?"
"I don't know, maybe you will find your way out. Don't worry I don't think you will age and die," he said coldly. He's missing the point! What am I gonna do if I lose him?!
"You. Are. An. Idiot!" I felt tears escaping my eyes. Jonathan's face softened. He brushed my cheek with his hand, it probably got wet. I sob escaped my lips. I moved away from him.
"Clary..." he was confused. I don't blame him. He thinks I hate him. I can't stop myself from crying from the thought of losing him. "Clary... come here," he pulled me in a hug. I buried my face in his neck. "Nothing is going to happen to me." He kissed my forehead. After minutes of Jonathan murmuring things to me I calmed down ad stopped crying. "Now sleep." I closed my eyes. Before I drifted to sleep I felt soft lips pressed against mines. Jonathan gave me a quick and gentle kiss.
2 hours later...
JPOV
I opened my eyes. I groaned, i must have fallen asleep from watching Clary. I watched Clary sleep peacefully. She looks like the angel she is. She's so beautiful. And she will be mine because we are meant to be together. I'm still confused about what happened before. Why did she cry? Why would she cry for me? She was crying because she was scare something could happen to me. She couldn't have been faking, it was real. She was really crying. Could she be finally falling for me? Does she really cares about me?
"Do you?" I whispered looking at her. I kissed her forehead. I have never care for any girl. It has always been Clary. I only want her. Clary is mine. She has even change me. I have never thought of a girl as cute, pretty, beautiful, or adorable before her. I tried to forget about her. It didn't work. When I was with other girls I always wished it was Clary. I care for her, I don't want her to get hurt. Clary is special.
Every time I see her I want to kiss the life out of her. I want he to stat close. I want to be with her all the time. Soon, that will be possible. If she is a good girl doesn't try to escape and behaves I'll give her a room. Or she could just sleep with me.
They say demons can't love. They have told me that I can't love but I do love her.
I kissed her cheeks and forehead. I placed kisses everywhere her face. I pecked her lips and went back to placing kisses all over her face. Clary groaned, she buried her face in my chest and pulled the comforter over her head, covering half of mine in the way. I chuckled at her cuteness. I pulled the comforter off her face and kissed her forehead. She groaned and buried her head in my chest, again.
"You are so cute," fuck! Did I said that at loud? Maybe she didn't heard me, I relaxed.
"Says the one who woke me up kissing me!" Fuck she heard me.
"Whatever," I said nonchalantly. Clary giggled.
Wait. What? She giggled. For the first time. This is a good sign.
"Do you feel better?" I asked. I was tracing circles in her back.
"Mhm," her face still buried in my chest.
"Are you sure?" She looked up from my chest.
"Yes."
"You look beautiful," I said caressing her cheek. She blushed and turned away. "You are so beautiful." I popped my self up in my elbow to see her blush. I sat up and looked at her. I crawled on top of her. She tried to push me but I pinned her waists down. Her breathing quickened.
I kissed her cheek, and then the corner of her mouth. I pulled away and stared at her pink lips. Her heart was beating faster as my lips moved closer and closer to hers. My lips brushed hers, I was about to kiss her but she turned her head away. I gritted my teeth and sighed. I rolled off and sat up. I ran a hand through my hair, and looked at Clary. She was chewing her bottom lip.
"Why? Why do you push me away, Clary?"
"Because I don't want you to kiss me," he said sitting up... and ouch that kinda hurt.
"Yes you do."
"No. I. Don't."
"And why not?"'
"Could it be the fact that you are my BROTHER?!"
"That doesn't matters," I said raising my voice. "We BELONG TO EACH OTHER! YOU BELONG TO ME AND I BELONG TO YOU!" I shouted.
"It matters! WE SHARE THE SAME BLOOD!" She shouted back. I laughed bitterly.
"Are you sure, angel. I have demon blood while you have angel blood." I was now standing up looking at her. "We didn't grew up together."
"You are still my brother!"
"I don't care!" I yelled.
"Ugh!" She yelled clearly flustered. "GET OUT!"
"Excuse me?"
"JUST... JUST GET OUT!" I gritted my teeth and walked out the room, slamming the door behind me.
I need a drink.
CPOV
I buried my face in the pillow and yelled from the top of my lungs. I rolled over and stared at the ceiling, tears rolling down my cheeks. I was so mad at myself for turning my head. I shouldn't have turned my head. I wanted him to kiss me so bad but it would have ruined everything. He has to believe that I don't like him. He has to believe I don't have any feelings for him but hate and disgust.
He has to believe I don't love him.
He makes it harder. It's harder to fake hate and disgust when he's being nice, caring, cute... He was being adorable for the angel's sake! Turning my head, rejecting the kiss was the hardest thing to do. I wanted to feel his lips on mines. I want to feel his lips in my body. I want to kiss him to hug him, to wake up next to him. But I shouldn't want that. Why is my life so damn hard?! I love him. I love my brother.
I could use some training right now. I train better when I'm mad or frustrated. I really need to get everything out. A punching bag would be great right now. Or I could kiss Jonathan until I get everything out. No! Ugh shut up!
Everything could be easier if I stop faking. If i just let my feelings out things would be easier. Maybe Jonathan and I could be happy. I mean I'm gonna be stuck her forever why not try to be happy. I have two options; one is to keep faking and get hurt, the other is to stop faking and try to be happy.
Of course the second option is better nut the problem is that he's my bother. I can't be in love with Jonathan, but I am. I'm in love with my brother. My evil brother.
"I love you, Jonathan," I whispered.
45 minutes later...
I was still lying in bed, looking up at the ceiling. I was still having a battle in my head about my decision. It's so hard to decide. I know how the people I love would react if they knew I'm in love with Jonathan. They would be disgusted, they'll hate me. But is not like I choose to love him. It just happened, is not like I wanted to fall in love with my brother.
Anyways, is not like they'll ever know. I will never see them again. They will never know.
I'm worried about Jonathan. He hasn't come back. Its probably because he's angry, but I'm still worried. I don't want him to go out. Is not because I fear he will kill someone. Its because I fear he will get in a fight with some demon and get hurt. I know he's strong, but I'm still scare something could happen to him.
I was pulled out of my thought by a noise not far away. Its like something fell. The noise was followed by curses. Why is Jonathan cursing? I heard a 'thund' sound and Jonathan cursing... the wall? Why is he cursing the wall? I heard the door clicking. The door opened and Jonathan walked in. He closed the door behind him. And walked towards the bed. He wasn't walking straight, he was barely standing. He was holding a juice bottle and twinkies. The juice fell in the floor. He leaned down to pick it up. He hit his head and fell back, cursing.
I ran towards him. I kneeled down next to him and looked at him. He smiled lazily at me. He caressed my cheek.
"Jonathan, are you drunk?"
"Mmmmm..."
"You are drunk aren't you," I said helping him up. I lay him in the bed and sat next to him.
"Aree– yOu huNgggry?" He asked and pushed the twinkies and the orange juice towards me.
"Thanks," I said.
I ate the tweinkies and drank the orange juice while listening to Jonathan saying things that made no sense at all.
"How much did you drink?" I asked. "The only thing left that you haven't done is sing."
"OoOoh buuut I can!"
"Really?" I asked. Jonathan singing?
"Underneath the echoooes
Buried in the shaaadows
Theeere you wereee
DraaAawn into your mysteery
I waaaaas just beginning
To see your ghoOost
But yoou must knoooooow
I'll beeee here waaaiting"
I was laughing so hard my stomach hurt. I was crying of laugher.
"Hey! I doon't siing tha bad!" He pouted. "Stoop lauughing!" He whined. By the angel he looks adorable.
"Sure you don't," I laughed.
"Whay don't yoo loveee me?" He asked, caressing my cheek and looking at me. Angel, what do I do now? How can I lie to him when he is looking at me like that and when he looks so cute?
"I–I I don't know," he looked hurt at my words, and I'm hurting too. "You should go to sleep." He tried to sat up but fell back ahain.
"Why?! I–I haave done so many thingsss for yoo. I changed. FOOR YOU! I—" he sounded so broken. "I–I changed. I left all my plans. Juust for you!" He traced my lips with his thumb. "I haaveen't killed or hurt aaaany shadowhunter for so long. I drooopped everything fooor you!"
For me? He dropped everything for me? I know he didn't attacked anyone since the last two years. There was no report from the Clave about him. He hadn't hurt anyone, for me.
"Jonathan, just go to sleep, please." I wiped away the tears that had begin to fall.
"Sleep with me?" How can I say no to that face? I lay down next to him. He wrapped his arms around me and buried his nose in my hair. I pulled the comforter over us and rested my hair in his chest. A few tears slipped down my cheeks and made it to his chest. After some minutes Jonathan's breathing was even. I looked up.
"Jonathan?" I whispered. "Jonathan..." he's asleep. "I love you," I whispered. I kissed him in the lips. I pulled back and rested my head in his chest.
So how was it? Did you guys like it? Leave a review and let me know.
So as you can see Clary is trying to make a choice. She feels kind of disgusted by her own feelings but she can't do anything to Change them.
So what should she do? Keep her plan going and be unhappy or give up and be happy with Jonathan.
Review please.
Love you all!
–Karimebane.
