5 weeks later.
"It's Brian Cassidy, leave a message. "
"hey Bri, it's Liv. listen you asked me to call you whenever I needed you and... I need you now. I know it's 2am and you're either asleep or working and I wouldn't have called you if it wasn't important but please, come to the apartment whenever you can. bye." Olivia hung up and sighed, immediately regretting what she's done. She knew she shouldn't have because she was bothering him and annoying him with her problems but hey he said to call him for whatever reason and this time, the reason was because she really needed him, she wasn't feeling safe in her-their- apartment.
She sighed again and rested her head against the couch, closing her eyes for a brief moment when she heard her phone ring, indicating a new message. 'It can't be him. Not already' she thought. She picked up the phone and looked at the message.
New message from: BRIAN.
I'm on my way Liv. xx
Olivia couldn't help but smile but she also felt guilty. She wanted him, she needed him but they were separated and she literally throw him out the day after she got out of the hospital.
She loves him. She does. She still does. And God help her she didn't know if she'll ever be able to move on. She knows there was a reason of why they broke up and she couldn't give up on her dreams of having a family because of him but she loves him more than anyone she ever had in her life. More than Elliot.
She looked at the clock on the wall as there was a soft knock on the door. 25 minutes after she left him that message, Brian was here. She got up and opened the door. He was standing there, smiling a little at her, not really knowing what to do. all he wanted to do was take her into his arms and hold her forever.
"Hey Liv, sorry I didn't answer the. phone when you called, I just couldn't find it" Olivia chuckled a little at that.
She motioned for him to come in and closed the door behind them. "Thank you for coming, Brian." she said quietly. She looked up at him and gave him a small smile. "I know I shouldn't have called you but God help me, I can't stay in our apartment alone, I'm too scared" her voice cracked at the end of the sentence.
Brian's heart melted when Olivia said 'our apartment' but didn't want to say anything about it just now. "Olivia I told you to call whenever you needed me, I'm here now baby, you're okay. Can I hold you?" he asked hesitantly.
Olivia smiled at him as tears filled her eyes. "I'd like that.." she whispered. Brian approached her and wrapped his strong arms around her small body, careful not to startle her. He closed his eyes and relaxed when he felt her hug him back, holding onto him for dear life. He then felt as her body started trembling. She was gonna break down. "I've got you Liv, I've got you, let it all go. I'm not going anywhere, let it out" He whispered, running his hand up and down her back while murmuring soothing words into her ear. Olivia's sobs echoed in the small living room and Brian teared up himself. he hated seeing her like that, she was the strongest woman he had ever seen and it broke his heart to see her so fragile, so small, so hurt. He wanted to take her pain away, to make her feel better, to make her feel safe but he didn't know how. So he just held her, he held her tight against him. He caressed her hair, knowing that it was something that always calmed her when they were still together.
After several minutes, Olivia pulled herself off Brian's warm embrace, looking at his now tears soaked shirt. "I'm sorry about that" she said quietly, placing a hand on his chest. "and my breakdown, and everything."
Brian placed his hands on each side of Olivia's face, afraid she would flinch, when she didn't he kissed her forehead gently "Never apologize baby, never. It's okay" he took one of her hands and led her to sit down on the couch. "You hungry? You want something to drink?" he asked gently, kneeling in front of her. O
livia stared at him before answering "Just water, please. You can have a beer if you want Bri" she smiled at him.
Brian smiled back and nodded before standing up "I'll be right back" he made his way to the kitchen and opened the fridge to take a bottle of water and a beer before returning to the living room where Olivia was. "Hey Liv, I've been thinking, maybe we could order-in. I know you said you weren't hungry but you need to-" he stopped talking when he saw Olivia there, she had fallen asleep, Brian's jacket was around her, she probably was using it to feel safe. He smiled sadly down at her and placed the bottle of water in front of her on the table before sitting beside her, placing her head on his laps. He stared at her, caressing her back gently. He looked at the bruises on her face, how could someone do something so awful to an amazing woman like Olivia?
He loves her. He does. he still does. And God help him he didn't know if he will ever be able to move on. He knows there was a reason of why they broke up and he couldn't let her give up on her dreams to have a family because of him… but deep down, that's what he wanted too. A family. A wife and kids. With Olivia. He couldn't picture himself having all that with someone else. Just Olivia, his Olivia.
He felt her stirring but she didn't wake, she just turned her head and resting on Brian's stomach, wrapping then her arms around his middle. He heard her sigh, a sigh of contentment. He wanted Olivia to feel safe with him, to feel like nothing could happen to her when she was with him because he failed at that the first time and Lewis hurt her. He hurt her bad.
Brian moved them a little so he too was lying next to her. He kissed her cheek and wrapped his arms around her waist. He listened as soft snores echoed in the living room. He then drifted off to dreamland, Olivia next to him, he could get some rest knowing she was safe.
He was woken up several hours later by the sounds of Olivia crying. She must have had a nightmare, he thought. Olivia tries her best to remain silent so he doesn't hear her but it was too late. He tightened his hold around her and kissed her head. Olivia flinched when she felt Brian's arms tighten around her, she immediately sat up, breathing heavily, Brian was immediately by her side. "You're okay, it was just a nightmare baby. Try and calm down okay? " he got up and then knelt in front of her, taking her hands into his. She squeezed them hard and tried to breathe but it was becoming difficult. She looked at him with worry in her eyes, she was hyperventilating. "Olivia, calm down! Breathe with me baby." When she eventually calmed down, she closed her eyes and started crying silently, repeating that she was sorry to Brian. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders, waiting to see if she was gonna flinch, when she didn't he held her close against him. "Never apologize, Olivia. I'm the one who should be sorry, I should've known you would be afraid of me acting like that."
Olivia shook her head "It's not you I'm afraid of. It's just that I was still in my sleep state and didn't recognize you. I'm really sorry" she looked down at their intertwined hands and sighed. "I love you so much Brian." this caught Brian off guards, he wasn't expecting her to say things like that. But he didn't say anything, he knew she was gonna say something else. "I wish all this never happen"
They both knew what she meant by that. She wasn't only talking about Lewis, but also about their breakup and everything that happened between them in the past two months that led them to end their relationship. "I love you, too. I will always, always love you Liv. After all the things we've been through together, the gold moments and the bad moments, I still love you and I will never stop loving you. You mean a lot to me. I can't imagine my life without you, Olivia. There's no way I'm letting you go away from me, from my life. We may not be together anymore but baby you're stuck with me forever" he joked, earning a small laugh from her that warmed his heart. "You happen to be the best thing that I've ever had in my life, and seeing you hurt like that.. it kills me. Whatever that nightmare was, you have to know that none of this was real. And whether you accept it or not, I'm here to help you, I'll never let anything happen to you. I almost lost you once because I didn't protect you enough, this will never happen again."
Olivia looked up at him. "Brian, none of this was your fault. Never." she said, her voice was firm yet gentle.
"Neither was yours." he answered. "Are you okay now?" he asked gently, wrapping arm around her shoulder and lifting her chin to look into her eyes. Olivia stared at him and nodded, trying to fight back tears. "Then maybe you should try and get some sleep?" he said gently. Olivia nodded again slowly and looked down at her laps. "What's the matter?" he asked, seeing that something was bothering her.
"Nothing, I'm good." she said, giving an small smile. Brian nodded, still unconvinced. "Let's get you to bed then" He said gently before standing up and reaching out his hand for her to take it.
Olivia's eyes widened. "Bri, I-I don't think- I can't do that right now." she said, breathing heavily.
"Olivia, what are you talking about?" Olivia sighed as fresh tears began making their way down her bruised cheeks.
"Would you mind staying on the couch, I don't feel comfortable sleeping with you, please… I'm so sorry." Brian couldn't help but smile and Olivia saw it.
"Sweetheart, I'd never do something you don't want me to. If you wanted me to stay I'd have slept on the couch, you don't have to worry about it"
Olivia wiped her eyes and gave him a sad smile "I'm sorry I overreacted… again."
Brian smiled and kissed her hand. "Don't be. Can I help you get into bed at least? I'll leave you alone to sleep then" he grinned "I promise" Olivia smiled and nodded, Brian then took her hand and led her to her bedroom. He left her to change into mire comfortable clothes and then sat next to where she was laying in the bed. "You call me if you need anything, I'll be right there" he pointed at the living room. "Anything you need, just call me okay?" he asked, tucking a lock of her hair behind her ear.
Olivia nodded and stared at him. "I do need to ask you something before you go."
Brian nodded and smiled gently "Anything for you." he whispered.
Olivia took his hand and squeezed it before responding "Can you kiss me?" she asked shyly. Brian smiled widely. "
I'd really like that. But only if you are sure."
Olivia nodded rapidly "Please do." she closed her eyes and waited. Brian carefully leaned down and placed his lips against hers, it was a soft and gentle kiss, full of emotions… and love.
When he pulled back, she opened her eyes and gave him one of her most beautiful smiles. "Thank you, I needed that."
Brian smiled and kissed her cheek. "I could do it again whenever you want" he half-joked.
Olivia laughed and stared at him, still smiling. "You always make me feel better." she said.
Brian smiled and squeezed her hand. "I'm glad. I want nothing else but to make you feel better and safe"
Olivia nodded. "I do feel very safe when I'm with you" she smiled and tried to hide a yawn.
"Good night, gorgeous" he whispered and kissed her cheek, it was a long, soft kiss and she wished he'd never pull back.
"Good night, Bri" she watched as he walked out of what once was their bedroom.
"Good morning!" Brian said as Olivia entered the small kitchen.
"Morning. Did you get some sleep? We both know this couch isn't really comfortable." she cringed.
"Oh, don't you worry. I slept very good since a beautiful woman kissed me goodnight last night." he said with a wide smile.
"Oh really? Should I be jealous?" she teased, making Brian laugh. It made him so happy to see Olivia like that.
"Don't be. She was as beautiful as you are" he smiled. "Maybe you should kiss me and see if you can do better than she did, even tho I know it isn't possible because that kiss was incredible" he smirked. Olivia laughed but didn't give him what he wanted. She wasn't ready to do that since they've broken up 2 months ago, 10 days before the kidnapping.
"Maybe later" she smirked and grabbed a mug behind Brian.
"Aw, come on Olivia" he faked a pout but when he saw that it made Olivia uncomfortable, he stopped. "I'm sorry Olivia, I shouldn't have said all that" he apologized.
Olivia smiled and shook her head "Don't apologize, it's okay. It's just that- now that we aren't together anymore, I don't know what's right and what isn't. Like, kissing you last night wasn't right but it made me feel so great." she sighed happily. "It just feels inappropriate."
"We both wanted it, right?" he said, Olivia nodded. "Then it's very appropriate. You asked me, I of course accepted," he grinned "and I don't regret it nor think it's inappropriate. If you don't want it to happen again then it was just a last kiss, that's all. We'll never talk about it again."
Olivia laughed sadly "Kissing you isn't the problem, Bri. It's the fact that we aren't together anymore and by kissing like we did last night, we act like we are still a couple when we are not. The problem is, that I want nothing more than for us to be a couple again."
Brian took her hand "We can be, Olivia. I know you want a family and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I didn't realize that but I do want-" Brian was interrupted by a soft knock at the door.
"We can't. I can't force you into something you don't want. Like having children." With that she went to open the door.
Fin was standing there. "Hey Liv, came to check on my girl" he said with a small smile. Olivia gave him a weak smile and let him in. "Fin. Come in" she closed the door behind them and watched as Brian greeted Fin. "Cassidy, whassup man!" he shook Brian's hand firmly. "You too came to check on that girl right?" he asked.
"Yeah, just dropped by to see how she was doing." Brian said. Olivia sighed in relief, she didn't want Fin to know that she called Brian because she was scared, she was thankful Brian lied for her.
"Hope you ate breakfast Liv," Fin said with a smile.
Olivia grinned and shook her head "Actually, I didn't yet. Sit down and eat with us will ya?" she asked with a small mile. she watched as Brian got up and started making his way to the door. "Where are you going? You didn't even eat breakfast" she said.
"I gotta be at work before 8." he said, looking up at her. He put on his shoes and lowered his voice so Fin couldn't hear. "Can I have it back?" he asked, pointing at his jacket that Olivia. was wearing.
Olivia looked down and her face flushed with embarrassment. "I'm sorry I forgot I still had it on. I woke up this morning and it was there so I just put it on." she blushed.
"It's okay, " he said, taking the jacket from her hand before putting it on. "Plus, now it smells like you" he grinned. "I love your perfume so that's a good thing." he said and smiled. "I gotta go, I'll call you, is that okay?" he asked hesitantly.
"Of course it is." she nodded. As Brian opened the door she started talking again. "Hey Bri." she followed him outside and closed the door behind her. "Thank you, you know for not telling Fin the truth about last night. I couldn't have handled his questions" she smiled sadly.
"Of course, Liv" he leaned and kissed her cheek, Olivia closed her eyes and sighed. "I'll call you later" he promised "Call me if you need anything, I'll come as soon as I can. I'm working today until 9pm. If you want me to, I can come by after I get out of work"
Olivia sighed and smiled sadly "No, it's okay. I'll be fine, thank you" she said. "I'll call you" he said and walked away. Olivia entered the apartment and smiled at Fin before sitting at the kitchen table beside him. "So, what do we got? Waffles, bacon. Great, let's eat then" she said, trying to sound happy but failed.
"Did you get some sleep?" Fin asked, taking a bite into his mouth. Olivia slowly nodded but didn't look at him. "Don't lie to me" he said. "Brian slept here, didn't he?" Fin asked, knowing he did.
"It's not what you think, Fin" she whispered and looked down at her plate.
"Olivia, you don't know what I'm thinking." Fin said, teasingly.
"I called him." she stated bluntly. She looked up at him, waiting to see pity in his eyes but all she saw was hurt and understanding. "I'm gonna sound crazy but I swore I heard something in my bathroom and I couldn't- if I- I'd have-" she couldn't find the words.
"Olivia, it's okay, I'm not accusing you of anything. I'm actually glad you called someone instead of sitting in here alone."
"I called him at 2am! I'm weak, Fin. I shouldn't be so weak but I am." she whispered, her voice cracked.
"Well he probably wasn't too happy to be woken up at 2am but I'm sure he too was glad you called him. You and I both know he'd do anything for you. You are not weak Liv, no ine thinks so. In fact, I think that you are the strongest person I've ever seen in my entire life" he said with such conviction, Olivia knew he was telling the truth.
"Thank you" she murmured.
Fin nodded and smiled "Now eat, I won't leave until you get something into that stomach of yours." he half-joked. Olivia smirked at him and together, they ate. "Cragen is worried sick about you, he would like to come by here but he doesn't want to bother you" he said while biting a part of his waffle.
"Oh god, I didn't know. I didn't see him since- since that day." she couldn't say it. She couldn't say 'since Lewis got me' because she felt like if she says it, it'll make her look weaker than she already is. So she thinks.
"It's Kay, Ima tell him to come and see you, he'll be glad to come and see how you are, by himself." he grinned and sipped his orange juice.
"Of course he can come, as of Nick, Munch… and Amanda." she said. Fin nodded and continued eating.
"How are you today, Olivia?" Dr. Lindstrom, Olivia's therapist asked.
"I don't know." she said, she knew she couldn't lie to him.
"What happened?" he asked cautiously.
"I didn't really get sleep last night." she said quietly.
"What exactly did happen?" he asked gently.
"I kinda heard something in the bathroom and I- I called Brian" she said, her voice near a whisper. "And he spent the night at your apartment." he said, it wasn't even a question, he knew. "Yeah. But it's not what you think, he slept on the couch.. I just felt safer with him in the apartment" she said.
"It's okay, you did good. You could've stayed alone but you chose to call someone and it's a good thing." the therapist said gently. "I just wanna ask you one thing." he said. Olivia nodded. "Why did you call Brian instead of anyone else?" he asked cautiously.
Olivia sighed and shifted in her seat. "I spent 2 years with him, I've lived with him, I'll never be safer with anyone else but him. That's why" she said.
The major reason was because she loved him, she trusted him that's why she called him.
"I understand. To be honest I'm proud you called him. And I know what you think, that it wasn't a good idea for you to call him but it was. You shouldn't stay alone in a place where you don't feel safe." the therapist explained. "Did Brian say anything about you calling him?"
Olivia sighed and tried to remember "He said something like ' I told you to call whenever you needed me...' and that was it, I broke down" she said.
"Do yo regret anything about all what happened yesterday?" Dr. Lindstrom asked.
Olivia exhaled deeply "I told him I still loved him" she said, looking down at her hands. He was really surprised by what she said, he wasn't expecting that, he didn't think she would be so open to Brian. But after all, they spent a little bit over 2 years together so it was normal.
"And why do you regret it now?" he asked cautiously.
Olivia sighed and shifted nervously "We are not together anymore, all this is too much for me. I don't need that right now but it's all I've ever wanted." she said.
"You are not only talking about what you said to him, are you?" he asked, seeing that Olivia was referring to something else.
"Yesterday, I took a pregnancy test.." she began, smiling just a little. "And it came positive.." she continued. "You're pregnant. Congratulations Olivia!" he smiled at her gently.
Olivia smiled with tears in her eyes and thanked him quietly. "It's not official, the test can be wrong but again, there's a high possibility that I am."
"Olivia, you don't seem so happy about it. The baby is Brian's, isn't it? It can't be Lewis', you told me he didn't… rape you." he said careful not to hurt her.
"I'm- I"…
