"You look good in your new clothes," Alexandra said.
"Looks good?" Elizabeth said. "He looks hot!"
I blushed, chewing my black rye bread toast with white butter. Breakfast had never been so awkward before- it's hard getting used to people telling you what's on their minds.
Elizabeth looked at Matthew, who was eating white flake cereal with raisins.
"You match Lennon," she said, tugging at the sleeve of his white sweater. "Cute."
It was Matthew's turn to blush. I'm certain he's never been flirted at before this very moment. Certainly none of the girls in Abnegation fancied him- they were too busy sighing over that Caleb individual he spoke about.
"Are you always this open about your feelings?" I asked.
"If you've got something worth saying," Elizabeth said, probably quoting some ancient Candor proverb, "just say it."
Alexandra said, "Of course, I wouldn't want to be mean…"
"Then you shouldn't have chosen Candor!" Elizabeth took a bite into her white English muffin emphatically. "We haven't got the time for dishonest people."
"That's not what I was implying," Alexandra answered. "I want to be honest, just not viciously, like how you spoke to me just now."
"I don't care. Just remember, if you don't learn to fit into the mold here, you'll end up factionless, and you know how bad that is."
I had visions in my head of being factionless, homeless, unloved. I imagined it was a fate worse than death.
Just then, I heard the sound of a small crash go through the cafeteria.
"You knocked down my tray!" one boy said to another.
"What you gonna do about it?" the other boy replied. "Tell your momma?"
The first boy pushed the second one. Before they could get into a serious fight, though, they were broken up by the people near them.
"Who are they?" Alexandra asked.
"The victim this time is Harvey," Elizabeth answered. "The douche who knocked down Harvey's tray is Peter Hayes. He's always treating people like crap."
"He's a bully?" I asked.
"Mm-hm." Elizabeth nodded. "At Candor, everyone hates him. At school, though, he gets away with doing rotten things because he lies and blames other folks. No one suspects he's lying because he's an 'honest Candor boy'. Thank goodness his time to Choose is next year! There's always that wonderful chance that he'll transfer!"
Looking back at Peter, I noticed Jack Kang advancing towards him.
"How many times have I told you to behave like a normal person?!" Jack scolded. "Now, look what you've done? Have you any shame?"
"Jack is Peter's godfather," Elizabeth explained. "It's been hard on both of them since a couple years ago when Peter's parents died."
Matthew said, "Was that when Peter started acting awful?"
"He's always been like that, ever since I can remember," Elizabeth said. "In case you're wondering, though, he got truly awful after his parents' deaths."
Sally walked over to us.
"You seem to be the last initiates to finish your food," she said as if that was the most wonderful thing ever. "Hurry up, because your initiate training is about to officially begin."
We scarfed down the rest of our food, then followed her and the other initiates out of the cafeteria through the hallways and into a white room. There was no furniture- just white walls, a white floor, and a white ceiling.
"Sit down in a circle!" Sally said, clapping her hands together. "We're going to all play a rivoting game of Truth!"
At first, I thought Truth would be simple- it was just talking about yourself. The questions, though, were what got my heart pumping anxiously. Initiates were asked questions about their psychological state, about the cruelest things they've ever done, about their sexualities, about what they think of their barrack mates.
"Lennon," Sally said, "you haven't answered a question yet. Tell me, what was the most awkward part about puberty for you?"
"Um…" I felt myself choking on my breath. "Could you repeat that question?"
"What was the most awkward part about puberty for you?"
I tensed up. My palms became sweaty. I started to shiver a bit.
I answered, "Probably the body hair. I didn't want people to know about it. It made taking off my shirt in public really embarrassing. Once, my mother accidentally walked into my room while I was changing. She later commented on how I must have gotten my hair from her father, because mine was 'relatively babyish and would barely need to manscape'."
Some of my fellow initiates laughed. I felt extremely embarrassed.
Matthew's turn to be asked a question was next.
Sally asked, "What is an unhealthy outlet you've participated in under stress or during depression."
Matthew was quiet for a moment. He then rolled up his sleeves, exposing cut marks all over his arms.
"I didn't fit in at Abnegation," he said. "I loved doing community service, helping others. Let's just say, though, that I wasn't completely altruistic. I wanted to be myself, and to express myself in an honest manner. The pressure to be selfless was too much, so I had to find a quick way to relieve tension."
Rashad muttered, "He's a flat-out cutter…"
"Mom wanted me to stay in Abnegation, claiming selflessness comes with maturity," Matthew continued. "Momma, though, told me that I could be selfless and helpful in a place where I'll be accepted. She suggested I either go to Candor or Amity."
Sally's eyes got round with shock- no, not shock, just surprise.
"Parents aren't allowed to interfere with their children's faction choices," she said.
"This was long before I took the aptitude test." Matthew shrugged his shoulders. "I thought it was a good idea, and, in the end, it was still my choice."
"Alexandra," Sally said, "could you tell me in what way you still act like a small child?"
Alexandra thought, then answered, "I really wish I had Gertie with my right now. Gertie is a doll I've had since I can remember, and she's always been there for me. My mother's been telling me for years that I'm too old for her, but that never really stopped me… until now."
A couple initiates laughed.
"Please don't mock my love for Gertie," Alexandra said. "If we're being honest, I might as well tell you that I felt closer to Gertie than I ever felt for anyone else. I remember times when she was my only friend."
"Your only friend so happens to be an inanimate object," Elizabeth said. "That's extremely pitiful. Are you sure you don't need psychological help?"
"If I need help, then so does Matthew," Alexandra replied. "I'm not schizophrenic or anything- that doll has never spoken aloud to me. I'm sure that now I'll learn how to be around real people, though. It's hard being forced to stay at home except during school hours. I recall telling my mother about a conversation I had, and she told me to keep my mouth shut and don't speak unless asked a question by a teacher."
Elizabeth was quiet for a moment, then said, "I'm sorry to hear that. I can't imagine what that must be like."
"You feel sorry for someone?" Warner asked. "That's a first."
Elizabeth shot him the death glare. I guess, since this was Candor, Warner wasn't being sarcastic, and had truly offended Elizabeth.
After a few more questions for other initiates, Sally asked Sigurd a question.
She said, "Since you came from Erudite, you should have some knowledge surrounding this question. What is your opinion of Divergent people?"
Sigurd replied, "Personally, I believe they're real. And, despite what other believers say, they aren't that rare. With how much she hates them and wants them eliminated, I'm certain Erudite leader Jeanine Matthews herself is Divergent. She's just insecure, and wants to 'prove' to everyone that she's 'normal'."
Everyone was silent.
"Is that all?" Sally asked. "That was certainly a nontraditional response. I like it. Elizabeth, it's your turn to answer a question. Do you eat anything that other people would consider gross, and what is it?"
Elizabeth laughed, then replied, "I put molasses over my asparagus, and sometimes put it in a milkshake. It's really good."
"Ewww!" someone said.
"I feel ready to puke!" another added.
"It's certainly not something I would choose to eat," Sally said, "but I bet it's worth a try. Everything you do in life should be an adventure, correct?"
All of the initiates got asked questions several times. It was humiliating. Until then, I had no idea how many secrets and private, personal things I'd kept to myself all these years. I never knew I could blush so much in one day.
After Truth came lunchtime. Most of us initiates were quiet during lunch- we felt like we'd already talked far too much about ourselves, and didn't feel cruel enough to listen to each other's perspectives on even simple things like whether white bread tastes as good as wheat.
Of course, there was that awful Peter kid in the cafeteria. He walked towards us, and decided to introduce his wonderful, inhumane cruelty to the transfers.
"I heard one of you is a Stiff," was the first thing he said. "Which one is it?"
"Shut up, Peter," Elizabeth said. "No one wants to talk to you."
Peter raised an eyebrow.
"How are you so sure about that?" he asked. "Lots of people talk to me."
"Yeah, to tell you to behave yourself." Elizabeth took a bite of her mashed potatoes. "Can't you just leave? Just, go, and don't come back till next year when you Choose."
Despite his obviously horrid reputation, and despite the need for honesty, there were other ways Elizabeth could have worded her response to Peter. I began to feel some of my Amity upbringing and personality kicking in.
"Elizabeth," I said, "he might be terrible, but at least you can talk with respect. Peter, you're not brightening any of our moods. Could you please leave?"
Peter looked shocked. Maybe he wasn't used to hearing the word "please". Whatever the reason, he was dumbfounded for a second. I don't think he even noticed me before I spoke.
He then said, "What's your name?"
"Lennon," I replied. "And, before you say it, I realize it's a weird name. Just go with the flow. If you want to call me something else, I suppose you can, as long as you don't call me Porky or Muddy Gloves."
Peter looked like he was about to laugh. He quickly maintained a stoic countenance, though.
"Well, I can call you Crapper if I want to," he said. "You won't tell me what names I can give to anybody."
He looked towards a table in the far corner of the cafeteria, and started to walk way.
Looking back for a bit, though, he said, "It was nice meeting you… Lennon."
Once he was far away from our table, Rashad said, "I don't think I've ever heard him say something so pleasant or nice, except to suck up to a teacher."
Warner added, "Still, we probably don't deserve him saying nice things. We're never nice to him, and for a good reason."
Alexandra said, "I bet he's nice, somewhere deep down inside. Most people are."
"Mm-mm," Elizabeth said, shaking her head. "He's a turdbag if I ever did see one. There isn't a single nice bone in his body. You see those folks he's now sitting with at that table? Those are Drew and Molly. Drew is just rude and a bully, but Molly, billy oh!, she's a total sadist! I bet she'd be willing to have a job as a dominatrix, she loves beating people up so much."
"What's a dominatrix?" Matthew asked.
That got Elizabeth into talking about some very shocking subjects that only someone from Candor would dare speak of in public. To be honest, it was disgusting.
After lunch, Sally took us into a room where several people were waiting for us. She was going to teach us how to detect lies just by looking at the person speaking.
The first person in the room was asked a question, and she answered with a lie. Sally pointed out the answerer's lack of eye contact, as well as declarative repetition of the question, and certain other social cues found among liars.
The next person told a truth, and Sally pointed out this person's air of confidence, as well as their need for less embellishment and overall lack of guilty fear.
Of course, this wasn't as interesting as truth, so I feel no need to talk about this. If you want to learn more about our lie detecting that afternoon, find someone really boring who was there. They could talk for hours about Lie Theory and the Deplorable Yet Unmistakable Mask of Deception, yada yada yada.
Somewhere after this, we were told to intermingle in the Social Room, and we were to be supervised and made sure we talked honestly with as many people as possible.
Somewhere in the middle of the mingling, Matthew, Sigurd, and I headed to the restroom, having not gone since that morning. (Sorry about the TMI, but, when you've been with Candor for so long, you simply start talking like them).
The restroom floors and walls were made of black and white tiles (but you guessed that already, didn't you?), and the stall walls were in zebra print. Seriously, those stalls looked extremely stupid, but they were so incredibly clean.
Sigurd mentioned, though, that in Erudite, each restroom stall has a microscope in it to see how many germs are on the toilet you're about to use.
That thought was a bit too discomforting.
Flushing the toilet, though, was like breaking the sound barrier. You just push a button, and WHOOSH!, your ear drums almost burst, and that ringing sound won't stop until you've finished washing your hands five times.
"Today has been rather long," Matthew said. "It's been longer than the time Mom tried to teach me to sew, and I kept poking my fingers every time I put the needle through the fabric. That was one long, depressing day."
"This day has been long," Sigurd agreed. "It's longer than the time my mom took me to watch a chess championship. I fell asleep right in the middle, and I think I might have drooled on my lap."
"This day was the longest I've ever been through," I said. "It's longer than the time I sat through that one concert where most of the songs were sung by the same person and were about falling in love while on a cloud or in a castle or something."
"It's been kind of fun, though," Matthew said. "I mean, I feel kind of relieved to have said so much about myself, after years of being told to not draw attention."
"It's been relieving," Sigurd said, "to not have to talk intellectually, for once. Today, I was able to just be myself and speak freely."
"It was a blessing," I said, "to be able to be honest and not have to walk on eggshells worrying about whether or not I'd hurt someone's feelings."
We all agreed it had been a good day.
