Neko-Waffers
Chapter 2: Baka-Neko
An Evangelion Fanfiction
By: Lord Legato Deathscythe
Disclaimer: I still like cats... still don't own Evangelion.
"M... Me... Meow?"
OH NO! You have got to be kidding me... AGAIN?! What nightmare from the infinite pit of Hell has wrought this upon the land? Once is funny, twice is a potential epidemic requiring quarantines, and the CDC, and guys in spaces suits running around the place. Are we safe in here? Don't give me that it doesn't matter we're in a tale of fiction line of crap, ARE WE SAFE IN HERE?!
Shunck... Ow... what's this dart in my neck? Whoa... getting sleepy... ni ni mommy... THUD!
We are currently experiencing technical difficulties... please stand by.
Cheesy hold music wafts through the air. Then as suddenly as it stopped just then, the fic comes back.
"M... Me.. Meow?"
Asuka was stunned as she took in the site of the now boy cat. The ears and tail, while brown in color were still the same as hers. She couldn't fathom what had occurred here. It was almost as if she had infected him with some disease. Some weird virulent pathogen that mutated people into cats. Shinji just looked at her and then dropped his gaze to the floor.
As he walked past he said an a depressed tone, "I'll call Dr. Akagi."
Asuka didn't know if he was more depressed about his nekoism, or having to go see the doctor. After her experience with the blond yesterday Asuka couldn't be certain.
--
Misato got up and stretched out as she slid on something that could have been a shirt... it was rather ragged. She slide her hand along her backside, thankful she hadn't sprouted a tail in the night like her young charge had. She didn't want a repeat of that night in college with Ritsuko, the cat girl costume, and the super glue. She rubbed her head and back side as she remembered how Kaji had tried to get those off her.
Never get Ritsuko drunk and have fake cat related stuff in the same apartment, lesson learned the hard way.
She was just about to step into the kitchen when she saw a brown tail going around the corner. Brown tail? Wasn't Asuka's tail red? Few people knew that there was only one thing that could kick start Misato Katsuragi's brain in the morning without alcohol. Angel Attacks... that really was it as nothing else was on any higher priority then beer save for the Children. So as she stepped into the kitchen and saw that her other ward now had a cute pair of ears and a tail swinging behind him she did the only thing she could do in this situation.
"Awww, you're both so adorable!" and the proceeded to scratch Shinji's ears. The affect on him was much the same as it had been on Asuka the day before. Except however he was currently cooking some eggs for breakfast and was drawn from the euphoria as grease from the pan splattered on his arm.
"Owww, Misato don't do that when I'm cooking! HIIISSSSSSSS!!!" Shinji yelled. Misato backed away slowly as Shinji's fangs glinted slightly in the light. In the back of her mind she made a note to see if Shinji and Asuka would need rabis shots. She was in for another shock as she watched Asuka sit down and hand Shinji a brush.
Shinji proceeded to brush Asuka's hair. She didn't mind this and in fact seemed to be enjoying it. Misato was about to tease them when Shinji suddenly and quiet unexpectedly licked Asuka's ears. He caught himself after that, and Asuka's attention had been drawn from her breakfast. Misato was certain she was about to see a real cat fight when she heard, "Be sure my hair falls properly along my ears."
Shinji nodded and took a sip of his tea. He proceeded to slowly and methodically lick Asuka's ears as he ran the brush over her hair. Shinji didn't seem to catch himself this time and just worked the ears over then ran the brush through Asuka's hair. When he was satisfied he set the brush down and took his seat. By this time Asuka had finished her breakfast. She took the brush and started brushing Shinji's hair and licking at his ears. Misato's brain went into overload as she grabbed three beers and chugged them down hard. She then left the kitchen and just went to get dressed.
Asuka noticed this and asked, "What's with her today?"
Shinji answered, "I don't know."
--
Ritsuko ran her fingers along Shinji's cat ears. Asuka was keeping a watchful eye on the bottle blond doctor as she looked Shinji over. Lt. Ibuki had already collected his blood and was now sitting at a terminal entering in data. She seemed to be almost glaring at the two neko-Children. Shinji hadn't noticed cause his back was to her. Asuka however didn't like it one damn bit, and felt a little scared.
Unlike yesterday Misato was in the room with them and totally ambivalent to the young techs actions. All Misato thought was, "Is this contagious?"
Ritsuko almost seemed to shake in pleasure at the thought. Her voice was a bit shaky as she said, "So far I don't see anything to prove that. We'll know more when we get Shinji's blood test back and compare it with Asuka's." For those listening for any subtext and not trying to keep a good safe distance from the computer tech in the room you could almost hear "PLEASE PLEASE BE CONTAGIOUS!"
"Shinji, Asuka, you guys need to head to school. Just wear some hats and I'll call ahead and tell the school your situation," Misato said. Shinji and Asuka wondered why they were heading to school instead of some quarantine until they were determined safe. The two neko-teens didn't have time to voice this as Misato practically shoved them out the door. Misato sighed and looked at Ritsuko.
Ritsuko was shaken from her fantasy of a purple furred tail in unmentionable places as Misato said, "What am I supposed to do? I caught those two licking each others ears like it was no big deal! They did it right in front of me and looked at me like I was the one who had lost it."
Ohhhh... claws along her thighs... "Well, it's logical they would start displaying some feline behavior. This is a change on a genetic level whatever it is. Stuff like this may end up being the norm for those two from now on."
"So what can I do?" Misato asked.
MMMmmmm... kitty tongue... just... in... the... right... spot... "Well, they might end up suffering from some depression because of this. But here," Ritsuko reached behind her desk and brought out a gallon bucket of catnip.
Misato was stunned as she asked, "Why do you have so much catnip?"
YES! YES! CLEAN ME GOOD KITTY! "I buy in bulk."
If Misato had noticed Ritsuko's lust drunk voice at all as the cat fantasies raced through her head she didn't notice. She just grabbed the bucket and headed out with little more then a see you later. Ritsuko tried to go back to her fantasy when she felt an angry hand go between her legs. She froze and was very scared as she heard Maya say, "You little whore! You were thinking of Misato with that cat tongue and tail, I know it. Guess someone didn't learn their lesson well enough last night. I'll just have to reeducate you, Ritsuko!"
Ritsuko shook as she said, "I'm sorry Mistress."
The rest of the day the Project E head's door was locked as her... reeducation commenced.
--
School for the two was an experience to say the least. Both wore ball caps to keep their ears hidden but they couldn't do much about the tails. It wasn't much after the lunch bell rang that the two were surrounded by Kensuke and Hikari. Touji would have joined but all anyone could understand from him was a mumbled, "I'm hungry."
"So why are you two wearing tails like that? It's against school policy to cosplay during the day," Hikari said.
Shinji and Asuka looked at each other and slowly pulled off the hats. Kensuke took a picture if only cause he thought it was cute. Hikari however was more angry at the two, "This is more then just a violation of the school rules! Are you two starting to watch too much anime?"
"Uh... Hikari, "Asuka started but the class rep wasn't done yet.
"Seriously you two, you know full well that the school rules prohibit any additions to the uniform. I'd almost expect this from Asuka but Ikari. I'm very disappointed in you."
"Hikari we aren't..." Shinji tried to say but was interrupted again by the class rep.
"Take those things off right this instant! I don't care if you are pilots or not," Hikari demanded.
"We can't!" Shinji and Asuka both said at the same time.
"And why not?"
Shinji and Asuka looked at each other through the corner of their eyes. Neither was very comfortable and really didn't want to come out like this. They didn't have much of an option though as this whole set up seemed forced and scripted. Like someone was writing out this horrible tale just to make them suffer...
... What are you looking at me like that for?
Asuka decided the direct approach was needed and grabbed Hikari's hand and placed it on her ears. She wasn't too thrilled with the idea of going back to lala land, but if it would get Hikari to back off it would have to do. Hikari didn't seem impressed at first as she just yanked hard on them. Asuka let out a cry of anguish but that didn't stop Hikari who proceeded to try to remove Asuka's ears. It got to the point Asuka thought Hikari would rip her ears clean off. She finally couldn't take it and hissed at Hikari as she batted her friends hands away.
Asuka rubbed her ears and let out what sounded like a hurt meow. Shinji just sighed and put his hat back on as he said, "Something happened, we don't know what but we've gone neko."
The reactions of their three friends were mixed. Hikari looked at the two horrified, wondering how this would match up to the school rules. Surely there was something in there about non-humans and special needs cases. Kensuke seemed to be turning dark red as his brain went into over load. This was personified as he stuttered out, "Too... many... jokes..."
Touji however just looked at them confused. He scratched his head for a moment and then said, "If you guys have cat ears now, what happened to your normal ones?"
Shinji and Asuka just looked at him with blank expressions. Neither had bothered to check this little bit of physiology, and slowly reached up and patted the sides of their heads. The answer to Touji's question could be heard across the entire school yard as two synchronized and forlorn meows rushed across the winds.
Shinji and Asuka just sat there dejected and broken as they had that nasty realization they probably never were going to be normal again. Just then two stuffed mice dropped down in front of them. Hikari, Kensuke, and Touji were amazed at the almost complete turn in their mood as the two started first poking at, then playing with the two canvas lined rodents. It seemed for a second to have really cheered them up. Had the three bothered to look up to where the source of the mice were they would have seen the impassable and stoic face of Rei Ayanami holding those mice and strings on sticks.
It was rather surreal to be certain.
Asuka and Shinji didn't seem to mind when the bell rang and Rei lead them to class using the mice. Their friends just stood there for a second, trying to come to grips with the weird and extremely out of character behavior of the two pilots. Hikari spent the rest of the day researching the school rules and regulations to see if there was anything that even gave this precedence. Kensuke almost hyperventilated as the overload of double entandra nearly killed him.
Touji just kept thinking of dessert... with Hikari as the plate.
--
"This change in the Second and Third Child was not spoken of in the scrolls," one of the dark monoliths that represented a member of Seele said. Gendo didn't care which number it was. He was also slightly disturbed by current events, but his was a more ethereal worry. As if this was something he had been through before.
"The scrolls do indicate the Second and Third may be more then simply human in the end. I do however wonder if this is the end the scrolls spoke of or if the scenario was slightly off," one of the other nameless unimportant old men said.
"The Scrolls were meant to guide us for when man reached an evolutionary dead end. Perhaps this is a case where we assumed too quickly that time had come."
Something was defiantly tickling at the back of Gendo's mind. An experiment or something from years back, he was certain had to do with this. Was it something from his college days? A theory he had read so long ago as to be forgotten until now?
"I don't remember the Scrolls saying that man would bond with cat."
"Maybe something was lost in the translation?"
"That's what you said in '97."
"It looked like Aruba!"
"Then why did you take your mistress with you?"
Gendo did start paying attention to this. He had spent more time on that frozen rock of a continent then he wanted to remember. The only half way decent woman to look at the whole time was Katsuragi, and she was only fourteen at the time. And now he finds out this fossil of a man had gotten the council to send him and his mistress to Aruba!?
"You have taken from me my wife, now I find you have denied me Island Yui. I shall ensure your ends are as painful as possible," he thought as images of Yui in a coconut string bikini filled his mind. His fantasy of slightly tugging on a loose string was brought to a halt cruelly.
"For the time being the Human Instrumentality Project is on hold. We must be certain we have not over looked something. The rest of this meeting doesn't concern you Ikari," Keil said. Then all the monoliths disappeared.
Gendo sat there for a moment alone. If you listened closely though you could hear a uttered and angry, "Son of a bitch!"
--
Shinji and Asuka's sync tests that day were a lesson in patience. First, the problem with their plugsuits not having a space for the tails. Neither had bothered to pressurize, for fear of a squished or otherwise injured tail. Lt. Ibuki noticed and handed them each a new suit with the aforementioned concern attended to. Ritsuko however was no where to be found, only Lt. Ibuki was around during the sync test today.
All she would say was that Dr. Akagi was tied up at the moment and couldn't be disturbed.
After the tests confirmed that their... condition... wouldn't affect their ability to do important stuff like save the world from utter annihilation they got cleaned up and headed for home. Misato was pulling another all-nighter and they could hear her complaining half way through the complex when Lt. Ibuki told her Dr. Akagi was going to be otherwise unavailable.
The colossal nightmare that was about to unfold never entered into any of he adults minds. It wasn't their fault, they simply assumed situation normal. At least Misato did when she left that bucket Ritsuko gave her on the table when she got home long enough to get changed and out the door again. Yes the situation was all normal for NERV, Tokyo-3, and the two young defenders of the Earth that night. Normal...
"Hey Asuka? Why would Misato buy a whole bucket of oregano?"
"I don't know, but use plenty of it in the spaghetti sauce."
And fucked up beyond all recognition.
--
Ikari was not happy, though no one would guess. Only Fuytusuki knew, and had immediately retreated to his office to indulge in scotch and classical music. To everyone else he simply was the same not unwilling to have you shot and your little dog too if you crossed him. This wasn't the truth, as Gendo actually liked cute little dogs. This was in part due to a dreadful allergy to cat hair.
The only reason he wasn't affected by the pilots transformations was that he avoided contact with the Second and Third period. He couldn't let it be thought he actually had a heart. He had a reputation to uphold after all. He had no illusions that if Yui had been around in her human form and unrestrained he'd have considered the Third and Twelfth Angels fortunate. Yui may love him, but her rages when she was pissed just left him bruised.
That was when he saw Rei, walking to one of the secured elevators. He had been intending to have dinner with her tonight anyways, and not being one to waste time decided to go and attend to the daughter his wife had designed. Few would know that the only reason Gendo actually passed college was because of Yui tutoring him in biology.
... Well... if you could call strip quizzing studying. It certainly made him FEEL smart.
He had followed Rei for a while now, and had finally noticed they were deep within Terminal Dogma. His flashback to that night where Yui had quizzed him on human anatomy had been running through his head so we can forgive him for not really paying attention. However, Rei was heading for an old lab no one had been in for who knew how long.
Gendo decided to simply hang back and not let her know he was following. A few things were starting to click in his usually sharp mind. It had only been dulled due to his one weakness, mental images of scantily clad Yui. But now he was alert, he was primed, he remembered that while he had a major allergy to cats Yui was absolutely obsessed with them. A trait shared by Akagi oddly enough. He stepped up quietly to the slightly ajar door to an old biophysics lab and looked inside. What he saw shook him to his very core. He wasn't certain which he should be more worried about...
What Rei was doing... or what she was wearing while doing it.
To Be Concluded...
Wait... We AREN'T going into more with this chapter?
Won't that piss off the readers?
Oh, okay. I suppose we don't want to let all the secrets out yet.
pre-read by: Fresh-C
