Thank you to everyone who left a review. I'm trying to edit this as I go along. I've been cringing at all the mistakes I found in it. I really, really do not like this story, but you readers want fluff, so be warned in the next couple of chapters it gets hyper fluffy from then on. I just want to remind everyone that this a repost from 2003.

All mistakes in this are still my own!

2

Sara opened her eyes slowly feeling sunlight on her face. She wondered briefly why she was on her couch and not in her bed, until the memories hit her with a fierce blow. Her head and neck ached from the day before and she could feel the depression setting deep inside her before she could even think to stop it. As she tried to shift her body, she realized she couldn't move her legs. Lifting her head up she instantly saw what was causing the obstruction.

Nick was sat at the end of the couch with his head thrown back against the backrest, his mouth open and deeply asleep. Her eyes travelled down towards her legs to see his arm rested over her calves, keeping her close to him even in sleep.

Smiling, she eased herself back down onto the couch letting her eyes close again. He had stayed with her all this time, and that meant a whole lot to her. He cared enough to see her through this, giving her hope that maybe things wouldn't be so bleak after all.

She knew in her heart that if she had at least one person who cared she could face going back to the lab, no matter how much she hurt. She knew she had to be strong for the sake of her own sanity and that of her friend beside her. She could get through this. She would always love Grissom that was something that wouldn't ever stop no matter how much she wished it would. Closing her eyes again she welcomed the heavy pull of sleep, knowing that what ever happened when she woke up, she wouldn't have to be alone.

Nick awoke sometime later. Opening his eyes slowly he scanned the room, and for a moment he wondered where he was. Sudden memories came flooding back in one swift wave and he found himself focusing on Sara. He still didn't know what had happened to make her so sad, but he knew she would confide in him if or when she was ready. Shifting slightly he felt pain shoot up his spine. His back ached from being sat in an upright position all night but as his eyes travelled down to Sara he smiled. It looked like she hadn't moved since she'd fallen asleep and he saw too that the paleness from her face had seemed to fade.

Moving his hands gently on her legs he slowly started to disentangle his arms, trying to move quietly as not to wake her. The crick in his neck sent shards of pain throughout his body when he extracted himself from the couch to stand up. Moving forward he tried to combat the stiffness by putting his hands on hips as he tried to ease the pain from his joints.

Sara opened her eyes slowly and focussed on him as he performed his little ritual and couldn't help the soft smile that spread across her lips.

"Morning Nick."

His head whipped around to see her watching him and rewarded her with a huge smile.

"Hey. How you feeling this morning?"

Pulling herself up to sit on the couch she felt a wave of dizziness wash over her again and the paleness returned to her face almost immediately. Taking a deep breath she tried to swallow the nausea that churned in her stomach. "Urgh..."

"Sara, are you okay?" he was beside her in an instant. He regarded her worriedly as he rubbed her bare arms, trying to put some heat into her skin. "Why don't you go grab a shower and I'll fix you something to eat."

Sara's eyes met his then, a wave of sadness coming. "I'm not really hungry."

"Sara, you are going to eat something," he told her, his eyes noticing instantly the pain behind her lashes. "Then we are going to talk."

"Nick," she whispered as her lower lip quivered slightly as she fought back the welling tears in her eyes. "Please…"

Nick didn't know what to do at first. Sara was the strongest woman he had ever known and to see her like this, so close to tears unnerved him slightly. His hand came up to gently cup her cheek, brushing away a single tear that had escaped from her eyes.

"I can't do it," she sniffed as her voice broke. "I just can't."

"Tell me," he whispered as he slipped his arms around her, holding her tightly against the whacking sobs that had overtaken her body. He found himself rocking her gently, pulling her tight against his chest trying to absorb her pain, anything to make her feel better.

"He doesn't want me," she sobbed against his chest, wetting his shirt with her tears as she sobbed those words over and over again.

Nick's head ached with the knowledge that someone could possibly turn her away. She was an amazing, beautiful woman who held men captive with just one of her smiles. She was his sister and best friend all rolled into one.

"Whoever he is," he whispered into her hair, "he is not worth it if he's causing you so much pain."

"I love him Nicky," she sniffed into his chest. "I gave him everything and he still doesn't want me."

"Oh Sara," he soothed; rocking her. "Then he doesn't deserve you, sweetie. He's a damn fool for letting you go."

He felt her begin to pull away from him, her head coming up to meet his eyes as tears rolled down her cheeks. "Thank you."

Smiling, he leaned in to kiss her forehead. "You'll find someone one day who loves you for who you are," he whispered against her skin, "and when that day comes, I'll throw you the biggest party you've ever seen."

He felt her pull him closer at his words, seeking all the comfort he could offer her, and slowly, the sobbing began to subside as they stayed as they were, arms wrapped around each other in companionable silence.

Sara felt the tears began to slowly die away as she moved in his arms to look up into his face again, adoration shining from her eyes.

"Thanks Nick, I don't know where I'd be without you."

"Hey let's not even think about that, okay?" he grinned as he moved to stand, pulling her up with him. "Come on, you go grab that shower and I'll make you some breakfast."

They stood there for a long moment; both content to draw strength from each other until the spell was broken and they began to move away.

He watched her as she walked towards the bathroom, anger building in his chest at the man who had done this to her. Sighing heavily, he walked towards the kitchen even though he couldn't seem to erase the pain in her voice. As he pulled some milk out of the refrigerator he made a silent vow that he would always be there for her, no matter how long she needed him.

The night came around too quickly for Sara's liking. She had tried to prepare herself for the meeting with Grissom that she knew she would eventually have to face. Nick had been her rock. He'd done his best to help her see that there was nothing at all wrong with her. That she was a highly desirable woman and he even stooped so low as to ask Greg to give her a demonstration of just how attractive she actually was.

Naturally she had declined, but the thought made her smile anyway, at least she felt better than yesterday.

Coming into the break room, she tried to stop the shaking that seemed to take over her body as she noticed Catherine and Grissom talking quietly. A pang of jealousy hit her at their closeness. She wondered for a second if his reluctance to commit to her was because he was torn between the two of them. Shaking the feeling away she knew deep inside that it was just her insecurities fuelling her fears and nothing more. He didn't want her anyway she mused, so why should she even care? But the truth was, she did care and it hurt like hell.

Grissom caught sight of her over Catherine's shoulder. She stood quietly in the doorway looking so lost and alone that the pang of regret caused his heart rate to beat wildly in his chest. His eyes searched her face as he heard his own voice dying away. He felt the spark instantly; this thing between them was still alive and just wouldn't be silenced no matter how hard he tried to extinguish the fire she caused in him. He loved her, and no matter how much he tried to deny it to himself, he just couldn't any more.

Sara felt as if she was drowning under his gaze and hurriedly averted her eyes, hiding the hurt away so he couldn't see how weak she was really feeling. She felt sick. Everything seemed to be hitting her at once and she fought to keep control of her emotions. Remembering her own promise to herself, she pushed the tough mask onto her face, banishing the pain from visible view. Lifting her head she looked into his face, silently challenging him to say something, but all he did was open and close his mouth.

Grissom watched her intently. He felt the pain jolt in his heart, causing his breath to catch in his throat. Now more than ever he needed to talk to her, and he only knew one way to be able to do it.

He watched silently as the rest of his team filed into the break room, noticing that Nick moved to place his arm protectively over Sara's shoulder, giving her a brief hug before letting his hand fall from her shoulders before he moved away. She smiled at him with obvious affection, which caused something deep inside him to churn sickeningly. The feeling escalated even more when she moved to sit beside Nicky on the couch, staying close to him. He watched them carefully as they spoke quietly, his eyes trying to read their lips for any indication of his name.

"Hey Gris," Warrick chuckled as he waved a hand I front of his boss. "Earth to Gris..."

Grissom instantly snatched his eyes away from them coming around to stare blankly into Warrick's face and he suddenly felt very foolish.

"Hey, you okay?" Catherine asked him quietly.

"Fine," he snapped abruptly, causing her to raise an eyebrow in a way that he knew she would get to the bottom of his bizarre behaviour. Moving to the assignment slips in his hands he started to hand them out. "Catherine you're with Warrick, Nick you're solo." His eyes moved to the last folder, then slowly came to rest on the dark haired woman who sat quietly on a chair. "Sara, you're with me."

Sara's eyes grew like huge saucers when he mentioned her name. She could feel her mouth suddenly grow dry at the thought of spending time with him alone. She didn't know if she could keep up the pretence that she was strong enough to be without him, knowing one look into her eyes would reveal the truth to him.

She sat numbly while Warrick, Nick and Catherine left the room, her eyes falling to the now empty doorway. She knew she had to move, but the tremors in her body kept her rooted to the seat.

They were both silent for a long time, neither daring to speak for fear of the pain seeping into their words. Grissom felt his breath coming in small rasping gasps as he watched her. He needed to heal this gaping hole inside him and he knew she was the only one who could help him do that.

"Sara," he began at last, stepping closer towards her, his hand reaching out to touch her arm.

She met his eyes with alarm, springing from her seat and moving towards the door at lightning speed. She knew if he touched her she would never be able to keep the walls up around her heart, and he would see the love escaping into her eyes.

"We um, we better go," she managed before averting her eyes, biting down hard on her bottom lip to stop the shaking. Grissom watched her leave, his heart sinking in his chest, well what did he expect, he mused to himself. This was his fault, all because he was afraid to commit to her. He needed to link with her again, to let her know his heart and body still craved her warmth but he was afraid he was already too late.

0000000000000000

Sara stared out of the window as they drove towards the crime scene, her body acutely aware of his presence, and it scared her. How could he still evoke this kind of response from her body when she had closed herself off from him completely? She knew this was going to be hard, but she didn't realize she would still be fighting off her own body's betrayal. She could feel his heat beside her and the scent that was distinctly him, but she couldn't give in to it. She couldn't let him see how much love she carried for him. As they pulled up to the crime scene, he stayed silent, regarding her carefully before he said her name.

"Sara," he spoke, bringing her out of her musings to turn to look at him.

She kept her eyes carefully away from his eyes, knowing that if she held his gaze for long enough her reserve would crack and she'd fall into despair again. She would never let him see how much it still hurt. So keeping her eyes focused on the scene outside she answered him quietly. "What is it, Grissom?"

Her voice was like an angel, gliding over his senses like silk. He had missed hearing her beautiful voice speak his name, even if it had only been for a day.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," he told her softly. "That's the last thing I ever wanted to do."

Sara bit down on her bottom lip trying to stop the quivering that was bringing wave after wave of tears to gather in her eyes. Turning her head away from him she closed her eyes, willing herself to be strong.

"Please look at me, Sara." He asked her, his voice carrying the emotion he felt. He heard what he thought was a muffled sob coming from somewhere inside her throat as she opened the door.

"We have work to do," she told him quietly before stepping out to close the door behind her.

He watched her through the window as she walked away; her shoulders slumped in her strides. He knew she was upset, he felt it too and for the hundredth time since this nightmare began he wished he could turn back the clock. Climbing out of the car he followed her to stand by her side.

Her eyes wandered over the scene before her, wondering what she was going to do. She could either go on like this and lose herself completely or she could relent and speak to him, offer him that much, at work at least.

Taking a deep breath, she turned to face him, carefully keeping her feelings in check. "I apologise for my behaviour Grissom," she told him, searching for the right words. "We're both adults," she spoke again, trying to give justification to her words, "and people do this kind of thing all the time. We're no different."

"Sara," he pleaded again, his voice begging silently for her to listen, but she carried on speaking, letting the numbness leave her body as she let the words pour out of her

"We both needed comfort after a pretty horrific case and we sought it from each other." She turned to face him then, her eyes meeting his for the first time that night. "We took what we needed, no strings attached. I'm okay with it. I know where I stand in your life, and I'm fine with it." As she spoke she nodded her head, giving herself the explanation for his actions. It made perfect sense now; it was the only way she could handle this. This is how things had to be.

"Okay," she sighed again, giving herself a mental shake "Let's just forget it ever happened and get back to being friends." Not waiting for an answer she began to walk away from him, a sad whisper escaping her lips as she moved away, "well that's what you wanted wasn't it."

Grissom watched her sadly. He couldn't forget her, not when every time she was near him his body became a burning furnace, igniting him with just her presence. He knew he would pay for his stupidity heavily, having lost her again, but for now he was willing to take what she offered him. It was a start.

SIX WEEKS LATER

Things had become pretty much easier over the weeks for Sara. She and Grissom hadn't spoken of their night together again, but neither had they become any closer. The fire still burned in their eyes, sparking into a flame when their eyes met. Sara knew her feelings for him were still strong, and she loved him just as much as she had that first day. She knew he didn't want her in that way and as much as it hurt, she knew she needed to accept it and move on with her life.

The door to the locker room opened as Catherine came inside. "Hey Sara," she smiled warmly.

"Hi," she tried to keep the tiredness from her voice, but found herself yawning. Embarrassed, she quickly covered her mouth with her hand. "Excuse me."

"You know you don't look to good. Are you feeling okay?" Catherine came over to sit beside her on the bench, reaching out a hand to feel her forehead. "You're a little warm."

"I'm fine," she smiled, not knowing if she was actually convincing enough. Truth was she felt awful. Her head ached, she felt sick and she just couldn't shake off this fatigue.

"Well you know I could ask Nicky to take you home, you two seem to be spending a lot of time together lately."

Sara's head shot up and found herself trying to explain, "We're just friends Cath it's not like that. Nick is seeing someone."

"What?" Catherine gasped, "Nick's dating? Wow. When? How long?"

"I'm not telling you that," Sara grinned. "But she's really nice and he's happy."

"Wait a minute, you've met her?"

"Yep," Sara knew by the look in Catherine's eyes that she wasn't going to be let off that easily. "He brought her by my place the other night so I could meet her. That's all."

"That's all?" she asked incredulously. "Nick brings his girlfriend to meet you and you say that's all?"

"What can I say," Sara smiled, standing to her feet. "He values my opinion."

"I can see that," Catherine grinned, standing with her. She walked over to her locker to grab her jacket. "So you wanna get some breakfast or something?"

Her question surprised Sara. She and Catherine had never really been that close as to hang out together, and it was pretty surprising that she asked her now. "Yeah, okay," she found herself saying before her mind caught up with her mouth.

"Okay, I'll meet you out front in a couple of minutes then," she smiled, her eyes fixed on Sara's face which had seemed to pale. "You okay?"

Sara heard Catherine's voice, but it sounded as if she was in another room. The dizziness hit her from nowhere, buckling her legs to send her sinking to the floor.

"Jeeze," Catherine was by her side in a heartbeat. "Sara, you okay honey?"

"Cath?" Sara tried to keep the tears from her eyes as she felt the wave of nausea rise into her throat.

"I'm here," she soothed, placing a hand on Sara's head smoothing the hair away from her eyes. As she looked down at her friend now, she noticed something about her that she hadn't noticed before. Everything seemed to fit together like a puzzle. Taking a breath she looked down at her friend again. "Sara, are you pregnant?"

She heard the stifled gasp, followed by the onslaught of tears that flowed from Sara's eyes and knew she had her answer.

Catherine's arms came up to move around Sara's shaking shoulders, offering her as much comfort as she could. The sobs seemed to pour from her shuddering body as the helplessness washed over her. "It'll be okay," Catherine whispered knowing how raging hormones played havoc with the female body at times like these; hell she was awful when she was pregnant with Lindsay. Seeing Sara now reminded her of how she had felt when she first suspected she was pregnant. She remembered how scared she had been, how uncertain.

Looking around Catherine knew she needed to get Sara out of here and away from the lab. There would only be a matter of time until the guys decided they'd need to be in here. So standing up she pulled her up with her, holding onto her shoulders, giving her strength.

"Listen," she told her. "We'll go to your place, then we can talk about this."

Nodding silently, Sara's hands came up to her face, sniffing back the sobs shaking her body, trying to make the shuddering in her voice stop.

"I don't know what to do Cath."

"Hey it's okay," she smiled as she brushed a strand of hair from Sara's eyes. "Have you taken a test yet?"

Sara shook her head sadly, wiping another tear away. "I'm late and I feel sick all the time. It doesn't take a genius to work it out."

"Well you've fooled me all this time and I'm a woman. I can usually spot stuff like this," she smiled at her reassuringly. "Come on, we'll stop by a drug store and pick up a test on the way to your place."

"What?" Sara gasped hurriedly, almost choking. "What if it's positive?"

"Well at least then you'll know," Catherine told her, trying her best to convince her with her words. "Come on."

Taking a deep breath Sara wiped the palms of her hands over her face, ridding herself of the tears. She raked a hand through her hair trying to make it look somewhere near decent. She turned to Catherine, giving her face another swipe. "Do I look like shit?"

Catherine managed a small chuckle. "No honey, you're fine, now come on."

Sara opened her door, pushing it aside for them both to enter. She watched as Catherine stood in the middle of the small living room and looked around.

"Nice place," she commented.

"You can be honest Cath," Sara smiled slightly as she removed her jacket to throw it over a chair. "Nick always tells me I need more pictures."

"Nah, it's fine as it is," she grinned. Catherine watched Sara's face. Apart from the paleness, she seemed nervous and on edge, her hand moving to her head as she absentmindedly wrapped her fingers around strands of her hair.

"Sara?" she spoke softly, noticing her friend flinch at the mention of her name. She was wound up so tight she looked like she could erupt any second.

"Yeah?"

"Go do the test," Catherine told her. Witnessing the flicker of fear in Sara's eyes, she took a step closer. "Look honey, you need to know either way and then you can figure out what you're going to do." Reaching into her bag, Catherine held out the small packet to her, urging her to take it. "I'll make us some coffee while you're doing it"

Sara's eyes met hers then as she stepped forward to take the packet from her. She turned it over and over, in her hands reading the words, willing all this to be a dream which she'd wake up from any second. Slowly, she turned towards the bathroom, fear present in every step.

Catherine watched her leave and felt for her. She knew she was scared right now, and who wouldn't be? Moving into the kitchen she pulled two cups down from the rack urging the dread away. She hoped for Sara's sake that everything would work out all right.

The smell of coffee rose into her senses making her feel more alert. Breathing in the bitter smell, she walked back into the living room, placing the steaming cups on the table. Looking down at her watch, she noticed that already five minutes had passed, and still no sign of Sara. Curiosity and more than a little hope filled her as she found herself moving towards the direction Sara had gone.

"Sara?" she called. At first she couldn't hear anything, and then she heard a muffled sob coming from a closed door. "Sara?" she asked, knocking on the door. "Honey, are you okay?"

As Catherine pushed open the door, the scene before her broke her heart. There was Sara, sat on the edge of her bath turning the white piece of plastic over in her hands. The tears were pouring down her face in shaking gulps. As her eyes came up to meet hers, Catherine knew what the test had predicted, "It's positive?"

"I'm," Sara began sniffing back tears, trying to make sense of this. "I'm pregnant"

Moving into the small room, Catherine took hold of Sara's hand and pulled her into a hug. "I guess this is congratulations."

Sara clung to her, letting sobs envelope her body as all the uncertainty poured out of her. Everything seemed so dreamlike, as if this was happening to someone else, but as Catherine started to pull back from her, she knew this was real.

A few minutes later the two emerged to sit on Sara's couch in the living room. Catherine watched Sara carefully, she had grown so pale over the last few minutes, and her eyes held a haunted glaze.

"So," Catherine spoke at last, breaking the silence, "do you want anything to drink? Coffee?" her eyes moved to the table where the two still full cups stood, "Seems the last one went cold."

"Can't drink coffee," Sara spoke softly, a single tear escaping from her eyes as she waved a hand over her stomach, "not since..."

"I know Sara," Catherine smiled. "Believe me it does pass eventually." She watched the emotions wash over Sara's face, a mixture of fear, shock and worry. "It'll be okay Sara," she told her softly, "whatever you decide to do, you know we will all support your decision."

More tears appeared in Sara's eyes as she turned her face towards her friend. "What if I'm a bad mother? I haven't got a clue what to do with babies," taking a shaky breath she wiped away another tear. "What if I can't do this by myself?"

Catherine's eyes filed with tears as she leaned in to put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Sara you will be a wonderful mother and you will never be in this alone. I promise you this baby will have so many people who love it. You'll never be on your own."

Sara's face crumbled at her words, more tears rolling down her face as she tried desperately to wipe them away. "God, look at me," she tried to smile bravely. "I'm a wreck."

"You're pregnant," Catherine smiled, moving a hand to squeeze her shoulder. "It's only natural." Sara seemed to relax with her words, as she sat back into the couch to stare at the ceiling.

"When are you going to tell him?" Catherine asked her carefully, watching for the reaction that would inevitably come, but there was none.

" I don't know how he'll react," Sara spoke sadly, her voice almost inaudible. "I mean this wasn't supposed to happen." Her eyes drifted down to her flat stomach, still having trouble believing this was real.

"Well you have to tell him Sara," Catherine told her. "Grissom has the right to know he's going to be a father."

Sara's eyes darted to Catherine's face, shock emanating from within them. "How?"

"I guessed," she told her. "He didn't tell me if that's what you're thinking, he wouldn't do that to you."

"Well, I did wonder sometimes," Sara's eyes left her face to drop her gaze into her hands, "you two are close."

"Honey, he loves you."

"No..." the tears came again as Sara shook her head sadly, "...he doesn't."

"Listen, Sara," Catherine spoke slowly, punctuating each word. "You have to tell him. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be to tell him, and then before you know it you'll be showing and everyone will know."

"You're right," Sara sobbed quietly, "I know you are, but, how am I going to tell him? He's going to be mad at me for spoiling his perfect life and I don't know if I can survive him hurting me again."

"Well, at least then he'll know, and then so will you," Catherine pulled her into a hug. "One way or another you'll know what to expect and then you can get on with your life. Trust me, by the time this little one comes you'll be so in love with him or her, you won't care whether you're on your own or not."

Sara listened carefully to her words, knowing she was right. They gave her a strange kind of courage to do this. She was going to have to tell Grissom that he was going to be a father and that if he didn't want to be a part of the baby's life then that would be okay.

Sitting forward, she breathed in a deep cleansing breath. "I'll tell him as soon as I've seen my doctor," she said. "The test could be wrong couldn't it?"

"That's a very slim possibility, Sara," Catherine smiled." But you know yourself inside that you are carrying another life. There's something, a feeling. I don't know."

"Thank you Cath," Sara reached out to squeeze her arm. "I do know, in here," she moved a hand to her stomach, laying over the material covering where that new life grew. "I know."

The two women smiled at each other then, as Sara leaned into Catherine's shoulder and closed her eyes.

"So when is your appointment?"

"This afternoon, she managed to squeeze me in after I explained my working hours."

"That's good. The earlier the better I think."

Sara sighed heavily as she stared down into her hands. "How am I going to tell him, Cath?"

"Just be honest," Catherine smiled, resting her head against Sara's. "Tell him how you feel."

Her words brought a chuckle to Sara's lips. "Yeah this is Grissom we're talking about, remember? Mr. I back away from commitment."

"I have a feeling you'll get his attention," she grinned, glad to see that Sara wasn't crying anymore. Moving forward, Catherine pulled herself to the edge of the couch. "I should be getting home."

"Okay," Sara smiled. "I should sleep I guess."

"Yeah, you have to take care of yourself and that baby," she smiled. "Do you want me to come with you this afternoon? You know, bit of moral support?"

"Would you?" The smile that beamed from Sara's face was enough to convince her that she was beginning to accept this. "It's at 2 o'clock."

"Of course I will, we'll stop off to grab a bite afterwards and that'll give us enough time to talk if you need to before we start shift."

"That sounds great," Sara was smiling now, at last feeling the depression lift from her shoulders. "Thank you for all of this Cath, I didn't know what to do."

"Hey anytime," she smiled. "I'll come by and pick you up, we'll go in my car." She moved towards the door, taking one last look back before she stepped outside. "Get some rest."

"I will," Sara smiled, the first real smile for days "See you later."

"Later," Catherine called back as she closed the door.

tbc