Authors Note
This chapter is no where near as bad as the last just references to it. I'm going to try and update this atleast once a week, but I mean life happens so I can't promise anything. Let me know what you guys think though.
Winona
As she walked into the therapist's office she wondered why this is even necessary. They were moving tonight wouldn't switching counselors just be more stressful. She started to turn around, changing her mind they would get these things sorted once they were in San Francisco, when a kind voice called after her.
"Winona Kirk?" She turned back around with a tight smile ready to tell the woman that she needed to cancel the appointment, but was stunned by the woman's kind eyes she looked genuinely concerned for her. "I'm Amanda Grayson. I'm going to be meeting with you and your son?" Winona sighed apologetically.
"I'm sorry Mrs. Grayson. I need to cancel our appointments we are leaving the state soon and honestly I'm not even sure we will be on the planet much longer. I don't think getting set up with someone in a place we don't want to return to is the best plan." Amanda smiled brightly at her.
"I guess Pike didn't mention it yet. I am a psychologist that works with Starfleet and other groups that move around a lot. I will go where you go until neither of you need me or choose another therapist to see." Winona was surprised personal therapists like Amanda were extremely expensive and she was sure Starfleet wasn't covering it. That leaves Chris...why would he? Confused she followed Amanda into her office. After telling Amanda the who situation so that Jim would not have to tell her everything himself she looked like she would cry for him. She noticed a picture of a small vulcan boy a little younger than Jim. He looks so serious.
"Is that-"
"My son Spock. I think that picture was taken two years ago. I had just told him to smile for the camera. He was just about to launch into the illogicality of faking emotions that he as a vulcan "did not have" just for a simple photograph." She chuckled softly running her fingers over the photo affectionately. "So you've told me what happened to Jim and how he is handling it so far, but how are you holding up, as a mother this has to be hard on you as well."
Winona sighed and told her where her mental state has been and before either of them knew it they had talked for over two hours. Winona was emotionally exhausted, but also felt much less self destructive than she had since last night.
"Alright so here is what I'm thinking. Both you and Jim will have weekly sessions with me and of course I will also be available anytime if either of you is having a really hard time and need to see me outside of that." And with that she headed home.
To her surprise Chris already had the house packed and some of it already beamed over to her new apartment. The rest of the moving process was easy and they all said goodbye to Riverside without looking back.
Amanda
Amanda walked into the door of the hotel she and Spock were staying in with a sigh. The Kirk family's situation concerned her. It broke her heart seeing anything like that happen to a child. She shook the thought out of her mind she couldn't bring her work home with her it wasn't fair to Spock. She had left Sarek half a year ago and since then Spock had been a bit...unsure. He went from trying to be the perfect Vulcan to breaking down and rejecting Vulcan ideals completely. According to healer they had consulted his parental bonds were just slightly damaged and he was questioning his place in the world being half vulcan. All Amanda could do was be there for him and accept him regardless of what he decided to embrace. She missed Sarek but she refused to accept him forcing their son into his idea of a perfect vulcan. Setting her stuff down she noticed the suite was extremely quiet.
"Spock?" She called worrying for a moment that Spock had gone somewhere alone.
"I am meditating mother." Came the even reply from behind one of the beds. Perfect vulcan it is today. She thought with a smile settling in with a book.
JIM
The new apartment was empty, both of furniture and belongings and of memories. Jim appreciated it more than anyone knew, but he still felt numb. The memories of the old house had hurt like a red hot knife stabbing into his stomach. They had suffocated him every moment he was in the house, the pain had ripped through his numbness, which was the shield that his mind created so that he wouldn't fall apart. But here? Here he could hide in it. Here he could just be whatever he needed to be to get through this. A soft knock came from his door.
"Jim? You're appointment is soon we have to go meet Mrs. Grayson and then head to the school to get you enrolled." He sighed resigned. I can deal with this on my own. I don't need to talk to a therapist. Jim had no plans to open up to her or anyone else. This was his hell to deal with, but he nodded and got up to follow her to the hovercar. "By the time we get back Chris should have the furniture set up atleast and all of our things here." She looked at him, the concern visible in her eyes. "I know this isn't home yet. Hell I don't know if it ever will be, but I will never let anything happen to you again."
You can't promise that. He gave her a small smile and didn't say anything knowing it would only hurt her to hear his thoughts on the matter. His thoughts wandered to the rest of the day as they drove. During the appointment he would probably just give one word answers till she gave up, but school that thought excited him slightly. He had heard that a lot of the schools in the area had special programs for people who were smarter than average. Maybe this time I won't have to dumb myself down and be bored all the time.
"Mom, what school am I going to?" His mom jumped a little at his voice.
"So you can speak." She said with a small laugh. "A private jr. high school that has ties to starfleet. I don't know how Chris got you accepted, that place is really picky, but I guess with your intelligence it's no real surprise."
"Cool." he paused for a moment unsure if he actually wanted to know the answer to the question that had been bugging him for a while now. "A-are you going back to space?" The car was silent for a moment followed by his moms long sigh.
"I honestly don't know. I have leave for the next six months at least. I want to get us settled, figure out where we want to live whether it's here, somewhere else on Earth or completely off planet, and have someone with you that both of us trust before I even consider it."
He nodded going silent once more. Off planet? Like I could go to space? That would be awesome. The rest of the ride passed in silence, but it felt like the tension had gone out of it. It felt comfortable like they both were just lost in their own thoughts. Before he knew it they were at the office that Mrs. Grayson had rented.
His mom left him inside so that she could go shopping for food in the house. He stood awkwardly in the doorway until a kind looking woman approached him.
"James Kirk?" She asked with a smile holding out her hand. He grimaced at hearing his full name.
"It's Jim, but yeah." He said shaking her hand.
"Oh, Jim. My mistake. I'm Amanda Grayson. You can call me Amanda if you would like." He nodded with a slight smile. She seems nice. Not that that changed his intentions he still had no plans of talking to her. This was his hell not hers. He plopped down on the couch she had inside her office and stared at her, waiting almost challenging her to ask about what had happened. She didn't instead she asked.
"How are you liking San Francisco?" It caught Jim of guard being asked a casual question instead of something probing and uncomfortable.
"It's better than Riverside." He answered with a shrug.
"Why's that?"
"More people, More opportunities…" Less memories his brain added helpfully as he trailed off. Amanda looked as if she knew exactly what he was thinking, but she let it go and moved on. They talked about more and more casual safe topics Jim opening up and answering more and more in depth each time. They talked about school, what he wanted to do when he grew up, where he would live if he could live anywhere in the universe, what his hobbies were, and what fascinated him and caught his curiosity. As their time was coming to an end Jim got up the nerve to ask a question that had been confusing him.
"Why haven't you asked about what that bastard did?"
"Because I know what he did. At least the basics of it, and when you walked in you looked like if I had brought up anything regarding your past you would have either fought against it or shut down. I'm here for you. For whatever you need, but until you are comfortable with me and ready to talk about what happened there is no point in me bringing it up. It would ruin whatever progress we made in you feeling comfortable with me and that's the opposite of what I want." He nodded. That made a lot of sense. "May I ask a single question though? Since you brought the subject up." He flinched. I guess I walked into that but we only have five minutes left. What's the harm? If I don't want to answer I can just walk out. After a moment to decide he nodded. "Emotionally how are you handling it." He chuckled softly.
"I'm not. I feel numb almost all the time like there's no emotions there and the few that pop up are muted and fleeting. Sometimes it feels like all of this is a dream or that I don't really exist. I get lost in my head a lot."
"Disassociation." She said. "It's a way that the mind can in a way shield you from extreme emotions you may be having. That's all pretty normal after a traumatic experience. Thank you Jim for answering my question" He looked away uncomfortably. "I will see you next week, but if you need anything don't hesitate to call."
"Yeah see ya." he grumbled, heading out to meet his mom by the car, and they left to go enroll him in his new school. The whole process was fairly easy, they made him take a test examining his strengths, weaknesses, and interests to create a class schedule that would challenge him. They also explained that they had an online program if he ever moved off planet and more online classes that he could take whenever he wished if he found any that caught his interest. For the first time Jim felt himself brimming with excitement. He would catch up on the course material this week and start his new classes next week.
CHRIS
By the time Jim and Winona got home he had the kitchen, livingroom and diningroom unpacked leaving them to unpack their own rooms. Jim looked more animated and alive than he had before they left, and Winona just looked exhausted. He offered to make her some coffee, which she gratefully accepted, but by the time he went to take it to her she was sleeping soundly on the couch. So he finished putting away the groceries she had picked up and went to head home.
"Hey Chris come here a minute I have a question for you." Jim called from his room. Curiously he headed in there and Jim shut the door behind him. "You like my mom." He bluntly stated. Chris felt his eyes widen in surprise. Shit I thought I was being subtle. Maybe if I play dumb he'll think he was wrong.
"I don't know what you 're friends."
"Cut the crap old man." He chuckled slightly. "This apartment is nice like really nice the kind they give captains and shit. There's no way in hell starfleet paid for that. And that school? I looked into it tuition is thousands of dollars Chris. Mom said I got a scholarship, but they only give a few of those out each year and never in the middle of a semester like this. No one forks or that much cash for a "friend" and you know it."
"Don't let your mom hear that kind of language kid." Chris laughed. "You're to smart for your own damn good. Yeah I like your mom. I have for ages. She doesn't know and I don't plan on telling her. Don't worry."
"I wasn't asking because I was worried. I just wanted you to know I knew and that I don't have a problem with it. Hell you're better than anyone else she's dated. Well other than my dad I guess, but I mean I really don't know so maybe he was an asshole to. Besides I think she likes you. I want her to be happy. She never really was with Frank and now I feel like I broke her by her finding out what happened. So just fix her okay."
"I'll do my best." He said pulling Jim into a small hug. Knowing that Jim trusted him and supported him pursuing Winona was comforting. He had planned not to say anything for a long time because it would be too soon after the whole Frank situation and he didn't want to make Jim uncomfortable, but if he was okay with it. Maybe I will try to say something. I mean I've only been in love with her for 15 years.
