Part Two;

That night, Dean lay in bed staring at the ceiling for hours. The only thing on his mind was Cas. He found himself replaying the night they met over and over again. All the feelings he felt whilst watching Castiel's wings appear, came rushing back causing goose bumps to wash over his whole body. Then his mind drifted to all the times he had stood in awe, staring into his eyes, getting lost, fumbling to find the words to fill the silence. He remembered the way his heart seemed to miss a beat every time Cas got a little too close. The way he seemed unable to breathe in his presence. This is stupid, he thought as he rolled over onto his side. Why'd he have to come back now? Just when everything seemed to be getting normal for him, Cas came crashing back into his life with those eyes, that scruffy hair and that awkward grin of his. Dean closed his eyes as tight as possible, that still didn't stop thoughts of Cas slipping into his head.

The thing was, Dean knew why he couldn't stop thinking about the angel. The truth was that he was fully aware of his feelings for Cas. Back in 2010, just before Sam said 'yes' to Lucifer, he was building himself up to confess. To tell Castiel everything. He'd stood in front of the mirror many mornings trying to find the right words to say. But, something always stopped him from pouring his heart out. He wasn't gay. He'd never looked at another man the way he'd looked at Cas. The only people he'd ever been with, and wanted to be with, were women. It was different with Cas, though. It wasn't about sexual desire. Did he love him? Maybe, he wasn't sure, but he wanted to find out. He was about to tell him. He was about to cross that line. He trusted Castiel to let him down gently if the feelings weren't mutual. Then everything happened with the apocalypse and Lucifer and Sam. Things just weren't the same after that. Castiel had no choice but to return to Heaven. But, Dean needed him. The fact that Castiel knew how broken he was made what he did unforgivable in his eyes. Though, deep down he understood. Since then, he's pushed his feelings to the back of his mind and got on with his life. Until now.


"SAMMY!"

His own screams awakened him causing him to bolt upright in a cold sweat. It was still dark in his room. His shirt stuck to him with sweat covering his entire body. He closed his eyes tightly as he slowly regained his breath. Suddenly, he jumped as a warm hand clutched his arm.

"Dean?" Maria still had sleep in her eyes along with a wary look on her face. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." Dean sighed. "I'm fine. Go back to sleep."

Maria's hand caressed his arm in an attempt to comfort him before she sunk back into the mattress. Dean climbed out of bed and headed to the bathroom.

As he stood staring at his reflection in the mirror all the horrible images of his nightmares began to haunt his conscious memory.

The howls of hell hounds searching for him.

The screams of pain from the souls he tortured in Hell. Some of them were pleading with him to stop, to give them mercy.

Then there was silence.

Everything went black.

Sam's face appeared slowly out of the darkness.

"Why didn't you help me, Dean?" his voice boomed before he fell backwards.

Dean splashed his face with ice-cold water in an attempt to wash away the horror of his night terror. He hadn't had nightmares in almost three years. Why would they start now? Probably just a one-off.

He was wrong.


The next few nights were filled with horrifying images disturbing Dean's sleep. Waking up, sweat running down his back, screaming inaudible words. It had almost become a routine. Even Maria had learnt to expect it. Sometimes she even slept through the screaming, tossing and shaking of the man beside her.

Dean was starting to feel the effect of the restless nights himself. His tired eyes were slightly bloodshot with bags slowly forming underneath them. Yawning became as common as blinking for him. He was a wreck and he knew it. He tried to hide it, but Maria was getting worried about his sudden increase in nightmares.


Cas had just visited the 'Good 'Ole Days' cafe for a quick lunch (and maybe an accidental bump into Dean). The sudden presence beside him startled him at first. It was Maria, she looked worn out and worried. Much different to the woman he first met almost two weeks ago. She smiled warmly and let out a quiet sigh.

"So, how close are you and Dean?"

Castiel's eyebrows furrowed. "We hadn't seen each other for five years previous to last week."

"I know, but before that. Were you two... close?"

Cas smiled, reminiscing silently. "I suppose you could say that. Why do you ask?"

Maria leant in closer. "I'm getting really worried about him, Castiel."

Suddenly, Castiel's attention was completely on Maria. With a wave of emotion sweeping over him, he furrowed his eyebrows. "What is it?"

"He's been having nightmares." They sat in silence for a while. "I know it sounds silly, but he's never had nightmares before. And, these are very bad. If you really know Dean, you'll know he never... talks about things. That's why I need you to speak to him, Castiel." Her voice sounded desperate and trembled slightly.

"Okay... When?" he asked, knowing Dean wouldn't just willingly speak to him without a good reason.

"I'm having a night out tomorrow. Come 'round at six. I won't be back 'til two. Please find something out at least. We can't go on like this much longer." She flicked a piece of paper with her address on it in his direction and left the table.


The door of his motel room creaked as he entered. He flipped the light switch on and a cold, lonely room greeted him. The single bed looked uncomfortable. The mattress had clearly seen better days and the sheets were an ugly mustard colour. Beside the bed sat a side table with a lamp and telephone on top. There was a door to his left leading to a very claustrophobic bathroom. Inside, there was a limescale filled toilet, a faulty sink and a very small, very dirty looking shower.

Cas walked towards the dilapidated window and yanked it shut with a bang. He stood in silence for a while. The room wasn't much, but it would do. He plopped himself down onto the bed and pulled his laptop out from his bag. He spent almost all night researching nightmares until he decided to watch a movie. It was called 'The Notebook'. He'd heard about it several times but never got around to checking it out. Suddenly, he found himself immersed in the story, he even began to imagine Dean as Noah and himself as Allie. By the end of the movie he found himself wiping his tears and laughing at his silly fantasies.

He'd never realised all those years ago that his feelings for Dean were this strong. Back then, he'd still been one-hundred-percent angel, unable to determine the difference between love and friendship. Now that he knew exactly how he felt about his best friend, he didn't know how to tell him. After all, things were much more complicated now.

Cas shut his laptop down and settled into the bed. As he listened to cars rattling by outside the window and stared into the darkness of the room his thoughts turned to the next night. All of a sudden his stomach felt as if there were thousands of butterflies fluttering about inside it. Was this nerves? Or excitement? He couldn't tell. All he knew was that he was going to spend a night in with Dean. A bit like old times, without the safety net of numbed emotions he used to have.


Dean's house was just down the road from the cafe. It was a normal bungalow with a large red door and a gold knocker shaped like a lion. Outside, in the front yard, Dean had helped Maria weed out the flower bed and plant all sorts of colourful flowers which were now in full bloom brightening up the otherwise dull exterior of their house.

Dean was slouched on the sofa watching a football match on the screen in front of him when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" Maria yelled from upstairs.

"If it's Kenny, tell him I'm busy."

Dean got up and started towards the kitchen before stopping in his tracks. His mouth flew open to speak but he was shocked by the beauty which stood before him. "Whoa!" he breathed as he looked Maria up and down.

She had a small black dress on which sparkled in the light. Her red heels clicked as she made her way down the staircase with a grin on her face. Her brown eyes glistened as she rested her gaze on Dean. Her long brown hair was curled and rested comfortably on her shoulders. When she got to the last stair she stopped to kiss Dean on the cheek. "Is it too much?" she asked, an uncertain look on her face.

Dean wrapped his arms around her waist. "Definitely not, you look gorgeous... I'm starting to wish you'd chosen to stay in with me tonight."

"Sorry, lover-boy. I got a date with mah girls tonight." She laughed as she opened the door.

Dean turned to enter the kitchen when he heard,

"Hey, Castiel! Come on in, I was just leaving."

He spun around to see Castiel standing with an awkward smile plastered across his face as he stepped into the house. Maria shot Dean a dazzlingly innocent smile and rushed out letting the door swing shut behind her.

"Hello, Dean."

"Hi. What're you doin' here?" he asked, reaching into the fridge for his favourite ice-cold beer and flicking the lid off with the edge of his ring.

"Maria wanted me to talk to you."

"About what?" He took a long swig from the bottle before settling down into an armchair watching Cas follow and sit down opposite him.

"Your nightmares."

There was a long, awkward silence as Dean stared at the bottle in his hands. His cheeks began to burn with embarrassment. "They're not that bad."

"Maria seems very worried about yo-"

"She's not my goddamn mom, Castiel! I can look after myself!" He slammed his beer bottle down on the coffee table separating them causing Cas to jump a little.

"Dean, you can talk to me. You know that, right?"

Dean chuckled darkly. "I'm fine!" He stared into Castiel's worried eyes as tears began to form in his own. "Dammit, Castiel! You think you can just turn up out of the blue after five years and everything's gonna be exactly the same as it was before? You think I'm gonna wanna hold your hand and skip off into the sunset with you? Things change!"

"People don't." His sudden reaction made Dean pause.

"Maybe I just don't wanna talk about it," he said softly, averting his gaze to the floor.

"It's okay that you're having nightmares. Especially after all that you've been throu-"

"Don't!" he snapped, staring up at Castiel with anger in his eyes. "Don't even bring that up!"

Cas sighed. "Let me guess, you don't want to talk about that either?"

Dean sat in silence.

"You're going to have to talk about it sooner or later."

"God, Castiel! You're not a fuckin' therapist!"

Castiel bowed his head. "I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't use my father's name in vain." He rose and headed towards the door. "I'm sorry that I've upset you. I just thought you could use a friend."

"Yeah? Well, you thought wrong," he replied, spitefully. His eyes were dark as they watched Castiel leave.


The next day, Castiel was in the same spot in the cafe when Maria approached him. An expectant look written all over her face. Something inside Castiel felt pity for her. She slid down beside him and smiled, waiting for some good news. His face told a different story.

"Please tell me you got something out of him."

"Sorry." Castiel gulped down a lump which had formed in his throat.

Maria sighed. "Thanks for trying, I guess. He's just so stubborn."

"I think he's angry with me," he said without thinking.

Maria frowned slightly. "How come? I thought you two were close."

"Things are somewhat... complicated between us."

"Long story, huh?"

Castiel nodded in affirmation and she rose to her feet. "There's only one more thing I can do now."

And then she left him sitting there trying to decipher her cryptic words. It didn't take him long to find out what she meant though. Because, that night, Maria left Dean.


Dean arrived home early from work that evening. He threw his keys onto the coffee table and gave Angel a loving cuddle. He then skipped up the stairs two at a time and into his room. There he found Maria crouched over a large suitcase stuffing her clothes into it.

"Maria?" His voice was barely audible as he struggled to make sense of what was happening.

She turned around to face him. Her eyes looked tired and wary. She'd clearly been crying as her makeup was smudged. Her hair was tied up in a messy bun. The only thing Dean noticed at that moment was that there was something missing from her left ring finger. Where was her engagement ring?

"I'm sorry, Dean. I love you, I really do but I can't watch your... guilt... anger... Whatever emotion it is that you're hiding, destroy you like this."

"You're... leaving me?"

She sniffled. "I'm giving you one week. I'll be at my sister's. If things haven't changed by then, I'll have no choice."

She then zipped her suitcase shut and buttoned her coat. With a quick peck on the cheek she left Dean gaping at the air. How could she do this? Another person he cared about just leaving him like this. Story of my goddamn life. Tears slid down his face as he tried to come to terms with what had just happened.


Within the next hour Dean lost count of how many beers he'd forced down his throat and was now drinking straight from a vodka bottle. All this time, his head was filled with the faces of all the people who'd ever left him. He'd thought that getting drunk would block out these images. Clearly, he was wrong.

He scoffed at himself as he stumbled back to the sofa. Suddenly, the world began to spin around him. He spread out his arms in a vain attempt to steady himself. After a while, he was finding it harder and harder to breathe and his stomach felt heavy with nausea. Eventually, he collapsed onto the floor on his hands and knees heaving up the contents of his stomach. Struggling to breathe, his body finally gave up and the last thing Dean remembered was everything going dark as his head slammed against the ground.