"So, how has the Lowardian Invasion affected what you two do?"
"Well, uh…you know…"
"No I don't know, that's why I asked."
The Nonan Show Set: Los Angeles, California
July 16, 2007: 4:33PM
The audience laughed and whistled as Noan leaned in towards Kim, a mischievous look in his eyes, cheek resting on his open palm.
Kim blinked at him, a little uncomfortable. It was really weird being on a talk show. Not that she hadn't done them before, but Nonan was something else. He had been on the air for twenty two years but no one had really noticed him until Conan decided to call it quits. Now it was Nonan time, or at least he thought it was.
"I mean, we've been doing a lot of work with Global Justice," Kim said, forcing a smile, giving a gentle nod to Ron, who sat beside her on the couch.
Ron didn't seem to notice though. He looked as content as could be, staring off with a blank smile into the audience observing them.
Kim looked back, her smile fading as she waited for Nonan's next move.
Catching that Kim didn't really want to go too much further into their new line of work with Global Justice, Nonan recalculated and leaned back in his chair.
"So, aliens, huh?"
"Yep!" Kim said with a halfhearted cheer, "They're…something."
"I'd imagine that was probably the most difficult opponent you'd ever been up against right?" Nonan said, somehow smugly. "But hey, can't be too difficult when you're going around turning into a Magic Monkey, right?"
"Me?" Kim clarified, pointing at herself. He nodded, and while his smile told the tale of an eager, confident man, she could see the exasperation in his eyes. "I'm not the—that's Ron's thing." Kim said, turning to Ron, who was still spaced out.
"Oh, I—" Nonan started, taking a quick peek into the notes on his lap, "I—okay, wait, him? HE'S the one who turns into the magic monkey?!"
Kim bit her lip as suddenly all sound drained from the room, replaced by the squish of shifting cushions on the couch.
Next to Ron, a stout man, Nonan's cohort, Randy Ichter, poorly stifled his laughter as he (very) slowly crept away from Ron on the couch, continuously flashing him looks that said, "Ah! Get me away from him!"
Nonan looked over at the camera girl glumly. The girl in charge of Nonan's Medium Shot was panning along with Randy, tracking his movement. Noonan gave her a "What gives?" kind of gesture and the camera girl only shrugged in return.
Once the bit was over, Nonan jabbed a finger at Randy. "Randy, that was a tired routine and very hacky, that's gotta stop man." Randy frowned and looked down into his lap. A few seconds after Nonan started speaking again, he shuffled back next to Ron as if nothing had happened.
"Alright, we're gonna have to cut that part out guys," Nonan muttered to himself as he glanced back at his notes.
"Sorry, I—" Kim started.
"Nah, it's fine, blame Randy…" Nonan said, trying to be professional.
"We could talk about the charity we're endorsing…" Kim suggested. Nonan looked up at him, slack jawed, suddenly looking very old. Then his eyes narrowed, he seemed to have noticed something.
"You're going to college, right?" Nonan asked, smiling. "Where at?"
"Oh, I'm going to the University of Oxford," Kim replied.
"Wow, nice!" Nonan said, uncomfortably punching Kim's shoulder. "And what are you majoring in?"
Kim cringed a little. This wasn't going to go over well.
"I'm—not—not too sure yet," Kim said, trying to play it off with laughter. Nonan frowned.
"You don't know what you're majoring in? Hey, better than majoring in comedy, AM I RIGHT RANDY?!" Nonan laughed. Randy was still looking into his lap. He didn't hear the great yuck Nonan had pitched forward. Nonan gritted his teeth with a smile and said, "You're not going to do criminal justice?"
"No," Kim said. She wanted to say she felt like that might be a little bit too much of the same for her but she didn't want to offend anyone.
"I mean, you got criminals, especially Drakken—" Nonan started.
"Drakken's not a criminal. He quit that a while ago," Kim said firmly, interjecting some energy into things for the first time that show.
"Riiiiiiiiight," Nonan smiled, "But like, you got criminals breaking out of jail all the time, I'm sure it gets annoying, wouldn't you want to do something about it?"
While Nonan went on his mini-rant, Kim looked out at the audience. She could barely see anything. The way the room was lit, the studio audience formed up into one giant black blob. The heat of the lights was also starting to get to her.
"Yeah, no, I get that," Kim said, "I mean, I—I think that, well, college is a, y'know…"
Nonan shook his head and gave a time out signal to the cameras. The lights suddenly all went out, leaving just enough of a glimmer for the four of them to see each other.
"Testing, 1 2 3…" Nonan muttered into his microphone. Nothing. They had been turned off. He looked up at Kim. "I get that you guys are under a lot of pressure right now, the Global Justice people briefed me that I got to be careful with you guys…"
"Hey, KP! Is the show over?" Ron asked suddenly, tugging on Kim's sleeve. She looked back at him, a little annoyed that he had waited until just now to come back to Earth.
"But I need a 30 minute show out of you two," Nonan said, "We go on air in 3 hours."
"I know, sorry," Kim sighed. Ron peered over her shoulder, wondering what he could do.
"We'll cut the other stuff," Nonan listed, thinking out loud more than anything. "Monkey man doesn't work when it's the weird dude, and the college thing is bad, we could—"
"What's wrong with the college sitch?" Kim asked, her anger returning.
Nonan looked at her in dull surprise, he gave a quick look to Randy who shrugged.
Ron winced and leaned farther into the couch, avoiding eye contact with Nonan.
"Kim," Nonan sputtered, "I—the Fearless Ferret! Right? Did the Fearless Ferret stop doing his Fearless Ferret thing as an old man? No! He found a new ferret he could mentor! Two Fearless Ferrets!"
"Um, I mean, Timothy North was just an actor—" Kim started.
"Yeah but he persevered, look, look, media analysis think piece time, okay?" Nonan asked, waiting for an affirming nod from the head of Team Possible. "Heroes. Don't. Stop." Nonan nodded, gesturing as if he had just finished a great closing argument.
"Like," Nonan started, looking up at the ceiling for inspiration. "People don't want to hear their world savior is taking time off to goof off in college. It's weird!"
Nonan squinted for a second, "Hey! Monkey kid! You got something, right?"
Kim looked over at Ron, whom she hadn't noticed slouching next to her. He had a slight blush on his cheeks.
"Come on, you got something! Tell us straight, what do you think about the college thing?" Nonan asked.
Ron looked up at Kim nervously, not sure if he should really say what was on his mind.
And just like that, Beep-beep-be-beep!
Saved by the bell.
"What's the sitch, Wade?" Kim asked, immediately putting her game face on.
"Dementor's taken one of Drakken's old bases and word is he's stock piling a butt load of weapons," Wade said.
"Ron, we gotta go," Kim said, standing up immediately. "Oh, um…sorry Nonan."
"Wh—wh—" Nonan said, getting to his feet as well, shaking. "But this is the Kim Possible episode, we go on air in a few hours!" Nonan said, nearly in tears. It was Nonan time; he needed this.
"Hey, Rufus can help out. He's a talented man" Ron said, offering Nonan his favorite naked mole rat buddy. Nonan eyed Rufus for a long time and eventually gave into that begrudging frown of respect.
"You want me to improv comedian my way out of this with a naked mole rat?" Nonan asked. "Well, I've done shows with Dane Cook so I think I'll be okay! Ha!" he cried out, smashing his table with his elbow, and then punching the air followed by an uppercut "Still got it."
~^*KP*^~
"So we love the title."
"Great. Good! Yes."
"But the overall direction…could use some work."
Good Literature Publishing: New York, New York
July 16, 2007: 10:06 AM
Drakken sat across the table from several executives and agents. Surrounding them were even more assistants, all scribbling notes. Fortunately, Drakken had his own little army alongside him: Hank Perkins, Shego, and several of his goons.
And they had a chart. Hank always had them bring charts. This one had an arrow going up over time.
"What do you mean by direction?" Drakken asked a little cross.
"We think that your book is nice…but…it's a little too…" started the lead agent, a twenty five year old guy with a lot of pep. "…nice. You're a bad guy!"
Part of the "going legit" deal involved making money through actual means. So what better method than writing a book based on the story of his crazed life and selling it to the masses? Hank took the liberty of hiring a ghost writer in place of Drakken because the bad doctor spent an entire chapter talking about that time in the 4th Grade where he created a ray gun that allowed him to control rubber products, making him the undefinable champion in four square and tetherball, definitely his proudest moment.
Regardless, Drakken was so excited to be there. He went out and bought a slick suit for the occasion, casting aside his usual lab-coat for the first time in a while.
Drakken frowned, "But I saved the world! I…kept the spirit of Snowman Hank alive! I—I sold so many wonderful cupcakes to so many people!" Drakken shouted. Hank put a hand on Drakken's shoulder.
"We're more interested in hearing about your global conquest…y'know, when you nearly took over the world with a legion of evil robots," the agent sighed.
"Oh," Drakken grumbled. "I forgot about that…"
Hank leaned forward.
"We understand that, but "It Was a Tuesday" is a story about redemption," Hank smiled, talking through his teeth. "Readers love an underdog!"
"That's why we have Schindler's List," the agent sighed back.
"Great movie!" one of the goons said with his arms crossed. Drakken and Hank shot him a glance. The goon ignored it; he had already spaced out thinking about how good Schindler's List is. A tear fell from his cheek.
"People like bad guys," the agent said. "Write about how you made your Moodulator technology. That will guarantee sell a book!"
"Actually that technology was stolen," Shego sighed as she filed her nails.
"OUTSOURCED!" Drakken and Hank shouted at Shego.
"Hey," that one goon started, "Remember the scene when Schindler was upset because he still had buttons—"
"You know what!?" Hank piped up, "You're right. We'll change the angle of the book."
"Hank!" Drakken cried out, absolutely bewildered.
The agent finally smiled, noting the tension between Hank and Drakken. He leaned his chin up against both his hands and smiled an impish grin. "Let's take five. You two should talk."
Good Literature Publishing Hallway: New York, New York
July 16, 2007: 10:06 AM
Drakken sighed as he stared at a reflection of himself off of the windows at Good Literature Publishing. He was feeling pretty down. Also, did he really have that spinach in his teeth that whole time? He didn't even realize he ate spinach. He knew something was fishy about the cafeteria food…
"Hey, bucko, how you doing?" Hank asked with that slimy demeanor of his, throwing an arm around Drakken.
"I liked the draft we have," Drakken whimpered, turning to face Hank.
"Well, Chief," Hank sighed, looking down at Drakken for a second. "We're gonna have to do it their way if we want to make the money we need for…you know…"
Drakken grunted and looked out the window again.
"I'd rather sell the version we have," Drakken said more firmly. Hank stared back at him, throwing his hand behind his neck.
"Very funny, Drakken," Hank laughed, clapping Drakken on the back. "Look, all we have to do is get you to ramble about your evil exploits to our ghost writer. You love talking about yourself!"
"Look, Hank, I—" Drakken started, very angry. This needed to end now. This plan was way off-kilter. It was so dark, he needed more time to think it over, to figure out if this was really the right approach.
"Like hey! How about the time you took over Bueno Nacho and while you were trimming the budget, customers had the gall to complain about you getting rid of the bendy straws!" Hank said with a knowing look.
Drakken froze. Ooh. That did make him angry.
"Agh, the worst! What kind of country do we live in where we need straws to bend towards us?! Why not just bend towards the straw? These people have no idea how to run a fast food business!"
"See? Now just do that in the room and we'll be sold!" Hank said, offering a fist bump to Drakken. Still working on being "hip," Drakken slapped Hank's hand as if it were aiming for a high-five.
Hank cringed and walked back into the meeting room. Drakken lingered for a moment, staring out the window again.
Guess that's it. There was no turning back now. Just had to push forward the way he was.
There was no way he would be able to get that spinach out of his teeth in time.
