A/N: Thanks to our one reviewer! You're awesome. ;D So we continue on with the adventures of Cheerbear and Pocketfish, who have fallen into the HP world! (ghasp!) Yes, I know! A little note, they do know about HP, but the fall, some kind of ebil magics or even the amulet itself may have made them forget it, or rather suppressed the memories. It all seems vaguely familiar, but it's buried deep in their subconscious. Also, I did the dates and Dumbledore was appointed headmaster the year before the Marauders started their first year, I think. Either way, he's headmaster in this fic. XD

NO references to Deathly Hallows will be made intentionally, because Cheerbear hasn't read it yet.

Summary: Two girls stumble across a mysterious store, where they buy mysterious amulets and receive mysterious warnings. When they ignore these words, they literally "fall into" the Harry Potter world. Hilarity and hijinks ensues.

Disclaimer: Nothing from the Harry Potter series belongs to me; it all belongs to the wonderful J. K. Rowling. Pocketfish (Isaviel Bates) and Cheerbear (Theoli Runkle), however, belong to myself and Rusty Nail, respectively.



So Sue Me: A Tale of Two Self-Inserts

Chapter Two: The Sorting

The girls fidgeted nervously as they waited for the old man (who had introduced himself as Albus Dumbledore) to return from whatever business he'd had to attend to. After he had found the girls he had brought them to his office rather swiftly, taking them through winding hallways and countless passageways as quickly as possible before telling them to wait in his office and then dashing off again. The girls, however, weren't fidgeting because they were nervous (although they were erring on apprehension), but because there was so much in the office that they wanted to prod to see what it would do. Not a good idea, considering curiosity got them in this mess in the first place.

"Fish..."

"Yeah?"

"Why did you tell him your name was Fortesque?"

Isaviel raised an eyebrow in response. "Are you kidding me? Fortesque is like, the most awesometastic name ever. He's not going to know I'm a filthy liar, is he? I was more disappointed that you told the truth, actually."

"I couldn't think of anything. Besides, Runkle is so... sextacular." The girls got an attack of the giggles and for the next ten minutes fought hard to control themselves again. After they managed to calm down, Theoli spoke again. "So... what do you think this is?"

"I have no idea," Isaviel replied, staring at a strange glowing orb on the desk in front of them.

"No, I mean this place. That guy. This."

"Oh. I really don't know. I'm beginning to think we shouldn't have done the pendant thing."

"Really."

Isaviel prodded the orb on the desk, which suddenly grew dull. She frowned, disappointed that it was nothing more than a fancy glowy light, and was about to sit back when it started letting out a shrill squeak and a small pinprick of light could be seen at the centre. She leant forward, trying to see the light a little more when it exploded into an enormous pink cloud that engulfed the entire office. Theoli yelped and nearly fell out of her chair, then began wafting her arms to get the powder away from her, getting up from her chair and backing away when that failed.

"What did you do that for?!" She demanded, coughing and wafting at the same time.

"I didn't-" Isaviel broke off to cough for a while and waited for the powder to settle. "I didn't do it deliberately!"

The two looked around themselves, noting that the previously demure office with its grey stone walls and old wooden beams was now covered in pink dust. Theoli was also covered in a thin layer of pink, despite her best efforts to keep the cloud at bay. She wiped at a bit of the desk and only succeeded in smearing it around, so she gave up the thought of cleaning it all before the dude returned.

"...you are so dead."

"It's not my fault! That... that thing should have a warning on it!"

"I do believe that thing as you so expertly called it, is a warning," an amused voice said.

The girls spun around and saw, to their relief, an amused look on the old man's face. Isaviel gave an apologetic smile. "Err... I hope you needed to redecorate, 'cause I helped. Sorry."

Dumbledore chuckled. "There is no need for apologies. This office could probably do with a facelift, it has been - or had been - this way for many years before I came." He ran his finger along the wall then rubbed his finger and thumb together, as if testing the consistency. "I have to admit, that object did have me puzzled. What did you do?"

"...prodded it."

"Ah," he said, knowingly, making his way towards his desk. "I was expecting something more creative from Mr Black."

"Who?"

"The person who made that object, of course. It was confiscated earlier in the week." He reached into his draw and took out a long thin stick, and with a flick of his wrist, the pink was replaced by the office's previous colour scheme.

Isaviel blinked, then looked at Theoli, whose jaw was hanging limp. Isaviel looked back at the old man, who was smiling jovially. "...what was that?"

"Magic," he replied, matter-of-factly.

"Magick?"

"Magic."

"Magick."

"No, magic. You girls are witches."

The two recoiled, looking rather taken aback. "What-" Theoli spluttered. "No we are NOT! That's a horrible thing to say!"

"No, no," Dumbledore chuckled, motioning for them to calm down. "I mean, you two can perform magic."

"Ooooooh. My bad," Theoli said. "...wait. Us? Magic?"

"Oh yeah, pull the other one."

"The other what?"

"...Nevermind. Why do you think we're witches? We're two normal girls from the middle-ish area of England who suddenly found themselves in a forest. Then we were brought here without knowing who you are or where we are - I'm sure if we could perform magic we would be at home, or would know where we are, at least-"

"Here," he said, holding out another 'stick'. "Hold this a moment."

"A stick? You collect sticks?"

"Not ordinarily, no." Dumbledore opened a desk drawer and took out a piece of card, a quill and a bottle of ink and began writing as Isaviel continued her speech about why the two of them could not be witches, and were most certainly un-magic-y. Interrupting her again, he held out the piece of card. "Read this."

"Err..."

"Humour an old man, would you?"

"Fine...I don't see why you think we're witches," she grumbled, taking the card. "It's not like we can- what? Oh, the card. 'Accio book'? What kind of-" This time she wasn't interrupted by Dumbledore but by the book that smacked her square on the face and then fell to the ground. Not a second later three shelves of books flew at her, thankfully hitting each other before hitting the girl, which lessened the impact some. Needless to say, Isaviel ended up on the floor, under a large pile of books, quite dizzy but still conscious. Just about. Theoli gave a dismayed gasp and began digging through the books to get her friend out.

"Hmm," Dumbledore mused out loud. "Perhaps I should have been more specific." He then turned back to Theoli and gave a bright smile. "Would you like to try?"

"Erm, no thanks," she said, holding Isaviel up. "I think I'll pass. I believe you. I'm a witch. Et cetera."

"Ah, excellent."

"So... where are we?"

"Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."

"...and why are we here?"

"That matter is to be discussed at a later date, once you both get settled in. Now, on to business - oh yes, Miss Runkle, here is your wand - we now need to sort you girls into your houses."

"Houses?" Isaviel had apparently recovered from her concussion and was watching the old man with distinct lack of trust. "What houses? Are you having them fall on us?" She looked around, suddenly paranoid that a house was actually going to fall through the roof and crush them.

"Heavens, no. The students of this school are split into four houses named after the four founders of the school: Gryffindor, which values courage, chivalry and boldness above all else; Ravenclaw, in which intelligence, wit and knowledge are most valued; Hufflepuff, where hard work, loyalty, friendship and fair play are more important; and Slytherin, where those with ambition, cunning and resourcefulness are placed." Dumbledore waved his wand and four small banners appeared in front of them, each with a house crest on it. "While at this school, your housemates will act as your family as well as your friends and in essence, it creates a sort of community within the school. Each good thing you do earns you points for your house and each time a rule is broken, you lose points."

The girls were trying to comprehend all of this information as Dumbledore went off and brought back a tattered looking hat. "This will tell you where you belong."

"...are you sure it doesn't carry anything contagious?" Theoli looked less than impressed.

Dumbledore only chuckled and placed the hat on her head. Almost immediately it proclaimed "GRYFFINDOR!" and then fell silent.

"Which one's that one?"

"Red and gold. Lion."

"Aww," Theoli's face fell as she took the hat off. "I wanted to be a Hufflepuff; yellow's my favourite colour and Hufflepuff is so much fun to say!"

Dumbledore blinked, looking perplexed for the first time since he'd met them. "It doesn't work like that. Now, Miss... Fortesque, was it?" He gave a knowing smile. "Go ahead."

Isaviel realised she'd probably been rumbled about the name, but what the hey, it was a cool name and she'd go with it as long as she was allowed to. Taking the hat from Theoli - who was still looking quite forlorn at being put in Gryffindor - she placed it gently on her head and waited.

"Ahh, another late arrival-"

Isaviel, quite alarmed at the voice, gave a shout. "What the he-"

"-Hmm," the hat continued, regardless. He prattled on about ambition or something, but Isaviel wasn't really listening - she'd gotten rather hungry in the time since waking up and was wondering what time it was and how long it would be until dinner. She was only jerked back to reality by the hat shouting, "SLYTHERIN!"

"WHAT? I want to be with Theo," she whined. "This is so not fair."

"Alas, such is life. Sometimes we must do what we don't really want to do. There is, however, nothing to stop you seeing each other in your free time." He smiled. "And I do believe Slytherin and Gryffindor have a few lessons together."

"Can't you just bend the rules?"

"Unfortunately not. Rules are there for a reason, Miss Runkle."

Just then the door opened and a woman stormed in, holding two boys by their ears. The two boys were writhing in pain, each clinging onto the woman's hand to make sure she didn't tear his ear off. "Professor Dumbledore, I caught Snape and Black fighting again."

Theoli and Isaviel exchanged bemused glances, then turned back to the unfolding scene. Dumbledore gave a heavy sigh. "I trust you have punished them accordingly, Minerva?"

"Yes, but I would like you to have words with them." Finally, she noticed the girls. They smiled and waved. "Are they the ones?" Dumbledore nodded in response and the older woman's mood seemed to improve tenfold. "I see. Well, I look forward to teaching you both." With that, she left go of the boys' ears and pushed them into the office, turned and left and brusquely as she had come.

Dumbledore stood and walked over to the boys, who were trying to look anywhere but at the headmaster. "Boys," he started, a hint of disappointment in his voice. "Here we are again."

"HE started it," hissed one boy.

"I didn't see you NOT retaliating," the other shot back.

"Boys, boys. I'm not asking you to be friends, as I'm well aware that probably won't ever happen. I do, however, have to tell you that fighting is not acceptable behaviour. You talk diplomatically, and if you do not agree, then you agree to disagree, for you must agree that agreeing is far better than disagreeing and far more preferable to fighting like this." Silence fell as everyone tried to work out what exactly he had just said. Paying no heed, he continued. "Now, as you have already been punished there is no need for me to do so. But I do have a task for you." Dumbledore motioned to the girls.

The boys looked at them, suddenly embarrassed by their own actions.

"I would like you to escort them, as Isaviel is in your house, Severus, and Theoli in yours, Sirius." The boys nodded, confused, but daring not to ask, lest they get themselves into even more trouble than they were currently in. The headmaster gave them a shrewd smile then turned to the girls again. "Your uniforms are on that chair behind you," he pointed to emphasize his point. "You can change in the nearest bathroom and then have the boys escort you to your common rooms."

And so their meeting with the headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry had ended and the girls, who had changed into their school robes, were in the bathroom mulling over what they had learned.

"Do you believe all of this?" Theoli muttered, inspecting her wand.

Isaviel was looking at her reflection in the mirror, wincing as she checked her forehead. "The bruise on my face says yes. Unless he threw the book." She looked over to the other girl as if asking for clarification.

"No, no book throwing."

"What are we going to do?"

"What can we do? We don't know where we are, we have no money, no means for transportation, not even a fricking portkey."

"A who?"

"What?"

"Portkey. What is it? Sounds familiar."

"I..." Theoli frowned. "I have no idea."

Isaviel shrugged. "I guess we're staying until Dumbledore tells us why we're here, then?"

"Yup. Though it's probably something to do with these amulets."

"No, really?" Isaviel teased.

Theoli gasped, then hit her friend on the arm in a playful manner. "Shutup. I'm clever."

"Fine, fine, let's go then, before those guys start bitching." Isaviel made her way out of the door, leaving Theoli alone for a moment. She looked around herself and tried to ignore the strange feeling she got in the pit of her stomach. "Hmmm, some of this seems kind of familiar... wonder why." Shrugging, she jogged to catch up to Isaviel as they went back downstairs to meet with Sirius and Severus.


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