I'm back! :) I'm more excited than ever to present you with the next chapter. I'm so glad that all of you have been patient and were able to leave a comment for the last chapter. It really helps find out what audiences would rather prefer. Last chapter Leonardo experience what felt like a dream, but It could be something else. Raphael was going to get in a scrap and was sent to Master Splinters room to cool off. Let's all see what happens next shall we? ;)


There I was sitting in Master Splinter sanctuary frustrated as ever...more frustrated than a cat trying to claw fish from a fish bowl. I always do this to myself...then after the lecture, I let it play in my head over and over again. I guess that's why I'm angry all the time it can make anyone sick and tired of me. I sat patiently, waiting...waiting for those same words. "You're nothing like you're brother, you're impatient, you're violent and completely uncontrollable at times. It's as if you touched the sun, but didn't bring it's radiance with you, only fire!" Those words hit me harder than ever. It let me know that "not being like my brother" meant that I was a disappointment. The problem is, I will never be like my brother because I'm not him and everything that I do, breath in, consume in my path will scream Raphael, not Leo. And they will fear me, not Leo.

This waiting game kills me, but it's not because of what my Sensei will say, but because I have to sit there and actually listen to every word. How unfortunate to have to listen to the fact your father hates not just the sound of your name, no, almost every existence that you are. I wait while my soul feels like it wants to leave the room. I wait while beads of sweat roll down my...

"Raphael," Splinter's body heat radiates from his fur as he stood behind me. "My son, we've had this conversation over and over again. MUST. WE. REPEAT IT?" ...no...my mind replied.

"I don't know what's wrong with me, sensei," Not the response that I hoping would come out of my mouth. This is my way of asking for help. I honestly don't know how else to ask for it.

"If you are in dire need of an answer to that question, I'm sorry my son, but I have none to give. All I know, all I seem to notice is that while everyone else is building bridges to travel and reach their destiny, you seek to destroy it burning it to the ground! You must love inhaling the smell of charcoal smoke because soon you will be stranded where you will have no choice, but to hope that someone is kind enough to let you onto their boat before you rot!" His fists clenched while he wiped a hand through his fur in exhaustion. "I'm tired Raphael. I'm tired." He existed the room leaving me there to add his words to list of other words he's said to me. Now all I have left is to go to my room only to stay up most of the night hating everything in our Layer and the people in it.

I walked to my room, no, I dragged my feet to my room because I know as soon as I hit that pillow my mind is going to be racing. My head lowered itself on the pillow so slowly as if I was stalling, but my mind wasted no time in making me feel like shit. Another sleepless night.

"Hey little bro!" Leo shouted from the top of the layer while I dragged myself like I was in a body bag to the practice mat.

"What do you want?" I clearly sounded unhappy. Leo took a notice and changed his tone.

"What did Splinter say to you?" His face looked almost empathetic.

"What do you care? You wanted it now leave me alone I had no sleep last night," Expectedly he didn't give up.

"Whatever he said to you, I didn't mean for him to say it. You know that I don't like people speaking for me and if I wanted to really say something I would personally come to you for it. That is what leaders do!"

"LEADERS! It's always 'bout being a Leader isn't it Leo?! You're so hell bent on being the perfect leader that everything you do breathes Splinter. You know you only doing this for him and not yourself! You probably don't even know who you are because you're so busy trying to be something someone else wants!

"Oh clearly you are jealous and most importantly you don't possess the qualities a leader needs to be one. That's why Sensei didn't chose you!" Leonardo deserves everything that's coming to him and more!

"Oh! oh hell no! I don't want to be a fucking leader!"

"It's because you know you don't have the balls to be one! All you have is a flaming butt hole that's always fucking lit! You need to put the fire out before you fucking burn down the whole layer," I socked one to him. I couldn't take another conversation about fire, smoke and burn.

"Your just like fucking Splinter! You even speak like him! Fuck you, fuck Splinter and fuck everyone." Leo gave a punch right back and I can tell he wasn't holding back anymore.

"How dare you say that about our Father! How can you say that about us? your brothers!" We were rolling on the floor and I did not let go of him for nothing. I had such a grip on him it might've blocked his blood circulation.

"Splinter is no father of mine and we are not related! We're not blood brother! I can't stand you I can't stand how you can be his world, everything he's ever cared about!" He was sitting on me giving me the round house of fists. I ticked him off really good. Apparently the one thing that can make him feel like he's on a cliff is dissing Splinter the way I did. He loves Sensei. I did too once, but when you become the center of his hatred you begin to run and soon you too develop hatred. One that can't be mended because it was torn by pride.

"I love this family bro and I will not let you butcher what is left of us!" I was bleeding from my nose now...or was it my mouth? Shit! I couldn't tell anymore. His anger swarmed like a diseases all over my face. I could taste the blood on my tongue. Both of my eyes were closing on me and I could feel that I couldn't open my eye lids anymore. I then could hear Donatello screaming Leo's name. I felt his weight being lifted off of me. I passed out...

I woke up on a table with a blurry vision and someone arms moving over me. All I could see were arms. My vision began to clear, but pain came with it. Oh, the pain woke my ass up so quick I remembered everything.

"Raph? Are you ok?" Donnie was hovering over me. Splinter was across the room. I'm pretty sure he knows what words were exchanged between me and Leo.

"My son. Leo told me everything. We must speak because I fear what is in you is much more dangerous."

I shot a look towards Leo.

"You fucking bitch! You told him I'm the fucking monster didn't you, you little shit! You're not my brother! I don't have my blood running through your veins, Leo!"

"ENOUGH!" Sensei covered my mouth. "Everyone leave this room at once and Leo.." Leo was calmer than I thought he would be. He quietly nodded his head and with sorrowful eyes he left the room. It didn't make sense to me.

"Raphael, my dear son. You are a rare one. Leonardo told me it was his fault. He told me he pushed you to your limit and some words came pouring out of you like a rushing waterfall. Do you really think I don't love you? If I had one ounce of hatred I would have gotten rid of you or perhaps, metaphorically speaking, I would've let you fall to your death without giving you a warning. I love you so much that the lectures I give you aren't meant to hurt you, but to serve as a reminder that you have a family to think about and people who love you and would do anything for you including giving their very lives for you. Donatello relies on the mind, Leonardo relies on instinct and precision, Michaelangelo...well Mikey is with his stomach. You, my son, is special, so special that I have to shield it. You...you are the heart. You allow your feelings to dictate your actions and every move, every word. The heart can be very dangerous and can be a very brutal weapon. Don't let the heart make a weapon of itself."

A tear fell from my eye and my throat felt sore.

"It can misguide you and the decisions you make from your heart might not be the right one. It can rational so therefore damaging to you and to others."

"...but how can I tell if it's from the heart?" I was sobbing on that table like a helpless pig about to be gutted.

"Whatever decision you make you must see the reason behind it. Look at all the possibilities and all the outcomes. The most dangerous decision of all is one of selfishness. You have love in your heart, but selfishness and pride can keep that love as prisoner. You will never know what your heart is truly capable of if you don't see the reason behind your actions. Do not hurt your heart, nurture it my son." He placed a kiss on my forehead and left the room. I was alone, but I was left confused and in pain. So Master Splinter does love me.

He loves me...

I guess Leo saw what Master Splinter didn't. He was angry, but only because I wanted him to be. If I look at my reasons maybe people won't be so upset with me anymore.

"How could I be so stupid." I said out loud. Tears stained my cheeks while my eyes stared into the bright lights above me. I could barely open them enough as it is and Donny has fucking lights in my face. I need to leave it would be better for everyone if I was gone. Sensei said my heart is the problem so maybe if I grew cold It wouldn't be such a problem anymore. Then...what did he say about having love as a prisoner? What is holding me back? Maybe I am jealous of my big bro only because I know Splinter adores him. God! I'm confused! Man Leo really did do a number on me. I can't even think.

Bro...I'm so sorrry...


NPOV: It might not be much, but It'll keep it coming ;)