During Volume 8 Chapters 1 and 2
I brought the steaming mug to my lips. The scathing hot black liquid was revolting to my tongue and rejecting to my throat. Bitter.
I was not the type to skimp on breakfast. I fully recognized the benefits of eating an early, energizing meal, especially for being someone of low stamina. During the day of the last time that I had not eaten breakfast, my right hand had hardly enough energy to even write with.
However, my daily ritual of a proper breakfast was violated today. Other than the mug of black coffee, the only morsels of food in front of me were a single slice of buttered toast and a banana.
I did not feel lazy today at all. I did all of the things that could be mechanically done. Yet, when it came to tasks requiring a certain degree of, for a lack of a better term, passion — choosing clothes, cooking — I did not perform well.
I crunched into the slice of toast. It ground into annoyingly dry pieces in my mouth that sucked in all of my saliva. The overly rich and fatty taste of butter made the bolus difficult to swallow.
I sighed. I rubbed my face to make sure that I was still there.
I felt something like a heavy chunk of lead weighing down the chambers of my heart. That feeling had pervaded me day and night for the last few days no matter what I did. Even if I momentarily distracted myself by reading a book or watching a cat video, that feeling would return without weakening.
I knew the source of that deadening weight. Yet, I would be unable to describe precisely what the weight itself was.
I was only sure of the following. I was wrong, but Hikigaya Hachiman was even more wrong.
My meal became completely undesirable after I began thinking of those things again. I returned the banana to my bowl of fruits. I threw the remaining portions of the toast into the garbage can. I splashed the remainder of my coffee into the sink and forcibly doused the blackness with tap water until it was all gone.
I hated lies. I always thought that deception was worthless. Whatever you obtained by deceiving someone would surely be fleeting and fragile.
In that case, what could be said about myself, whose anger welled up upon Hikigaya's deception, which I should have been expecting from the beginning? What could be said about the fact that I was so devastated about being wrong?
I had inflicted onto myself the very thing that I was supposed to have hated. The very things that I had thought were all acts of self-deception.
I began washing the plates and the mug. Because I was deep in thought, I accidentally let the mug slip through my slippery soapy fingers.
The mug clattered onto the floor and ceased to be a mug. Clay shards of variable sizes flew away in unpredictable directions. Spontaneously. Just like that.
Classes were a chore. All of the material covered today in all of my classes were simply boring. Nothing was particularly challenging for me, one who has built herself up strongly in academics because she did not have a single friend to ask for help.
Going to the Service Club after school had long since cemented in me as an automatic routine. It did not require me to think of anything complex. I was thankful for that. I was not in the mood for puzzles.
The moment I entered the clubroom, I dropped my bag off at the usual spot, took the kettle and exited the room to fill it with water at the usual place. When I returned to the room, I immediately plugged it into the wall, flipped the switch to the ON position, extracted my book from my bag, settled down, and opened the book.
More routines.
I did not read. I picked up the words with my eyes and processed them with my brain, before archiving them. I obtained the objective outline of the plot. That was the most the current me could do. I completely glossed over the theme, and I felt no attachment to the characters. I neither liked the book nor hated it. I performed the proper motions, again, without putting much thought into it.
Routines again.
"Y-Yahallo!"
The door was rudely opened by Yuigahama, who arrived with punctuality. Her customary, barbaric greeting was tinged with a hint of awkwardness.
"Come in. I'll prepare the tea," I said, as usual.
Right after I said that, the kettle began to whistle. Using the now boiling water, I performed the tea-making motions that were even more instinctive than going to the clubroom.
"Um, Yukinon, I brought cookies today. Should I get them?" meekly asked Yuigahama.
"Of course," I said, giving Yuigahama a formal smile, "You don't need to ask. We always have them anyway."
I distributed the tea in our respective cups. Then, I sat back down and picked up my book again, opening it to where I left off. Yuigahama had already began tapping the screen of her smartphone.
"Say, Yukinon, how is everything?" murmured Yuigahama.
"Good, as usual. Except —"
The words that I was supposed to say did not manage to transmit themselves. I dropped my head and stared at my hands. They were curled up into fists that shook uncontrollably.
What could I say? What exactly could I speak of that would make sense to Yuigahama? The things that I could say would only make me sound like a bratty child.
I sighed out a lung's worth of breath and looked up at Yuigahama. Her hands were clasped together at her chest as she stared worriedly at me with a held breath.
"No, it's nothing. I'm just a little uneasy. That's all," I said quietly while shaking my head.
"Ahaha... Maybe you're still queasy after the field trip or something," carelessly spoke Yuigahama.
I frowned. It was obvious that Yuigahama would try to talk about what happened on the field trip. It may not even be entirely incorrect to say that the purpose of her coming to the club today was solely to talk about it. How much she wanted to do so was evident by her unusually miserable attempt at sneaking the topic into our conversation.
I did not add anything following Yuigahama's words. I simply tore my eyes away from her and switched them over to the clock. Fifteen after.
"You know, Yukinon, I... I didn't like it either, so, you know," vaguely muttered Yuigahama.
I turned toward her again. She was fiddling with the bun of hair on her head.
"But Hikki did what he could do, so, I mean— yeah," incomprehensibly muttered Yuigahama.
I spoke in a low voice, "What he did could definitely not be called good."
Yuigahama continued to stumble over her words, "It's just, it's just that he doesn't really understand this thing, even though he understands everything else, so, so, I mean, that's why it was like that."
I was well aware of Hikigaya's twisted way of understanding. He was completely unable to comprehend what should have been normal because he was denied the right to live normally. Because he was constantly rejected, he became immersed in all of the ideas and methods that were rejected by those considered normal. Decency no longer became a requirement for him. When it came time to take action, whatever was cruel, whatever was unjust, was never eliminated in his repertoire.
How could he understand that what he did was wrong? It was simply not in his nature.
"Even so, it's not something that can be forgiven easily. Ignorance has its limits," I clearly spoke.
I did not intend to overlook this. No, I could definitely not turn a blind eye to this. What Hikigaya did had never stopped gnawing at the fringes of my being which detested deception.
"Even though it's like this, can't you um, like, I'm sure it was hard on Hikki too, so you don't have to be like that on him too, or something," awkwardly spoke Yuigahama.
I did not respond. I merely closed my eyes and rested my hands on the table. If I were to speak something, if I were to allow myself to form an expression on my face, I would definitely blurt out something irrational, something that I could not take back.
Yuigahama slowly spoke, "I-I mean, it's not like you have to agree with him. I don't like it at all, either. It's just that—"
I opened my eyes. The first thing that entered my vision was the clock showing twenty-five after, a time far beyond late, to the point of sure absence of a certain individual. I, once again, faced the sole attendee of this club. She was looking downwards.
"Just what?" I said, urging her to finish.
"It's already too much that Hikki is like that. If you... if we're like that to him too, then—"
Yuigahama did not finish her words. No, she was forcibly stopped. At that moment, the door was flung open, and the door knob thrashed into the wall. Our attention was wrenched toward the direction of that senselessness.
The senseless one who appeared before us was Hikigaya Hachiman.
Without any one of us exchanging even a suppressed murmur or greeting, Hikigaya, with an apathetic look, made his way to his usual chair at the maximum possible distance across from me. Just like always, he immediately rummaged through his bag and extracted his book from it.
I felt something like rising magma within me. Hikigaya's display of defiance, a show of accepting the unacceptable, threatened me to do something careless like a spurt of lava.
I was unable to suppress the bare minimum of words from leaving my lips, "...So you came after all."
"Yep, as you can see," said Hikigaya without bothering to move his eyes away from his book.
I tore my eyes away from him. My vision came to focus on the cover of my book on the table. Uninteresting.
No further words were spoken for a while. The mood was like a trap waiting to be sprung. Hikigaya did not care to make a move at all. Yuigahama fiddled around as if she was prodding the mechanism of a trap. I merely sat still in a static posture waiting for time to advance.
How utterly pointless. Pointlessness was detestable.
Tick tock. The clock continued to advance to thirty after and even forty after. The dreadful stalemate continue to linger between the one who accepted a situation like this, the one whose hand was waiting for the right timing, and the one who did not dare to express herself.
Finally, as if testing the waters, Yuigahama took a shallow breath and began speaking, "Ah, speaking of which, everyone was acting really normal. Um, that is... everyone..."
Her voice gradually became more and more diminutive, as if she was half retreated, half exposed.
"...Right. Just looking at them gives me the impression that there's nothing wrong," muttered Hikigaya.
"I see," I said with narrowed eyes, "Then, that's fine."
I did not dispute the effectiveness of his methods. I did not doubt that Hayama's group dynamics remained fine in the end. Yet, in solving it, something important that I did not know the identity of was thrown away. With regards to that, I was definitely not fine with it.
"I mean, it was a little scary, but I didn't really have anything to worry about. Everyone's just... just normal," said Yuigahama.
She spoke the word "normal" with an entirely unconvinced tone. Were they truly normal deep down? Were they merely acting normal while hiding contempt?
Yuigahama laughed powerlessly while stroking her hair bun.
"I don't really know what everyone's thinking about anymore," sullenly spoke Yuigahama, "Everyone is... I just don't know."
"That's how it was originally," I said while shaking my head, "There's no way we'd understand what they'd be thinking about anyway."
The very words that left my lips left behind a bitter aftertaste.
At my words, Yuigahama showed an incredibly pained expression. To her, it was far worse than a bad taste. After all, the people in question, though not close to me, were dear to Yuigahama.
I continued, "Besides, even if people knew what others were thinking about, whether or not the people will understand it is a different problem."
My throat felt awfully dry. I drank my tea that had long since lost its heat. The usual tea that I was fond of did not quench my thirst in the slightest.
"Sounds about right," muttered Hikigaya.
I glared at him. Hikigaya, himself, was a person who was never understood. I did not understand him. I would never be able to understand how he could justify to himself the value of his methods.
He sighed before continuing, "Well, you don't need to worry about it too much. As long as we act like normal, then that would be for the best, right?"
Hikigaya smiled pathetically, like a cynic.
"We should act normal too... yeah..." Yuigahama tested those words in her mouth.
Yuigahama nodded weakly, as if having no choice but to accept. Hikigaya nodded back, as if telling her that nothing else could be done.
Normal. To be within a certain range of the mean. To not deviate much from what's expected. Even if it forces you to lie, just act like usual and go through the accepted routines. That was what Hikigaya was suggesting. He abided by this guideline from the start as he showed up to club even when he knew that he had done something despicable, something that both Yuigahama and I hated.
"Normal... I see, to you, that would be normal," I slowly spoke.
"Yeah."
To be truthful, to be true to yourself and to others, those were clichéd, and idealistic desires of mine. To me, brutal honesty was far superior to a beautiful lie.
What was Hikigaya's original purpose in attending the club? Though not by his own will, it was to cause a change in himself. Yet, even calling the progress slow was already glorifying it. He continued to stick to his own twisted ways, even taking them to new extremes.
His stubbornness in sticking to his worst possible methods was something that was incomprehensible.
I sighed and spoke, "You won't change, is that it?"
Hikigaya wordlessly opened his mouth not to speak but to show slight surprise.
There was something that I did not say, that I needed to say. I, too, was stubborn. I definitely need to point out the wrong in all of this.
I started, "You... um..."
I gripped my skirt so tightly that my nails deeply dug into my palm. My head felt dizzy as I forced myself to think as hard as I could and to let loose words.
I had to say something. I definitely had to. I—
"Um..."
—Could not formulate a single cohesive sentence. I could think of nothing that made sense even though I, overall, felt that it was wrong.
What was I afraid of? Why couldn't I pinpoint exactly what I hated so much about it? I hated lies, but what part about Hikigaya's lie made me grow angry at him to the point where I could no longer stand his presence?
Yuigahama slammed her mug on the table and bolted upwards.
"Y-Yukinon! Um, um, um, you see—"
She sputtered absolute nonsense. Her goal was clearly not to communicate something. She only managed to succeed in drawing our attention to herself, which was her goal. She sought only to deter me from saying something. Just like Hikigaya, she was sweeping something under the rug.
My fists continue to shake. I was feeling something close to displeasure, but more like betrayal. Somewhere along the line, I had come to assume that Yuigahama and Hikigaya would not keep things under wraps. I was mistaken.
Silence dominated. Hikigaya continued to look at me and Yuigahama with defiant eyes. Yuigahama continually open and closed her mouth, searching for something to say, but ultimately arriving at nothing. I searched as well to continue with earlier, but the heaviness in my stomach prevented me from finding anything as well.
Suddenly, knocks were heard from the door. Our heads turned towards it, but none of us stood up. None of us could move.
The impatient one on the other side of the door rapped it again several times. Coming to his senses, Hikigaya barely spoke.
"Come in."
"Coming in," said our guest.
Hiratsuka marched into our room as if it was her property. The triumphant look on her face revealed her troublesome intent to push onto us another problem.
"I'm here with a request for you guys," Hiratsuka animatedly spoke.
She flashed us her crudest grin, but none of us was in the mood. Hiratsuka retracted her smile and tilted her head in blatant confusion.
"But... Did something happen?" she said in amazement.
Yuigahama averted her eyes, finding it difficult to explain anything to Hiratsuka. Similarly, I had nothing to say. I merely closed my eyes to indicate my unwillingness.
The most level-headed person in the room, Hikigaya, curtly responded to Hiratsuka, "No, nothing at all."
I re-opened my eyes and saw Hiratsuka frown.
She suggested, "Maybe I should come back some other time?"
Hikigaya shook his head in resignation and said, "Well, we don't mind either way."
We were too strained at the moment to be seriously tackling any requests. Yet, Hikigaya had decided to accept it regardless because he would not try to fix the things that he had broken with Yuigahama and me. If he were to do so, that would mean he would deny his past actions and regard them as incorrect. No, Hikigaya was far too stubborn for that.
No matter how things turned out between us, all that mattered to him was the result. To him, even if the side consequences were horrible, he did not mind it. He would simply accept it as the normal by-product of his methods. Hiratsuka had intended to leave and come back at a time when we were back to normal. Hikigaya had basically told her that what she saw was the new normal.
"...I see," bitterly spoke Hiratsuka.
She sighed deeply as if she had an inkling of our current situation. The wrinkles on her forehead creased together.
Yuigahama asked, "Sensei, was there something you need?"
"Ah, right... You can come in."
A voice from the outside softly spoke, "Excuse me."
Entering the room was a girl with cute, braided pigtails and fluffy hair to match her fluffy personality. Although she could be said to be as airy as cotton, she was not a person to be underestimated. After all, this person, Shiromeguri Meguri the student council president, held much in past achievements.
Shiromeguri started, "We had a request, so—"
As Shiromeguri spoke, another girl appeared from the doorway. Unlike Shiromeguri's bountiful fluffiness, this girl's hair was straight and short. Their healthy flaxen colour spoke of the care that this girl put into her outward appearance. Her impish face had a shade less of maturity than the people I usually came into contact with. She must be a first year student.
She faced us and shyly smiled. I gauged her attitude as she gauged ours. When her eyes met with mine, she gave me a carefully calculated friendly smile complete with the countenance of a seemingly harmless rabbit.
"Ah, Iroha-chan," said Yuigahama with familiarity.
"Yui-senpai, hellooo~," greeted this Iroha girl.
"Yahallo~!"
"Ah, so you're an acquaintance with Isshiki-san. Why don't we skip the introductions, then?" suggested Shiromeguri.
Judging from Hikigaya's annoyed, I-don't-want-to-deal-with-this glare, he was not well-acquainted with this Iroha Isshiki. No, judging by Yuigahama's friendliness, Iroha should be the first name, while Isshiki was her family name.
I was not acquainted with Isshiki Iroha either. Yet, I vaguely managed to recognize her appearance, and her name did not sound completely unknown to me. It was probably during the judo tournament where I saw and heard of her, though we never talked face-to-face.
Hikigaya looked toward Shiromeguri to urge her to start talking about her request with impatience.
"Do you know about the upcoming student council election?" she asked.
Hikigaya transitioned to a clueless face at that question. Yuigahama did not look very sure either.
I would never have expected those two to know anything about the student council. Yuigahama was not the type of person to be well-informed. The organization that mandates order within the school would have been repulsive to Hikigaya, someone who was socially unfit and whose valuation on order was far below his valuation on results.
Unlike those two, I kept up to date with the workings of Sobu. I was not particularly personally interested. It was out of a sense of duty or obligation as a student.
"Yes. I believe it was already announced," I replied, "I think the running candidates should have been as well."
"You sure know your stuff, Yukinoshita," praised Shiromeguri without restraint, "Yep, yep, aside from the secretary not having a candidate, everything else was announced. We were supposed to do the election a long time ago, but there was a lack of candidates, so it was postponed. And, without a suitable successor to the seat of the president, I can't retire in peace too..."
Shiromeguri glanced downward in self-depreciation. I doubted that anyone actually blamed her for anything, nor was she the cause of the lack of interest. In fact, her own reign should have inspired at least a few people to join the student council.
Hiratsuka chimed in, "The school more or less left it up to Shiromeguri, you see. That is, her replacement was supposed to have been chosen by the time of the athletic festival, but—"
—If you were too busy, then it couldn't be helped. Perhaps that was what Hiratsuka was trying to say.
"Oh no, not at all! Since the school I was recommended to is set in stone, the exams didn't really matter all that much," said Shiromeguri as she vigorously shook her head.
That was quite problematic. Everything had a cost. The cost of Shiromeguri fulfilling her duty to manage the athletic festival and perhaps studying was not finding a presidential candidate. Although I had some problems with the improper balancing of short term and long term goals, now was not the time nor place to berate Shiromeguri for it, especially since she likely did what she thought was best.
Shiromeguri continued, "Ah. Right, right, I should explain everything, hm? Anyway, for my last job as president, I will be working, along with all of the current student council members, in the election administration committee."
Candidates do not also manage the administration for the election. That meant that there would be no possibility that the current members, who decided to do the administration, would run for their seats again. The subtraction of that many candidates was substantial. It contributed greatly to the lack of them.
Shiromeguri went on to say that the edicts have already been done. That meant that the candidates, however few they amounted to, have already been decided.
"Isshiki is a candidate for the student council president," explained Shiromeguri.
Isshiki did not look particularly proud or excited of it when Shiromeguri said that. Rather, her devious smile was tinged with a hint of annoyance. Hikigaya stared at her in doubt.
Noticing Hikigaya's stare, Isshiki joked, "Ah, did you think I was totally not fit for the role or something?"
"Ah, n-no, not really," stuttered Hikigaya.
Dissatisfied, Isshiki pouted, "I get told that a looot, so I more or less know what they're saying. Like I look dumb or super dense or something."
Despite her words, it was definitely more likely that Isshiki was anything but dumb or dense. Rather, as a fellow female, I could tell that she was cunning. Given the way she had acted, she would have likely used her cute looks and needy attitude to take advantage of boys starved for attention from the opposite sex. If you could ignore her attractiveness, then it was easy to the selfishness behind the honey.
In other words, Isshiki had the qualities of a temptress. The way that she would take advantage of others was, unfortunately, somewhat reminiscent of my sister.
"...So, may I ask what the problem is?" I spoke.
So far, we only knew the background information, not the actual problem itself. I could not see what was wrong from this. If anything, the position of president would grant more power to Isshiki to further her own selfish desires.
"Isshiki is a candidate for the student council president, but, that is, how should I put it...?" said Shiromeguri, "She wants to avoid being elected."
Hikigaya narrowed his eyes and bluntly spoke, "In short, you want her to lose the election?"
In response, Shiromeguri awkwardly nodded her head with reluctance. I would like to believe that the reason for this was not nearly as cynical as the way that Hikigaya put it.
"Um, so you don't want to be the president?" asked Yuigahama in confirmation.
Isshiki replied, "Ah, yes. That's right."
A person who did not want to run for president ended up running for president. No matter how many times I tossed that fact around in my mind, I could not get rid of the sense of ridiculousness. The types of causes of it could not have been anything beautiful.
"So, why did you become a candidate?" I interrogated Isshiki.
"Um, I kinda didn't want to," she nervously spoke, "I, er, I was kinda forced into it on a whim or something. I, like, stand out a lot, you see? I keep hearing about how I get along with Hayama-senpai and other senpais, and like, since I'm the manager of the soccer club, that image ended up getting stuck to me."
"Are you getting bullied?" instantly asked Hikigaya.
Disturbingly, both Hikigaya and I arrived at that conclusion, although he voiced it out before I did. Undoubtedly, Hikigaya's twistedness had its roots in the evils of others — bullying. Such treatment was not foreign to myself either. Yet, how our present selves were shaped from it were completely different. My methods completely avoided the kind of lying and slander that plagued me in the past. Hikigaya's methods had no problems with their use as the evils he had experienced had already become normalized within him.
"Oh, I wouldn't say that, but it's like getting too overboard or something," smoothly spoke Isshiki, "Like when my classmates gather around, they keep poking at me and stuff. So like, I think this way is the same way or something~"
I could tell immediately that Isshiki was tip-toeing around the heart of the matter. That shrewdness of hers, coupled with her advantageous position in contact with the upper hierarchs, would easily earn her enemies, especially (or possibly even exclusively) among the girls. Just like in some of my own cases, the root cause must have been envy.
Isshiki chuckled lightly as if it wasn't a big deal. This, too, was calculated. Unfortunately, if she was going to act like that, to try and use her charms even on us, then she would not get any of my sympathies.
Yuigahama asked, "Can you just randomly get into running for candidacy like that?"
Hiratsuka spoke in exasperation, "When the candidacy papers were turned in, the person in charge didn't actually confirm it..."
"Erg... If only we election administrators were more alert," groaned Shiromeguri as she hung her head.
Hiratsuka comforted her, "Well, no one would expect someone to do something like this as a prank. It'd be a little cruel to be blaming the election administration now, wouldn't it?"
Envy was seductive. At times, it could seduce whole hordes of people and tempt them to do something that would even overturn the conventions. As long as the lust for revenge was satisfied, even the nonsensical could become possible.
"We even made sure to check the endorsement list too, though," sullenly added Shiromeguri.
Hikigaya tilted his head and said, "Endorsement list?"
"Uh huh. To run as a candidate, you need a certain number of endorsement signatures, and that was satisfied too."
I said in amazement, "Still, this is rather complicated. I believe you needed more than thirty signatures to be qualified."
It was to the point of being scary. The collusion of such a high number of people likely for the sake of bringing down Isshiki was bone-chilling. Isshiki probably felt that everyone was against her. There was no way she actually passed it off as a mere prank.
"That much? I'm surprised they managed to get that much," croaked Yuigahama.
Hiratsuka confirmed, "Of course, we checked it over with the students. Fortunately or unfortunately, all thirty names were authentic."
Hikigaya spat, "Writing their actual names on there, are they idiots or what?"
Hiratsuka shrugged and bitterly responded, "They likely didn't think it'd turn into something important. A deficiency in their imagination, I suppose."
Hatred and malice could cloud and deceive. They would cause a person to ignore all else in their single-minded pursuit for retribution. This deception would become their excuse for acting.
Isshiki and Hiratsuka then talked about how Isshiki's homeroom teacher was strangely stubbornly supportive of Isshiki's run for the president. That also added another layer of difficulty. The weight of a teacher's words rivalled that of the support of the thirty signatures. Even if Isshiki did nothing, with all of this support, she would probably win.
"Then, I guess withdrawing your candidacy might be a little too difficult then," bitterly spoke Hikigaya.
"Uh huh... So, now we're just wondering if we can withdraw at all," said Shiromeguri with a sigh.
In the first place, a candidate wanting to withdraw was an incredibly unusual event. After all, it took significant effort to reach the status of candidacy. Throwing it all away was normally out of the question. It was like embarking on a treasure hunt, then refusing to open the chest after digging it up.
I would not be surprised if the school legislature did not account for such an event. Actually, that might be it.
"Regarding the withdrawal of the candidacy, is it because there isn't anything officially written about it in the election rules?" I questioned Shiromeguri.
"Yukinoshita, you sure know your stuff. That's right, there's nothing written about it in the first place," she lamented.
Yuigahama suggested, "Ah, wouldn't it be enough to say that she can't become the student council president because she's a first year?"
"It wouldn't."
"Eh? Why not?"
Yuigahama was making an erroneous assumption. She must have observed mainly second year students running for president. Unfortunately, repeated observation could only suggest a certain cause or restriction; it was not sufficient evidence.
"That's not in the rules either," explained Shiromeguri, "There aren't any restrictions written down about second years only for student council president."
"Basically, student council presidents tended to be second years out of custom," I added to that.
It could not even be said to be an unwritten rule. Unwritten rules would be looked down upon if broken; there would still be somewhat significant consequences. Isshiki's run for president itself was not wrong in any way, as seen by the support of the teacher and the lack of criticism.
Officially, it was not wrong. Unofficially, it was also not wrong. That removed the option of Isshiki escaping candidacy by disqualification.
Hikigaya looked away from Isshiki and everyone else. His eyes were directed toward the floor, but I could tell that they weren't focused on anything in particular. The fact that he was erasing his attention of everything else, shutting them out, meant that there was only one presence remaining in his mind — himself.
Within that secluded mental landscape of his, his eyes became hard, and his mouth morphed into various shapes. He was considering something. He was passing every option available to him through filters of deceitfulness, dreadfulness, and terribleness to gauge their overall effectiveness.
Finally, he nodded to himself. He determinedly looked up toward Isshiki Iroha and Shiromeguri Meguri to reveal to them his method that was set in stone.
"If she doesn't want to do it, then she can just lose the election," firmly proposed Hikigaya, "Actually, that's the only way."
Shiromeguri dropped her eyes and said, "Umm... Actually, the only one running in the election is Isshiki so—"
"So that means a vote of confidence," I interrupted, glaring at Hikigaya.
"Right, so it's pretty much set in stone..." said Shiromeguri with a sigh.
As far as I was aware of, I had not heard of anything particularly bad about the current candidate for president. Therefore, with the lack of competition, Isshiki's victory was guaranteed, as long as there was no reason for the students to believe that Isshiki was irresponsible. That is, she would definitely win the vote of confidence.
"Well, if it's just losing, there is a way to do it," started Hikigaya.
Isshiki quickly interrupted, "Like, wait a second, losing a vote of confidence would be supeeeer lame! I mean, a vote of confidence is just lame in the first place... That's too embarrassing. No way!"
Isshiki's outburst was not unwarranted. Sly Isshiki was definitely concerned about her public image, but even for a person who did not particularly mind their image, to be thought of as unreliable would not be good.
Hikigaya, again, thought for a moment. He was finalizing his cruel tricks and traps.
Still dissatisfied with something, Hikigaya asked about some final details, "Only the names of the candidates will be announced, right? Not the endorsers at all."
Shiromeguri replied in a confused tone, "Eh? Yes, that's right."
Turning to Isshiki, he continued asking, "Isshiki, do you have a person to give your campaign speech yet?"
"No..."
That did it. His cruelty was completed.
"In that case," — The mastermind unhesitatingly moved his plan forward — "There's one quick and easy method."
"Um, what do you mean?" hesitatingly asked Yuigahama.
"Like I said before, we need to make Isshiki lose the election. In the worst-case scenario, she can just get a vote of no confidence, as long as she doesn't get hurt or lose face in the process. That should be fine. In other words, if they understand that she lost for a reason that was out of her control, that it wasn't her fault, then that should be enough."
Yuigahama asked slowly, as if she her very words were corrosive, "Can you really... Can you really do that?"
Yuigahama's expression was locked with utter pain, with eyes widened in blank astonishment. She was frozen like that, as if a single small motion will upset some balance and toss something into motion again.
"If the campaign speech serves as the reason for her loss, then Isshiki won't be the centre of attention."
Hikigaya continued speaking smoothly until he noticed Yuigahama's state. He swallowed the rest of his words.
Silence encumbered us. Yuigahama's pupils quivered as if they were unsteady, shaking barriers holding back a flow of tears. Hikigaya hesitated.
The three of us were thinking of the same thing. It would become a repetition of that day in the bamboo forest.
Therefore, my reaction to this was clear. This deceit, this maliciousness was out of the question. Hikigaya had proceeded before without letting us know. This time was different.
"I can't agree with that kind of method," I declared.
With raised eyebrows, Hikigaya muttered, "Your reason being?"
"It's—"
—Because I detest it. But I couldn't say that. A statement of my own feelings would never convince this monster of logic. I needed to say something solid.
I resumed, "It's because it's not guaranteed. It's not absolutely certain that she will receive a vote of no confidence. And, you'll definitely cause problems for Isshiki-san with a botched campaign speech. And, even if she loses, will it even be feasible to run another election? Even if there was never such a precedence in the past? And... And also, there was never much interest in the student council in the first place. They won't care if we don't properly announce the vote tallies and announced the results that we wanted. In other words, if there's enough people willing, it can easily be done. See! There's a number of different methods that can be done if we—"
I rattled on until I noticed the bewildered stares all around me, which shut me up. It took me a moment to realize that all that I had spewed from my mouth was nonsense. Realizing exactly what I had done and knowing what kind of thing caused it, my entire being felt unsteady.
Hiratsuka gazed at me kindly and said one word.
"Yukinoshita."
"...That was rude of me. I'll take that back."
Shiromeguri lightly shook her head, but also with a smile. Shiromeguri's and Hiratsuka's kind reprimands pained me.
How deplorable of me. I was trying so hard to denounce Hikigaya's methods that I even began suggesting alternate, yet similarly undesirable methods. How nonsensical. How illogical. How shocking.
"Hey, about that speech, who's going to do it?" Yuigahama barely voiced, "I don't think I really like that."
I could not see Yuigahama's expression, for her head was bowed so low that it was about to contact the table.
"That's— Anyone that's able seems fine to me."
Hikigaya altered his words mid-sentence. It was clear that he was about to suggest himself, but changed the meaning a bit at the last second. Yet, it did not serve its purpose, for, among the three of us, only one person would approve of such methods.
I hated deception. I hated his methods that were full of deception. I thought that over and over as if it were a charm, to remind myself that I would never approve of his methods. I never thought that I would act so irrationally.
Up until now, we have always relied on Hikigaya's ways. We had no alternatives. Yuigahama and I were always at a loss. No, it was that we did not try hard enough. We had no alternatives because we discarded them immediately upon learning of Hikigaya's perspective on it.
How I unquestioningly went along with everything this whole time was exactly like how it was in the past. If it was like that, then it was as if I had no ambition, no power in the first place.
Therefore—
Therefore, this time, I will not rely on him. If I disapproved of his methods, why must I see them through to the end? Why must I discard the alternatives. No, this time I will use those alternatives. I will do the thing that I had only done a few times in the beginning, the thing that I should have kept doing up until now.
"Shiromeguri. In the case where Isshiki-san withdraws from the position, another candidate will be needed, correct?" I inquired.
"Yes, that's right," she confirmed.
I let out a short sigh, expelling any qualms I had, any lingering thoughts of leaving it up to Hikigaya.
Isshiki will have to lose. I had no problems with that result. As I have thought over and over to myself this past day, and since the end of the field trip, the problem was with the method. If Hikigaya's methods were detestable, then the method of the one who was opposed to his methods would surely be the correct one. Such a method would be that of my own.
"Then, the only thing left is to find another candidate and support him so he can win the election," I proposed.
Hikigaya's methods would cause Isshiki to lose by defacing her reputation and would result in a loss for the school since there would be a lack of a president, a lose-lose situation. What I proposed would not only allow Isshiki to retain her reputation through "putting up a good fight", but also allow the election to succeed in nominating a president. It would be a win-win situation.
Yuigahama brightened up, looking pleased with my suggestion.
However, Hikigaya dissented with my plan.
"If there was someone raring to go with the position, then they should have been candidates already. There's clearly something wrong there. Don't tell me you're going to talk to people one-by-one for their support?"
Yuigahama wealky voiced, "But, um, if we just talk to the people who'd help us out, then—"
He cut her off, "Fine. So, let's just say that we did find someone willing for the position. But can that person win against this first year here? I'm sure you're already aware, but high school student council elections are essentially popularity votes. Where are you going to find another person that's both popular enough and willing to become president? Another thing. Before the day of the election, there are things like picking cabinet members, promoting the damn campaign, and doing a bunch of other annoying election stuff. Do you actually think that you can do all of that by then? Like hell. You even need to do it all with the intention of going for gold too, you know? If you have something realistic in mind, then by all means. But given our crappy situation, I don't see what it as being possible at all."
Halfway through, Hikigaya's tone transitioned to a highly irritated one. His mouth was contorted, and his fists grinded the top of the table. He looked absolutely terrifying.
Shiromeguri had a hand over her mouth gaping mouth. Isshiki sighed in pure annoyance.
Yuigahama was fully paralyzed. Yet, her fragile, agony-stricken face looked as if it would shatter at any moment.
My ability to form words was temporarily sealed. I felt like I had endured a beating.
It was just—
I had glimpsed something that I thought that I should not have seen.
That thought lasted only a moment. I forcibly brought back my previous resolve as to not let it deteriorate.
As if on cue, Hiratsuka, who was leaning on the wall, sprung forward and cheerfully spoke, "Doesn't look like we're getting a solution any time soon."
We were not going to reach an answer today. Hikigaya and I disagreed with each other. We needed to settle this first.
"Shiromeguri, could you come back another time?" I said briefly.
"Eh, ah, okay... Sure, no problem."
Hiratsuka ushered Isshiki and Shiromeguri out of the room. Just before she, herself, was about to step out, I called out to her.
"Hiratsuka-sensei, do you have a moment?" I calmly spoke.
I had an idea of how to settle this. It involved what Hiratsuka had originally intended us to do. However, that purpose was gradually lost by the wayside as our club began to change in an unfortunate direction.
Seeing my serious expression, she complied, "Okay then, let's hear what you have to say."
Hiratsuka helped herself to a seat. Yuigahama and Hikigaya adjusted their seats to properly face her as well as me.
What Yukinoshita Yukino should have been doing will now be resumed.
"There was something that I just remembered."
At the very beginning, after Hikigaya had just joined the club, we entered a competition. The competition would prove which one of us was superior. It would allow us to show directly which one of us was wrong and which one of us was right.
We were beyond the point where mere words can settle this. I needed to show Hikigaya, through action, that his methods were unacceptable.
"Has there been a clear winner so far?" I asked Hiratsuka.
"Winner?"
Hiratsuka blinked in confusion. Yuigahama looked like she had no clue what I was speaking of. Hikigaya was also confused for a moment, but then he realized it.
"Um... winner?" muttered Yuigahama.
Hikigaya explained, "It's a match of who can serve people the best or, in other words, who can solve the most problems of others. It doesn't matter who you ask for help in accomplishing the objective. And, if you win, the other person has to do whatever you want them to."
I was never interested in the prize. From the start, I only wanted to peg down Hikigaya's arrogance, to make him realize that he needed to change his ways.
"There was something like that..." spoke Yuigahama in utter surprise.
Hiratsuka looked even more flustered than Yuigahama, as if she had made a mistake.
"I-I wonder huh. W-Well, you know, you guys have been working hard together for the requests and all. Yep. Everyone's doing a nice job, yep."
We have been putting aside the contest for a long time, especially as we worked together, rather than against each other. Though I did not like to leave things unfinished, more importantly, the contest was necessary to sort out Isshiki's request.
I stared hard at Hiratsuka to let her know that there was no sidestepping this.
She sighed in response. She collected her thoughts and began speaking solemnly and seriously like she should have done so in the first place.
"Aside from the first task, you guys have been doing things that I wasn't aware of. Strictly speaking, I'm a little reluctant to give you a proper judgement right now. It's just..."
I urged her to continue, "It's just?"
"My bias and my own personal judgement," brazenly said Hiratsuka, "They will be a part of what I have to say. Essentially, the judgements will be based on my personal and relative opinion on you three alone with no standard of comparison. If you're fine with that, then..."
"I don't mind," I immediately replied.
I had accepted this contest knowing that there would be many problems in the judging process since it was initially casual. However, even though the circumstances have changed, I did not intend to dispute the nature of the contest which I had contracted myself to.
Besides, there was no other person, other than Hiratsuka, who could judge us. No other teacher was as nosy. She had forced Hikigaya and me together all this time. It was part of her responsibilities to see this through.
"You two are fine with that as well, right?" I asked them.
Hikigaya nodded firmly. Still bewildered, Yuigahama had no choice but to nod.
Hiratsuka declared her judgements, "If we consider results alone, then Hikigaya is one step ahead of the rest of you. If we consider the process and what happens afterwards, then Yukinoshita is ahead. Though, there were also other things that wouldn't have happened if it weren't for Yuigahama's contribution, but..."
Hiratsuka trailed off as if she had run out of things to say. It was a sign of indecisiveness. It was a sign of a stalemate in the competition.
"So that means the match hasn't been decided yet," I stated.
"That's what it comes down to," confirmed Hiratsuka.
It would have been easier had I been more decisively ahead of Hikigaya. No matter. What I needed to do did not change in the slightest.
I readjusted my seating position until I was facing Hiratsuka completely, without a single angular degree of deviation.
"If the match is still ongoing, then there won't be a problem with our opinions being divided this time, correct?"
Yuigahama asked uneasily, "Um, what do you mean?"
I turned my head towards her and, trying my best to keep Hikigaya out of the periphery of my vision, clarified to her, "It means that him and I aren't required to do things the same way."
The normal was not cooperation. Our cooperation so far was the abnormal.
The contest would give me the final push needed to distance myself from Hikigaya's methods. It would give me a reason to use the alternatives. It would force me to put my all into using my own methods and would completely remove any hesitation, any temptation to leave it up to another.
He and I were always alone. That was normal. It became abnormal when we were forced to associate with each other. Along the way, I had become complacent with something, even finding it comfortable. I began losing sight of the sureness, truth, and confidence that I strove for as I felt that I was stepping away from aloneness.
I was returning.
"Well, that seems right. There isn't any point in trying to force ourselves to cooperate if it's not necessary," Hikigaya spoke with a low voice.
"...Yes." I said, still not looking at him.
Hiratsuka appeared conflicted over what I said, as if she had anticipated the outcome of her words. After a few moments, she resignedly sighed.
"You guys... guess there's no helping it. You guys should do as you please, then."
That settled it. We were now divided. What Hikigaya was going to do was none of my concern. Rather, I will make sure that what he does is of little concern.
"Until the request is solved, what about the club?" inquired Hiratsuka.
There was no point in opposing parties to be occupying the same space. It would inhibit the progress of us both.
With something renewed, I turned toward Hikigaya and announced, "You have the freedom to come to the club if you like."
"...Well, that's the correct decision," commented Hiratsuka.
Hikigaya nodded. He grabbed his bag and stood up. His stubbornness was satiated. Whatever he was trying to tell us had been communicated fully. And, he accepted the division without hesitation.
"I'll be heading home then."
Yuigahama noisily stood up as well and tried to stop him, "Ah, w-wait a second!"
Hikigaya stopped her with a glare and said, "You should think about what you should do too."
That's right. I had allowed a division to occur not just between me and Hikigaya, but also between us and Yuigahama.
Yet, I knew for certain that Yuigahama shared the same dissatisfaction as me with regards to Hikigaya. She will be likely supporting me rather than him.
But, as I looked at the motionless Yuigahama who looked like she was about to cry, I felt a small, though nonetheless, splitting regret.
Without another word, Hikigaya briskly turned around and headed for the door. His back told us that he had already decided what to do, that he was fine with it, and that nothing could change his mind.
No matter what, Hikigaya Hachiman will not change.
Even though I had disagreed with him that on his point that change was self-denial, I had thought that his self-confidence was admirable. I thought that he would never lie or deceive. Because he strongly believed in himself, I had thought that he held such things as worthless.
It turned out that we were not looking at the same things. What I firmly rejected, he fully tolerated. What I denied, he accepted as natural.
"I thought that we were both supposed to have hated superficiality more than anything..."
Those words left my lips and dissipated into the air. Whether or not they reached the ears of Hikigaya, he simply gave me a final gaze devoid of reproach, yet also devoid of warmth. He silently shut the door and disappeared.
The unclaimed tea in the teapot amounted to the volume of one paper cup.
The teacher left the room after giving us a sad, but understanding smile.
The normally boisterous girl whimpered.
The icy girl was, once again, neither understood, nor could she understand.
And, the ones who had claimed that clubroom as theirs returned to the path they once followed. This time, there was no turning back.
