Numb
by thepeacockandthebutterfly
She didn't quite remember what had happened when she got home. A feeling of overwhelming guilt had washed over her, drowning her in an ocean of her own mistakes and missteps. She was lost in the deep sea, finding herself wondering how the sun could make the water so blue and endless, and yet the storm turned the water black and angry. Swallowing any in its way.
"I'm sorry, Chat," she whispered, but her kitty didn't hear her. Her hands reached out, grasping for someone that was out of reach. Holding on to the thin strand of hope that everything was not ruined. Clenching her eyes shut alleviated the misery rolling in the pit of her stomach, but she knew the moment she opened her eyes the nightmares would come back.
-Flashback-
She fell to the ground as Adrien walked away, holding her shattered pieces together as if they would somehow fix.
"Why?" she whispered. But as the anguish deep within her heart swelled, so did her voice. "WHY?" she cried into the deep, bitter heart of her oppression.
She didn't know if Adrien had heard her, but she could feel something akin to satisfaction when he paused in his walk away from her. A tiny misstep, the slightest hesitation. Something showed that he did not want to walk away as much as he said he did.
Something inside her darkened then, opening her eyes to the horrible truths of life. Reality was unjust. Death was a comfort.
Love was a lie.
He was far away, in another house, in another life. The mask which gave him freedom felt too much like a burden now. He had never felt more alone.
His voice was hoarse when he finally spoke, cracked from the tears that had been dripping down his cheeks for what seemed like an eternity. Scratched by the cries of agonized rejection that poured from his throat.
A drip. A drop. Drip. Drop. Blue eyes. Drip. Drop. Blossoming red. Drip. Drop. Drip. Purple butterflies. Drip. Drop. Drip. Drop.
"Why did I let it all fall so far apart?"
-Flashback-
His lady had left in a flash of red, soaring through the sky like the bug she was named after. A scarlet blur against the dark night sky. It drew his eyes, the emerald orbs lingering on where she had been before moving to where she was and then repeating.
And now, blue eyes stared at him. Eyes that captivated him just like the red-clad heroine who had so recently left him to cry in the streets.
"Will you be my girlfriend?" he suddenly found himself asking. It wasn't revenge. It wasn't irony. It wasn't an attempt to vent his bitterness on the girl before him who so greatly resembled Ladybug.
At least that's what he told himself.
Black leather suit glinted in the fluorescent lights adorning the lampposts that illuminated the cobblestone sidewalks. He didn't glance down, finding himself speeding to a house he knew well.
The smells of fresh cookies drew him in, pulling him in and holding him tightly. He peered in through a window to watch his Princess.
She was lying on her bed, face buried in her pillow. Her shoulders shook, and Chat felt a bolt of guilt pierce him. He didn't want to think that he had caused that. He didn't want to be the reason that this sweet, kind girl was crying.
She sat up, bloodshot eyes staring unfocused into the distance. Until they turned and met his curious orbs. She didn't smile, the corners of her lips didn't even move to quirk upward. They stayed set in a firm line.
Chat flung himself away from the window, not wanting to stay locked in the horrible pull of those broken eyes. He stared at the claw-tipped fingers of his gloves, not knowing what to do next. He didn't want to admit it, but he was lost. Lost in the past. Lost in the pain.
Maybe he was broken too.
A/N: Sometimes the pain we inflict on others is really pain that we feel ourselves. Cold and bitter but candid.
