CH. TWO
"Liv!" "Sir, you'll have to wait"
Everything has blurred into one. I had the blood of William Lewis on my face, my clothes, my life. I would say his brains, but that would be a lie. I had spent the last couple of hours being examined. As I was poked and prodded they would flood my already full mind with questions. "What is your blood type?" Although my body had escaped the granary I could not force my mind to. Normally when I have to send myself to a happy place I think of my mother, before she started drinking, at least in front of me. I can't send myself there now, I am more like her than I've ever been. I don't want to think about what she would be saying to me if she were here. "Detective?" I snapped out of my thoughts but only for a moment. "It's Sergeant now." "Right, sorry. Now what is..." I faded away again. A male nurse came in to fix my nose and I flipped out. I know he is only guilty of being of the male gender but I couldn't stand to be around any man now, except my partner. Where the hell was he? He would be here by now I know it. "Sir only family is allowed in at this- "Screw you, she is family!" Nick shouted as he pushed by the doctor. He must have heard me flip my shit on the guy nurse. "Liv!" "Hey, where are you liv, come back down to earth." My masculine other half said. I would say I'm fine, but Nick out of all people would know how big of a lie that would be. Even with blood all over my face I would give him that bullshit, but he wouldn't pick it up. I was so overwhelmed I couldn't speak and when he put his arm around me I lost it. I couldn't hold it in anymore and at the touch of Nick Amaro I melted. Once the first tear rolled off my cheek, they would not stop. All my life I had always been alone. Always, even with my mother around.
It feels like everything that I ever had has come crashing down around me and all I can do is watch. My independent life without a single lasting relationship wasn't much but it was something. That was taken from me. "Liv?" I will never be the same, I am forever changed. The sense of safety that I previously had was taken from me. My safety relied on a gun, when that was so easily taken from me I had nothing. Fighting only worked for a little while, what normally got me far was worthless at the hands of Lewis. "Olivia" "Hey, listen to me, you are safe, Lewis can never hurt you or anyone else ever again." "You hear me?" "Never again" The supportive words of my second partner finally break through my fog. "Yeah, I hear you. I just hope you are right." I said. I wouldn't look him in the eyes, I couldn't, I was too ashamed. Here I am Sergeant Olivia Benson of the NYPD who has the training to kick ass and I can't even protect myself. Why is society so screwed up? Why is it that when something so horrific and heinous happens, the victim is blamed, ashamed and pitied? It should be the other way around. All of the low life rapists, whether they are rotting in prison or not, most likely not, they should be the ones society looks down on, not us. Us.
Then the dumb ass nurse comes in next and asks Nick to leave. This woman is a bottle blonde with brown extensions. Her scrubs are about two sizes too small. Her nails were done like she's from jersey or something. I'm guessing she's trying to make herself look younger, but it wasn't working. She is the only one I actually paid attention to. With a clipboard in hand she asks, "You ready for your kit?" What kind of question was that? Does she really think anyone could ever be ready for that? "I don't need one" I assured her. "Were you raped?" I didn't want to admit it to anyone especially her. I hadn't even admitted it to myself yet. I really didn't want to say it out loud. "I don't have all day honey. I was told to get you ready. It doesn't matter if you were raped or just got down with the wrong guy, it's the same thing and I get off in- "You dumb bitch!" I started shouting and Nick came running into the room. "Sex is made out of love, or a want for love and rape is made out of hate! If you think they are the same thing you obviously haven't experienced either!" I spouted off as my partner stood instinctively between us. I was angry, mostly because of Lewis but she got the hot end of the match and I blew up on her. She was my release. I went to sit down when she decided she could speak. "I guess that answers my question!" Nick got to her before I could a persuaded her to the door. "You better get out before she does something only one of you will regret".
After Nick assured that the broad wasn't worth my time, the real doctors came. They cleaned me up and took some blood work. I finally got his blood off of my face, but after being there for hours it had found its way into my pores. Just invading my skin like everything else. More DNA from Lewis was in and on my body. "Olivia?" the doctor said gaining my attention. "We will be seeing you in a couple of weeks about your nose. By then the blood work should be ready, and we will give you their results." "Okay" All I cared about was getting home and washing what's left of William Lewis off of me.
Nick drove me home. "Where's Cassidy? Do you want me to call him?" I didn't feel like going down that road right now. Of course I would be alone right now, Brian always had impeccable timing. I really just needed to be alone, about as much as I needed Nick to stay. "He will be home soon, must be a long night for him, I know mine was." I said to cover up a lie. "He's such an ass! To not come to your side when you need him the most? Some man he is!" Nick said with aggravation. "Look Nick, he'll be home soon, I'm really tired, I could use a little time away from him before he gets home, I'll be fi- I'll be okay." He agreed that we both could use time from Cassidy. He left hesitantly after he checked all the locks and all the windows.
I ran the coldest water possible in my bath tub and peeled my clothes off. My nude body revealed old and fresh wounds from Lewis. Scars from cuts and stitches. I had bruises on my neck and breasts where he grabbed me and on my stomach and legs from the table. My wrists looked like someone of a suicidal tendency had cut them from the numerous times I had been restrained by handcuffs. There was a huge bump on my nose underneath the bandages. Many things were swollen. I looked in the mirror and felt disgusted. I was sick of what I had become, what I let myself become. Part of me wanted to cut my hair again, like last time, but I don't want him to control what my hair looks like, not again.
I sank into the tub and stared at the ceiling because it was better than what I saw when I closed my eyes. Everything was sore and damaged, physically, mentally, and emotionally and there was nothing I could do but take it all in. Once the water started to warm and I started to prune I decided to get out. I put on the lightest thing I could find. Anything that touched my raw skin almost reduced me to tears. I'm ashamed of crying in front of Nick. I never meant for him to see me like that, but I couldn't take it anymore. I had to let something out. There's only so much that a person, even someone like me, can take before we reach our emotional break point. At least mine wasn't in front of him. I laid down on my bed and stared at the ceiling because that's all I could do to get away from my thoughts.
This is going to be a long, long night.
Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this story! Please review and pass on to others. I'm sorry if it was too short, but there was a slight break in the story that I thought I should take before moving along. I really appreciate any reviews as this is my first time writing fan fiction. I'll respect any opinion, because it's better than no opinion.
