Apologies for taking so long in getting this chapter out (I'm sure you're used to it by now, and I apologise for that as well). I only have a vague plan for the next chapter so I can't promise the next one will come out any quicker, but I will do my best! I hope you all enjoy this one though :)
Nick tapped his fingers against the steering wheel nervously. He was less than ten minutes away from Jeff, from picking him up and taking him home for good. It was something he'd dreamed of happening but now that the moment was almost upon him, Nick was panicking. What if things didn't work out? He wasn't sure he'd be able to live with himself if he messed this up. He'd been waiting years for the chance to be with Jeff but maybe the dark, niggling thoughts lurking in the back of his mind were right – he was taking things too fast, he hadn't seen Jeff in years, who knew if a relationship between them would ever work?
The thoughts had been pressing at him since he'd come down off his high at seeing Jeff again. He'd tried to ignore them, but the closer he drove the harder it was. And another side was also pushing at him – a side that was terrified that when he saw Jeff again, he'd be rejected. Maybe in the last few days Jeff had decided that this was all a horrible idea and he'd call the whole thing off.
Nick gripped the steering wheel more tightly. He was being stupid. He'd spoken to the blonde half an hour ago and he'd been excited to see him. It didn't matter that he hadn't been with Jeff the past two years – they loved each other. They'd make it work. That thought was enough to calm him and sooner than he thought he was turning into Jeff's street.
His heart began to race again as he pulled up outside the right building. It took him a few moments to relax himself again, think of how Jeff had told him he loved him before he could get out of the car, and by the time he did Jeff was already there.
Nick couldn't help himself – he grinned and stepped forward to hug him. The blonde returned the smile and threw his arms around him, holding him tightly. A second later they pulled back and Jeff dived in for a kiss. It was only then that Nick allowed himself to believe that everything would be okay. He smiled into the kiss and wrapped his arms around the blonde's waist, lifting him off the ground a little.
When they broke apart, Nick saw Sebastian over Jeff's shoulder, standing in the doorway and looking away in an attempt to give them some space. There were a few bags at his feet and one over his shoulder. He leaned on the doorframe and flicked his gaze up – when he realised the pair had stopped and Nick was looking at him, he pushed himself off and tried to smile.
"Are you ready?" Nick asked, looking between Sebastian and Jeff. The blonde still in his arms nodded. "Yeah, we've sorted everything out."
"Ready whenever you are," Sebastian said.
"Great. Jeff, could you put all your stuff in the car? I just want to talk to Sebastian for a sec."
Jeff smiled and nodded. "Sure." Once he'd grabbed the bags and moved away from the door, Nick stepped up close and spoke, keeping his voice low. "Are you still planning on disappearing?"
The man shrugged. "Yeah. It's what's best."
Nick shook his head. "I really don't think it is – not for you or Jeff."
"Don't you start worrying about me," Sebastian replied dismissively "And Jeff doesn't need me holding him back. He has you now; he's moving on."
The brunette opened his mouth to argue but Sebastian waved a hand to silence him. "Just treat him well. He deserves that. Besides, if you don't, I'll kill you."
There wasn't the slightest hint of humour in his voice. Nick nodded. "I know."
He looked back over his shoulder and saw Jeff leaning against the car waiting for them. He smiled and met Sebastian's gaze again.
"Ready?"
Sebastian rolled his eyes and walked over to the car without replying. He slid into the back seat as Nick followed him over, waiting until Jeff was in the passenger seat before getting in himself. He started the car again and with a quick glance at Jeff, who couldn't contain his grin, he began the trip home.
Nothing could quite prepare Nick for the rush he felt as he unlocked and opened the front door of his house. Because it wasn't his house anymore. He was sharing it with Jeff now, and he couldn't stop himself from grinning as he let the blonde and Sebastian enter first. He shut the door behind them and watched as Jeff turned back and smiled shyly at him, gripping the strap of his messenger back.
"Everything looks the same."
"I suppose I haven't really needed to change anything," Nick replied. Then he turned to Sebastian and said, "It's all been short notice, so I've only got the couch for you to sleep on. But I've got a spare room with my photography stuff in it – I can start clearing that out tomorrow–"
Sebastian shook his head and interrupted. "The couch is fine." The pointed look Nick got told him the rest of what the other wanted to say. I'm not going to be staying long.
For a short moment there was an awkward silence, until Sebastian cleared his throat and said, "I think I'm going to go for a walk. Leave you two to… sort things out." He shot Jeff a wink, making the blonde roll his eyes. Then he left his bag tucked away in the corner and sauntered out the front door.
Nick met Jeff's eyes. Jeff looked away for a moment, then back again, and chuckled. Nick laughed, and before he knew it he had Jeff in his arms and was kissing him, holding him close. Jeff wrapped his arms around Nick's shoulders and smiled into the kiss. When they broke apart, Nick said quietly, "I'm so glad you're here."
Jeff rested his forehead on Nick's. "So am I."
Nick leaned down and kissed him again. He slid his hands down to Jeff's hips and gently pushed him backwards, through the hallway door and towards the closest piece of furniture he could reach. The back of Jeff's knees hit the edge of the couch and he fell backwards with a laugh, pulling Nick with him. Before the blonde could react, Nick had him pinned with his body and was simultaneously laying kisses down his throat and sliding a hand under his shirt. Jeff's breath shuddered as he tried to speak, a smile still playing on his lips. He wriggle a little in an attempt to escape, which only made Nick hold onto him tighter.
"Nick," Jeff laughed "S-Stop it!"
The brunette paused in the middle of sucking a hickey just above the other's collarbone. He nuzzled at it once, then lifted his head and looked at him with a raised eyebrow.
"Really?" Jeff's rapid breathing and flushed cheeks told him otherwise. Jeff bit his lip and Nick held himself in check.
"Not completely," the blonde said, and his cheeks reddened even more "Just not here."
"Oh?"
"Sebastian will kill me."
For a long moment they just stared at each other, Jeff still biting his lip. And then Nick snorted and dropped his head into the other's shoulder. Jeff shook with laughter beneath him, and it was the most beautiful sound Nick had ever heard. He lifted his head again. If he hadn't already been smiling, he wouldn't have been able to stop himself at the look on Jeff's face. Bright eyed, grinning, and happier than he ever remembered seeing him before.
He got to his feet and in one quick move, slid his hands under Jeff's knees and back and lifted him up. The blonde grabbed hold of him quickly and stared at him in slight amazement.
"Looks like I can still carry you," Nick said as he made his way to the bedroom.
Jeff tilted his head. "When have you ever carried me?"
Nick's smiled faded a little as the memory associated with his words came to mind. An alley, a dumpster, handprints on Jeff's arms. Carrying him to the car, and then into the hospital. He was pulled out of the memory of blood smeared across the other's cheek by a gentle hand on his own. He blinked. Jeff looked at him with concern. He tried to smile.
"Are you okay?"
Nick nodded. "I'm fine." He pushed open the door to the bedroom with his foot and kicked it shut behind him. Jeff shifted until Nick let him down, and then he held the brunette's eye as he opened his mouth to speak. Nick got in first.
"I won't let anyone hurt you. Ever."
Jeff blinked and frowned. After a minute or two, he smiled a little and said, "I know. Do you remember you promised me that two years ago?"
Nick frowned. "No?"
"I'd had a nightmare."
"You had a lot of nightmares."
Jeff sighed and rested his head on the other's chest, wrapping his arms around him loosely. "Yeah I did." He paused. "You kissed me. I asked you to. It was the first time you stayed with me."
Nick hugged him back. "I remember that."
Jeff chuckled. "Of course you do." He paused again. "I never thanked you for that."
"You didn't have to."
"Thank you though."
Nick ran a hand through the blonde's hair and smiled. After a few minutes of silence, just standing there happily, Jeff spoke again. "What brought this up?"
"Hmm?"
"You said you'd never let anyone hurt me. Why'd you bring it up now? What's wrong?"
Nick sighed. "It's nothing."
Jeff looked up at him. Nick bit his lip. He couldn't resist those eyes. He gestured to the bed and Jeff took him up on the offer, pulling Nick with him and curling up with him in his arms. Nick spoke quietly, about delirious ramblings and saving a life in the backseat of his car. Jeff started shaking and Nick stopped to pull Jeff into his arms and against his chest instead. He tried to kiss him but Jeff wouldn't let him. So Nick just held him and told him a different story, followed by another and another – about his job, his friends, his boss, his parents. Eventually, in the middle of telling him about the first time he'd met Hayley – all bounce and spring and joy – Jeff stopped shaking. Nick smiled and rubbed his back. Jeff pushed his face into the brunette's neck.
"I'm sorry," he muttered, barely audible.
"You don't have anything to apologise for."
"I told you I'm not okay." His voice, quiet as it was, sounded choked, and he started trembling again under Nick's hands. Nick pressed the blonde against him firmly with one hand, while the other played with his hair.
"And I told you I don't care. As long as we both want this, I'm not going to let anything stand between us. Not anymore."
Jeff tried to suck in a deep breath but he shuddered halfway through and gave up. His body tightened and tried to curl but Nick didn't let him.
"I'm going to help you. And get you help. And whatever else you need. Because I lo-"
"Don't say it!" Jeff suddenly shouted into the crook of Nick's shoulder, surprising him. Before he could say anything else, Jeff started to babble desperately. "Don't say it, I don't want to remember what he did… what he did to me, what he said, what he made me do, I don't want to remember that, don't make me remember that-"
The blonde kicked out and pushed at Nick's chest until he let go. As soon as he was free he curled into a ball, no longer coherent. His breaths were rapid and choked. Nick's heart pounded as got to his knees and reached out a hand. As soon as he touched Jeff's shoulder the blonde jerked away from him.
"Jeff, it's okay. Just calm down, please." Nick shifted as close as he dared. "No one's going to hurt you. I'm here, remember? I'm not going to let anything happen to you. No one can hurt you anymore."
"Nick, I'm scared," Jeff managed to say between broken breaths.
"I know. You need to breathe, okay? Just breathe, in and out."
He kept his own breathing slow and steady, throwing in encouragement when he saw it was having an effect. Minutes passed and Jeff tried to match the other's pace, slowly uncurling and meeting his gaze with watery eyes. Eventually the shudders subsided and he could sit up, though by the way he was holding himself up Nick could tell he didn't really trust his own body and strength at that point.
"I'm here. You're okay."
"I'm sorry," Jeff hiccupped.
"You don't need to be." He reached out a hand, then paused for a moment. "Is it okay if I touch you?" he asked softly. Jeff gave a single nod, and Nick gently ran his fingers through the blonde's hair.
"We'll figure this out," he said "I'm not giving up on you."
Jeff's eyes suddenly filled with a shine and light Nick hadn't seen before. For a long few moments the blonde stared at him with what he could only describe as an awe-struck expression, before he smiled ever so slightly and whispered, "Thank you."
