Espada Vacation

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach! If I did, I don't really think I'd be writing here… Oh, and Bleach belongs to the almighty Tite Kubo!

Szayel Aporro's POV Chapter Two: Getting to Florida

When we arrived at our destination, I ALMOST had the urge to slap Aizen-sama. We were in KARAKURA TOWN, JAPAN! We're supposed to be in FLORIDA! I had to teach English to the Espada for nothing! We are GOING to Florida weather Aizen-sama plans it or not!

"Why are we in Karakura?" asked Grimmjow. He was sitting in a tree with Ulquiorra's fraccion, Mai Cifer. She wasn't his sister, but with her sky blue hair and turquoise eyes, she could pass as Grimmjow's sister. A rumor is going around that they're dating each other.

"We are flying from here to New York! From there, we will drive to Florida! After that, we stay in a hotel for a day before driving to where to ship is!" said Aizen-sama. We all gave him a crazy look.

"Why the shit are we here? Can't we just open a Garganta and get to this Florida place before the cruise?" asked Nnoitra as he tied his hair into a ponytail.

For once, the spoon used his brain!

"Yes, but I want you and your brothers and sisters to experience more! You don't know much about the modern day world!"

"Because we don't NEED to!" complained Grimmjow as he jumped down from the tree. Mai jumped down also, Grimmjow catching her before setting her down.

"Yeah! I mean, by the time we get there, Starrk will be outta his vacation mood!" yelled Lilynette as she whacked the said Primera who was sleeping on a bench.

Aizen-sama just shrugged before leading us to Karakura International Airport.

~WHEN I SAY SCENE, YOU SAY CHANGE! SCENE!~

I dealt with MANY hard things in my life. Like the time some idiot ate Harribel's golden necklace and she killed him (on accident she says). I had to dissect his body to find it! Another hard time was when Ulquiorra tried to kill me. (He said because I was trash, but that means for no reason)

Instead of getting a first class seat (like the lucky bastards Tousen, Ulquiorra, and Aizen-sama) I had to sit in coach with Grimmjow, Mai, Gin and Nnotira! Do you know how LONG it takes to get from Japan to America?

Well…I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it's between 12 hours to a whole day! And guess what LOVELY surprise was given to me? There was a stupid little kid kicking on the back of my seat! I pushed up my glasses and turned around.

"Look kid, stop kicking my seat! And I'm not in a good mood today so I won't hesitate to tear off your arm!" MAJOR BIGGEST STUPIDEST TRASHIEST MOST IDIOTIC DUMB BRAINED STUPID BASTARD SHITTY DESCION IN MY LIFE!

That kid was Lilynette Ginigerback, Primera Espada! She may not be very strong, but Starrk is protective of her and he sure won't hesitate to kill me if I try to kill her!

"Shut up, pinky! And stop staring at me like that! You're a pedophile aren't ya?" she shouted in my face. Lilynette flicked me in the face before sitting back down and buckling her seat belt. "STARRK! PINKY-SPADA IS A PEDO!"

"WHAT?"

Oh shit…

Starrk got up and grabbed me by the collar. "Don't even THINK about touching Lilynette you sick bastard." And then he punched me in the face. I must have woken him up from a nappy-nap.

"HOLY HELL THAT HURTS!" I screeched…like a girl…

"Will you shut up, pinky? Starrk's trying to sleep!" yelled Lilynette as she stuck out her tongue again. THAT BRAT IS SO ANNOYING!

"Hey, Pinky, stop your girl chat and help me with something!" said Nnoitra as he grabbed my shirt and pulled me down. "I dunno how to work this shit!" He pointed at the seat belt.

"Really? LILYNETTE can use one with no help at all! And YOU the 'great Nnoitra Jiruga, Quinta Espada'!" I said as I unbuckled my own belt before redoing it to show the stupid spoon. He grinned at himself when he got it himself, Gin and Grimmjow laughed to themselves at the stupidity.

~SCENE~CHANGE~

"YOU BLINKED YOU BASTARD!" yelled Nnoitra as he jabbed his finger at Ichimaru.

"NUH-UH! Yer cheatin'! Yer only half-blinkin!" argued Gin as he grinned a bit more. Which I don't see how… I wonder if his face ever hurts from doing that so much…

Sighing, I looked to see what Grimmjow and Mai were doing.

"But I swear, it was an accident!" he said as she rolled her eyes.

"Yeah right! You were moving too much to be asleep! Now stop trying to 'accidentally roll into my lap' when you're 'asleep'!" yelled Mai as she turned over to face Harribel who was sitting across the aisle. I guess that rumor about those two going out aren't true…

"Hey, Szayel, you're smart, right?" he asked. I pushed up my glasses slightly before pulling out a book from my carry on bag.

This was what sucked about sitting in the middle. Nnoitra and Gin, than me, than Grimmjow and Mai. I had to deal with their constant arguing ALL THE FREAKING TIME! Why can't I sit with Harribel? She's intelligent and doesn't act like a dumb ass!

I nodded. I could just sense Grimmjow's grin. He elbowed me a bit. "Can ya help with somethin' than?" he asked. I shrugged, waiting for Grimmjow to tell me what he wanted me to help him with.

Well, I knew Grimmjow was smart, not the smartest (because that was me) but still pretty smart. Apparently, he didn't realize what a shrug meant. I figured this out when he tore the book from my hands.

"Well, are ya?" he asked. Glaring at him, he threw my book back.

"Depends. What am I supposed to help you with?" The light blue haired Sexta grinned in his creepy way. I have him a questioning look as he jerked his thumb, pointing behind him. I looked over his shoulder to see Harribel talking to Mai about something involving how men could be idiots.

"You want me to…help you with something involving Harribel? Grimmjow, I'm sure you are well aware of this, but she is three ranks higher than you and five ranks higher than I. She'll kill us. Take Nnoitra for example, he has trouble going 'number one'. Heck, he may not be able to have children." I laughed to myself at the possibility. Jiruga couldn't parent to save his life and rank. He would make a HORRIBLE parent. Even worse than Ilforte back when we were Arrancar children.

"No, no, no! I thought you were smart!" he said as he ran a hand through his hair. Some of his bangs fell over his face again. "I was pointing at Mai. I want you to help me convince her to go on a date with me." I laughed a bit at this. If you ever see them together for more than half an hour (like my brother Ilforte) you could tell they weren't exactly the most romantic couple.

"Yo, bro, Grimmjow, what up?" asked Ilforte as he stood over us from his seat behind us. Lilynette kicked my chair.

"You apparently," said the Sexta.

"Whaddya two talkin' about?"

"Nothing."

"How're you bro? I never see you."

"Good."

"Indeed."

"Well, I'm gonna take a cat nap now, night night," said Grimmjow after our staring contest. (Ilforte lost!) I pulled out my book and started reading it again. It would have been EASY, except that Ilforte's hair was still in my face.

"…Ilforte…"

"Yeah, bro?"

"Go away."

"I feel unloved."

"You are."

"You boost my confidence, dear brother," said Ilforte sarcastically as he grabbed the book from my hands. "Reading something in Latin, I see." He said. I just nodded.

Ilforte backed away a bit with my book. So I decided to do the next best thing. Draw out the blue prints for a new part of my lab! It was going to be magnificent!

"YA SAW 'IM CHEAT, DIDN'T YA PINKY?" yelled Ichimaru as he jabbed a bony finger at me.

"ARG! I CAN'T READ, I CAN'T WORK ON BLUE PRINTS, I CAN'T EVEN SLEEP DAMMIT! WILL YOU ALL SHUT THE FUCK UP?"

"There are CHILDREN on this plane, sir!" said Ilforte as he stood up, pulling Lilynette up in her seat as well.

"He said a naughty word!" she said with a look as if she were frightened.

"Sir, you have to be quiet," said some attendant as they walked by. I glared at the two behind me once she left. They just smiled back. Well, Lilynette, did, but Ilforte suddenly stood up and laughed until it hurt so much that he fell into his seat!

"Bro, this ain't Latin! That's only the title, it's Spanish!" it surprised me because only the Espada and a very small number of Arrancar know Spanish. I never expected Ilforte to be one of them…

"So?" he tried to stop laughing, but only laughed so hard he cried and was rosy cheeked.

"That..hahha! Is…a Spanish…BWAHAHA~!" he laughed again. When he calmed down (even though he was still holding back laughs) he stood up, wiping his tears away. "A Spanish ROMANCE novel! What the hell are you readin' bro?" he laughed AGAIN.

"What? I did not know that!"

"Bro, you were on like chapter 20 or something! I'm on page five!" laughed Ilforte as he dropped the book.

Dear Kami-sama I'll just sleep off this headache and (hopefully) wake up to find that we crashed and Ilforte was dead. Along with every other idiot there was on this plane.

~S IS FOR~~~SZAYEL! BUT ALSO FOR SCENE CHANGE~

"Wake up, bro." What…? Why was Harribel calling me bro? And why did she sound like Ilforte? My dreams are quite screwed up these days…

Suddenly, someone's hand pushed my head until it connected with something HARD.

"OW! WHAT THE FUCK, HARRIBEL?" I screamed at the said female. In reply, she sent a glare at me for ruining her sleep. Huh…so she only hit me in my DREAM, which was really someone in REALITY, bashing my head against the chair in front me…

I heard laughter. Annoying laughter. Laughter that I wish I didn't hear. I also saw blonde hair in my face. When I looked up, I (sadly) saw none other then Ilforte Grantz. My brother (sadly).

"Let me rephrase that," I said as I turned around in my seat after taking off my seatbelt. "Just come closer because my voice is kind of sore." Ilforte did as requested.

"OW! WHAT THE FUCK, ILFORTE?" I screamed in his ear before slapping him across the face. I could tell it was loud by the TWACK that echoed.

Ilforte's head was still turned, his hair covering his face so I couldn't see what his reaction was. But I hoped it hurt! I hope I left a permanent red mark on his face! I hope that mark will sting VERY badly.

I hope it hurts so much that he cries and those tears make tear marks on his face so that he resembles Ulquiorra. I hope I killed his face so that random lower Arrancar stop flirting with him. I hope I killed his dignity so much that he begs me to forgive him.

His shoulders were shaking, so that probably meant he was crying. Good, because he really did deserve it.

But when Ilforte turned to face me, he had tears down his cheeks, except they were from laughing so hard. There was a very faint pink mark on is cheek that was fading from the slap.

I gave him a slight look of amazement.

"What? Expecting me to say 'ow'? Bro, you slap like a GIRL!"

"Hey! Would you like me to slap you?" asked Mai from her seat. Ilforte shrugged with his stupid playful smile on his stupid ugly face that he only stupidly smiles when he's stupidly flirting. He's just a big doo-doo head sometimes. (Yeah, I know, I'm mature)

"Okay, give it a shot, don't hold back. I could tell my little bro wasn't holding back!" Before he could say another word, Mai was up and slapped him across the face, a light twack sounded. Psh, my slap was louder.

"Ow…damn, you slap harder then Szayel…" She sat down, probably unsure if it was a compliment or an insult. "Wow, a girl can hit better then you, bro! No offence, Mai." She just waved it off before getting comfortable and trying to fall asleep.

"DAMN YOU!" I yelled. Mai turned around and glared. "Not you… At Ilforte…damn Ilforte…"

~S~

"I swear if you kick me one more tim-mmph!" That brat Gingerback kicked me in the face!

"You don't tell me what to do!" yelled the blonde haired and pink eyed brat as she aimed another kick. I ducked down. "You're not supposed to dodge!"

"Yes, I AM!"

"I'm telling Aizen-sama!"

"Oh, how mature."

~A bit later~

Aizen-sama said I was being more troublesome then Grimmjow… HOW THE HELL IS THAT POSSIBLE?

So now…I was moved to first class…(Yay!) but I wasn't allowed any of it's luxury (Dammit!). I was sitting between Tousen (who had the aisle seat) and Ulquiorra (who sat next to Aizen-sama, who called the window apparently.

"I cannot believe this. Ilforte took my book! And I was just getting to the part where Maria was about to leave Carlos for Diego!" I complained out loud. Ulquiorra looked over at me.

"Diego dies out of his 'love' for Maria. Carlos tries to get back together with her, but she refuses. That is where the book ends until the sequel comes out," said Ulquiorra in his emo monotone.

"DAMMIT ULQUIORRA YOU RUINED IT FOR ME!" He shrugged. "And how the heck do you know all of that?"

"Aizen-sama started a 'Reading Buddies' between the top four Espada. It was Tia's turn to choose the book," he replied. ARG! That lucky bastard! I'M smart enough to be in the Reading Buddies!

I leaned back in my chair, grumbling about how life is not fair. Some kicked my freakin' chair. And it isn't Lilynette. Being as calm as I can (which is quite hard, my hair is already messed up from the anger), I turned around to see a little British-American boy.

"Mommy! There's a pedophile staring at me!" WHAT? How do I look like a pedophile?

"I didn't do anything! What are you even talking about, kid?" I asked him with a glare. My glasses slid down a bit because of the turbulence and I didn't bother pushing them back up yet.

"Yes he did! Look at the weird pedo-y way his glasses are slid down! See? He should be arrested! He's like Michael Jackson!" said the little boy.

"Shut up! I am NOT like him! Sure, I deserve some fame, but I am not like him! AND I AM NOT A PEDO!"

"Sir, we are going to have to handcuff you and keep you away from the others so you do not bother anyone else," said some 'Air Police'.

This vacation hasn't even started and it already SUCKS!

END CHAPTER!

Yeah…I know; the vacation didn't even start yet…

Next chapter will be the hotel they stay at.

Either Ulquiorra's or Tia's or Grimmjow's POV is next…

Well, please review…