A/N: There's a little bit of swearing in this chapter. It's not too bad though.


Before Ivan had fallen asleep, he had expected the hunger pangs to subside in the morning. Surely, he thought, they wouldn't last forever. He was sure that his stomach was bound to realize that he was limiting his food intake after eating something as meager as an apple, and then not consuming anything for over twelve hours afterwards. He thought that his stomach should've taken the hint by now, but instead, it felt empty, and was cramping. Considering the fact that it was still dark outside, he figured that the pain had become so intense, that it had awoken him quite early that morning.

Ivan glanced over at the clock to find that it was four thirty-eight in the morning. Perhaps that wasn't too early, but he wasn't quite a fan of spending a few hours after he woke up to wait for the sun to rise. Especially if he'd done such a thing for more than three days in a row, as after a while, a lack of sunlight after awaking could be quite depressing. At least he wasn't expecting to be able to spend some quality time with anyone during college. He knew that waking up so early for so many days in a row (as he normally would for a while after accidentally doing it once) would be much more depressing if one was used to being in the presence of others, and had to spend the first hours of their day in silence.

After spending a few moments to stare out the window, in order to observe the beautiful, partly cloudy night sky along with its full moon, Ivan sighed and decided that it would probably be best if he started the day, since he was completely incapable of sleeping any longer than he already had. It was Sunday, and classes wouldn't start until the next day, but Ivan figured that he would rather not waste the first few hours of his day watching the horizon until the sun finally came up. Besides, he really needed to eat something. Not only were his hunger pangs really beginning to bother him, but he'd done some research on how to increase one's metabolism, and found from quite a few sources which suggested that eating something high in fiber during the first hour that he was awake was a wonderful way to increase metabolism. He wasn't sure whether or not this was true, but at the same time, he couldn't see any harm in trying it. Besides, in some sense, it seemed to him as if it could work; not that he was an expert on how to manipulate one's metabolism. After all, fiber does help the stomach digest, which could perhaps help warm up his stomach for the rest of the day, since it also seemed to be extremely filling. Lastly, and his most favorite trait about fiber was the fact that humans couldn't digest it. Therefore, the fiber alone would not inflict his body with unneeded calories (he was okay with the calories that came from the other ingredients in fiber dense food, though). Never in his life had he thought that he would love fiber so much.

With the information he'd discovered about fiber not too long ago in mind, Ivan decided to search through his bag in order to retrieve a couple of snacks that had a bunch of fiber in them (he'd made sure that they didn't contain any ingredients that could potentially lead to weight gain, and that there was almost no sugar or fat). Then, he grabbed his laptop and set it down on the desk that was closest to his bed. He couldn't help but appreciate the fact that he was also able to buy a new laptop before going to college. He'd saved up for one back when he used to work while he was in high school, and he was sure that college was going to be much more difficult and time consuming without a computer of some sort. Besides, ever since he had all the access to the internet he wanted, he was able to look up the most effective ways to lose weight, various ways to increase metabolism, and how many calories certain exercises would burn. He was also curious about learning some ways to try and make himself not have so much of an appetite. Lastly, and most importantly, Ivan would use a bmi calculator to measure how fat he was, and would use a regular calculator to predict an efficient diet plan.

Although he didn't think doing this research would take him so long, as he had already thought he'd already known quite a bit about how to lose wait, Ivan was surprised to find that he'd been on his computer for nearly an hour. Since he'd found out a bunch of minutia on the process of weight loss that he hadn't known before anyways, he decided that he'd done enough research, and looked out the window to see if the sun had decided to appear yet. Much to his disappointment, he found that it was still quite dark outside. The Russian sighed at this, and decided to shut his laptop down. Since he couldn't really think of anything else to do on his computer aside from the research he'd just completed at that moment, he decided to take the time to finally organize his side of the dorm. The first thing he decided to do was grab all of the cloths he'd packed from his luggage, and organize them into drawers. Then, he unwrapped the charger of his laptop after taking it out of the laptop bag he'd carried his computer in, and plugged it into the wall so that it would always be prepared for his use.

By the time he was halfway finished with organizing his side of the dorm, he was interrupted by a tired voice, "Do you think you could turn that lamp off? I can't get any sleep when it's so bright in here."

Ivan sighed at this, "Fredka, would you mind just dealing with it for a bit? I still haven't put all my stuff away."

Although he'd never heard the Russian call him 'Fredka', Alfred decided to ignore the nickname and snapped, though his voice was still wispy with exhaustion, "Dude, it's only, like, six in the morning. Turn it off!"

"Fine," Ivan retorted, exasperation obvious in his voice, "If you're just going to be a cranky child about this, I will. Though I probably shouldn't, since you don't deserve it."

Alfred ignored the angry response as he rolled over and curled up in his blanket in order to return to the perfect world that sleep was (for him, anyways). Meanwhile, Ivan couldn't help but mutter angrily in Russian as he turned the lamp off. Since there didn't seem to be anything else for him to do, he decided to sit on his bed, and occasionally glance out the window as he waited for the sun to finally rise. By the time it was almost seven, the sky began to look brighter, and the dorm room didn't seem so dark anymore. Excitement began to fill him, as he waited for more and more light to enter the dorm room, until finally, he decided that it was light enough in the room to be able to tell pink from yellow without both of the colors looking a light grayish blue. Now that it was bright enough for him to see what he was doing, he decided to finish up the task he'd busied himself with before he was interrupted.

While he was placing his brush on the night stand next to his bed, however, Ivan couldn't help but suddenly feel guilty about the fact that he hadn't cared about whether or not he was keeping Alfred awake. He knew that he personally would not enjoy being kept up by a light, and having some other person decide that whatever they were doing was more important than his sleep. Spending a moment of thinking the situation over, he eventually sighed, and decided that it would probably be best if he apologized for his rudeness. There was nothing that his room mate did to deserve to have his sleep interrupted, after all, as he had not tried to awaken Ivan when he had decided to take a nap for a few hours during the day he first arrived at the dorm room.

Eventually, by the time Ivan was finally finished making his side of the room look as if someone actually lived there, he decided to glimpse out the window once more. He couldn't help but feel a sudden jolt of excitement when saw that the sun wasn't too far in the horizon, yet still made it bright enough outside for it to be safe for someone to wonder about. With his exercise plan for that day set as his main priority, he changed his clothes so that he could prepare for some exercise. Then, he made sure to fill up his water bottle before heading out, as he was not at all fond of the idea of dehydrating while running for a long distance (although, he hoped that if a lack of water was an issue that he would push himself anyways, as he found weight loss to be much more important than hydration).

After spending one hour to try and do his best to jog faster than he had the last time he'd jogged, Ivan returned to his dorm room, feeling sweaty and gross. Since he did not think that he could stand feeling damp and filthy for a longer time than he needed to be, he decided to take a quick shower as soon as he'd gathered up some clothes. This time while cleaning himself, he tried his best not to focus on his body. Yet somehow with all of the self-control he could possibly muster, the task still seemed to have proved to be impossible to achieve. By the time the water in the shower finally turned cold, the now incredibly dispirited Russian decided to turn it off and started drying himself off. When he was changed into some fresh, clean day clothes and had exited the bathroom, he noticed that Alfred seemed to finally be stirring.

Now having nothing better to do, Ivan decided to take a book that he'd brought with him off of the nightstand, and began to read. However, when he spotted Alfred grabbing a towel, he couldn't help but suddenly feel a bit guilty. He'd ended up hogging and wasting all of the warm water without realizing it; just so that he could stand there for a long period of time and criticize his own body. Now Alfred was going to be stuck with a cold shower. Ivan nearly buried his face into his book in an attempt to try to hide his face. The shame at that moment was becoming too overwhelming for him. It was only nine in the morning, and he'd managed to act extremely 'selfish' twice.


Unfortunately, as the day progressed, Alfred an Ivan were beginning to find it difficult not to argue with each other. Ivan didn't understand why they were having so much trouble, as they'd only known each other for only one day. Sometimes, he would even forget the reason why they were arguing in the first place. What he did hate the most about this heated situation of his was the fact that he would start stuttering quite often and almost never seemed to be able to fend Alfred off with a well constructed argument. It was to the point where Alfred would sometimes laugh at what he said and then start ignoring him; as if he wasn't even worthy of being talked or listened to. The fact that he would sometimes suddenly be ignored only encouraged him to try and perpetuate the argument, in the hopes of making Alfred angry, but of course, it was always to no avail. This always caused him to not only feel immature for trying to have the last word, but moronic for not being able to do so much as strike some passion in the American with a clever insult.

There was one argument in particular that seemed to do the most damage. Once again, Ivan didn't even remember the cause of the argument, as both he and Alfred were much too interested in what they'd said in the moment, but the result certainly did make them both wish they knew what caused the argument in the first place. All Ivan remembered was hurling a few insults towards Alfred before the American began to visibly tremble with irritation. In fact, he looked so wrathful that the Russian couldn't help but become a bit nervous in his presence. With an icy glare, Alfred had spat out in a voice that wavered due to how angry he was, "You piece of shit! I can't believe that I ended up getting stuck with someone so stupid! Maybe I should change my room mate so that my brain doesn't kill itself because of your stupid logic! I bet that your parents didn't even love you!"

Ivan couldn't help but flinch at the last comment. Of course, he was perfectly aware of the fact that the insult that was just thrown at him was probably just another comment that wouldn't affect others, but for him, as soon as he heard those words, he could've sworn that he heard a part of his heart shatter. He felt his throat begin to tighten. Much to his adversity, however, it didn't seem as if Alfred was finished ranting, "You probably made your parents the most miserable people on the planet! No one in their right mind would want you in their life! I just wish you'd-"

When Alfred had abruptly stopped ranting, Ivan turned away from him. Then gazed at the floor in desperation due to how powerless he felt at that moment. He didn't even understand what he'd done to make Alfred so angry with him (he even thought that the American hated him). All he knew that it was 'his fault' this happened. As it always seemed to be. Ivan felt tears threatening to escape from his eyes, but he tried with all of his will power to keep himself from crying.

Meanwhile, Alfred seemed to have finally caught on to the fact that he'd taken his insults a bit too far. At first, he wasn't sure what to do. Then, with a voice full of obvious uncertainty, he tried his best to reassure his room mate, "I'm sorry, Ivan. I shouldn't have said any of that! Please, don't be upset..."

Unfortunately, this didn't do anything to improve Ivan's mood. In fact, by the time a tear finally slid down his cheek, he decided to say, "I'm going for a walk."

Before Alfred had any time to say something, Ivan nearly dashed out of the dorm room. While he was making his way out of the building and off campus, he made sure to keep his head down and walk quickly so that no one would have the chance to look at his face. Once he was off campus, he let his feet carry him where ever they pleased, as he continued to think about what Alfred had said, and he couldn't help but find the statement about his parents hating him to be true. Sure, since his mother had died when he was extremely young, he had no idea whether or not she actually loved him, but he was certain with how people had treated him all throughout his life that she probably would. At the same time, though, it was obvious to him that his father couldn't have cared less for his existence.

Most of the time, his father was a quiet man. He was quite serious and strict too, and it was to the point where something as simple and innocent as laughter would exasperate him. He was always congenial towards his sisters, but whenever he spoke to Ivan, it was almost as if he became a completely different person. Ivan had never received an 'I love you' from his dad, but instead would be slapped across the face and sometimes beaten if his father thought that there was even a hint that he was acting ungrateful in his presence. If he began to cry while he was being hit, his father would only strike him harder for appearing 'weak'. Sometimes, he would even go as far as to strangle him, and it would take one of Ivan's sisters to tell his dad to stop just so that he would.

Aside from the physical abuse, Ivan's father would also force him into isolation by locking him in his room for a few days with no food if he didn't have straight As in school. No amount of his sister's begging would make his father change his mind about doing that. Lastly, there was always the constant verbal abuse he would receive as well. Mostly, they were comments about how he wasn't worthy of any love, and how he should be forced to starve and work extremely hard for his food for months on end since that was what his father had to do when he was a kid. Not that Ivan hadn't had to go through the same thing during the earlier years in his life when he was still in Russia. Before his father had found a way to bring him and his siblings to America, food was something that was difficult to come by, and he would often feel quite guilty during the occasions he had a full stomach, as he knew that there were many others that had possibly forgotten what it was like to be full.

When Ivan found that he was growing tired of walking, he decided to sit down on the next bench he came across. Unfortunately, his dark thoughts decided that they weren't going to leave him any time soon, and because of this, he knew that he was going to have to do something about the emotional if he wanted it to stop soon. With a sense of urgency, he rolled up one of his sleeves. Then, with the sharpest part of his fingernail, he began to apply pressure to his skin. Slowly, he dragged his fingernail back and forth in that same area, and didn't stop even when a bit of skin began to peel off. At that moment, he didn't care if any passerby saw him do this. What would some stranger do if they saw him do this anyways? He'd done it many times in public before; around a bunch of strangers, and usually no one ever seemed to notice. That was one of the reasons why he preferred to carve into his skin with his fingernails. The other reason why was because it seemed to be a much less scary way of inflicting pain upon himself than using a sharp object.

By the time he had a fresh, red line on his forearm, Ivan decided to roll his sleeve down, and began to make his way back to the campus. At first, he had no idea how he would arrive there, since he didn't know his way through the town he was in and hadn't paid attention to his surroundings while he was walking. Fortunately, after asking for directions from the first person he came across, who was willing to provide them, he was able to find his way back.

When he finally had returned to his dorm room, he immediately made his way to his bed, and began to sit there as he stared off into space in silence. He ended up spending a long while to continue to drown in his ever so powerful self-hatred, and was shocked when he heard his room mate begin to approach him. The depressed Russian couldn't help but groan in sudden exasperation when he figured that Alfred wanted to try and converse with him. All he wanted at that moment was to just be alone.

Before he could open his mouth to tell Alfred to leave, the American spoke, "Ivan, I really meant it when I said that I was sorry. What I said was stupid and childish. I shouldn't have even lost my temper with you to begin with."

Ivan turned away from him; causing Alfred to sigh in desperation. Then, the American continued, "Look, we obviously started things off horribly, and I don't want this to make us miserable while we're still room mates. Can we please start over?"

There was a moment of silence before Ivan replied in a near whisper, "I think it would be best if I just didn't talk to you ever again. That way you'll never have to hear my stupid voice."

"No, Ivan. Please, don't say that! I don't want you to feel that way about this."

"Why do you care anyways?" Ivan retorted, "You hardly even know me."

"Well, soon enough, I'm going to hopefully know you pretty well. If not, you're at least going to be living with me for a long time. So we might as well try to make things go smoothly."

Ivan remained silent, as he continued to stare at the wall. Alfred suppressed yet another sigh, and then asked, "You're still very upset about this, aren't you?"

Ivan didn't bother responding.

"Do you want a hug?"

Still, no response.

"Well, it's too bad if you don't want one, because you're getting one anyways."

When Ivan was pulled into Alfred's arms, he didn't even care to try and squirm away. He knew that most people would've probably freaked out and possibly punch Alfred in the face for hugging them when they hardly knew him, but Ivan couldn't help but be a bit comforted by the embrace. He could hardly remember how it felt to be held and feel the warmth of another human spread throughout him. Unfortunately, he was unable to enjoy the warm feeling as long as he wanted to, as the hug was short-lived. Not only that, but soon after he broke the hug, Alfred began to walk away. By the time his room mate was back to his side of the room, he couldn't help but think, He's such a strange room mate.

Unfortunately, not even the hug and the apology from Alfred could make him feel better. The despondency and guilt was so strong, Ivan didn't eat as much as a morsel for the rest of the day.