A week had passed but for some reason Rory couldn't keep the thought of coffee and donut surprises out of her head. Classes were nearing an end, and while finals week should be the all stressful all evil event of college lore- Rory as usual had been too prepared the rest of the year and wasn't very worried. It was her senior year after all, and Christmas was coming- who wanted to worry about "Women Writers in the Age of Enlightenment?"
"Seriously, what has gotten into you Rory," asked Paris, for the ten-thousandth time. "It's finals, we are studiers, that's what we do! So stop staring into space and start studying for God's sake!" By the time she finished her sentence her voice had reached about its normal yell and people at other tables had raised their heads.
"Ok, now I've got the attention of the entire library and am totally embarrassed. So speak."
"Well," Rory hesitated, Paris had always kind of liked Jess, and she wasn't sure she wanted positive bias. Or any bias, what she needed was someone who knew nothing of the story, but it didn't look like she had a choice. "Jess called me a week ago, in the middle of the night, demanding the correct spelling of a word."
"That's it? One phone call has you this shook up?" Paris asked disbelievingly. "That doesn't make any sense, it's been four years. Why would you care?"
"It's not even that I care, it's….just…Jess. He could always root his way into my thoughts, he sent me coffee and donuts the next day to say thank you and I just can't help thinking that things just never got resolved with us. And it's his fault, but I think now that it was a little bit mine as well."
Paris gaped at her, clearly shocked. "Are you joking? That coward just walked out on you because he was kicked out of school and stupid and ashamed, as he should have been. How much resolution do you need?"
Rory hesitated before answering, not sure she wanted to make it clear exactly how much time she'd spent thinking about this very problem. "I think I expected too much, I knew he was capable of all these things but he didn't yet, or if he did he didn't care enough yet. I think he felt pressure from so many people to succeed; the one person he needed to not pressure him was me. " Rory sighed, wishing, a tiny bit, that Jess had heard her and understood that she knew now, why he hadn't been able to face her.
"I don't know Rory, it all seems too cheesy to me. I'd rather focus on genetically engineered bacterium." Paris closed her philosophy book as she spoke, tugging another volume out of her backpack. "Just forget it, it was a one time phone call to someone he knew would have the answer, nothing else."
Keeping her face blank, Rory turned to face her own pages of notes, not wanting to admit that if true, Paris' words hurt. She wanted it to mean something, wanted it to be a crack in the door that she ignored in the corner of her mind and heart for four years. Just a crack, but maybe enough to get a chance to fix- something. She smiled to herself, laughing at her idiocy. She didn't even know completely what had broken between she and Jess, but damn it, she was practically a Yale graduate. She could fix it.
